I think I may be starting a new story, if it comes to be I will post the link on both of my stories and hopefully any readers out there will check it out.

http://twoworldscollide1.blogspot.com/

ninety three

risen from the dead.

“I missed you so much!” I said embracing Sidney when he walked through my front door. I was just digging my nose into his shoulder, trying hard not to let go. I missed him so much. These past few weeks have been really hard, but when push comes to shove, I rather fight with Sidney than be with anyone else.

“You can let go.” He said after a few minutes. I just stood there looking at him.

“Whats wrong?” He asked me.

“Nothing.” I simply said and shook my head.

“Tell me.”

“I’m just really glad you are back.” I said smiling.

“Jo.”

“Sidney..” I said smiling and hugging him again. He pulled away and started walking up my stairs.

“Where are you going?” I asked following him.

“Tell me what is wrong.” He said sitting on my bed.

“Nothing.”

“Its not nothing. You just hugged me like hundred times. What is wrong?”

“I just missed you a lot.” I said.

“I missed you so much too.” He said.

“It was just weird not being with you over the holidays. It was just weird. Everything lately has just been weird.” I said.

“I know. Its my fault and I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t know how to fix us sometimes.” I said.

“We don’t have to fix us. I have to fix the team.” He said.

“But the team shouldn’t affect us the way it does.” I said.

“I know, babe. I promise it won’t anymore.” He said.

chapter ninety-three

I knew that Sidney wasn’t trying to be difficult. I knew that Sidney loved me, that was obvious. I would never doubt how much he loved me. I just doubted if we should be together. I doubted if he could ever have a serious relationship while his team was suffering. Don’t get me wrong, I hate watching Sidney suffer, but I can’t handle these fights every time the team goes through a rough stretch. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help him because I’m not playing beside him. He really can’t do much either, even though he thinks he can. He is only one person on the team. It breaks my heart to see him go through every little play. It breaks my heart to know that I can’t help him figure it out. But ultimately the only thing that really breaks my heart is thinking we might not get through this.

“You know you and Sidney will be fine.” Max said on the phone right before he was suppose to leave to go back to Canada.

“Max, I don’t know what I am suppose to do.”

“Just be there for him.”

“I am, Max. I am there all the time, but I don’t want crabby Sidney. We don’t get to spend that much time together as it is and when we do is just an ass.”

“you know Sidney.” Was all Max said.

“I do know Sidney. That’s why I am worried.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean if hockey isn’t going right, nothing is going to go right. Hockey is his first priority. If something is wrong with hockey, he will focus all his energy on that.. leaving me behind.”

“He is not going to leave you behind.”

“I don’t know, Max. We didn’t even talk about Christmas. It was just decided he would go home and I would stay here. Last year, we spent Christmas together and we were only speaking for a month before that.”

“He just has a lot on his mind.”

“I know, and I’m last on his mind.”

“Joey..”

“I’m not saying I have to be first on his mind. I just want to enter it.”

“You do. Are you kidding me?! He loves you more than anyone I have ever seen.”

“Not more than hockey.”

“Since when did it have to be one or the other?”

“It doesn’t.. I don’t know.”

“It will be fine.” He said.

“Yeah, you two keep saying that.”

“Just be happy. I’ll talk to you later.”Max said.

“Yeah, have a good flight.” I said.

“Who was that?” Jake asked.

“Max.”

“Since when did you two become so close?” He asked me.

“I don’t know? He has just been hanging around. Its nice to have someone to talk too.”

“You have me.”

“You have Sophie.” I said.

“Shut up.”

“I’m not being mean. I’m being serious.”

“You can still talk to me.”

“Yeah.. but I choose to talk to Max.”

“What does Sidney have to say about that?”

“Nothing? He is friends with Max, obviously.”

“He doesn’t care that some other guy takes you to lunch and dinner and calls you?”

“No, because we are friends?” I said and he just gave me a look.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” I asked and he left.

