So if you read Going From Ordinary you know that a part of my heart belongs to Ryan Whitney, thus the trade was rather sad for me. I have no test this upcoming week and then spring break so look for many updates in the coming days. Hope everyone is doing well!
God Bless <3
Friday, February 27, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Chapter Thirty-Five
Day One
"Hey, Joey. I just want to talk to you.. I can't even tell you how sorry I am.. I'm an asshole I know.. I just.. I just.. Just call me back, please. I love you." I listened to the message and then deleted it from my phone and my memory.
Day Two
"I get that you don't want to talk to me.. I mean you didn't call me back and you don't answer the texts but I miss you and I just want to make things right. Love you." I listened.
"Why don't you just call him back?" Sophie asked me.
"I don't know what to say."
"Aren't you going to the game tonight?" She asked me.
"Yeah, with Connor. I want to support him, but I don't want to talk to him."
"So you won't see him after?"
"No, hopefully he won't even know I am there."
"This doesn't make sense, Joey."
"Nothing makes sense anymore." I said.
Day Six
"You are probably getting sick of all the messages I am leaving you, but I am not giving up. I will call you everyday until you call me back. You mean more to me than you will ever know. I am sorry and I don't know what else to say or do. I miss you and I love you.. just call me back.. please."
"How many messages has he left you?" Simon asked.
"Probably two every day since it happened. He texts me too."
"Hes presistent."
"Yeah.. its not like I am mad at him. I mean I was mad at him and he hurt me.. its just I don't know what to say to him. I don't know what to say and I don't know how to look at him and not be hurt. I am not mad at him.. its just when I think about him, my heart breaks a little bit. I don't want to talk to him until I can think about him and not hurt inside."
"Joey, I don't know when that will be, but you can't avoid him forever."
"I'm just not going home until I know I can handle it."
Day 14
"Where are you going?" Sophie asked me.
"My mom called. Jason came home sick today and she needs me to work the dinner shift." I said.
"So you are going back to Sewickley?"
"I do live there, Sophie."
"Yeah, but you haven't been there for like two weeks. What if you see him?"
"I'm going to go from my house to the cafe, the chances that I see him in those 5 minutes are very slim.. plus if I see him I will be in my car. Anyways, I was thinking that tomorrow I might wait for him after the game."
"Okay.. have fun then."
"It won't be fun.. I'll be serving people food." I said laughing.
It was like six when he walked in with a girl I am assuming was Brittany. I was determined to not let them know how much it was killing me.. so I walked over to them and was the most perky waitress in the world.
"Hi! Welcome to the Cafe. Can I get you something to drink?" I asked.
"Joey?" Sidney asked confused.
"Hi, Sidney."
"What are you doing here?"
"My family does own this place." I said.
"Hi, I'm Brittany." She interupted.
"Yeah, I figured. Its nice to meet you. But, could I just take your drink order?" I said and then they gave it to me. I went in the back and just tried to gather myself. I was standing back there for a few minutes before I felt his hand on my shoulder.
"Sidney." I said looking up and he just pulled me into his arms. "I didn't want you to see me like this." I said trying to wipe away the tears.
"Its fine, Joey."
"Its not fine. I thought I was okay.. I was even going to see you tomorrow after the game.. but I guess I'm not okay."
"If I knew you were working, I wouldn't have come and brought her here. I didn't think you would be in Sewickley. I mean I have left you so many messages.."
"I didn't know what to say to you.. I didn't know what to do."
"You don't have to say anything, Joey. Just let me be there for you." He said pulling me closer.
"You can't, Sidney. You can't make this better.. you made it this way."
"I have to try and make it better."
"Just go back with Brittany."
"She left. I told her I had to talk to someone."
"So she knows about me?"
"No.. she knows that there is a you. She knows that I had a huge fight with my best friend."
"I just don't get why you had to bring her here."
"I'm a jerk and I wasn't thinking." He said. "Can we just hang out or something?"
Later that Night
"I am sorry I never called you back.. I listened to them all and everytime I thought about it. I mean I really wanted to talk to you.. I just.. it just hurts."
"You have to believe me.. its not like I wanted this to happen."
"I don't get what you thought would happen though."
"I just met her at a club and then it just happened."
"I get that things happen but you told me you didn't want a girlfriend."
"She's not a girlfriend. Its not like that."
"It still hurts, Sidney. It hurts to think about you with another girl. It hurts to think that we aren't together and that you don't care anymore."
"I do care, Joey. I do.. I never stopped caring."
"I kind of over reacted that night. I don't know.. the team has been playing well." I said changing the subject.
"Yeah.. its been good. I wish you could have seen the games."
"I was there."
"what?" He asked confused.
"I've been to almost all the home games."
"How?"
"Connor's dad has tickets. I just didn't want to wait for you because I didn't know if she would have been there or something. Its just weird to me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean how do I go from being the only girl in your life.. to be number two."
"You aren't number two.. you will never be number two. You could have come down."
"I wanted to support you but I didn't want to have to deal with it all."
"It doesn't have to be weird, Joey."
"It does though.. I still love you."
"I love you too."
"No, Sidney. I am still inlove with you. I can't even imagine being with someone else right now."
"Joey, I'm sorry."
"I'm not mad at you, Sidney. You just hurt me.. seeing you with her hurts me and I don't think it will never not hurt."
"But we can be friends?"
"I can be friends with you, but I don't want to have to be with the both of you. I mean maybe someday.. but right now, I can't do it."
"I miss you Joey and I never wanted to hurt you. I don't want to see you hurt or cry and it kills me that I am causing you so much pain." He said trying to wipe away the few tears that started streaming down my face.
"I know, Sidney. I'm sorry that its this way. I'm sorry if I did something to make you not want to be with me anymore."
"Baby, you didn't do anything. I truly wanted to focus on hockey. I didn't see this Brittany thing coming.. I didn't see any of this happening. I see forever when I look in your eyes."
"Sidney, you can't see forever with me and then not be with me right now."
"But its the truth."
"Well its a shitty feeling sitting here hearing you say that stuff."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that! I get it, you are sorry! It doesn't make it all go away."
"I know.. lets just try and go back to normal."
"I'll try because you are important to me.. but I don't know what normal is anymore."
"Hey, Joey. I just want to talk to you.. I can't even tell you how sorry I am.. I'm an asshole I know.. I just.. I just.. Just call me back, please. I love you." I listened to the message and then deleted it from my phone and my memory.
Day Two
"I get that you don't want to talk to me.. I mean you didn't call me back and you don't answer the texts but I miss you and I just want to make things right. Love you." I listened.
"Why don't you just call him back?" Sophie asked me.
"I don't know what to say."
"Aren't you going to the game tonight?" She asked me.
"Yeah, with Connor. I want to support him, but I don't want to talk to him."
"So you won't see him after?"
"No, hopefully he won't even know I am there."
"This doesn't make sense, Joey."
"Nothing makes sense anymore." I said.
Day Six
"You are probably getting sick of all the messages I am leaving you, but I am not giving up. I will call you everyday until you call me back. You mean more to me than you will ever know. I am sorry and I don't know what else to say or do. I miss you and I love you.. just call me back.. please."
"How many messages has he left you?" Simon asked.
"Probably two every day since it happened. He texts me too."
"Hes presistent."
"Yeah.. its not like I am mad at him. I mean I was mad at him and he hurt me.. its just I don't know what to say to him. I don't know what to say and I don't know how to look at him and not be hurt. I am not mad at him.. its just when I think about him, my heart breaks a little bit. I don't want to talk to him until I can think about him and not hurt inside."
"Joey, I don't know when that will be, but you can't avoid him forever."
"I'm just not going home until I know I can handle it."
Day 14
"Where are you going?" Sophie asked me.
"My mom called. Jason came home sick today and she needs me to work the dinner shift." I said.
"So you are going back to Sewickley?"
"I do live there, Sophie."
"Yeah, but you haven't been there for like two weeks. What if you see him?"
"I'm going to go from my house to the cafe, the chances that I see him in those 5 minutes are very slim.. plus if I see him I will be in my car. Anyways, I was thinking that tomorrow I might wait for him after the game."
"Okay.. have fun then."
"It won't be fun.. I'll be serving people food." I said laughing.
It was like six when he walked in with a girl I am assuming was Brittany. I was determined to not let them know how much it was killing me.. so I walked over to them and was the most perky waitress in the world.
"Hi! Welcome to the Cafe. Can I get you something to drink?" I asked.
"Joey?" Sidney asked confused.
"Hi, Sidney."
"What are you doing here?"
"My family does own this place." I said.
"Hi, I'm Brittany." She interupted.
"Yeah, I figured. Its nice to meet you. But, could I just take your drink order?" I said and then they gave it to me. I went in the back and just tried to gather myself. I was standing back there for a few minutes before I felt his hand on my shoulder.
"Sidney." I said looking up and he just pulled me into his arms. "I didn't want you to see me like this." I said trying to wipe away the tears.
"Its fine, Joey."
"Its not fine. I thought I was okay.. I was even going to see you tomorrow after the game.. but I guess I'm not okay."
"If I knew you were working, I wouldn't have come and brought her here. I didn't think you would be in Sewickley. I mean I have left you so many messages.."
"I didn't know what to say to you.. I didn't know what to do."
"You don't have to say anything, Joey. Just let me be there for you." He said pulling me closer.
"You can't, Sidney. You can't make this better.. you made it this way."
"I have to try and make it better."
"Just go back with Brittany."
"She left. I told her I had to talk to someone."
"So she knows about me?"
"No.. she knows that there is a you. She knows that I had a huge fight with my best friend."
"I just don't get why you had to bring her here."
"I'm a jerk and I wasn't thinking." He said. "Can we just hang out or something?"
Later that Night
"I am sorry I never called you back.. I listened to them all and everytime I thought about it. I mean I really wanted to talk to you.. I just.. it just hurts."
"You have to believe me.. its not like I wanted this to happen."
"I don't get what you thought would happen though."
"I just met her at a club and then it just happened."
"I get that things happen but you told me you didn't want a girlfriend."
"She's not a girlfriend. Its not like that."
"It still hurts, Sidney. It hurts to think about you with another girl. It hurts to think that we aren't together and that you don't care anymore."
"I do care, Joey. I do.. I never stopped caring."
"I kind of over reacted that night. I don't know.. the team has been playing well." I said changing the subject.
"Yeah.. its been good. I wish you could have seen the games."
"I was there."
"what?" He asked confused.
"I've been to almost all the home games."
"How?"
"Connor's dad has tickets. I just didn't want to wait for you because I didn't know if she would have been there or something. Its just weird to me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean how do I go from being the only girl in your life.. to be number two."
"You aren't number two.. you will never be number two. You could have come down."
"I wanted to support you but I didn't want to have to deal with it all."
"It doesn't have to be weird, Joey."
"It does though.. I still love you."
"I love you too."
"No, Sidney. I am still inlove with you. I can't even imagine being with someone else right now."
"Joey, I'm sorry."
"I'm not mad at you, Sidney. You just hurt me.. seeing you with her hurts me and I don't think it will never not hurt."
"But we can be friends?"
"I can be friends with you, but I don't want to have to be with the both of you. I mean maybe someday.. but right now, I can't do it."
"I miss you Joey and I never wanted to hurt you. I don't want to see you hurt or cry and it kills me that I am causing you so much pain." He said trying to wipe away the few tears that started streaming down my face.
"I know, Sidney. I'm sorry that its this way. I'm sorry if I did something to make you not want to be with me anymore."
"Baby, you didn't do anything. I truly wanted to focus on hockey. I didn't see this Brittany thing coming.. I didn't see any of this happening. I see forever when I look in your eyes."
"Sidney, you can't see forever with me and then not be with me right now."
"But its the truth."
"Well its a shitty feeling sitting here hearing you say that stuff."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that! I get it, you are sorry! It doesn't make it all go away."
"I know.. lets just try and go back to normal."
"I'll try because you are important to me.. but I don't know what normal is anymore."
Friday, February 13, 2009
Chapter Thirty-Four
"your going to call him?" Simon asked me.
"No." I said putting down my phone. "I don't think anything happened.. if something happened he would have told me. I have to believe that."
"Yeah.. do you still want me to go Thursday?"
"If you don't mind. I mean I just I trust you and I know that if you tell me that hes there with her again, then I know its true. Please.." I asked him.
