Chapter Thirty-Four

"your going to call him?" Simon asked me.
"No." I said putting down my phone. "I don't think anything happened.. if something happened he would have told me. I have to believe that."
"Yeah.. do you still want me to go Thursday?"
"If you don't mind. I mean I just I trust you and I know that if you tell me that hes there with her again, then I know its true. Please.." I asked him.
"Joey, just don't stress about this. I mean.. it might be nothing and if it is something he's jerk."
"Yeah.. doesn't make it hurt any less." I said and walked over to the bike.

Wednesday
Sidney had never said anything about girl. I put it in the back of my mind. We were okay, he was on the road so it wasn't like we hung out or anything. I was going to the game tomorrow, and I was sure Sidney would go after the game and Simon was going too, as well. Tomorrow I will know if that boy is even worth my respect.
"Hey, so I was thinking that I might ask Avery if he wanted to go to the game?" I called and told Connor.
"He would definitely go."
"Yeah, I figured it would be fun. Me, you and him?" I asked.
"Sounds good. Are you going to let him meet Sidney?"
"Yeah.. So do you think Sidney has a girl or did stuff with that girl?" I asked.
"I don't know, Jo. I think that if there was something noteworthy, he would have told you."
"Thats what I keep telling myself, but I just don't know."
"Time will tell." He said.
"Yeah.. I'll pick you up tomorrow." I told him.
"Don't you want to do something with Sidney after?"
"No.. its a Thursday night and Sidney will want to go out after." I said.
"You already believe its true."
"I don't believe its true.. I just don't believe its completely false. Regardless if he left with her.. he was still with a girl the whole night. That in itself still hurts."
"Its fine, Jo."
"I don't know that yet."
"Whatever happens, you will get through it. Don't let Sidney control your life."

Friday
When I woke up this morning, I felt like something was wrong. I felt like something was wrong with my knee and I felt like something was wrong in my heart. When I woke up my knee was swollen, which didn't make sense. I was scared so I dragged myself to class. As soon as class was over I went to the trainer. He said that I probably just over did it and he wanted me to get a treatment. So I was sitting on the bench with icing my knee and shit when Sophie came in.
"Hey girl." I said when I saw her.
"Hey, so did you talk to Simon yet?" She asked me.
"No? I've had other things on my mind.. I take it you did."
"Yeah.. so this is what apparently happened. He saw Sidney with the same girl and he walked up to him."
"Simon talked to Sidney?"
"Just wait.. So he went up to him and was like what are you doing? And Sid said something like none of your business.. we aren't friends or anything. And Simon was like no, but Joey is my friend and I'm inlove with her.. and for some reason she loves your sorry ass and yet you are here with this girl. You don't even deserve him, man. She's amazing and you just throw it away."
"He said that to Sidney?"
"Yeah..and I guess Sidney just stood there."
"Well I mean what do you even say to that?"
"Have you talked to Simon or Sidney?"
"Sidney text me earlier but I didn't read it yet." I said and then Simon walked in.
"So he was there with the same girl." Simon said. "Wait.. whats wrong with your knee?" He asked concerned.
"Apparently I over did it.." I said.
"So what are you doing tonight?" Sophie asked.
"I have to babysit at my house so I think I'll just watch a movie or something." I said.
"Well I have to go.. I just wanted to tell you that before class." Simon said.
"Yeah, thanks Simon. I'll talk to you later." I said.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked me once Simon left.
"Yeah.. I just want to be alone right now. I'll call you later."

Later that Night
"Joey.. I have to tell you something." Connor called and told me.
"What?" I asked not expecting what he was about to say.
"There are these rumors going around campus about Sidney dating this Brittany girl in this one sororiety."
"Dating?" I questioned.
"I don't know.. I guess someone saw him picking her up or something."
"Do you know her?"
"No.. My roommates girlfriend is in the sororiety and he told me."
"Wow." I said and then I was silent.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?" He asked.
"My parents are about to leave and I have to babysit.. I'm fine. Its fine." I said. "I'll talk to you later." I said and then I hung up the phone.