Later that night, I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door to an unexpected face. Connor.

“What are you doing here?” I asked completely surprised to see him standing outside of my bedroom door.

“Apparently, you need to talk to someone.” He said and then walked into my room.

“Who said that?”

“Jake.”

“Jake needs to learn to keep his mouth shut.”

“Just talk to me.” Connor said sitting on my bed.

“There is nothing to say.”

“I can tell that there is.”

“Connor, you can’t just come in here and think that I am going to spill my heart. You have been nonexistent in my life for months.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“It kind of does.”

“No, seriously. Jo, I am here. Just tell me what is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong. Seriously. Jake just thinks every little thing is something wrong.”

“Sidney?”

“Its nothing.”

“Just tell me what it is already.” Connor said.

“Sidney is just upset about hockey.”

“And?”

“And nothing..”

“Jake called me over here because Sidney is upset about hockey?”

“I’m sorry, if you didn’t want to be here, I’m pretty sure you know where the door is located.”

“That’s not what I meant. I obviously want to be here.”

“Sidney is stressed about hockey. It kind of is messing up somethings, but everything will be fine.”

“Jake said something about Max?”

“Jake is stupid. Max and I are friends.”

“Max Talbot?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you guys were friends.”

“A lot of things happen when you stop talking to your best friend for like 4 months.”

“I’m sorry, Jo. What do you want me to say?”

“an explanation would be nice. Oh right, you don’t have one.”

“I don’t have a good one. All I can say is that I am sorry.”

“Okay.” I simply said and then Sidney called.

“Hey, thanks Connor, but I am going to talk to Sidney. I’ll talk to you later.” I said and Connor left and I answered the phone.

“Hey, babe.” I said.

“Hey, Jo.”

“How’s the family?”

“they are really good.”

“That’s good. I’m really happy.”

“Jo, I’m really sorry about before.”

“I know.”

“I shouldn’t do that.”

“I know.”

“Baby, I love you.”

“And, I love you.” I said.

Chapter Ninety-Two

“Seriously, Sidney. I’m sick of this.” I said throwing a shirt at him. I was putting laundry away in my room. No one else was at my house so I didn’t feel bad raising my voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“This.” I said pointing at him.

“You are just blah. You aren’t happy ever. I can deal with being sad over a loss, but seriously its annoying now.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you.”

“Shut up! You know what I mean.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“I love you, Sidney. I do. But you are just a grump all the time. You mope around like that’s going to make the team better.”

“Maybe that’s the problem, Jo. I don’t know what is going to make the team better.”

“Then talk to me. Talk to me about whats wrong. Talk to me about the team. Talk to me, just don’t sit there acting like you want to be anywhere but here.” I said.

“Its just hard.”

“I know, babe. If I could help, I would.”

“Its like I don’t get why we aren’t playing well. Its not even like we are losing but playing well, we are losing and playing like shit. When we win, we aren’t even playing well. I don’t know what happened from a month ago to now.” He said.

“You will figure it out. I know it.”

“That’s the problem. Its on me. Everyone says its my fault. And yeah, maybe it is.”

“Its not your fault.”

“I’m the captain. I should be doing something.”

“You are doing something.”

“No, I’m not. I don’t know what to do. Its frustrating and I don’t know what to do. I’m sick of everyone talking about us losing. I’m sick of everything.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sick of you.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I’m positive, Jo.”

“I love you more than anything.” He said.

“But yet you don’t act like it when we are together.”

“Its cause of stupid hockey. I can’t focus on anything right now.”

“I’m not blaming you, babe. Its just..”

“Its just I know. Its annoying.”

“Its not annoying. I just hate having these stupid fights every week.”

“It will be fine. I leave for Christmas in like two days.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I would describe spending Christmas apart, fine.”

“I didn’t mean that would be fine. I meant that we will be fine. We will figure it out. After I just get to see my family, it will be fine.”