"Joey, just don't stress about this. I mean.. it might be nothing and if it is something he's jerk."
"Yeah.. doesn't make it hurt any less." I said and walked over to the bike.
Wednesday
Sidney had never said anything about girl. I put it in the back of my mind. We were okay, he was on the road so it wasn't like we hung out or anything. I was going to the game tomorrow, and I was sure Sidney would go after the game and Simon was going too, as well. Tomorrow I will know if that boy is even worth my respect.
"Hey, so I was thinking that I might ask Avery if he wanted to go to the game?" I called and told Connor.
"He would definitely go."
"Yeah, I figured it would be fun. Me, you and him?" I asked.
"Sounds good. Are you going to let him meet Sidney?"
"Yeah.. So do you think Sidney has a girl or did stuff with that girl?" I asked.
"I don't know, Jo. I think that if there was something noteworthy, he would have told you."
"Thats what I keep telling myself, but I just don't know."
"Time will tell." He said.
"Yeah.. I'll pick you up tomorrow." I told him.
"Don't you want to do something with Sidney after?"
"No.. its a Thursday night and Sidney will want to go out after." I said.
"You already believe its true."
"I don't believe its true.. I just don't believe its completely false. Regardless if he left with her.. he was still with a girl the whole night. That in itself still hurts."
"Its fine, Jo."
"I don't know that yet."
"Whatever happens, you will get through it. Don't let Sidney control your life."
Friday
When I woke up this morning, I felt like something was wrong. I felt like something was wrong with my knee and I felt like something was wrong in my heart. When I woke up my knee was swollen, which didn't make sense. I was scared so I dragged myself to class. As soon as class was over I went to the trainer. He said that I probably just over did it and he wanted me to get a treatment. So I was sitting on the bench with icing my knee and shit when Sophie came in.
"Hey girl." I said when I saw her.
"Hey, so did you talk to Simon yet?" She asked me.
"No? I've had other things on my mind.. I take it you did."
"Yeah.. so this is what apparently happened. He saw Sidney with the same girl and he walked up to him."
"Simon talked to Sidney?"
"Just wait.. So he went up to him and was like what are you doing? And Sid said something like none of your business.. we aren't friends or anything. And Simon was like no, but Joey is my friend and I'm inlove with her.. and for some reason she loves your sorry ass and yet you are here with this girl. You don't even deserve him, man. She's amazing and you just throw it away."
"He said that to Sidney?"
"Yeah..and I guess Sidney just stood there."
"Well I mean what do you even say to that?"
"Have you talked to Simon or Sidney?"
"Sidney text me earlier but I didn't read it yet." I said and then Simon walked in.
"So he was there with the same girl." Simon said. "Wait.. whats wrong with your knee?" He asked concerned.
"Apparently I over did it.." I said.
"So what are you doing tonight?" Sophie asked.
"I have to babysit at my house so I think I'll just watch a movie or something." I said.
"Well I have to go.. I just wanted to tell you that before class." Simon said.
"Yeah, thanks Simon. I'll talk to you later." I said.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked me once Simon left.
"Yeah.. I just want to be alone right now. I'll call you later."
Later that Night
"Joey.. I have to tell you something." Connor called and told me.
"What?" I asked not expecting what he was about to say.
"There are these rumors going around campus about Sidney dating this Brittany girl in this one sororiety."
"Dating?" I questioned.
"I don't know.. I guess someone saw him picking her up or something."
"Do you know her?"
"No.. My roommates girlfriend is in the sororiety and he told me."
"Wow." I said and then I was silent.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?" He asked.
"My parents are about to leave and I have to babysit.. I'm fine. Its fine." I said. "I'll talk to you later." I said and then I hung up the phone.
I was determined to put it out of my mind. I was just going to hang out with my brothers and sisters today. I was safe here.. I didn't have to see Sidney or hear people talk about him. I turned off my phone and it was like nothing happened. Just for one night, I was going to pretend that Sidney Crosby didn't exist, and I was fine with that. Come to think of it.. maybe he really doesn't exist. Because, how could he ever do that?
After all the kids fell asleep I was sitting on the couch and watching Never Been Kissed. I couldn't help it.. I just started to cry and cry and cry. Then I heard a voice.
"Joey."
"What are you doing here, Sidney?" I asked trying to cover up that I was crying.
"You weren't answering your phone. I was worried. Were you crying?" He asked.
"Like you care." I said.
"What does that mean?" He asked all innocent.
"I know, Sidney. Not only do I know, the world knows because I found out from various people. Thanks for humiliating me, I think I have had enough for one day, so you can leave."
"What are you talking about?"
"Brittany.. thats her name, right?" I said and he just looked at me. "Why do you believe Simon over me?" He asked.
"Simon? This isn't about Simon. I was told my Bayla a week ago and Simon. Then Simon saw you again Thursday.. I didn't believe him. I didn't believe any of them because I knew that you would tell me if something was up. I mean its bad enough that you actually did it, but to not tell me?"
"But you believe them now?"
"Yeah.. I believe them now because I can tell by your eyes. Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt that all of the Pittsburgh students know. Way to be discreet." I said getting kind of pissed.
"Joey.." He started.
"No, Sidney. You can't talk your way out of this one. I knew you just wanted out. I knew you wanted to be with other people.. why couldn't you just be honest?"
"Because I love you." He said.
"Too bad I don't trust you."
"You don't trust me?"
"Actually a lot of things have changed now."
"Like what?"
"I'm not inlove with you anymore and I don't trust you."
"When did this happen?" He asked hurt.
"First of all, you don't get be hurt right now. You are the one that screwed up."
"We aren't together, Joey. I didn't cheat on you."
"We aren't together, but that doesn't mean I still didn't love you.. but apparently you don't love me so it doesn't matter."
"Joey, I do love you..okay I do love you."
"You words mean shit to me now."
"Please, Joey. Don't be like this."
"Why? Do you know how it feels to have people tell you that this boy who is supposedly your soul mate is with another girl? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of you? Sidney, I didn't want to believe any of them but I knew it.. I could feel it. Why didn't you just say something? Why did you let me find out this way?"
"Because.. because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want you to think I don't love you."
"No matter what you say.. I won't change my mind. This changes things."
"I need you, Joey."
"No.. you made your choice. The day that I got that phone call from Sophie changed things."
"How?"
"Actually, it was the day after that I stopped trusting you. Because that day you had the chance to tell me that you were with a girl or you met someone and you chose to not say anything."
"Why do I have to tell you if I meet a girl?"
"Because Sidney I love you! I was IN LOVE WITH YOU! I thought we were going to get back together and you are out having sex with other girls!"
"It doesn't change the way I feel about you."
"No.. it does, Sidney. And I'm not going to say I hate you and I'm not going to say that we aren't going to be friends.. but I don't trust you and I am not inlove with you. Hell, I may not even love you anymore."
"I thought we were forever." He said.
"Yeah me too until you broke up with me." I said.
"Its not a big deal, Joey."
"From what I hear you are dating eachother. Maybe thats why I haven't heard from you as much.. you found someone better."
"Thats not true."
"From where I am standing its the closest thing to truth that I see."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"Well you did.. I guess I am the only girl that you pick hockey over." I said.
"I love you, Joey. I love you and I will always love you." He said.
"Those are just words, Sidney. Just words." I said. "I think you should leave." I said.
"She means nothing." He said.
"Well thats a shame because nothing just costed you a hell of a lot." I said closing the door.
"No." I said putting down my phone. "I don't think anything happened.. if something happened he would have told me. I have to believe that."
"Yeah.. do you still want me to go Thursday?"
"If you don't mind. I mean I just I trust you and I know that if you tell me that hes there with her again, then I know its true. Please.." I asked him.
"Joey, just don't stress about this. I mean.. it might be nothing and if it is something he's jerk."
"Yeah.. doesn't make it hurt any less." I said and walked over to the bike.
Wednesday
Sidney had never said anything about girl. I put it in the back of my mind. We were okay, he was on the road so it wasn't like we hung out or anything. I was going to the game tomorrow, and I was sure Sidney would go after the game and Simon was going too, as well. Tomorrow I will know if that boy is even worth my respect.
"Hey, so I was thinking that I might ask Avery if he wanted to go to the game?" I called and told Connor.
"He would definitely go."
"Yeah, I figured it would be fun. Me, you and him?" I asked.
"Sounds good. Are you going to let him meet Sidney?"
"Yeah.. So do you think Sidney has a girl or did stuff with that girl?" I asked.
"I don't know, Jo. I think that if there was something noteworthy, he would have told you."
"Thats what I keep telling myself, but I just don't know."
"Time will tell." He said.
"Yeah.. I'll pick you up tomorrow." I told him.
"Don't you want to do something with Sidney after?"
"No.. its a Thursday night and Sidney will want to go out after." I said.
"You already believe its true."
"I don't believe its true.. I just don't believe its completely false. Regardless if he left with her.. he was still with a girl the whole night. That in itself still hurts."
"Its fine, Jo."
"I don't know that yet."
"Whatever happens, you will get through it. Don't let Sidney control your life."
Friday
When I woke up this morning, I felt like something was wrong. I felt like something was wrong with my knee and I felt like something was wrong in my heart. When I woke up my knee was swollen, which didn't make sense. I was scared so I dragged myself to class. As soon as class was over I went to the trainer. He said that I probably just over did it and he wanted me to get a treatment. So I was sitting on the bench with icing my knee and shit when Sophie came in.
"Hey girl." I said when I saw her.
"Hey, so did you talk to Simon yet?" She asked me.
"No? I've had other things on my mind.. I take it you did."
"Yeah.. so this is what apparently happened. He saw Sidney with the same girl and he walked up to him."
"Simon talked to Sidney?"
"Just wait.. So he went up to him and was like what are you doing? And Sid said something like none of your business.. we aren't friends or anything. And Simon was like no, but Joey is my friend and I'm inlove with her.. and for some reason she loves your sorry ass and yet you are here with this girl. You don't even deserve him, man. She's amazing and you just throw it away."
"He said that to Sidney?"
"Yeah..and I guess Sidney just stood there."
"Well I mean what do you even say to that?"
"Have you talked to Simon or Sidney?"
"Sidney text me earlier but I didn't read it yet." I said and then Simon walked in.
"So he was there with the same girl." Simon said. "Wait.. whats wrong with your knee?" He asked concerned.
"Apparently I over did it.." I said.
"So what are you doing tonight?" Sophie asked.
"I have to babysit at my house so I think I'll just watch a movie or something." I said.
"Well I have to go.. I just wanted to tell you that before class." Simon said.
"Yeah, thanks Simon. I'll talk to you later." I said.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked me once Simon left.
"Yeah.. I just want to be alone right now. I'll call you later."
Later that Night
"Joey.. I have to tell you something." Connor called and told me.
"What?" I asked not expecting what he was about to say.
"There are these rumors going around campus about Sidney dating this Brittany girl in this one sororiety."
"Dating?" I questioned.
"I don't know.. I guess someone saw him picking her up or something."
"Do you know her?"
"No.. My roommates girlfriend is in the sororiety and he told me."
"Wow." I said and then I was silent.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?" He asked.
"My parents are about to leave and I have to babysit.. I'm fine. Its fine." I said. "I'll talk to you later." I said and then I hung up the phone.
I was determined to put it out of my mind. I was just going to hang out with my brothers and sisters today. I was safe here.. I didn't have to see Sidney or hear people talk about him. I turned off my phone and it was like nothing happened. Just for one night, I was going to pretend that Sidney Crosby didn't exist, and I was fine with that. Come to think of it.. maybe he really doesn't exist. Because, how could he ever do that?
After all the kids fell asleep I was sitting on the couch and watching Never Been Kissed. I couldn't help it.. I just started to cry and cry and cry. Then I heard a voice.
"Joey."
"What are you doing here, Sidney?" I asked trying to cover up that I was crying.
"You weren't answering your phone. I was worried. Were you crying?" He asked.
"Like you care." I said.
"What does that mean?" He asked all innocent.
"I know, Sidney. Not only do I know, the world knows because I found out from various people. Thanks for humiliating me, I think I have had enough for one day, so you can leave."
"What are you talking about?"
"Brittany.. thats her name, right?" I said and he just looked at me. "Why do you believe Simon over me?" He asked.
