Chapter Thirty-One

"Whats wrong?" Sophie asked as soon as I walked back into our dorm room. I just shaked my head.
"Something is wrong. You were suppose to be in Sewickley tonight."
"We broke up." I whispered.
"What?"
"Sidney broke up with me.. and thats it." I said.
"Why?"
"Apparently he doesn't want a girlfriend right now.. or he can't have one or something."
"Oh, Joey.. I'm so sorry."
"It doesn't even matter.. we weren't even dating for six months.Its nothing."
"its something because you two have basically been together since you were a junior in high school."
"I just don't know how things are going to be okay if we aren't together."
"It will be fine."
"You don't get it. Everytime we weren't together it was because I wasn't ready or that I wasn't sure about us."
"He still loves you, though.. right?"
"He claims he did.. it was like this huge ordeal in my bedroom. I was crying and then he was crying and he was telling me how nothing was going to change and how that he just didn't want to hurt me."
"He didn't say why he did it?"
"No.. he said he couldn't be the guy that the team needs and the guy that I need." I said tearing up.
"It will be fine, Joey. He probably needs a few days."
"Yeah.. whatever. I'm just going to go the gym." I said and grabbed my stuff.

"Joey.. what are you doing?" Jake said walking into the gym.
"I'm working out.. what do you think I'm doing." I said.
"Sophie called. She said you have been here for like two hours."
"Yeah.. well Sophie should learn to mind her own business."
"Tell me whats wrong?"
"Well.. I'm single now." I said sitting down on a bench.
"What? Why?"
"Sidney doesn't want a girlfriend.. lucky me I was the girlfriend." I said.
"He is probably just confused. He didn't mean it.. I'm sure."
"He meant it, Jake. I cried and then he started crying.. it was just.. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay." He said hugging me.
"you do know I just got you all sweaty now."
"Hey, my little sister needs me I am here!"
"Yeah okay.. I hate when you call me your little sister.. its annoying."
"You should come out with us tonight." He said grabbing my bag and we headed out of the gym.
"Nahh..I'm just going to hang out in the dorm."
"you can't just wait for Sidney."
"I can wait for Sidney.. I love him, Jake. Its not like that feeling is just going to go away since he said he doesn't want to be with me."
"Yeah.. just don't be sad."
"Everyone needs to stop saying that.. of course I am sad.. how can I not be sad?" I said and then took my bag and walked away.

March 4, 2008
"Hey." I grabbed the phone during one of my workouts with Simon.
"Hey, Joey."
"Sidney.."
"Yeah, I am playing tonight.. I just found out. I knew that I needed to talk to you."
"Thats great, Sidney." I said.
"Yeah.. so how is everything?"
"Its fine." I said.
"I'm sorry that we haven't talked much lately."
"We did break up."
"Its not suppose to be like this." He said.
"Yeah.. it wasn't suppose to be like this."
"No, I mean when we broke up.. it was suppose to make things easier."
"I don't really get how you figured that.."
"I'm sorry..I love you. I'll call you when we get back to the city, tomorrow."
"Okay.. Good Luck.. Love you." I said hanging up the phone.

"So you guys don't talk?" Simon said when I hung up the phone.
"No, I mean.. we talk. We text probably every day and call sometimes. Its like if something big happens or something like that we tell eachother but its not like it was.. obviously."
"You still say you love him?"
"Yeah.."
"That must be hard."
"Everything seems a bit hard right now. I just want to focus on working out."

March 5, 2008
"Hey, do you want to get lunch or something?" Sidney called and asked.
"Yeah.. I'll just meet you at the cafe?"
"Yeah, thats fine."

"So are you okay?" He asked me when I sat down at the table.
"Yeah.. I rode ten miles on the bike yesterday."
"Thats good."
"Yeah.. not good enough."
"I miss you." He said.
"I'm right here, Sidney. I didn't go anywhere." I said.
"It feels like you did."
"Don't do this.. we aren't doing this."
"why?"
"Because I don't want to keep going back and forth. I don't want this."
"I'm sorry, Jo. I want you to be okay."
"I'm okay.. just stop asking me that. If you really cared that much, then you wouldn't have broken up with me."
"Thats just not fair. Okay, I do love you and I want you to be happy and I want everything to be okay."
"Yeah.. me too."
"Everything will be okay again.. right?"
"Yeah.."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Sidney you are firstly my best friend. I really do love you and I just need us to be okay too."
"Are you coming to the game tomorrow?"
"Of course I am coming to the game tomorrow.. I wouldn't miss you first home game back. Can you get me two tickets though?"
"Yeah."
"I'm going to bring Connor."
"Oh okay.. thats not a problem."
"Yeah.. I mean you do have some pull with the team."
"You always make that same comment."
"What can I say? I am running out of ammunition."
"Hahah.. I just want us to be able to be best friends. I mean I love you and theres no doubt in my mind we won't be together.. its just I need hockey right now."
"I want that, Sidney. But I will never understand why if you know we will be together for forever.. why wouldn't you want forever to start right now?" I said getting up and leaving.
"Joey.." He said coming after me.
"What?"
"I love you and I want forever.. I'm just not ready yet."
"Well I am and I guess thats our problem." I said.
"don't be mad at me, Joey. I love you and loving you is the only thing I know we can do."
"Yeah.. I love you and that won't change. I'll see you at the game tomorrow."
"Joey.. just don't be like this."
"I don't know how to be okay when we aren't together.. how is that ever suppose to be okay?"
"Its not suppose to be okay.. Okay, I know I am a jerk. I know that I am not going to make this right. I know that I messed things up.. but right now I love you and I know that thats why we can't be together right now."
"Okay, I will drop it."
"I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Yeah.."
"It will be okay." He said kissing me on the cheek.
"I hope so." I whispered.