“I wish you felt that way when you see me.” I said and he just looked at me like I put a knife through his heart.

“Joey, I love you.” He said putting his hand on my leg.

“I know, Sidney. And I know its hard right now.”

“I just need to figure everything out.”

“And I want to help.”

“It will all work out. I’m positive when we come back from Christmas everything will be okay.” He said.

“I want to believe you.”

“Then believe me.” He said.

Chapter Ninety-One.

Thanksgiving break came and went. It was really nice just to be lounging around the family house with everyone there. It was kind of crazy, but I wouldn’t expect anything less with my family. Sidney wasn’t around much that week because he had a few away games.

Its not December and we have finals next week. If that’s not stressful enough, the Penguins have fell on tough times. They just are playing that well. Its frustrating for all involved, but lately Sidney has been in rare form. I was hoping after they played Philly, it would be better. I figured Philly is a huge rival, they would definitely get up for it. I was sure they were going to win. They needed to win. Unfortunately, they ended up losing pretty bad on home ice. The score was like 6 to 3. I was bracing myself for what was to come after Sidney left the lockerroom.

“Let’s go.” Was all he said when he emerged from the lockerroom.

“Fine.” I simply said following him.

We got food afterwards but the conversation was nothing spectacular. Actually, I don’t even think we had a real conversation the whole time. I was getting irritated. Its not my fault they are losing. Its not my fault they are playing like shit. What did he want me to do? I was trying to be the supportive girlfriend, but I can’t do it if I’m going to be getting blamed for things I am not responsible for.

“Could you be a little happier.” I finally said when we got into his room.

“Happier? We just lost to the Flyers by 3! We lose all the time, and you want me to be happy?”

“Its not my fault you are losing.”

“and its mine?” He asked.

“I’m not saying that. I’m simply saying I’m not on the ice. Don’t bring it home.” I said.

“Its hard not too.I thought my girlfriend would care.”

“I do care.”

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. You are amazing, well you haven’t been.”

“Thanks.”

“Well Sidney, I’m sorry but if you are losing you can’t be doing nothing wrong. I’m not saying its you, I’m saying the whole team could do better.”

“don’t talk about things you don’t know about.”

“that’s right, I know nothing.” I said and he just ignored me.

“I don’t even know why I am here right now. I should be studying not listening to you complain. You know what Sidney, you want to win, figure it out. Inspire your teammates. Play harder, don’t let anyone have more desire than you. Complaining does shit.” I said.

“Just want it more? That’s your solution?”

“I don’t know, Sidney. But I don’t want to hear you go through every play over and over again.” I said.

“then don’t.”

“I’m not going too. I’m going to the library.” I said.

“I’m sorry.” He said about four hours later. He brought me a mocha to the library.

“I really have to study.” I said.

“Call me when you are done.” He said.

“thanks for the coffee.” I said.

“Love you.”

“Yeah.” Was all I said.

I didn’t know what I thought about everything. I knew I said somethings I shouldn’t have said. I don’t know what goes on in the locker room. I know Sidney is trying his best. I know its killing him to see them struggle. But, I don’t deserve to have it taken out on me. I just didn’t want to deal with it right now.

“hey.” I said about 3 hours after he left the library. I went to Mario’s to see him.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know, Sidney.”

“What don’t you know.”

“I know that I shouldn’t have told you what I thought.”

“No, I want you too.”

“no, you don’t. You were mad at what I said.”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

“you need to not bring hockey stuff home with you. You need to learn to leave it on the ice.”

“That’s so much easier said than done.” He said.

“Well, I don’t know what to say then. I don’t want to have a fight everytime you lose because it seems like losing happens a lot these days.”

“I just don’t know how to make us win.”

“Its not all on your shoulders, babe.”

“I’m the captain.”

“you are also 21.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. Don’t take everything upon yourself.”

“I know, I have to learn not too.”

“yeah, you do.”

“I just don’t want to fight with you. I need you.” He said.

“then don’t fight with me.”