"Simon? This isn't about Simon. I was told my Bayla a week ago and Simon. Then Simon saw you again Thursday.. I didn't believe him. I didn't believe any of them because I knew that you would tell me if something was up. I mean its bad enough that you actually did it, but to not tell me?"
"But you believe them now?"
"Yeah.. I believe them now because I can tell by your eyes. Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt that all of the Pittsburgh students know. Way to be discreet." I said getting kind of pissed.
"Joey.." He started.
"No, Sidney. You can't talk your way out of this one. I knew you just wanted out. I knew you wanted to be with other people.. why couldn't you just be honest?"
"Because I love you." He said.
"Too bad I don't trust you."
"You don't trust me?"
"Actually a lot of things have changed now."
"Like what?"
"I'm not inlove with you anymore and I don't trust you."
"When did this happen?" He asked hurt.
"First of all, you don't get be hurt right now. You are the one that screwed up."
"We aren't together, Joey. I didn't cheat on you."
"We aren't together, but that doesn't mean I still didn't love you.. but apparently you don't love me so it doesn't matter."
"Joey, I do love you..okay I do love you."
"You words mean shit to me now."
"Please, Joey. Don't be like this."
"Why? Do you know how it feels to have people tell you that this boy who is supposedly your soul mate is with another girl? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of you? Sidney, I didn't want to believe any of them but I knew it.. I could feel it. Why didn't you just say something? Why did you let me find out this way?"
"Because.. because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want you to think I don't love you."
"No matter what you say.. I won't change my mind. This changes things."
"I need you, Joey."
"No.. you made your choice. The day that I got that phone call from Sophie changed things."
"How?"
"Actually, it was the day after that I stopped trusting you. Because that day you had the chance to tell me that you were with a girl or you met someone and you chose to not say anything."
"Why do I have to tell you if I meet a girl?"
"Because Sidney I love you! I was IN LOVE WITH YOU! I thought we were going to get back together and you are out having sex with other girls!"
"It doesn't change the way I feel about you."
"No.. it does, Sidney. And I'm not going to say I hate you and I'm not going to say that we aren't going to be friends.. but I don't trust you and I am not inlove with you. Hell, I may not even love you anymore."
"I thought we were forever." He said.
"Yeah me too until you broke up with me." I said.
"Its not a big deal, Joey."
"From what I hear you are dating eachother. Maybe thats why I haven't heard from you as much.. you found someone better."
"Thats not true."
"From where I am standing its the closest thing to truth that I see."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"Well you did.. I guess I am the only girl that you pick hockey over." I said.
"I love you, Joey. I love you and I will always love you." He said.
"Those are just words, Sidney. Just words." I said. "I think you should leave." I said.
"She means nothing." He said.
"Well thats a shame because nothing just costed you a hell of a lot." I said closing the door.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Chapter Thirty-Three
"So are you excited to leave?"
"Yeah.. I am. It will be fun." I said.
"No movie nights for a week?"
"I think you will survive, Sidney."
"No, but seriously."
"Seriously what? We are good right now and me leaving isn't going to change that." I said it and he just looked at me. "You are acting like me and Connor like have a thing. We don't have a thing and I really don't think you should care since you are the reason we aren't together."
"I know you don't have a thing."
"Okay then. So how many games do you have this week?"
"We only have two and then one next Saturday."
"Yeah.. we are going to be back for that game. So I'll see you then."
"Okay, will you call me when you land?" Sidney asked.
"Of course." I said and then we left eachother.
Connor was picking me up in a few minutes and I was glad Sidney and I were good. We were good.. like us good. We go to eat once a week and we have movie nights. It seems good and it just annoys me when he acts like me being friends with Connor is somehow betraying him it annoys me. Oh well, one week can change a lot of things.
"Hey Connor." I said when I walked into his car.
"Hey.. you know my brother, Luca and this is friend Avery."
"Hey, guys."
"They are coming with us for the first few days or something. Some how my parents are letting him skip school or something. Totally not fair since we were never allowed doing that." Connor started to vent.
"Haha relax, Connor." I said laughing.
"So you are like friends with Sidney Crosby?" Luca asked.
"Smooth." Avery said.
"Sidney and I are friends." I said.
"New subject." Connor said.
When we walked into the airport Avery started to talk to me more.
"Are you okay?" Avery asked me when we sat down waiting to board.
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't like flying. I mean I don't like flying at all." I said and I starting texting.
"Texting calm your nerves?" He asked laughing.
"He calms my nerves."
"Who?"
"Sidney."
"So what is up with you two?"
"I've known him since I was a junior in high school, we have been friends ever since." I explained.
"Are you two like together?"
"Not anymore. Could we change the subject." I said.
"Yeah, sorry. I just can't believe you know Sidney Crosby."
"Let me guess.. you are a hockey player."
"Yeah.."
"Figures. I am sure I can arrange a meeting sometime." I said and then I walked over to sit by Connor.
"So how did the flight go?" Sidney asked when I called him later that night.
"It was okay. I had a slight panic attack, but nothing big."
"Thats good. Hows everything there?"
"You should see this house, Sidney. It is amazing." I said and then I thought about what I just said. "Actually, its probably like all the houses that people you know live in." I corrected myself.
"So who is all there?"
"Its Connor, his brother, Luca, and then Luca's friend, Avery."
"Oh thats fun." Sidney said.
"sidney, could you not be like that."
"Like what?"
"You what I am talking about."
"Okay, well what are you guys doing tonight?"
"I think that we are just are going to dinner and then walk on the beach."
"Oh, how romantic." Sidney said.
"It would be if I was with someone else." I said.
"You like being with Connor."
"Yeah, I like being with Connor but I don't love Connor that way. Don't act like me and you can't go on vacation. We can, you just are busy. Don't act like I am having this romantic getaway with someone else.. first of all I am not, second of all you don't get to judge me since you are the reason I am even in Florida."
"I'm sorry babe."
"Yeah. I'll talk to you later."
"Love you."
"Bye." I said.
"Joey!"
"Love you too."
Saturday
"So you will come with me after we land.. right?" I asked Connor when we were driving to the airport.
"Yeah.. does he know that you are coming."
"Yeah, its annoying. This whole thing is just kind of annoying."
"Are you excited to see him?"
"I guess. I don't really know what to feel."
"Don't stress." Connor said.
After the game
"I don't want to wait." I said.
"You know you have too."
"I know I have too.. lets just go." I said.
"Good game, Sidney." I said to him when he came out.
"I'm glad that you made it." He said.
"Yeah.." I said and he started to leave.
"Sidney.. actually I wanted to go home. I am tired. We can do something tomorrow?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, of course." Sidney said.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Good game. I missed you." I hugged him and kissed his cheek.
Next Morning
"Hey Sophie." I said picking up the phone.
"Hey what are you doing?"
"I'm about to go to the Lemieuxs for brunch. Actually, I just pulled into the driveway."
"Oh okay."
"Did you need something?"
"It can wait. Call me after." Sophie said.
"Okay, I will." I said.
"Joey!" Austin called when I walked into the house.
"Hey." I said.
"Sidney is upstairs." Nathalie said and I walked up to his room.
"Sidney."I said knocking on the door and walking in. He didn't look good.
"Late night?" I asked.
"How was your night?" He asked changing the subject.
"I just watched a movie and went to sleep."
"So your trip was good?"
"My trip was very good. It was nice. Avery and Luca are funny kids and Connor is the best."
"How old is Avery and Luca?"
"They are seniors in high school." I said and then I got a text.
"Whose that?"
"Avery."
"You like a senior in high school?" He asked me like repulsed.
"First of all, He is only like a year younger than me. Second, I don't like him like that. He is funny and he has a crush on me."
"He has a crush on you?"
"Yeah.. hes nice."
"Thats good."
"Sidney, don't act like every single time I talk to a boy is like a sin. Okay, seriously.I'm over it." I said and walked downstairs.
"I'm sorry about before." He said when we were laying on his bed.
"Its fine, Sidney."
"Don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you."
"Promise."
"Whats going on?" I asked confused.
"Promise me that we are good."
"We are good.But, I have to leave. I have to call Sophie and I have to get my stuff back to the dorm. And, I am suppose to work out with Simon."
"Oh okay. Well I'm leaving tomorrow for two games. Then we have a home game on Thursday and then an off day, so will you be there?"
"I don't really need to know your whole schedule.. I will talk to you probably tonight even." I said laughing.
"Yeah.. I'm so glad that you are back." He said. Then I left the house and called Sophie on the way home.
"Hey Sophie." I said when I got into the car.
"Jo, I have to tell you something."
"Okay, just wait I'm walking into the house."
"Yeah, its definitely better if you aren't driving."
"Whats going on?"
"Bayla called me."
"Okay?"
"Well her and some of the other girls that are 21 on the team went out last night."
"Yeah?"
"She said Sidney left with a girl."
"Are they sure?"
"Yeah.. they said that he was with some girl for awhile last night and then they left."
"Maybe they didn't like leave together.. maybe they just like walked out together."
"I don't know, Joey. Did he say anything?"
"No.. I mean he looked like hell and he was kind of acting weird."
"Maybe thats why.. maybe he felt guilty."
"Maybe nothing happened, Sophie." I said.
"Are you going to ask him about it?"
"No.. I'll just see what happens. Does anyone else know?"
"Simon."
"Okay, well I am working out with him in like an hour and then I'll be back at the room."
"So I heard you saw Sidney last night." I asked Simon as soon as I saw him.
"Yeah.. I like waved and he just kind of ignored me." He said.
"Was he with a girl?"
"So you know?"
"I heard he was with one.. do you know her?" I asked him.
"No, she is definitely not a RMU student."
"Okay, I don't want to think about it." I said and then I grabbed my phone.
"Yeah.. I am. It will be fun." I said.
"No movie nights for a week?"
"I think you will survive, Sidney."
"No, but seriously."
"Seriously what? We are good right now and me leaving isn't going to change that." I said it and he just looked at me. "You are acting like me and Connor like have a thing. We don't have a thing and I really don't think you should care since you are the reason we aren't together."
"I know you don't have a thing."
"Okay then. So how many games do you have this week?"
"We only have two and then one next Saturday."
"Yeah.. we are going to be back for that game. So I'll see you then."
"Okay, will you call me when you land?" Sidney asked.
"Of course." I said and then we left eachother.
Connor was picking me up in a few minutes and I was glad Sidney and I were good. We were good.. like us good. We go to eat once a week and we have movie nights. It seems good and it just annoys me when he acts like me being friends with Connor is somehow betraying him it annoys me. Oh well, one week can change a lot of things.
"Hey Connor." I said when I walked into his car.
"Hey.. you know my brother, Luca and this is friend Avery."
"Hey, guys."
"They are coming with us for the first few days or something. Some how my parents are letting him skip school or something. Totally not fair since we were never allowed doing that." Connor started to vent.
"Haha relax, Connor." I said laughing.
"So you are like friends with Sidney Crosby?" Luca asked.
"Smooth." Avery said.
"Sidney and I are friends." I said.
"New subject." Connor said.
When we walked into the airport Avery started to talk to me more.
"Are you okay?" Avery asked me when we sat down waiting to board.
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't like flying. I mean I don't like flying at all." I said and I starting texting.
"Texting calm your nerves?" He asked laughing.
"He calms my nerves."
"Who?"
"Sidney."
"So what is up with you two?"
"I've known him since I was a junior in high school, we have been friends ever since." I explained.
"Are you two like together?"
"Not anymore. Could we change the subject." I said.
"Yeah, sorry. I just can't believe you know Sidney Crosby."
"Let me guess.. you are a hockey player."
"Yeah.."
"Figures. I am sure I can arrange a meeting sometime." I said and then I walked over to sit by Connor.
"So how did the flight go?" Sidney asked when I called him later that night.
"It was okay. I had a slight panic attack, but nothing big."
"Thats good. Hows everything there?"
"You should see this house, Sidney. It is amazing." I said and then I thought about what I just said. "Actually, its probably like all the houses that people you know live in." I corrected myself.
"So who is all there?"
"Its Connor, his brother, Luca, and then Luca's friend, Avery."
"Oh thats fun." Sidney said.
"sidney, could you not be like that."
"Like what?"
"You what I am talking about."
"Okay, well what are you guys doing tonight?"
"I think that we are just are going to dinner and then walk on the beach."
"Oh, how romantic." Sidney said.
