Hey all! I hope everyone is enjoying the playoffs. I just wanted to say that I know that I haven't been updating that much, but I have a TON of ideas now for this story. It was slow for awhile, but now my ideas are rushing through my brain. I won't update until after finals, which unfortunately isn't until like 8 next friday, because my university hates me and gives me the worst finals schedule ever! Also, I am missing 2 penguins games because I have finals during them, yes I am an unhappy camper. Oh well, just keep reading and keep commenting.
God Bless!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Chapter Fifty-One
"Of course, I feel it. I just.. I don't know." He said looking away.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"You want me, you fought for me and you waited for me and you tell me things that I believe, that you want this forever. That you love me and will always love me, but then when it actually happens.. when you do get me and when I say that I want forever too, you freak out." I said.
"forever is along time."
"what the fuck does that mean, Sidney?" I said getting pissed.
"I don't know. I do love you and I do want to be with you for forever, its just I'm not ready.." He started to say than I cut him off.
"Ready for what? I thought this is what you wanted.. a committed relationship? You got mad when I was with Simon, you didn't like me hanging out with Connor and I obviously want to be with you, so what the hell do you want?" I said.
"I want you." He whispered.
"Then what was this all about." I asked sitting down beside him again.
"Don't laugh." He said.
"Promise."
"I want us to be together and I don't want to be with anyone else, but the thought of getting married scares me." He said and I started laughing.
"You promised you wouldn't laugh." He said getting mad.
"Babe, I think marriage is scary. I just told you that I didn't even believe that someone could be with someone that long until I met you. You made me believe in marriage, but I'm 19 and I'm not even going to think about getting married until I graduate. I want to be with you and yeah, I want to be married to you. But lets be realistic, we haven't even made it a full year without breaking up. I think we should just focus on baby steps." I said kissing him on the cheek.
"I just don't want to disappoint you." He said.
"As long as me and you are together, everything will be fine. I truly believe that." I said.
"I'm sorry for tonight." He whispered when we were just laying on my bed.
"I'm sorry for blaming it on your superstitions. Thanks for caring about what I wrote in my journal."
"Of course I care." He said.
"And Jo.."
"What?" I said.
"Don't think that I don't want to be with you in every sense. I just don't want you to have second thoughts." he said.
"I won't babe. It wouldn't be bad and I wouldn't have any regrets.. its not like the other times. You aren't just another guy for me." I explained and then we kissed.
"When does the series with Philly start?" I asked.
"Wednesday." He said.
"that should be fun. Who doesn't like beating Philly?" I said laughing.
"Both of my parents are coming in." He said.
"Wheres Taylor?" I asked.
"She is staying with my grandma and going to school." He said.
"Hey, Sid. Is it okay if we go to sleep? I'm really tired." I whispered.
"Yeah, babe." He said and gave me a good night kiss.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you too. I don't think I tell you that enough." He said and then we went to sleep.
After that night, we didn't talk about sex. He was busy getting ready for Philly and I was just working at the cafe. I started to talk to Connor again. We were going to go to dinner the night of the first game with Philly.
"Can I have two tickets for tonights game?" I asked.
"Two?" He asked confused. For the whole playoffs I had gone by myself.
"Connor is coming."
"Connor?"
"We are going to go to dinner before the game and then I thought he could come? No?" I said confused.
"No, its fine. I didn't know you two still talked."
"We just started again. We have some issues to work out, obviously." I said laughing and sitting on his bed.
"Okay, just be careful with him."He said.
"Sidney." I said.
"I'm just saying." He said.
"Okay, I just wanted to come and wish you luck. I love you and I'll see you after." I said kissing him before leaving.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"You want me, you fought for me and you waited for me and you tell me things that I believe, that you want this forever. That you love me and will always love me, but then when it actually happens.. when you do get me and when I say that I want forever too, you freak out." I said.
"forever is along time."
"what the fuck does that mean, Sidney?" I said getting pissed.
"I don't know. I do love you and I do want to be with you for forever, its just I'm not ready.." He started to say than I cut him off.
"Ready for what? I thought this is what you wanted.. a committed relationship? You got mad when I was with Simon, you didn't like me hanging out with Connor and I obviously want to be with you, so what the hell do you want?" I said.
"I want you." He whispered.
"Then what was this all about." I asked sitting down beside him again.
"Don't laugh." He said.
"Promise."