I was determined to put it out of my mind. I was just going to hang out with my brothers and sisters today. I was safe here.. I didn't have to see Sidney or hear people talk about him. I turned off my phone and it was like nothing happened. Just for one night, I was going to pretend that Sidney Crosby didn't exist, and I was fine with that. Come to think of it.. maybe he really doesn't exist. Because, how could he ever do that?

After all the kids fell asleep I was sitting on the couch and watching Never Been Kissed. I couldn't help it.. I just started to cry and cry and cry. Then I heard a voice.
"Joey."
"What are you doing here, Sidney?" I asked trying to cover up that I was crying.
"You weren't answering your phone. I was worried. Were you crying?" He asked.
"Like you care." I said.
"What does that mean?" He asked all innocent.
"I know, Sidney. Not only do I know, the world knows because I found out from various people. Thanks for humiliating me, I think I have had enough for one day, so you can leave."
"What are you talking about?"
"Brittany.. thats her name, right?" I said and he just looked at me. "Why do you believe Simon over me?" He asked.
"Simon? This isn't about Simon. I was told my Bayla a week ago and Simon. Then Simon saw you again Thursday.. I didn't believe him. I didn't believe any of them because I knew that you would tell me if something was up. I mean its bad enough that you actually did it, but to not tell me?"
"But you believe them now?"
"Yeah.. I believe them now because I can tell by your eyes. Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt that all of the Pittsburgh students know. Way to be discreet." I said getting kind of pissed.
"Joey.." He started.
"No, Sidney. You can't talk your way out of this one. I knew you just wanted out. I knew you wanted to be with other people.. why couldn't you just be honest?"
"Because I love you." He said.
"Too bad I don't trust you."
"You don't trust me?"
"Actually a lot of things have changed now."
"Like what?"
"I'm not inlove with you anymore and I don't trust you."
"When did this happen?" He asked hurt.
"First of all, you don't get be hurt right now. You are the one that screwed up."
"We aren't together, Joey. I didn't cheat on you."
"We aren't together, but that doesn't mean I still didn't love you.. but apparently you don't love me so it doesn't matter."
"Joey, I do love you..okay I do love you."
"You words mean shit to me now."
"Please, Joey. Don't be like this."
"Why? Do you know how it feels to have people tell you that this boy who is supposedly your soul mate is with another girl? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out of you? Sidney, I didn't want to believe any of them but I knew it.. I could feel it. Why didn't you just say something? Why did you let me find out this way?"
"Because.. because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to have this conversation. I didn't want you to think I don't love you."
"No matter what you say.. I won't change my mind. This changes things."
"I need you, Joey."
"No.. you made your choice. The day that I got that phone call from Sophie changed things."
"How?"
"Actually, it was the day after that I stopped trusting you. Because that day you had the chance to tell me that you were with a girl or you met someone and you chose to not say anything."
"Why do I have to tell you if I meet a girl?"
"Because Sidney I love you! I was IN LOVE WITH YOU! I thought we were going to get back together and you are out having sex with other girls!"
"It doesn't change the way I feel about you."
"No.. it does, Sidney. And I'm not going to say I hate you and I'm not going to say that we aren't going to be friends.. but I don't trust you and I am not inlove with you. Hell, I may not even love you anymore."
"I thought we were forever." He said.
"Yeah me too until you broke up with me." I said.
"Its not a big deal, Joey."
"From what I hear you are dating eachother. Maybe thats why I haven't heard from you as much.. you found someone better."
"Thats not true."
"From where I am standing its the closest thing to truth that I see."
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"Well you did.. I guess I am the only girl that you pick hockey over." I said.
"I love you, Joey. I love you and I will always love you." He said.
"Those are just words, Sidney. Just words." I said. "I think you should leave." I said.
"She means nothing." He said.
"Well thats a shame because nothing just costed you a hell of a lot." I said closing the door.