"It would be if I was with someone else." I said.
"You like being with Connor."
"Yeah, I like being with Connor but I don't love Connor that way. Don't act like me and you can't go on vacation. We can, you just are busy. Don't act like I am having this romantic getaway with someone else.. first of all I am not, second of all you don't get to judge me since you are the reason I am even in Florida."
"I'm sorry babe."
"Yeah. I'll talk to you later."
"Love you."
"Bye." I said.
"Joey!"
"Love you too."
Saturday
"So you will come with me after we land.. right?" I asked Connor when we were driving to the airport.
"Yeah.. does he know that you are coming."
"Yeah, its annoying. This whole thing is just kind of annoying."
"Are you excited to see him?"
"I guess. I don't really know what to feel."
"Don't stress." Connor said.
After the game
"I don't want to wait." I said.
"You know you have too."
"I know I have too.. lets just go." I said.
"Good game, Sidney." I said to him when he came out.
"I'm glad that you made it." He said.
"Yeah.." I said and he started to leave.
"Sidney.. actually I wanted to go home. I am tired. We can do something tomorrow?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, of course." Sidney said.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Good game. I missed you." I hugged him and kissed his cheek.
Next Morning
"Hey Sophie." I said picking up the phone.
"Hey what are you doing?"
"I'm about to go to the Lemieuxs for brunch. Actually, I just pulled into the driveway."
"Oh okay."
"Did you need something?"
"It can wait. Call me after." Sophie said.
"Okay, I will." I said.
"Joey!" Austin called when I walked into the house.
"Hey." I said.
"Sidney is upstairs." Nathalie said and I walked up to his room.
"Sidney."I said knocking on the door and walking in. He didn't look good.
"Late night?" I asked.
"How was your night?" He asked changing the subject.
"I just watched a movie and went to sleep."
"So your trip was good?"
"My trip was very good. It was nice. Avery and Luca are funny kids and Connor is the best."
"How old is Avery and Luca?"
"They are seniors in high school." I said and then I got a text.
"Whose that?"
"Avery."
"You like a senior in high school?" He asked me like repulsed.
"First of all, He is only like a year younger than me. Second, I don't like him like that. He is funny and he has a crush on me."
"He has a crush on you?"
"Yeah.. hes nice."
"Thats good."
"Sidney, don't act like every single time I talk to a boy is like a sin. Okay, seriously.I'm over it." I said and walked downstairs.
"I'm sorry about before." He said when we were laying on his bed.
"Its fine, Sidney."
"Don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you."
"Promise."
"Whats going on?" I asked confused.
"Promise me that we are good."
"We are good.But, I have to leave. I have to call Sophie and I have to get my stuff back to the dorm. And, I am suppose to work out with Simon."
"Oh okay. Well I'm leaving tomorrow for two games. Then we have a home game on Thursday and then an off day, so will you be there?"
"I don't really need to know your whole schedule.. I will talk to you probably tonight even." I said laughing.
"Yeah.. I'm so glad that you are back." He said. Then I left the house and called Sophie on the way home.
"Hey Sophie." I said when I got into the car.
"Jo, I have to tell you something."
"Okay, just wait I'm walking into the house."
"Yeah, its definitely better if you aren't driving."
"Whats going on?"
"Bayla called me."
"Okay?"
"Well her and some of the other girls that are 21 on the team went out last night."
"Yeah?"
"She said Sidney left with a girl."
"Are they sure?"
"Yeah.. they said that he was with some girl for awhile last night and then they left."
"Maybe they didn't like leave together.. maybe they just like walked out together."
"I don't know, Joey. Did he say anything?"
"No.. I mean he looked like hell and he was kind of acting weird."
"Maybe thats why.. maybe he felt guilty."
"Maybe nothing happened, Sophie." I said.
"Are you going to ask him about it?"
"No.. I'll just see what happens. Does anyone else know?"
"Simon."
"Okay, well I am working out with him in like an hour and then I'll be back at the room."
"So I heard you saw Sidney last night." I asked Simon as soon as I saw him.
"Yeah.. I like waved and he just kind of ignored me." He said.
"Was he with a girl?"
"So you know?"
"I heard he was with one.. do you know her?" I asked him.
"No, she is definitely not a RMU student."
"Okay, I don't want to think about it." I said and then I grabbed my phone.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Update.
Hi all. I just want to warn you that there may not be as many updates in the coming weeks. I have a organic test tonight and another test tomorrow morning and then on friday and then again on monday. I am thinking there MIGHT be one before monday.. but definitely once monday hits it will be much better. Thanks for reading and God Bless <3
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Chapter Thirty-Two
March 6, 2008
"Hey, so will you come to the Penguins game with me tonight?" I called to ask Connor.
"Yeah.. are you sure that you still want to go?"
"I'll go if you are with me.. I can deal with it."
"If you are sure.. I mean I definitely will be there with you."
"Thanks.. this is why we have been friends for so long! I'll come pick you up around 7ish."
"Did Sidney leave tickets?"
"Yeah.. We just pick them up at the will call."
"Okay, I'll see you later." Connor said.
"So what is up with you two?" Connor asked when he got into the car.
"We are friends, apparently. He isn't ready for forever I guess."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that he said he loves me and that he knows we will be back together, just not right now."
"that just sounds stupid."
"I know.. but he doesn't think it does. I am just going to see what happens."
"Well you what you need?"
"I sure hope you aren't going to say another guy."
"No, a trip."
"A trip?"
"How would you like to go to Florida for Spring Break?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah.. my parents have a house in West Palm. Some of the guys are going to go down for a few days but I thought we could go down for the whole week."
"Are you sure you can deal with me for that long?"
"I'm sure. Plus, you need this."
"Yeah, Sidney won't even realize that I am gone."
"Thats not true."
After the Game.
"So are we waiting for Sidney?" Connor asked.
"I guess? I mean what do you think?"
"I think that if you don't.. its just going to start a fight. Don't you think its weird that he loves me and he wants to act like we are together but we aren't together."
"I think its really weird."
"I think he just wanted a way out." I said walking down to the lower area of the rink.
"What do you mean?" Connor asked.
"I mean I think he wants to be able to do whatever he wants. I think he wants me at home and wants to be able to have me at his side but he wants some other girls."
"Do you really think thats it?"
"I really think thats whats going on.. but I don't know. Maybe it really is all about hockey."
"Time will tell." Connor said.
After about forty-five minutes of waiting I decided to just get someone to tell Sidney that I was leaving.
"Brooks!" I finally yelled when Brooks walked out.
"Joey.. how are you?"
"I'm good. We should do lunch."
"Definitely."
"I'm going to Florida with Connor in like a week for break but we should do it before then."
"does Sidney know that you are leaving?"
"No.. I just found out about it. Speaking of Sidney is he coming out soon?"
"I don't really know. Well could you just go in and tell him that I'm leaving." I said and Brooks just gave me this weird look.
"well I'm technically not his girlfriend and I feel bad having Connor wait just so I can say good job, Sidney."
"Yeah, I'll just go in." Brooks said. A few minutes later Sidney emerged.
"Good game.. you looked good." I said.
"Thanks.. Hey Connor.. hows it going?"
"Its good." Connor said.
"So you are leaving?" He asked.
"Yeah.. I feel bad that Connor just has to wait.. I mean I'm sure that he has better things to do."
"Don't leave on account of me." Connor said.
"Good game.. I know your Dad is waiting. I'll talk to you later." I said giving him a hug.
"Thanks for comng.. I'll call you later." He said kissing my forehead.
"Why did you leave so soon after the game?" Sidney said showing up at my Sewickley bedroom.
"I didn't really know what to do. I mean are we still the same? I mean we can't be."
"I don't know what you want me to say. I mean for forever I have always driven you home from the game."
"Well I had Connor with me. Its not a big deal. I came to see you after the game. Its not like we had plans."
"We always have plans."
"No, Sidney. That whole thing stopped when you said I can't have a girlfriend anymore. Anyways, your dad was there."
"He wouldn't have cared."
"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't. He makes you stress like this. He makes you think that you have to be perfect even when you are already amazing. He stresses you out and then you stress me out. I know you love your dad and I love him too. He is a great person, but when hes around you are different.. and I mean he is around a lot."
"Don't bring my dad into it."
"Sorry."
"It just hurt that you were there with Connor and then you didn't even leave with me."
"Connor is like my best friend and I didn't know you wanted me to leave with you."
"I thought I was your best friend." He said.
"You are my best friend.. but I have known Connor for forever. He knows me better than almost anyone else."
"Okay, well go Connor."
"Don't be mad at Connor. You always knew that there was a Connor. You knew that I was friends with him.. its not like oh Sidney broke up with me, let me turn to Connor."
"Can't you just drop the whole break up thing?"
"Uhh no? Thats kind of a big deal, Sidney. You kind of broke up with me. Its kind of like we can't just be the same as we were."
"Well thats what I want."
"Sidney.. I thought the reason you wanted to break up was so that you didn't have to report back to me. Now its like you want me to be that person still? I'm confused."
"I still love you, okay. I don't know what else to say. I love hockey and I love you."
"Okay.. I'm giong to watch a movie, you can watch it with me or you can leave.. its up to you." I said getting up.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Yeah.. its up to you. I definitely like being with you but you don't have to be here."
"No.. I'll stay. I mean I want to be with you."
"Oh yeah, I am going to Florida."
"when?"
"For Spring Break."
"Whens that?"
"Its like next week."
"Oh thats cool, who are you going with?"
"Connor.. his family has a house down there."
"Just you and Connor?"
"No.. its some of his friends. It will be nice to get away."
"Away from me." He said.
"No, Sidney. I wanted to be with you.. you chose to break up. You made that choice and its like now you want to act like you never made that choice.. you did, babe. You did and I can't forget that and just be like oh yeah, Sidney I love you lets go hang out all the time! I want everything to be okay and I am not mad at you and I'm not replacing you with Connor.. its just like I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be like oh yeah Sidney has hockey. I love you and I want to be with you, but I'm okay. Life does go on and I'm dealing with it."
"I love you and I don't know. Just wait until after the season."
"What does that mean? Like every year we are going to break up for the season?"
"No.. just give me time."
"Okay.. you have your time and you will get your space when I am in Florida."
"Don't be mad at me." He said.
"Sidney, I'm not mad.. but I'm not having this conversation again. I'm not going in this cycle."
"Okay.. thanks for coming tonight." He said.
"Of course. Lets just watch this movie." I said turning on the tv.
"Hey, so will you come to the Penguins game with me tonight?" I called to ask Connor.
"Yeah.. are you sure that you still want to go?"
"I'll go if you are with me.. I can deal with it."
"If you are sure.. I mean I definitely will be there with you."
"Thanks.. this is why we have been friends for so long! I'll come pick you up around 7ish."
"Did Sidney leave tickets?"
"Yeah.. We just pick them up at the will call."
"Okay, I'll see you later." Connor said.
"So what is up with you two?" Connor asked when he got into the car.
"We are friends, apparently. He isn't ready for forever I guess."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that he said he loves me and that he knows we will be back together, just not right now."
"that just sounds stupid."
"I know.. but he doesn't think it does. I am just going to see what happens."
"Well you what you need?"
"I sure hope you aren't going to say another guy."
"No, a trip."
"A trip?"
"How would you like to go to Florida for Spring Break?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah.. my parents have a house in West Palm. Some of the guys are going to go down for a few days but I thought we could go down for the whole week."
"Are you sure you can deal with me for that long?"
"I'm sure. Plus, you need this."
"Yeah, Sidney won't even realize that I am gone."
"Thats not true."
After the Game.
"So are we waiting for Sidney?" Connor asked.
"I guess? I mean what do you think?"
"I think that if you don't.. its just going to start a fight. Don't you think its weird that he loves me and he wants to act like we are together but we aren't together."
"I think its really weird."
"I think he just wanted a way out." I said walking down to the lower area of the rink.
"What do you mean?" Connor asked.
"I mean I think he wants to be able to do whatever he wants. I think he wants me at home and wants to be able to have me at his side but he wants some other girls."
"Do you really think thats it?"
"I really think thats whats going on.. but I don't know. Maybe it really is all about hockey."
"Time will tell." Connor said.
After about forty-five minutes of waiting I decided to just get someone to tell Sidney that I was leaving.