"I want us to be together and I don't want to be with anyone else, but the thought of getting married scares me." He said and I started laughing.
"You promised you wouldn't laugh." He said getting mad.
"Babe, I think marriage is scary. I just told you that I didn't even believe that someone could be with someone that long until I met you. You made me believe in marriage, but I'm 19 and I'm not even going to think about getting married until I graduate. I want to be with you and yeah, I want to be married to you. But lets be realistic, we haven't even made it a full year without breaking up. I think we should just focus on baby steps." I said kissing him on the cheek.
"I just don't want to disappoint you." He said.
"As long as me and you are together, everything will be fine. I truly believe that." I said.
"I'm sorry for tonight." He whispered when we were just laying on my bed.
"I'm sorry for blaming it on your superstitions. Thanks for caring about what I wrote in my journal."
"Of course I care." He said.
"And Jo.."
"What?" I said.
"Don't think that I don't want to be with you in every sense. I just don't want you to have second thoughts." he said.
"I won't babe. It wouldn't be bad and I wouldn't have any regrets.. its not like the other times. You aren't just another guy for me." I explained and then we kissed.
"When does the series with Philly start?" I asked.
"Wednesday." He said.
"that should be fun. Who doesn't like beating Philly?" I said laughing.
"Both of my parents are coming in." He said.
"Wheres Taylor?" I asked.
"She is staying with my grandma and going to school." He said.
"Hey, Sid. Is it okay if we go to sleep? I'm really tired." I whispered.
"Yeah, babe." He said and gave me a good night kiss.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you too. I don't think I tell you that enough." He said and then we went to sleep.
After that night, we didn't talk about sex. He was busy getting ready for Philly and I was just working at the cafe. I started to talk to Connor again. We were going to go to dinner the night of the first game with Philly.
"Can I have two tickets for tonights game?" I asked.
"Two?" He asked confused. For the whole playoffs I had gone by myself.
"Connor is coming."
"Connor?"
"We are going to go to dinner before the game and then I thought he could come? No?" I said confused.
"No, its fine. I didn't know you two still talked."
"We just started again. We have some issues to work out, obviously." I said laughing and sitting on his bed.
"Okay, just be careful with him."He said.
"Sidney." I said.
"I'm just saying." He said.
"Okay, I just wanted to come and wish you luck. I love you and I'll see you after." I said kissing him before leaving.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Chapter Fifty
Sidney and I had just went to dinner during the week they had off before the Philly series. It was an amazing dinner.
"So what do you want to do now?" He asked me when we got into the car after dinner.
"I don't care. We can just go back to Mario's." I said. Then we headed back there. When we got up to his room, we were just fooling around. We were on the bed and making out, when I started to unbutton his shirt while continuing to kiss him. He let me unbutton almost all of the buttons until he stopped me and pulled away.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"What do you think I am doing." I said and went back to kissing him.
"Jo, no." He said and stopped me again.
"Whats your problem?" I asked him sitting up from the bed.
"Nothing."
"Nothing? I want to have sex and you are just now deciding against it?" I said getting upset and he just looked at me.
"I know.. we can't make love because it would mess up with your schedule. Heaven forbid you do something different and you lose!" I said.
"Thats not fair." He said.
"Really? Whats not fair is that we have been dating off and on for three years and I finally decide I want to have sex with you and you don't want too." I said.
"I want too." He said.
"Yeah, sure." I said and walked out.
"Jo, don't leave." He said walking after me.
"I need to go home.. I'll talk to you later." I said and started walking towards my house.
Two Hours Later
I was laying in my bed with my covers over my head when I heard someone open my door. I figured it was Jacob, because he probably saw my light on and wondered what I was doing home. Then I felt someone sit on my bed and I knew it wasn't Jacob.
"Babe, I'm sorry." He whispered in my ear while I was still under my cover. I moved the covers so Sidney could see my face.
"Don't cry, love." He said touching my face.
"I just don't get it." I said. As soon as I said it, he pulled out one of my journals.
"Whats that?" I asked.
"Its why I didn't make love to you tonight." He said.
"I don't get it." I said.
"I can't believe this happened. I always envisioned my first time would be with someone I loved. I never thought of it as just sex, it was always something more. It was something more and it happened in a bathroom. It happened and I was scared. I didn't love him, I had a crush on him. You aren't suppose to be scared when you make love and you aren't suppose to regret it. I want it to be meaningful and I want to not be scared." He read from my journal.
