Chapter Thirty-Two

March 6, 2008
"Hey, so will you come to the Penguins game with me tonight?" I called to ask Connor.
"Yeah.. are you sure that you still want to go?"
"I'll go if you are with me.. I can deal with it."
"If you are sure.. I mean I definitely will be there with you."
"Thanks.. this is why we have been friends for so long! I'll come pick you up around 7ish."
"Did Sidney leave tickets?"
"Yeah.. We just pick them up at the will call."
"Okay, I'll see you later." Connor said.

"So what is up with you two?" Connor asked when he got into the car.
"We are friends, apparently. He isn't ready for forever I guess."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that he said he loves me and that he knows we will be back together, just not right now."
"that just sounds stupid."
"I know.. but he doesn't think it does. I am just going to see what happens."
"Well you what you need?"
"I sure hope you aren't going to say another guy."
"No, a trip."
"A trip?"
"How would you like to go to Florida for Spring Break?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah.. my parents have a house in West Palm. Some of the guys are going to go down for a few days but I thought we could go down for the whole week."
"Are you sure you can deal with me for that long?"
"I'm sure. Plus, you need this."
"Yeah, Sidney won't even realize that I am gone."
"Thats not true."

After the Game.
"So are we waiting for Sidney?" Connor asked.
"I guess? I mean what do you think?"
"I think that if you don't.. its just going to start a fight. Don't you think its weird that he loves me and he wants to act like we are together but we aren't together."
"I think its really weird."
"I think he just wanted a way out." I said walking down to the lower area of the rink.
"What do you mean?" Connor asked.
"I mean I think he wants to be able to do whatever he wants. I think he wants me at home and wants to be able to have me at his side but he wants some other girls."
"Do you really think thats it?"
"I really think thats whats going on.. but I don't know. Maybe it really is all about hockey."
"Time will tell." Connor said.
After about forty-five minutes of waiting I decided to just get someone to tell Sidney that I was leaving.
"Brooks!" I finally yelled when Brooks walked out.
"Joey.. how are you?"
"I'm good. We should do lunch."
"Definitely."
"I'm going to Florida with Connor in like a week for break but we should do it before then."
"does Sidney know that you are leaving?"
"No.. I just found out about it. Speaking of Sidney is he coming out soon?"
"I don't really know. Well could you just go in and tell him that I'm leaving." I said and Brooks just gave me this weird look.
"well I'm technically not his girlfriend and I feel bad having Connor wait just so I can say good job, Sidney."
"Yeah, I'll just go in." Brooks said. A few minutes later Sidney emerged.
"Good game.. you looked good." I said.
"Thanks.. Hey Connor.. hows it going?"
"Its good." Connor said.
"So you are leaving?" He asked.
"Yeah.. I feel bad that Connor just has to wait.. I mean I'm sure that he has better things to do."
"Don't leave on account of me." Connor said.
"Good game.. I know your Dad is waiting. I'll talk to you later." I said giving him a hug.
"Thanks for comng.. I'll call you later." He said kissing my forehead.

"Why did you leave so soon after the game?" Sidney said showing up at my Sewickley bedroom.
"I didn't really know what to do. I mean are we still the same? I mean we can't be."
"I don't know what you want me to say. I mean for forever I have always driven you home from the game."
"Well I had Connor with me. Its not a big deal. I came to see you after the game. Its not like we had plans."
"We always have plans."
"No, Sidney. That whole thing stopped when you said I can't have a girlfriend anymore. Anyways, your dad was there."
"He wouldn't have cared."
"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't. He makes you stress like this. He makes you think that you have to be perfect even when you are already amazing. He stresses you out and then you stress me out. I know you love your dad and I love him too. He is a great person, but when hes around you are different.. and I mean he is around a lot."
"Don't bring my dad into it."
"Sorry."
"It just hurt that you were there with Connor and then you didn't even leave with me."
"Connor is like my best friend and I didn't know you wanted me to leave with you."
"I thought I was your best friend." He said.
"You are my best friend.. but I have known Connor for forever. He knows me better than almost anyone else."
"Okay, well go Connor."
"Don't be mad at Connor. You always knew that there was a Connor. You knew that I was friends with him.. its not like oh Sidney broke up with me, let me turn to Connor."
"Can't you just drop the whole break up thing?"
"Uhh no? Thats kind of a big deal, Sidney. You kind of broke up with me. Its kind of like we can't just be the same as we were."
"Well thats what I want."
"Sidney.. I thought the reason you wanted to break up was so that you didn't have to report back to me. Now its like you want me to be that person still? I'm confused."
"I still love you, okay. I don't know what else to say. I love hockey and I love you."
"Okay.. I'm giong to watch a movie, you can watch it with me or you can leave.. its up to you." I said getting up.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Yeah.. its up to you. I definitely like being with you but you don't have to be here."
"No.. I'll stay. I mean I want to be with you."
"Oh yeah, I am going to Florida."
"when?"
"For Spring Break."
"Whens that?"
"Its like next week."
"Oh thats cool, who are you going with?"
"Connor.. his family has a house down there."
"Just you and Connor?"
"No.. its some of his friends. It will be nice to get away."
"Away from me." He said.
"No, Sidney. I wanted to be with you.. you chose to break up. You made that choice and its like now you want to act like you never made that choice.. you did, babe. You did and I can't forget that and just be like oh yeah, Sidney I love you lets go hang out all the time! I want everything to be okay and I am not mad at you and I'm not replacing you with Connor.. its just like I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be like oh yeah Sidney has hockey. I love you and I want to be with you, but I'm okay. Life does go on and I'm dealing with it."
"I love you and I don't know. Just wait until after the season."
"What does that mean? Like every year we are going to break up for the season?"
"No.. just give me time."
"Okay.. you have your time and you will get your space when I am in Florida."
"Don't be mad at me." He said.
"Sidney, I'm not mad.. but I'm not having this conversation again. I'm not going in this cycle."
"Okay.. thanks for coming tonight." He said.
"Of course. Lets just watch this movie." I said turning on the tv.