"Brooks!" I finally yelled when Brooks walked out.
"Joey.. how are you?"
"I'm good. We should do lunch."
"Definitely."
"I'm going to Florida with Connor in like a week for break but we should do it before then."
"does Sidney know that you are leaving?"
"No.. I just found out about it. Speaking of Sidney is he coming out soon?"
"I don't really know. Well could you just go in and tell him that I'm leaving." I said and Brooks just gave me this weird look.
"well I'm technically not his girlfriend and I feel bad having Connor wait just so I can say good job, Sidney."
"Yeah, I'll just go in." Brooks said. A few minutes later Sidney emerged.
"Good game.. you looked good." I said.
"Thanks.. Hey Connor.. hows it going?"
"Its good." Connor said.
"So you are leaving?" He asked.
"Yeah.. I feel bad that Connor just has to wait.. I mean I'm sure that he has better things to do."
"Don't leave on account of me." Connor said.
"Good game.. I know your Dad is waiting. I'll talk to you later." I said giving him a hug.
"Thanks for comng.. I'll call you later." He said kissing my forehead.
"Why did you leave so soon after the game?" Sidney said showing up at my Sewickley bedroom.
"I didn't really know what to do. I mean are we still the same? I mean we can't be."
"I don't know what you want me to say. I mean for forever I have always driven you home from the game."
"Well I had Connor with me. Its not a big deal. I came to see you after the game. Its not like we had plans."
"We always have plans."
"No, Sidney. That whole thing stopped when you said I can't have a girlfriend anymore. Anyways, your dad was there."
"He wouldn't have cared."
"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't. He makes you stress like this. He makes you think that you have to be perfect even when you are already amazing. He stresses you out and then you stress me out. I know you love your dad and I love him too. He is a great person, but when hes around you are different.. and I mean he is around a lot."
"Don't bring my dad into it."
"Sorry."
"It just hurt that you were there with Connor and then you didn't even leave with me."
"Connor is like my best friend and I didn't know you wanted me to leave with you."
"I thought I was your best friend." He said.
"You are my best friend.. but I have known Connor for forever. He knows me better than almost anyone else."
"Okay, well go Connor."
"Don't be mad at Connor. You always knew that there was a Connor. You knew that I was friends with him.. its not like oh Sidney broke up with me, let me turn to Connor."
"Can't you just drop the whole break up thing?"
"Uhh no? Thats kind of a big deal, Sidney. You kind of broke up with me. Its kind of like we can't just be the same as we were."
"Well thats what I want."
"Sidney.. I thought the reason you wanted to break up was so that you didn't have to report back to me. Now its like you want me to be that person still? I'm confused."
"I still love you, okay. I don't know what else to say. I love hockey and I love you."
"Okay.. I'm giong to watch a movie, you can watch it with me or you can leave.. its up to you." I said getting up.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Yeah.. its up to you. I definitely like being with you but you don't have to be here."
"No.. I'll stay. I mean I want to be with you."
"Oh yeah, I am going to Florida."
"when?"
"For Spring Break."
"Whens that?"
"Its like next week."
"Oh thats cool, who are you going with?"
"Connor.. his family has a house down there."
"Just you and Connor?"
"No.. its some of his friends. It will be nice to get away."
"Away from me." He said.
"No, Sidney. I wanted to be with you.. you chose to break up. You made that choice and its like now you want to act like you never made that choice.. you did, babe. You did and I can't forget that and just be like oh yeah, Sidney I love you lets go hang out all the time! I want everything to be okay and I am not mad at you and I'm not replacing you with Connor.. its just like I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be like oh yeah Sidney has hockey. I love you and I want to be with you, but I'm okay. Life does go on and I'm dealing with it."
"I love you and I don't know. Just wait until after the season."
"What does that mean? Like every year we are going to break up for the season?"
"No.. just give me time."
"Okay.. you have your time and you will get your space when I am in Florida."
"Don't be mad at me." He said.
"Sidney, I'm not mad.. but I'm not having this conversation again. I'm not going in this cycle."
"Okay.. thanks for coming tonight." He said.
"Of course. Lets just watch this movie." I said turning on the tv.
Chapter Thirty-One
"Whats wrong?" Sophie asked as soon as I walked back into our dorm room. I just shaked my head.
"Something is wrong. You were suppose to be in Sewickley tonight."
"We broke up." I whispered.
"What?"
"Sidney broke up with me.. and thats it." I said.
"Why?"
"Apparently he doesn't want a girlfriend right now.. or he can't have one or something."
"Oh, Joey.. I'm so sorry."
"It doesn't even matter.. we weren't even dating for six months.Its nothing."
"its something because you two have basically been together since you were a junior in high school."
"I just don't know how things are going to be okay if we aren't together."
"It will be fine."
"You don't get it. Everytime we weren't together it was because I wasn't ready or that I wasn't sure about us."
"He still loves you, though.. right?"
"He claims he did.. it was like this huge ordeal in my bedroom. I was crying and then he was crying and he was telling me how nothing was going to change and how that he just didn't want to hurt me."
"He didn't say why he did it?"
"No.. he said he couldn't be the guy that the team needs and the guy that I need." I said tearing up.
"It will be fine, Joey. He probably needs a few days."
"Yeah.. whatever. I'm just going to go the gym." I said and grabbed my stuff.
"Joey.. what are you doing?" Jake said walking into the gym.
"I'm working out.. what do you think I'm doing." I said.
"Sophie called. She said you have been here for like two hours."
"Yeah.. well Sophie should learn to mind her own business."
"Tell me whats wrong?"
"Well.. I'm single now." I said sitting down on a bench.
"What? Why?"
"Sidney doesn't want a girlfriend.. lucky me I was the girlfriend." I said.
"He is probably just confused. He didn't mean it.. I'm sure."
"He meant it, Jake. I cried and then he started crying.. it was just.. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay." He said hugging me.
"you do know I just got you all sweaty now."
"Hey, my little sister needs me I am here!"
"Yeah okay.. I hate when you call me your little sister.. its annoying."
"You should come out with us tonight." He said grabbing my bag and we headed out of the gym.
"Nahh..I'm just going to hang out in the dorm."
"you can't just wait for Sidney."
"I can wait for Sidney.. I love him, Jake. Its not like that feeling is just going to go away since he said he doesn't want to be with me."
"Yeah.. just don't be sad."
"Everyone needs to stop saying that.. of course I am sad.. how can I not be sad?" I said and then took my bag and walked away.
March 4, 2008
"Hey." I grabbed the phone during one of my workouts with Simon.
"Hey, Joey."
"Sidney.."
"Yeah, I am playing tonight.. I just found out. I knew that I needed to talk to you."
"Thats great, Sidney." I said.
"Yeah.. so how is everything?"
"Its fine." I said.
"I'm sorry that we haven't talked much lately."
"We did break up."
"Its not suppose to be like this." He said.
"Yeah.. it wasn't suppose to be like this."
"No, I mean when we broke up.. it was suppose to make things easier."
"I don't really get how you figured that.."
"I'm sorry..I love you. I'll call you when we get back to the city, tomorrow."
"Okay.. Good Luck.. Love you." I said hanging up the phone.
"So you guys don't talk?" Simon said when I hung up the phone.
"No, I mean.. we talk. We text probably every day and call sometimes. Its like if something big happens or something like that we tell eachother but its not like it was.. obviously."
"You still say you love him?"
"Yeah.."
"That must be hard."
"Everything seems a bit hard right now. I just want to focus on working out."
March 5, 2008
"Hey, do you want to get lunch or something?" Sidney called and asked.
"Yeah.. I'll just meet you at the cafe?"
"Yeah, thats fine."
"So are you okay?" He asked me when I sat down at the table.
"Yeah.. I rode ten miles on the bike yesterday."
"Thats good."
"Yeah.. not good enough."
"I miss you." He said.
"I'm right here, Sidney. I didn't go anywhere." I said.
"It feels like you did."
"Don't do this.. we aren't doing this."
"why?"
"Because I don't want to keep going back and forth. I don't want this."
"I'm sorry, Jo. I want you to be okay."
"I'm okay.. just stop asking me that. If you really cared that much, then you wouldn't have broken up with me."
"Thats just not fair. Okay, I do love you and I want you to be happy and I want everything to be okay."
"Yeah.. me too."
"Everything will be okay again.. right?"
"Yeah.."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Sidney you are firstly my best friend. I really do love you and I just need us to be okay too."
"Are you coming to the game tomorrow?"
"Of course I am coming to the game tomorrow.. I wouldn't miss you first home game back. Can you get me two tickets though?"
"Yeah."
"I'm going to bring Connor."
"Oh okay.. thats not a problem."
"Yeah.. I mean you do have some pull with the team."
"You always make that same comment."
"What can I say? I am running out of ammunition."
"Hahah.. I just want us to be able to be best friends. I mean I love you and theres no doubt in my mind we won't be together.. its just I need hockey right now."
"I want that, Sidney. But I will never understand why if you know we will be together for forever.. why wouldn't you want forever to start right now?" I said getting up and leaving.
"Joey.." He said coming after me.
"What?"
"I love you and I want forever.. I'm just not ready yet."
"Well I am and I guess thats our problem." I said.
"don't be mad at me, Joey. I love you and loving you is the only thing I know we can do."
"Yeah.. I love you and that won't change. I'll see you at the game tomorrow."
"Joey.. just don't be like this."
"I don't know how to be okay when we aren't together.. how is that ever suppose to be okay?"
"Its not suppose to be okay.. Okay, I know I am a jerk. I know that I am not going to make this right. I know that I messed things up.. but right now I love you and I know that thats why we can't be together right now."
"Okay, I will drop it."
"I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Yeah.."
"It will be okay." He said kissing me on the cheek.
"I hope so." I whispered.
"Something is wrong. You were suppose to be in Sewickley tonight."
"We broke up." I whispered.
"What?"
"Sidney broke up with me.. and thats it." I said.
"Why?"
"Apparently he doesn't want a girlfriend right now.. or he can't have one or something."
"Oh, Joey.. I'm so sorry."
"It doesn't even matter.. we weren't even dating for six months.Its nothing."
"its something because you two have basically been together since you were a junior in high school."
"I just don't know how things are going to be okay if we aren't together."
"It will be fine."
"You don't get it. Everytime we weren't together it was because I wasn't ready or that I wasn't sure about us."
"He still loves you, though.. right?"
"He claims he did.. it was like this huge ordeal in my bedroom. I was crying and then he was crying and he was telling me how nothing was going to change and how that he just didn't want to hurt me."
"He didn't say why he did it?"
"No.. he said he couldn't be the guy that the team needs and the guy that I need." I said tearing up.
"It will be fine, Joey. He probably needs a few days."
"Yeah.. whatever. I'm just going to go the gym." I said and grabbed my stuff.
"Joey.. what are you doing?" Jake said walking into the gym.
"I'm working out.. what do you think I'm doing." I said.
"Sophie called. She said you have been here for like two hours."
"Yeah.. well Sophie should learn to mind her own business."
"Tell me whats wrong?"
"Well.. I'm single now." I said sitting down on a bench.
"What? Why?"
"Sidney doesn't want a girlfriend.. lucky me I was the girlfriend." I said.
"He is probably just confused. He didn't mean it.. I'm sure."
"He meant it, Jake. I cried and then he started crying.. it was just.. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay." He said hugging me.
"you do know I just got you all sweaty now."
"Hey, my little sister needs me I am here!"
"Yeah okay.. I hate when you call me your little sister.. its annoying."
"You should come out with us tonight." He said grabbing my bag and we headed out of the gym.
"Nahh..I'm just going to hang out in the dorm."
"you can't just wait for Sidney."
"I can wait for Sidney.. I love him, Jake. Its not like that feeling is just going to go away since he said he doesn't want to be with me."
"Yeah.. just don't be sad."
"Everyone needs to stop saying that.. of course I am sad.. how can I not be sad?" I said and then took my bag and walked away.
March 4, 2008
"Hey." I grabbed the phone during one of my workouts with Simon.
"Hey, Joey."
"Sidney.."
"Yeah, I am playing tonight.. I just found out. I knew that I needed to talk to you."
"Thats great, Sidney." I said.
"Yeah.. so how is everything?"
"Its fine." I said.
"I'm sorry that we haven't talked much lately."
"We did break up."
"Its not suppose to be like this." He said.
