Chapter Twenty-Eight

Later that night we were laying in Sidney's room at Mario's. We were fine until he brought it up again.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah?" I said confused on what he was talking about.
"About seeing Colin."
"Yeah, not a big deal." I said not thinking really about it.
"What do you mean not a big deal? You were in your bathroom crying for like an hour?"
"I was, but you don't really understand. It wasn't all about what happened when I was 14."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean.. I talked to Colin after it happened. We still hung out and stuff."
"You hung out with a guy who did that to you?"
"I probably made it sound worse than it was." I said.
"No, I'm pretty sure no matter how you say it.. its bad."
"It wasn't like it. I mean it was, but I mean I didn't say yes.. but I didn't really say no. I mean I liked him alot and by the time I realized what was happening it was too late to say anything. He isn't a bad guy."
"Then why did everyone freak out when they heard Colin was back?"
"When it initially happened I told Jacob. He freaked out and told my parents. My parents made me think that it was this horrible thing, which I mean I guess it was. But, I could have stopped it if I tried. I didn't try because I was stupid.. Colin and I still talked after it. We were friends for awhile."
"So everything you said before was a lie?"
"Not a lie. Everything I said was the truth. Everything I said happened, but I could have stopped it. I mean I think I could have. I was niiave. I was stupid and wanted the football player to like me. Colin is not a bad guy, but we had a falling out right about when I met you. He said somethings I couldn't ever forget. He just kept bringing that day up and I was trying to forget it."
"Did you two ever sleep together?"
"No. We never really dated. We were just friends. I mean I didn't ever fully trust him after that day in the bathroom but he isn't a bad guy. He really isn't."
"I can't believe you are saying this. I can't believe you are defending him."
"You don't even know him, Sidney. You don't know him and I do. He's not the best guy and he never will be. He didn't mean to hurt me when I was 14."
"He still did, though. He still hurt you and you shouldn't just be fine about it."
"I just don't know what to say about it, Sidney. I don't know what you want me to do."
"I just can't do it."
"What does that even me?"
"It means I don't even know you anymore."
"You don't know me?" I said confused.
"I can't understand how you never told me about this."
"Sidney, I want to forget it."
"You aren't making sense. One minute you are saying it isn't a big deal, the next you are saying you don't want to think about it."
"Okay, Sidney. Thinking back on it, it wasn't a big deal. I didn't talk to Colin for about a month after, but I did talk to him. I don't hate Colin and I forgave him a long time ago. But it doesn't mean that I wanted to tell you about it. Its abig deal and I know you. I know how you would have acted about it."
"I can't do it."
"What?"
"I just.. I don't know." He said sitting down and putting his head in his hands.
"Okay, Sidney.. I love you. I love you. But do I know everything about you? NO! You are freaking out about things that happened five years ago. I don't know who you went to prom with.. or who you lost your virginity too. I don't know your first crush or your high school song..come to think about it I don't even know what high school you graduated from. I don't know tons of things about you because you had this whole other life before I ever met you. You have gone places I don't know about.. you have done things I wouldn't even dream about doing. Do I want to know these things about you? Of course. I want to know everything about you but will I ever judge you for not telling me or if I don't like something you told me? No."
"Thats not fair, Joey."
"How isn't it fair? I love you which means I love everything about you. Whatever happend in your life before I came into it.. made you the person you are today.. and I love that person. I want to know everything and it will probably love me more. I am sorry that this situation has made you think less of me. I'm sorry that I am not that niiave angel girl that you think I am. I am sorry that I'm not the girl you thought I was. I am sorry, Sidney. I am sorry but I do love you. I'm sorry and I just want you to love me still." I said and he just sat there looking at me. He didn't say anything to me. He didn't do anything so I just left. I left not knowing what Sidney thought, if he loved me or if we were still together. I left and he had my heart in his hands.

Two Hours Later
"You know your phone keeps vibrating?" Sophie asked.
" I know.. it Sidney." I said.
"Why aren't you picking it up?"
"Because he let me leave. I poured out my heart to him and he didn't even say anything." I said.
"Its Jake. Not Sidney." Sophie said throwing me my phone.
"Hey Jo. Could you come get something out of the car? Mom sent it over."
"Yeah. I'll be down in like two seconds." I said putting on my boots.

"What are you doing here?" I said when I walked into the parking lot. Sidney was standing there.. no Jacob in site.
"I want to talk to you. Will you get into the car?" He asked. He asked and I got in.
"I love you, Joey. I do love you." He said looking over at me.
"But." I said.
"But.. I don't like thinking about you with other guys."
"I don't like thinking about you with other girls, but I know you have been. I was with him when I was 14 and I regret it. I regret it every day but I didn't want you to think it was this horrible thing that scarred me for life. It did hurt and it still hurts to think about, but I still talk to Colin. He isn't a great guy but he isn't an awful one. I'm sorry."
"I love you and it really doesn't matter what happened to you, because I love you no matter what."
"you are too good."
"I still want to know everything about you."
"I want to know everything about you, but we have our whole lives."
"I'm sorry I let you leave without telling you I loved you. I never want you to question that. I always want that to be a constant in your life."
"I'm sorry that I made you question who I was. I never want you to think you don't know me."
"Seriously, Joey.. I overreacted."
"I love you.. lets just forget it."
"Want to come back to Mario's?"
"Will you bring me back for class tomorrow morning?"
"Haha yeah. I have to go to the rink early anyways."
"I love how we have these pointless fights." I said laughing.
"I mean thats just us. We had pointless fights when you were my best friend."
"Were? You still are my best friend."
"I think about it sometimes.." He said.
"Think about what?"
"If I like you better as my girlfriend or as my best friend."
"Are you serious?" I said.
"Its an easy thing to answer."
"Okay, whats the answer then?"
"I love you as my girlfriend because that way I still have you as my best friend but I don't have to worry about any other boys being with you. I don't have to worry about someone hurting you and not being able to fix it."
"You are so corny."
"you love me though."
"I do love you.. but you know what we have to do sometime?" I said.
"What?"
"Dawsons Creek!"
"Why do you love that show so much?"
"Main character's name is Joey and its about friendship and soul mates."
"do you believe in soul mates?" He asked me.
"Of course I believe in soul mates. You are mine.. you legit are the best part of me." I said as soon as he pulled into the driveway.
"I can't even put into words how much I love you.. its indescribable."
"I don't know if it gets better than what we have." I said grabbing his hand and walking into the house.
"I don't think it does, baby." He said pulling me closer.