"Sidney, I wrote that after Colin." I explained.
"I know."
"But I still don't get why you stopped me."
"I don't get why I keep doing this. I knew right after I slept with Simon, that it was wrong. I can't even imagine telling Sidney about it. I can't hurt him and I know it will happen. I can't believe I slept with Simon. I don't even love Simon. I don't get why I keep doing this, I don't get why I keep doing these things that I know are wrong. I don't get why I don't love him and I don't get why I run away from the person I do love. I don't get why I can't do the right thing. I don't understand why sex ruins things. I knew it would. Sex ruins things or atleast changes them. I've heard enough stories about everyone and its weird. I just don't get what I'm doing and where my life is going. I don't like having regrets, and I have a feeling that sex will always be a regret." He said reading.
"I still don't understand."
"I don't want you to regret this. I don't want you to think that this will change things. I like how things are and I love you and I don't want to pressure you into anything. I don't want you to regret being with me and I don't want you to resent me." He said. I grabbed a journal on my night stand.
"Tonight, things changed. I looked in Sidney's eyes and I saw his soul. I looked at him and I knew things would be okay. I love him and I can't imagine not loving him. To be honest, I can't imagine a time in the past three years where I didn't love him. I can't imagine a time in the future when that love will stop. Sidney is my future and I was scared to let him read my journals because I thought we would love me less. I realized he couldn't fully love me without knowing my past. When I am with Sidney, I don't fear anything. The future is a mystery, but I look forward to the uncertainty as long as Sidney as by my side. Tonight changed things, because for the first time in my life I realized that I love Sidney unconditionally. I realized that my love is unwaivering. I am no longer scared of not playing soccer, I am no longer scared of my mom having another kid, and I'm no longer scared of anything. Actually, thats not true. The only thing that I am scared of is losing Sidney. I have done it once and I can't deal with that pain again. However, I am no longer afraid of that pain because I know that Sidney's heart is kind. I know that nothing I could ever do with Sidney could be wrong." I said stopping.
"When did you write that?" He asked.
"I wrote it about a week ago." I explained.
"Do you really believe those things?" He asked me.
"I believe them and I do love you, Sidney. I love you more than I did three years ago. I love you more than I did 2 months ago. I love you and I want to be with you in every sense." I said touching his hand.
"I love you, Joey. I love you and I am scared to hurt you. I am scared to sleep with you and then hurt you. I am just scared of messing this up." He said.
"Whatver happens, Sidney, we can get through it. I'm not scared of you hurting me."
"How can you be so sure?" He asked.
"Because when I kiss you, it feels right. When I hold your hand, our hands fit perfectly together. I find myself watching hockey that you aren't even playing because I know you are probably watching the same game. I talk about you when I'm not with you and I miss you uncontrollably when you are away. I never believed in loving someone for forever until about 4 months ago. You made me believe that its possible to spend forever with someone and still want more. Can't you feel it?" I asked him and kissed him.
"So what do you want to do now?" He asked me when we got into the car after dinner.
"I don't care. We can just go back to Mario's." I said. Then we headed back there. When we got up to his room, we were just fooling around. We were on the bed and making out, when I started to unbutton his shirt while continuing to kiss him. He let me unbutton almost all of the buttons until he stopped me and pulled away.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"What do you think I am doing." I said and went back to kissing him.
"Jo, no." He said and stopped me again.
"Whats your problem?" I asked him sitting up from the bed.
"Nothing."
"Nothing? I want to have sex and you are just now deciding against it?" I said getting upset and he just looked at me.
"I know.. we can't make love because it would mess up with your schedule. Heaven forbid you do something different and you lose!" I said.
"Thats not fair." He said.
"Really? Whats not fair is that we have been dating off and on for three years and I finally decide I want to have sex with you and you don't want too." I said.
"I want too." He said.
"Yeah, sure." I said and walked out.
"Jo, don't leave." He said walking after me.
"I need to go home.. I'll talk to you later." I said and started walking towards my house.
Two Hours Later
I was laying in my bed with my covers over my head when I heard someone open my door. I figured it was Jacob, because he probably saw my light on and wondered what I was doing home. Then I felt someone sit on my bed and I knew it wasn't Jacob.
"Babe, I'm sorry." He whispered in my ear while I was still under my cover. I moved the covers so Sidney could see my face.
"Don't cry, love." He said touching my face.