"Yeah.. it wasn't suppose to be like this."
"No, I mean when we broke up.. it was suppose to make things easier."
"I don't really get how you figured that.."
"I'm sorry..I love you. I'll call you when we get back to the city, tomorrow."
"Okay.. Good Luck.. Love you." I said hanging up the phone.
"So you guys don't talk?" Simon said when I hung up the phone.
"No, I mean.. we talk. We text probably every day and call sometimes. Its like if something big happens or something like that we tell eachother but its not like it was.. obviously."
"You still say you love him?"
"Yeah.."
"That must be hard."
"Everything seems a bit hard right now. I just want to focus on working out."
March 5, 2008
"Hey, do you want to get lunch or something?" Sidney called and asked.
"Yeah.. I'll just meet you at the cafe?"
"Yeah, thats fine."
"So are you okay?" He asked me when I sat down at the table.
"Yeah.. I rode ten miles on the bike yesterday."
"Thats good."
"Yeah.. not good enough."
"I miss you." He said.
"I'm right here, Sidney. I didn't go anywhere." I said.
"It feels like you did."
"Don't do this.. we aren't doing this."
"why?"
"Because I don't want to keep going back and forth. I don't want this."
"I'm sorry, Jo. I want you to be okay."
"I'm okay.. just stop asking me that. If you really cared that much, then you wouldn't have broken up with me."
"Thats just not fair. Okay, I do love you and I want you to be happy and I want everything to be okay."
"Yeah.. me too."
"Everything will be okay again.. right?"
"Yeah.."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Sidney you are firstly my best friend. I really do love you and I just need us to be okay too."
"Are you coming to the game tomorrow?"
"Of course I am coming to the game tomorrow.. I wouldn't miss you first home game back. Can you get me two tickets though?"
"Yeah."
"I'm going to bring Connor."
"Oh okay.. thats not a problem."
"Yeah.. I mean you do have some pull with the team."
"You always make that same comment."
"What can I say? I am running out of ammunition."
"Hahah.. I just want us to be able to be best friends. I mean I love you and theres no doubt in my mind we won't be together.. its just I need hockey right now."
"I want that, Sidney. But I will never understand why if you know we will be together for forever.. why wouldn't you want forever to start right now?" I said getting up and leaving.
"Joey.." He said coming after me.
"What?"
"I love you and I want forever.. I'm just not ready yet."
"Well I am and I guess thats our problem." I said.
"don't be mad at me, Joey. I love you and loving you is the only thing I know we can do."
"Yeah.. I love you and that won't change. I'll see you at the game tomorrow."
"Joey.. just don't be like this."
"I don't know how to be okay when we aren't together.. how is that ever suppose to be okay?"
"Its not suppose to be okay.. Okay, I know I am a jerk. I know that I am not going to make this right. I know that I messed things up.. but right now I love you and I know that thats why we can't be together right now."
"Okay, I will drop it."
"I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Yeah.."
"It will be okay." He said kissing me on the cheek.
"I hope so." I whispered.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Chapter Thirty
"Oh my gosh, Sidney!" I said letting go of his hand and walking into this beautiful hotel room. He has hundreds of roses and candles. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. There was also a table set up with two candles.
"I thought we could have dinner up here." He said.
"I don't even know what to say.." I said looking at him.
"I love you." He said staring into my eyes.
"I love you more than I could say." I said kissing him.
After dinner Sidney brought in Cold Stone and chocolate covered strawberries.
"Do you know the only reason I like Valentines Day is because of strawberries?" I said completely serious.
"Yes babe. I do know you. So you really don't like this day for any other reason?"
"No, Sidney. You know I think its a stupid day. I mean I love you and this is an amazing night but still like did we really need this to be a holiday to tell eachother how we feel?"
"I like Valentines Day."
"Really? I didn't know that."
"I like doing things like this. I like being able to give someone the perfect night."
"I've never actually had a boyfriend on Valentines Day. This is a first."
"A good first?"
"Of course." I said eating a stawberry.
"So you know what I brought?" He asked.
"No?"
"The series finale of Dawsons Creek." He said pulling out a DVD.
"Are you serious!?" I said so excited.
"Yeah.. we are going to watch it.. finally."
"You are the best." I said kissing him.
Feb. 20, 2008
"Hey, babe. Its me. I have to do these interviews today so I can't go to that thing today. I'm sorry..I'll call you later." I heard Sidney say on my voicemail. As soon as I said that I went to my bedroom upstairs. Jacob followed me, like he always does.
"Whats wrong?"
"Sidney can't come."
"Why?"
"He has some media stuff to do or whatever." I said.
"Are you mad?"
"Of course I am mad. I told him like three weeks ago about the grandparents and aunts and uncles coming in. I told him that I wanted him to be here with me. I mean you are going to have Sarah.. all the kids are having friends over.. who will I have? Oh yeah.. just Jo over there without anyone by her side."
"I'm sure he wanted to be here."
"If he wanted to be here, he would be here."
"Jo.. it might not be as easy as you make it."
"Its pretty easy to me, Jake. He gives everything to that team every day. I just wanted this one thing and of course I didn't get it. I don't know. It doesn't matter."
"Where's that handsome boy of yours?" Nan asked coming over to me when I walked back downstairs.
"Oh you know.. he couldn't be here." I said.
"Whats he doing?"
"He had to do some hockey stuff." I said.
"Where is Sidney?" Aunt Carol asked.
"He couldn't be here." I said and then left the room.
"Hey, babe." Sidney said walking into my bedroom way later that night.
"Hi."
"Are you mad about today?"
"No, I mean I love being that girl who has no one and having to explain to every single person in my family that my boyfriend is playing hockey. I mean whatever."
"Joey, you know if I could have been here I would have been here."
"You had to do that stuff today? You couldn't do it anyother day? Like seriously?" I asked.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not mad.. it just hurt." I said.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not really sure about anything. But, I am not mad at you."
"I love you." He said.
"I know." I said.
Feb. 25, 2008
"Hey." I said seeing Sidney walk into my bedroom. "I like how you just stroll right in these days." I said laughing.
"Whats wrong?" I said and he just sat down.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"What? It can't be that serious, Sidney. " I said trying to lighten him up.
"It is serious." He said and my face just fell.
"Just say it, Sidney."
"I've just been thinking about that day that I couldn't meet your family."
"And.."
"Its like I feel like I can't be the guy the team needs to be and be the guy I know you deserve." He said whispering.
"I knew that I was number 2 in your life.. I always knew I was behind your first love, hockey.. but it still hurts when its like real."
"Its not like I'm putting hockey above you." He said and I just looked at him. "I just don't want to hurt you and I want you to be happy and I just need to focus on hockey."
"funny,because what makes me happy is you." I said having the tears fall.
"Don't cry.. I love you."
"How can you love me and then break up with me?"
"I do love you and its not like I am breaking up with you. I just can't have a girlfriend right now because its like I don't want to hurt you."
"You are hurting me because you are breaking up with me!" I said crying.
"I love you.. I just don't want to worry about not calling you or being late at the game or something. I jsut don't want to have to pick hockey over you."
"You are picking hockey over me.. thats just how it is."
"Babe, please don't cry." He said wiping away some of the tears.
"Sidney.. it just hurts. I know you don't want to hurt me and I know you want this to be better.. its just I don't know how it gets easier when I am not with the boy I love with my whole heart. I don't know how it will be okay." I said and then he started tearing up.
"I love you.. isn't that what matters?"
"It does matter.. its just like I don't get why it has to end, but its fine. I will be fine." I said trying to suck it up.
"Not that much will change, Joey."
"how? we aren't us?"
"I just.. I don't know. Just know that I love you."
"I know that, I love how hockey beats me and its not even a girl."
"It didn't beat you."
"Where I am standing.. you pick hockey over me."
"I'm sorry and I love you and I will always love you.. I just need time to just focus on hockey."
"you are acting like I am this huge distraction."
"you aren't. Its just with the trade happening and me getting back on the ice.. I just need my head to be there at all times."
"I get it." I said and his face got a little happier. "Doesn't make it easier." I said whispering.
"I don't know what you want me to do."
"I think you should just leave.." I said wiping away tears.
"Joey.. I don't want to leave you like this."
"I'm fine, Sidney. Seriously."
"I love you. I really really do love you."
"I know.. just." I said.
"I'll call you later.. please just.."
"What?"
"I just don't want you to question that I love you."
"I don't question it. I question why the fact you don't want to be with me."
"I do want to be with you.. its not like I'm choosing to be with another girl. "
"I know.. its still hard, Sidney. It doesn't change it. I love you.. bye." I said then he left.
"I thought we could have dinner up here." He said.
"I don't even know what to say.." I said looking at him.
"I love you." He said staring into my eyes.
"I love you more than I could say." I said kissing him.
After dinner Sidney brought in Cold Stone and chocolate covered strawberries.
"Do you know the only reason I like Valentines Day is because of strawberries?" I said completely serious.
"Yes babe. I do know you. So you really don't like this day for any other reason?"
"No, Sidney. You know I think its a stupid day. I mean I love you and this is an amazing night but still like did we really need this to be a holiday to tell eachother how we feel?"
"I like Valentines Day."
"Really? I didn't know that."
"I like doing things like this. I like being able to give someone the perfect night."
"I've never actually had a boyfriend on Valentines Day. This is a first."
"A good first?"
"Of course." I said eating a stawberry.
"So you know what I brought?" He asked.
"No?"
"The series finale of Dawsons Creek." He said pulling out a DVD.
"Are you serious!?" I said so excited.
"Yeah.. we are going to watch it.. finally."
"You are the best." I said kissing him.
Feb. 20, 2008
"Hey, babe. Its me. I have to do these interviews today so I can't go to that thing today. I'm sorry..I'll call you later." I heard Sidney say on my voicemail. As soon as I said that I went to my bedroom upstairs. Jacob followed me, like he always does.
"Whats wrong?"
"Sidney can't come."
"Why?"
"He has some media stuff to do or whatever." I said.
"Are you mad?"
"Of course I am mad. I told him like three weeks ago about the grandparents and aunts and uncles coming in. I told him that I wanted him to be here with me. I mean you are going to have Sarah.. all the kids are having friends over.. who will I have? Oh yeah.. just Jo over there without anyone by her side."
"I'm sure he wanted to be here."
"If he wanted to be here, he would be here."
"Jo.. it might not be as easy as you make it."
"Its pretty easy to me, Jake. He gives everything to that team every day. I just wanted this one thing and of course I didn't get it. I don't know. It doesn't matter."
"Where's that handsome boy of yours?" Nan asked coming over to me when I walked back downstairs.
"Oh you know.. he couldn't be here." I said.
"Whats he doing?"
"He had to do some hockey stuff." I said.
"Where is Sidney?" Aunt Carol asked.
"He couldn't be here." I said and then left the room.
"Hey, babe." Sidney said walking into my bedroom way later that night.
"Hi."
"Are you mad about today?"
"No, I mean I love being that girl who has no one and having to explain to every single person in my family that my boyfriend is playing hockey. I mean whatever."
"Joey, you know if I could have been here I would have been here."
"You had to do that stuff today? You couldn't do it anyother day? Like seriously?" I asked.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not mad.. it just hurt." I said.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not really sure about anything. But, I am not mad at you."
"I love you." He said.
"I know." I said.
Feb. 25, 2008
"Hey." I said seeing Sidney walk into my bedroom. "I like how you just stroll right in these days." I said laughing.
"Whats wrong?" I said and he just sat down.
"I need to talk to you about something."
"What? It can't be that serious, Sidney. " I said trying to lighten him up.
"It is serious." He said and my face just fell.
"Just say it, Sidney."
"I've just been thinking about that day that I couldn't meet your family."
"And.."
"Its like I feel like I can't be the guy the team needs to be and be the guy I know you deserve." He said whispering.
"I knew that I was number 2 in your life.. I always knew I was behind your first love, hockey.. but it still hurts when its like real."
"Its not like I'm putting hockey above you." He said and I just looked at him. "I just don't want to hurt you and I want you to be happy and I just need to focus on hockey."
"funny,because what makes me happy is you." I said having the tears fall.
"Don't cry.. I love you."
"How can you love me and then break up with me?"
"I do love you and its not like I am breaking up with you. I just can't have a girlfriend right now because its like I don't want to hurt you."