“You think everything is just so simple.”

“It is, babe. I’m sorry for saying that stuff too.”

“I don’t like fighting.”

“Me either.”

“I really need to get back to the dorm. I have a final in a day.” I said.

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you too, Sidney.”

Chapter Ninety

“That girl was something else.” I said to Max over coffee the next morning. Sidney had meetings after practice, so I met with Max.

“Yeah, sorry for putting you through that.” He said.

“You so aren’t sorry. It was entertaining for you.” I said laughing a little.

“It was hard to be a part of I am sure.”

“I just don’t get why you go for girls like that.”

“Girls like what?”

“Girls that aren’t good enough for you. Why don’t you pick a nice girl that has a career path and knows what she wants. Pick a girl that Mama Talbot would like.” I said.

“I’m never going to have what you and Sidney have.” He said.

“That’s not true.” I said.

“It is. What you and Sidney have is something that you read about. Its something in a movie.”

“No, I sometimes want to be in a movie. Sidney and I are just two people trying to get by in life. We make mistakes and we make a lot of them. Its just you push through and you figure it out because if you love someone enough, everything is worth it.” I said.

“I don’t think you understand how amazing of a relationship you have.”

“Max, you could have one too. Just want one and get one.”

“I don’t know.”

“I do know. You are a great guy and so many girls would love to be with you.” I said.

“Not true.”

“Very true. You just settle. It can’t be fun being with a different girl every night.” I said and he just gave me a look.

“Okay, maybe it is fun for you, but so is being in love.” I said.

“I know you just want me to be a happy, Jo. And I totally appreciate it but..”

“But you aren’t sure you want it yet.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I just don’t want to find a girl that I really like and then cheat on her.”

“You can’t just be like I don’t want to find a girl right now. What if you meet your soul mate tomorrow, you are just going to be like now is not a good time because I like to sleep around on the road?” I said looking at him.

“Max, you don’t know who your soul mate is going to be. You don’t know when you are going to meet the love of your life. You just have to have an open mind.” I said.

“Jo, I love you, don’t get me wrong. Its just I’m 25.”

“You are 25, and I know you are young. But, when you find the person you want to spend forever with, you want forever to start right now.”

“And that’s how you feel about Sidney?”

“Absolutely.”

“But just the other day you talked about not knowing about forever.”

“I want to spend forever with Sidney. I love him with my whole heart. He is literally my best friend, soul mate, and love of my life. I can’t tell you how great it is for all three of those people to be the same person.”

“But you still have doubts?”

“Of course I have doubts. I would be crazy if I didn’t. I am 19 and I already know who I want to spend forever with? It sounds crazy. I have doubts.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t doubt that I love Sidney. I don’t doubt his love for me. I just doubt that we are ready. I doubt that our love is strong enough to get through everything. He is arguably the most famous hockey player in the league, and I’m just a girl from a small suburb. I doubt that I will be enough. Its scary, Max. I’m not going to lie telling Sidney I loved him for the first time was the scariest thing I have ever done. Breaking up was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t think I would survive, but I did. Love is scary, but it’s the best thing in the world at the same time.” I said.

“Your doubts are insane. You will always be enough for Sidney. You don’t see the way he looks at you. You don’t hear the way he talks about you. I wish I had that.”

“You could, Max. You are choosing not too. People think that couples don’t fight. That love will conquer all. Love doesn’t conquer all. Love sometimes isn’t enough. You have to work everyday. You have to compromise.” I said.

“You are a very wise 19 year old. If I would have met someone like you when I was 19, maybe things would be different.”

“You know what Connor told me once when I was crying over a boy in high school?” I asked him.

“What?”

“That I was a girl you marry, and the other girl the boy I liked was dating was a girl you date.”

“That seems right.”

“You need to find a girl that you marry. I know you like having fun, but when are you going to be ready to fall in love?”

“I don’t know, Jo.” He said and then Sidney called.