"I just don't get it." I said. As soon as I said it, he pulled out one of my journals.
"Whats that?" I asked.
"Its why I didn't make love to you tonight." He said.
"I don't get it." I said.
"I can't believe this happened. I always envisioned my first time would be with someone I loved. I never thought of it as just sex, it was always something more. It was something more and it happened in a bathroom. It happened and I was scared. I didn't love him, I had a crush on him. You aren't suppose to be scared when you make love and you aren't suppose to regret it. I want it to be meaningful and I want to not be scared." He read from my journal.
"Sidney, I wrote that after Colin." I explained.
"I know."
"But I still don't get why you stopped me."
"I don't get why I keep doing this. I knew right after I slept with Simon, that it was wrong. I can't even imagine telling Sidney about it. I can't hurt him and I know it will happen. I can't believe I slept with Simon. I don't even love Simon. I don't get why I keep doing this, I don't get why I keep doing these things that I know are wrong. I don't get why I don't love him and I don't get why I run away from the person I do love. I don't get why I can't do the right thing. I don't understand why sex ruins things. I knew it would. Sex ruins things or atleast changes them. I've heard enough stories about everyone and its weird. I just don't get what I'm doing and where my life is going. I don't like having regrets, and I have a feeling that sex will always be a regret." He said reading.
"I still don't understand."
"I don't want you to regret this. I don't want you to think that this will change things. I like how things are and I love you and I don't want to pressure you into anything. I don't want you to regret being with me and I don't want you to resent me." He said. I grabbed a journal on my night stand.
"Tonight, things changed. I looked in Sidney's eyes and I saw his soul. I looked at him and I knew things would be okay. I love him and I can't imagine not loving him. To be honest, I can't imagine a time in the past three years where I didn't love him. I can't imagine a time in the future when that love will stop. Sidney is my future and I was scared to let him read my journals because I thought we would love me less. I realized he couldn't fully love me without knowing my past. When I am with Sidney, I don't fear anything. The future is a mystery, but I look forward to the uncertainty as long as Sidney as by my side. Tonight changed things, because for the first time in my life I realized that I love Sidney unconditionally. I realized that my love is unwaivering. I am no longer scared of not playing soccer, I am no longer scared of my mom having another kid, and I'm no longer scared of anything. Actually, thats not true. The only thing that I am scared of is losing Sidney. I have done it once and I can't deal with that pain again. However, I am no longer afraid of that pain because I know that Sidney's heart is kind. I know that nothing I could ever do with Sidney could be wrong." I said stopping.
"When did you write that?" He asked.
"I wrote it about a week ago." I explained.
"Do you really believe those things?" He asked me.
"I believe them and I do love you, Sidney. I love you more than I did three years ago. I love you more than I did 2 months ago. I love you and I want to be with you in every sense." I said touching his hand.
"I love you, Joey. I love you and I am scared to hurt you. I am scared to sleep with you and then hurt you. I am just scared of messing this up." He said.
"Whatver happens, Sidney, we can get through it. I'm not scared of you hurting me."
"How can you be so sure?" He asked.
"Because when I kiss you, it feels right. When I hold your hand, our hands fit perfectly together. I find myself watching hockey that you aren't even playing because I know you are probably watching the same game. I talk about you when I'm not with you and I miss you uncontrollably when you are away. I never believed in loving someone for forever until about 4 months ago. You made me believe that its possible to spend forever with someone and still want more. Can't you feel it?" I asked him and kissed him.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Fork in the Road
One more time is definitely my number one story, but sometimes I just have creative ideas and I just start writing. Therefore, I started yet another story, Fork in the Road. I know, I know.. 3 stories? Crazy and none of them are going to be updated everyday because lets face it I am a college student and I need to study but I will update them all probably once a week. Its a different angle to a Sidney/girl relationship. I hope you all check it out and let me know what you think. It may not be a long running story but I just figured it was a story needed to be told. Check it out and continue reading my stories.. thanks so much! God Bless <3
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Chapter Forty-Nine
"This may be my favorite birthday so far." I said laying on the bed watching Titanic.
"Its not over yet. We still have dinner and all night." He said kissing my forehead.
"What was your favorite birthday?" I asked him.
"My 18th or 19th probably."
"Which one?"
"I don't know. 18th was exciting because I was just drafted and everything seemed perfect. 19th was fun because I went out will all my junior friends."