"You are hurting me because you are breaking up with me!" I said crying.
"I love you.. I just don't want to worry about not calling you or being late at the game or something. I jsut don't want to have to pick hockey over you."
"You are picking hockey over me.. thats just how it is."
"Babe, please don't cry." He said wiping away some of the tears.
"Sidney.. it just hurts. I know you don't want to hurt me and I know you want this to be better.. its just I don't know how it gets easier when I am not with the boy I love with my whole heart. I don't know how it will be okay." I said and then he started tearing up.
"I love you.. isn't that what matters?"
"It does matter.. its just like I don't get why it has to end, but its fine. I will be fine." I said trying to suck it up.
"Not that much will change, Joey."
"how? we aren't us?"
"I just.. I don't know. Just know that I love you."
"I know that, I love how hockey beats me and its not even a girl."
"It didn't beat you."
"Where I am standing.. you pick hockey over me."
"I'm sorry and I love you and I will always love you.. I just need time to just focus on hockey."
"you are acting like I am this huge distraction."
"you aren't. Its just with the trade happening and me getting back on the ice.. I just need my head to be there at all times."
"I get it." I said and his face got a little happier. "Doesn't make it easier." I said whispering.
"I don't know what you want me to do."
"I think you should just leave.." I said wiping away tears.
"Joey.. I don't want to leave you like this."
"I'm fine, Sidney. Seriously."
"I love you. I really really do love you."
"I know.. just." I said.
"I'll call you later.. please just.."
"What?"
"I just don't want you to question that I love you."
"I don't question it. I question why the fact you don't want to be with me."
"I do want to be with you.. its not like I'm choosing to be with another girl. "
"I know.. its still hard, Sidney. It doesn't change it. I love you.. bye." I said then he left.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Feb. 11, 2008
"How's the come back coming?" Simon said walking into the weight room.
"Slow. Just last week I am able to make a full cycling motion on the bike."
"Is it really that bad?"
"I blew out my knee.. and I didn't realize how bad it was until I realized after over two months I still can't ride a bike. Some people don't come back after just tearing one of the ligaments.. lucky me I tore both."
"Isn't there anyone else that is rehabbing on the team?" He asked.
"Nope.. I'm the lucky one."
"I'll work out with you." He said sitting on the bike next to me.
"You don't have to do that."
"I miss hanging out.. and plus I need to stay in shape. And.."He started.
"What?"
"Could you help me with Chemistry?"
"Why on earth are you taking Chemistry?" I said laughing.
"John said it was easy and to take it.. yeah who knew John was a Chemistry genius!"
"I'll help you.. not a big deal." I said laughing.
"Thank you so much! So hows everything else?"
"My life is kind of revolving around rehabbing and school."
"That sounds like fun."
"Tons."
We worked out a bit longer and just talked. I looked at my watch and it was about 5.
"Hey I'm going to the city and going to the hockey game with Soph. Do you want to come with?" I asked him.
"Are you sure its a good idea?"
"Yeah..we are friends and it will be fun."
"If you are sure Sidney won't mind then I will come."
"You will find a new girl with that cute accent of yours.. Sidney won't care at all. Trust me." I said.
"Okay what time?"
"We will prob leave around 6:30. Soph is going to drive and then you two can probably just come back or whatever. I don't really know what I'm going to do after the game."
"Yeah.. I'll just come by around then."
After the Game
"Aren't you so excited to be around all these hockey guys?" I asked Simon.
"Not as much as Sophie." He said smiling at her.
"You should probably not talk or you will have a line of girls." Sophie said.
"What is it with girls and accents?" I asked.
"Who knows." Sophie said.
"Hey, Brooks. Good game." I said when Brooks came over to see me. "This is my roommate, Sophie and this is Simon."
"Oh nice to meet you guys." Brooks said.
"Sid still going to be awhile?" I asked.
"You know how it is." He laughed. "I'll see ya later." He said walking away.
"Good game, Sid." Sophie said as soon as Sidney came out.
"Thanks." He said.
"Yeah, it was fun." Simon said and I just gave him this weird look.
"Are you ready?" Sid asked me.
"Yeah.. I guess I'll just see you guys later." I said. "You can just walk back up the way we came down." I said.
"I can't believe you." Sidney said when we got into the car.
"What?" I said confused.
"Why did you bring him here?"
"I don't know? I didn't think it would be that big of a deal?" I said.
"I didn't even know you guys were friends."
"He came into the weight room today and he worked out with me. We got to talking and I just asked him to come. Its not a big deal at all." I said.
"Its a big deal to me."
"Why?"
"You picked him over me.. how is that NOT a big deal?"
"Think whatever you want.. but I didn't pick him over you."
"Yeah, whatever you say."
"Way to pick a fight Sidney.. !" I said and then I just sat there silent.
"I'll call you later." He said stopping the car infront of my dorm.
"Don't be mad at me."I said leaning over and giving him a quick kiss.
"I'm not mad."
"I can see it in your eyes that you are mad at me."
"I just don't like to think of the times we weren't together." He said staring into my eyes.
"Me either but there why bring it up right now?"
"You brought it up."
"Please I don't want to leave with you being mad at me."
"I'm not mad." He said.
"Okay.. bye." I said getting out of the car.
"I love you." He said.
"Me too." I said.
Feb. 12, 2008
"Hey stranger." Jake said coming into the diner on campus.
"Hey."
"Whats going on?"
"Nothing." I said.
"Somethings up."
"What do you mean?"
"What happened?"
"Sidney."
"Well yeah thats obvious."
"yeah thats the problem."
"What? I don't understand." He said confused.
"We fight all the time.. like stupid little fights."
"you always have."
"Yeah, it was okay when we were best friends, but I don't want to fight everyday with my boyfriend."
"Like fights?"
"Its like I don't even know. We fought about Colin and then Simon."
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know. I thought we like broke up about Colin but it ended up being okay. The fight about simon.. he says hes not mad but we haven't really talked that much. I don't know."
"Just don't worry about it. Do you love him?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I love him.. I do love him. But, like do I love him because he's my best friend and thats why I want to keep him around or am I inlove with him?"
"I don't know, Jo."
"I mean I know I love him and I am inlove with him.. but its scary. Its scary to have your best friend and your boyfriend in the same person. Its like I love him double because of that."
"He's the one. You may doubt it.. but we all can see it." Jake said.
"Thanks Jake." I said getting up and hugging him.
Feb. 14, 2008
"Will you be my Valentine?" I read as soon as I woke up on Friday morning.
"Sidney." I said calling him.
"You didn't answer my question." He said.
"I am your valentine, but where have you been?"
"I'm sorry."
"I know, just don't disappear on me love." I said.
"Well I love you and Happy Valentines Day." He said.
"Happy Valentines Day, Sidney. I love you." I said.
After Class
When I walked to my dorm door I saw a rose on the floor and a note taped to the door.
Get ready for a night to remember. I would say look your best but you always look beautiful. 7:00. Love you.
-Sid
"How's the come back coming?" Simon said walking into the weight room.
"Slow. Just last week I am able to make a full cycling motion on the bike."
"Is it really that bad?"
"I blew out my knee.. and I didn't realize how bad it was until I realized after over two months I still can't ride a bike. Some people don't come back after just tearing one of the ligaments.. lucky me I tore both."
"Isn't there anyone else that is rehabbing on the team?" He asked.
"Nope.. I'm the lucky one."
"I'll work out with you." He said sitting on the bike next to me.
"You don't have to do that."
"I miss hanging out.. and plus I need to stay in shape. And.."He started.
"What?"
"Could you help me with Chemistry?"
"Why on earth are you taking Chemistry?" I said laughing.
"John said it was easy and to take it.. yeah who knew John was a Chemistry genius!"
"I'll help you.. not a big deal." I said laughing.
"Thank you so much! So hows everything else?"
"My life is kind of revolving around rehabbing and school."
"That sounds like fun."
"Tons."
We worked out a bit longer and just talked. I looked at my watch and it was about 5.
"Hey I'm going to the city and going to the hockey game with Soph. Do you want to come with?" I asked him.
"Are you sure its a good idea?"
"Yeah..we are friends and it will be fun."
"If you are sure Sidney won't mind then I will come."
"You will find a new girl with that cute accent of yours.. Sidney won't care at all. Trust me." I said.
"Okay what time?"
"We will prob leave around 6:30. Soph is going to drive and then you two can probably just come back or whatever. I don't really know what I'm going to do after the game."
"Yeah.. I'll just come by around then."
After the Game
"Aren't you so excited to be around all these hockey guys?" I asked Simon.
"Not as much as Sophie." He said smiling at her.
"You should probably not talk or you will have a line of girls." Sophie said.
"What is it with girls and accents?" I asked.
"Who knows." Sophie said.
"Hey, Brooks. Good game." I said when Brooks came over to see me. "This is my roommate, Sophie and this is Simon."
"Oh nice to meet you guys." Brooks said.
"Sid still going to be awhile?" I asked.
"You know how it is." He laughed. "I'll see ya later." He said walking away.
"Good game, Sid." Sophie said as soon as Sidney came out.
"Thanks." He said.
"Yeah, it was fun." Simon said and I just gave him this weird look.
"Are you ready?" Sid asked me.
"Yeah.. I guess I'll just see you guys later." I said. "You can just walk back up the way we came down." I said.
"I can't believe you." Sidney said when we got into the car.
"What?" I said confused.
"Why did you bring him here?"
"I don't know? I didn't think it would be that big of a deal?" I said.
"I didn't even know you guys were friends."
"He came into the weight room today and he worked out with me. We got to talking and I just asked him to come. Its not a big deal at all." I said.
"Its a big deal to me."
"Why?"
"You picked him over me.. how is that NOT a big deal?"
"Think whatever you want.. but I didn't pick him over you."
"Yeah, whatever you say."
"Way to pick a fight Sidney.. !" I said and then I just sat there silent.
"I'll call you later." He said stopping the car infront of my dorm.
"Don't be mad at me."I said leaning over and giving him a quick kiss.
"I'm not mad."
"I can see it in your eyes that you are mad at me."
"I just don't like to think of the times we weren't together." He said staring into my eyes.
"Me either but there why bring it up right now?"
"You brought it up."
"Please I don't want to leave with you being mad at me."
"I'm not mad." He said.
"Okay.. bye." I said getting out of the car.
"I love you." He said.
"Me too." I said.
Feb. 12, 2008
"Hey stranger." Jake said coming into the diner on campus.
"Hey."
"Whats going on?"
"Nothing." I said.
"Somethings up."
"What do you mean?"
"What happened?"
"Sidney."
"Well yeah thats obvious."
"yeah thats the problem."
"What? I don't understand." He said confused.
"We fight all the time.. like stupid little fights."
"you always have."
"Yeah, it was okay when we were best friends, but I don't want to fight everyday with my boyfriend."
"Like fights?"
"Its like I don't even know. We fought about Colin and then Simon."
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know. I thought we like broke up about Colin but it ended up being okay. The fight about simon.. he says hes not mad but we haven't really talked that much. I don't know."
"Just don't worry about it. Do you love him?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I love him.. I do love him. But, like do I love him because he's my best friend and thats why I want to keep him around or am I inlove with him?"
"I don't know, Jo."
"I mean I know I love him and I am inlove with him.. but its scary. Its scary to have your best friend and your boyfriend in the same person. Its like I love him double because of that."
"He's the one. You may doubt it.. but we all can see it." Jake said.
"Thanks Jake." I said getting up and hugging him.
Feb. 14, 2008
"Will you be my Valentine?" I read as soon as I woke up on Friday morning.
"Sidney." I said calling him.
"You didn't answer my question." He said.
"I am your valentine, but where have you been?"
"I'm sorry."
"I know, just don't disappear on me love." I said.
"Well I love you and Happy Valentines Day." He said.
"Happy Valentines Day, Sidney. I love you." I said.
After Class
When I walked to my dorm door I saw a rose on the floor and a note taped to the door.
Get ready for a night to remember. I would say look your best but you always look beautiful. 7:00. Love you.
-Sid
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Later that night we were laying in Sidney's room at Mario's. We were fine until he brought it up again.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah?" I said confused on what he was talking about.
"About seeing Colin."
"Yeah, not a big deal." I said not thinking really about it.
"What do you mean not a big deal? You were in your bathroom crying for like an hour?"