“Hey, baby.” I said answering the phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m at the coffee shop with Max.” I said.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’ll come to Marios after coffee.” I said.

“Okay, love you.”

“Love you too.” I said and hung up the phone.

“Sidney?” Max asked.

“No, its my secret boyfriend.” I said.

“Shut up!” He said.

“Sidney is done. I said I would meet him.” I said.

“Okay, lets go then.” Max said.

“Max you know you can hang out with me and Sidney anytime.” I said.

“I know, but you two should have alone time too.” He said.

“We love you. Anytime you want to hang out or just talk, you know where to find me.” I told him.

“Thanks, Jo.” He said and then we parted ways.

Chapter Eighty-Nine

So when we walked into the restaurant, Max and the girl were already seated. She was a blonde, with a tan. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was a fake tan since it’s the middle of November. She had really long hair, her nails were done, and she apparently likes makeup. I guess its just completely different sitting there with someone like that because most of my friends are athletes. Its not uncommon for me to go out in public with no makeup on. Even when I do wear makeup, its not very heavy and its usually just eyeliner and mascara. I guess I’m lucky that when I first met Sidney, I had no makeup on so he knew what he was getting himself into. I sat down trying to keep an open mind. Trying really hard because it wasn’t really working.

“Hey, guys.” Max said when we walked to the table. We sat down. I guess the one good thing about this girl was that Max already told her Sidney would be joining us. She kept looking at him but atleast she wasn’t like touching him or anything, yet.

“Hey, Max.” I said smiling.

“This is Marcy.” Max said.

“Hi, I’m Joey.” I said to her.

“So you two are dating?” She asked.

“Me and Sidney?” I asked confused on what she was talking about.

“Yeah, we have been together for three years.” Sidney chimed in saying.

“Oh wow, I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend.” She said.

“How would you know?” I asked really confused at this girl.

“I didn’t mean anything by it.” She said.

“So what do you do?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Like do you go to school, or do you have a job or something?” I asked.

“Oh.. I’m a bartender.” She simply said.

“Ohh that’s nice.” Sidney said. I just looked at him.

“So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Max asked me.

“The family comes in from the Hamptons.” I started to say.

“So you are rich?” She asked me. I couldn’t believe she just asked that.

“No. Anyways, my grandparents are coming in from the Hamptons and my grandpa just moved to Florida and he is coming back. Plus, I think some of my aunts and uncles are coming in.” I explained.

“That sounds nice.” Max said.

“Should be interesting. Kind of sucks you guys are away or you could have come with Sidney.” I said.

The rest of the dinner conversation was interesting to say the least. I tried to be nice, but at some points it just felt like Max and I were having a conversation together. I didn’t blame Sidney, it didn’t want to say too much because who knows what this girl would tell people. I feel bad for Max, to be honest. Max gets a bad rep. He does love to party and he does love women, but he is a great guy deep down. He is a great friend to have and I just wish he could have someone to love. I know he might not be ready for it, but I hate seeing him with girls that like him just because he is Max Talbot.

“That was a joke.” I said when we got into the car.

“Tell me about it.” He said.

“I’m never going back on a double date with Max ever again.” I said laughing.

“How about her asking you if you were rich!”

“Or asked if we are together? Why would we be going to dinner together if we weren’t dating?”

“Then her saying oh she didn’t know I had a girlfriend.” He said.

“I feel bad for Max.”

“Don’t feel too bad for him. He just wants a girl for his bed, and trust me that girl fits the part.”

“then why did he take her to dinner?”

“Because maybe deep down he wishes it was more.” He said.

“I don’t know. It would be hard to know what girls are in it for the money and fame.” I said.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m so happy to have you. You liked me before I even scored a goal.” He said.

“Do you think this is as good as it gets?” I asked.

“I’d be okay with that.” He said looking at me when we pulled to a stop light.

“Me too, babe.” I said. Then we kissed and headed to Mario’s to spend the rest of the night together.