"I was, but you don't really understand. It wasn't all about what happened when I was 14."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean.. I talked to Colin after it happened. We still hung out and stuff."
"You hung out with a guy who did that to you?"
"I probably made it sound worse than it was." I said.
"No, I'm pretty sure no matter how you say it.. its bad."
"It wasn't like it. I mean it was, but I mean I didn't say yes.. but I didn't really say no. I mean I liked him alot and by the time I realized what was happening it was too late to say anything. He isn't a bad guy."
"Then why did everyone freak out when they heard Colin was back?"
"When it initially happened I told Jacob. He freaked out and told my parents. My parents made me think that it was this horrible thing, which I mean I guess it was. But, I could have stopped it if I tried. I didn't try because I was stupid.. Colin and I still talked after it. We were friends for awhile."
"So everything you said before was a lie?"
"Not a lie. Everything I said was the truth. Everything I said happened, but I could have stopped it. I mean I think I could have. I was niiave. I was stupid and wanted the football player to like me. Colin is not a bad guy, but we had a falling out right about when I met you. He said somethings I couldn't ever forget. He just kept bringing that day up and I was trying to forget it."
"Did you two ever sleep together?"
"No. We never really dated. We were just friends. I mean I didn't ever fully trust him after that day in the bathroom but he isn't a bad guy. He really isn't."
"I can't believe you are saying this. I can't believe you are defending him."
"You don't even know him, Sidney. You don't know him and I do. He's not the best guy and he never will be. He didn't mean to hurt me when I was 14."
"He still did, though. He still hurt you and you shouldn't just be fine about it."
"I just don't know what to say about it, Sidney. I don't know what you want me to do."
"I just can't do it."
"What does that even me?"
"It means I don't even know you anymore."
"You don't know me?" I said confused.
"I can't understand how you never told me about this."
"Sidney, I want to forget it."
"You aren't making sense. One minute you are saying it isn't a big deal, the next you are saying you don't want to think about it."
"Okay, Sidney. Thinking back on it, it wasn't a big deal. I didn't talk to Colin for about a month after, but I did talk to him. I don't hate Colin and I forgave him a long time ago. But it doesn't mean that I wanted to tell you about it. Its abig deal and I know you. I know how you would have acted about it."
"I can't do it."
"What?"
"I just.. I don't know." He said sitting down and putting his head in his hands.
"Okay, Sidney.. I love you. I love you. But do I know everything about you? NO! You are freaking out about things that happened five years ago. I don't know who you went to prom with.. or who you lost your virginity too. I don't know your first crush or your high school song..come to think about it I don't even know what high school you graduated from. I don't know tons of things about you because you had this whole other life before I ever met you. You have gone places I don't know about.. you have done things I wouldn't even dream about doing. Do I want to know these things about you? Of course. I want to know everything about you but will I ever judge you for not telling me or if I don't like something you told me? No."
"Thats not fair, Joey."
"How isn't it fair? I love you which means I love everything about you. Whatever happend in your life before I came into it.. made you the person you are today.. and I love that person. I want to know everything and it will probably love me more. I am sorry that this situation has made you think less of me. I'm sorry that I am not that niiave angel girl that you think I am. I am sorry that I'm not the girl you thought I was. I am sorry, Sidney. I am sorry but I do love you. I'm sorry and I just want you to love me still." I said and he just sat there looking at me. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't do anything so I just left. I left not knowing what Sidney thought, if he loved me or if we were still together. I left and he had my heart in his hands.
Two Hours Later
"You know your phone keeps vibrating?" Sophie asked.
" I know.. it Sidney." I said.
"Why aren't you picking it up?"
"Because he let me leave. I poured out my heart to him and he didn't even say anything." I said.
"Its Jake. Not Sidney." Sophie said throwing me my phone.
"Hey Jo. Could you come get something out of the car? Mom sent it over."
"Yeah. I'll be down in like two seconds." I said putting on my boots.
"What are you doing here?" I said when I walked into the parking lot. Sidney was standing there.. no Jacob in site.
"I want to talk to you. Will you get into the car?" He asked. He asked and I got in.
"I love you, Joey. I do love you." He said looking over at me.
"But." I said.
"But.. I don't like thinking about you with other guys."
"I don't like thinking about you with other girls, but I know you have been. I was with him when I was 14 and I regret it. I regret it every day but I didn't want you to think it was this horrible thing that scarred me for life. It did hurt and it still hurts to think about, but I still talk to Colin. He isn't a great guy but he isn't an awful one. I'm sorry."
"I love you and it really doesn't matter what happened to you, because I love you no matter what."
"you are too good."
"I still want to know everything about you."
"I want to know everything about you, but we have our whole lives."
"I'm sorry I let you leave without telling you I loved you. I never want you to question that. I always want that to be a constant in your life."
"I'm sorry that I made you question who I was. I never want you to think you don't know me."
"Seriously, Joey.. I overreacted."
"I love you.. lets just forget it."
"Want to come back to Mario's?"
"Will you bring me back for class tomorrow morning?"
"Haha yeah. I have to go to the rink early anyways."
"I love how we have these pointless fights." I said laughing.
"I mean thats just us. We had pointless fights when you were my best friend."
"Were? You still are my best friend."
"I think about it sometimes.." He said.
"Think about what?"
"If I like you better as my girlfriend or as my best friend."
"Are you serious?" I said.
"Its an easy thing to answer."
"Okay, whats the answer then?"
"I love you as my girlfriend because that way I still have you as my best friend but I don't have to worry about any other boys being with you. I don't have to worry about someone hurting you and not being able to fix it."
"You are so corny."
"you love me though."
"I do love you.. but you know what we have to do sometime?" I said.
"What?"
"Dawsons Creek!"
"Why do you love that show so much?"
"Main character's name is Joey and its about friendship and soul mates."
"do you believe in soul mates?" He asked me.
"Of course I believe in soul mates. You are mine.. you legit are the best part of me." I said as soon as he pulled into the driveway.
"I can't even put into words how much I love you.. its indescribable."
"I don't know if it gets better than what we have." I said grabbing his hand and walking into the house.
"I don't think it does, baby." He said pulling me closer.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah?" I said confused on what he was talking about.
"About seeing Colin."
"Yeah, not a big deal." I said not thinking really about it.
"What do you mean not a big deal? You were in your bathroom crying for like an hour?"
"I was, but you don't really understand. It wasn't all about what happened when I was 14."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean.. I talked to Colin after it happened. We still hung out and stuff."
"You hung out with a guy who did that to you?"
"I probably made it sound worse than it was." I said.
"No, I'm pretty sure no matter how you say it.. its bad."
"It wasn't like it. I mean it was, but I mean I didn't say yes.. but I didn't really say no. I mean I liked him alot and by the time I realized what was happening it was too late to say anything. He isn't a bad guy."
"Then why did everyone freak out when they heard Colin was back?"
"When it initially happened I told Jacob. He freaked out and told my parents. My parents made me think that it was this horrible thing, which I mean I guess it was. But, I could have stopped it if I tried. I didn't try because I was stupid.. Colin and I still talked after it. We were friends for awhile."
"So everything you said before was a lie?"
"Not a lie. Everything I said was the truth. Everything I said happened, but I could have stopped it. I mean I think I could have. I was niiave. I was stupid and wanted the football player to like me. Colin is not a bad guy, but we had a falling out right about when I met you. He said somethings I couldn't ever forget. He just kept bringing that day up and I was trying to forget it."
"Did you two ever sleep together?"
"No. We never really dated. We were just friends. I mean I didn't ever fully trust him after that day in the bathroom but he isn't a bad guy. He really isn't."
"I can't believe you are saying this. I can't believe you are defending him."
"You don't even know him, Sidney. You don't know him and I do. He's not the best guy and he never will be. He didn't mean to hurt me when I was 14."
"He still did, though. He still hurt you and you shouldn't just be fine about it."
"I just don't know what to say about it, Sidney. I don't know what you want me to do."
"I just can't do it."
"What does that even me?"
"It means I don't even know you anymore."
"You don't know me?" I said confused.
"I can't understand how you never told me about this."
"Sidney, I want to forget it."
"You aren't making sense. One minute you are saying it isn't a big deal, the next you are saying you don't want to think about it."
"Okay, Sidney. Thinking back on it, it wasn't a big deal. I didn't talk to Colin for about a month after, but I did talk to him. I don't hate Colin and I forgave him a long time ago. But it doesn't mean that I wanted to tell you about it. Its abig deal and I know you. I know how you would have acted about it."
"I can't do it."
"What?"
"I just.. I don't know." He said sitting down and putting his head in his hands.
"Okay, Sidney.. I love you. I love you. But do I know everything about you? NO! You are freaking out about things that happened five years ago. I don't know who you went to prom with.. or who you lost your virginity too. I don't know your first crush or your high school song..come to think about it I don't even know what high school you graduated from. I don't know tons of things about you because you had this whole other life before I ever met you. You have gone places I don't know about.. you have done things I wouldn't even dream about doing. Do I want to know these things about you? Of course. I want to know everything about you but will I ever judge you for not telling me or if I don't like something you told me? No."
"Thats not fair, Joey."
"How isn't it fair? I love you which means I love everything about you. Whatever happend in your life before I came into it.. made you the person you are today.. and I love that person. I want to know everything and it will probably love me more. I am sorry that this situation has made you think less of me. I'm sorry that I am not that niiave angel girl that you think I am. I am sorry that I'm not the girl you thought I was. I am sorry, Sidney. I am sorry but I do love you. I'm sorry and I just want you to love me still." I said and he just sat there looking at me. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't do anything so I just left. I left not knowing what Sidney thought, if he loved me or if we were still together. I left and he had my heart in his hands.
Two Hours Later
"You know your phone keeps vibrating?" Sophie asked.
" I know.. it Sidney." I said.
"Why aren't you picking it up?"
"Because he let me leave. I poured out my heart to him and he didn't even say anything." I said.
"Its Jake. Not Sidney." Sophie said throwing me my phone.
"Hey Jo. Could you come get something out of the car? Mom sent it over."
"Yeah. I'll be down in like two seconds." I said putting on my boots.
"What are you doing here?" I said when I walked into the parking lot. Sidney was standing there.. no Jacob in site.
"I want to talk to you. Will you get into the car?" He asked. He asked and I got in.
"I love you, Joey. I do love you." He said looking over at me.
"But." I said.
"But.. I don't like thinking about you with other guys."
"I don't like thinking about you with other girls, but I know you have been. I was with him when I was 14 and I regret it. I regret it every day but I didn't want you to think it was this horrible thing that scarred me for life. It did hurt and it still hurts to think about, but I still talk to Colin. He isn't a great guy but he isn't an awful one. I'm sorry."
"I love you and it really doesn't matter what happened to you, because I love you no matter what."
"you are too good."
"I still want to know everything about you."
"I want to know everything about you, but we have our whole lives."
"I'm sorry I let you leave without telling you I loved you. I never want you to question that. I always want that to be a constant in your life."
"I'm sorry that I made you question who I was. I never want you to think you don't know me."
"Seriously, Joey.. I overreacted."
"I love you.. lets just forget it."
"Want to come back to Mario's?"
"Will you bring me back for class tomorrow morning?"
"Haha yeah. I have to go to the rink early anyways."
"I love how we have these pointless fights." I said laughing.
"I mean thats just us. We had pointless fights when you were my best friend."
"Were? You still are my best friend."
"I think about it sometimes.." He said.
"Think about what?"
"If I like you better as my girlfriend or as my best friend."
"Are you serious?" I said.
"Its an easy thing to answer."
"Okay, whats the answer then?"
"I love you as my girlfriend because that way I still have you as my best friend but I don't have to worry about any other boys being with you. I don't have to worry about someone hurting you and not being able to fix it."
"You are so corny."
"you love me though."
"I do love you.. but you know what we have to do sometime?" I said.
"What?"
"Dawsons Creek!"
"Why do you love that show so much?"
"Main character's name is Joey and its about friendship and soul mates."
"do you believe in soul mates?" He asked me.
"Of course I believe in soul mates. You are mine.. you legit are the best part of me." I said as soon as he pulled into the driveway.
"I can't even put into words how much I love you.. its indescribable."
"I don't know if it gets better than what we have." I said grabbing his hand and walking into the house.
"I don't think it does, baby." He said pulling me closer.
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