"Can we go back to my house before we go down to dinner?" I asked.
"Yeah..why?"
"I want to get something." I said.
"Sure.." We watched titanic and when it was over, Sidney handed me my gifts. I opened up the first present. It was two Beckham jerseys. One was his white England jersey and the other was the red one. The white one was signed.
"How? When?" I said in shock.
"Apparently you knowing a hockey player has finally paid off." He said laughing.
"When did you get it?How?"
"Apparently, Jack actually can get some things done over in LA."
"Jack got this for me?" I asked.
"Well technically I did, but Jack helped." He said laughing!
"Oh my gosh! I love them! Like love love love them!"
"I figured you could like frame the white one and wear the red one. I remember you telling me you always wanted a red one." He said.
"Thank you so much, Sid." I said and then he told me to open up another one. when I opened it up, I found chuck high tops!
"You got these for me? You hated them!" I said laughing.
"You loved them, though." He said.
"Of course I love chucks!" I said laughing.
"There are more, but I thought I would wait until after dinner." He said and then went into the bathroom to change.
"Oh my god!" I yelled when he come out.
"You like?"
"This may be the hottest you have ever looked!" I said hugging him. He came out wearing his custom jeans, a blue plaid shirt, and black chucks.
"I mean, it is your birthday.. I thought I would dress the part." He said smiling.
"i guess we aren't going anywhere fancy for dinner then." I said laughing.
"Maybe they will overlook my attire."
"Probably, they will be too busy looking at how gorgeous you are!" I said laughing.
After dinner, we went back up the hotel room.
"What did you go back to your house to get?" He asked.
"I wanted to give you something." I said and went over to my backpack and dumped out about ten notebooks. He just looked at me funny.
"I want to give you these." I said.
"I don't understand."
"Since I was 13, right after the Colin incident I started writing. I wrote atleast once a week. I want you to have them. I want you to know everything about me. I'm ready, Sidney." I said.
"I'm still kind of confused."
"I want you to know everything about me. I am ready to be with you. I am ready make this work and I am not scared of forever anymore. I am ready to be with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was scared before and I didn't let you in because I didn't think it would work, but now I know it will. Now, I will fight for you. I will fight for us, and I didn't before and I am sorry that I didn't before. I was scared and I just didn't want to get hurt. I know that you are going to be there no matter what happens. You are my rock, and I will never be whole without you. I'm giving you these, because I'm ready to totally give you my heart." I said and he just kissed me. He just touched my face and gave me a deep passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry that I didn't fight for us."
"I'm sorry that it ever came to that. Whats in all these notebooks?"
"All my life I didn't ever feel like I had someone to talk too. These journals hold every thought, dream, nightmare I have ever had. You will read this and you will know me the way you should know me. I wrote about Colin in there and how it felt, I wrote about what it was like to meet you for the first time and kiss you for the first time and break up with you for the first time. In there you will find why I chose Simon over you and how bad it hurt to know I hurt you. You will finally know how much I love you, because I have always loved you. I have written since I was 16 how much I love you and you should know that even though it may have seemed like I doubted you and I didn't need you, you were never far from my mind and you were always in my heart."
"Why did you decide to give these to me now?"
"Because I don't need these anymore. I don't need to hide behind these journals because I'm not afraid to love you. I'm not afraid to tell you everything, because I know what we have is forever. Nothing comes easy, but I'm never letting you go." I said.
"You won't ever have too, because you are the love of my life." He said and we just kissed. It was the best kiss we ever had.
"I love you." He said in between kisses.
"I love you, too." I said smiling and then we started kissing again.
"I want to read them as soon as possible."
"I want you to too, but promise me to not get mad at things I said. I wrote things when we first broke up or when I was mad at you. The general feeling in there is love for you. But there is also times where I was lonely when you were gone and I was mad. Just don't get mad at me for things I felt or thought years ago."
"I won't. I'm just glad you are trusting me with this."
Then we started reading the first journal. It was a weird ending to a perfect day, but it was a nice ending.
"I love you." He said right before we went to sleep.
"You know what I miss the most when you are gone?" I asked him.
"What?" He whispered.
"I miss this. I miss feeling your arms around me and I miss the feeling of knowing I'm not far from someone's mind."
"You are always on my mind, Jo. Always." He said.
"Thank you for today." I whispered.
"Thank you for your heart." He said kissing my chest where my heart is.
"You are my best friend and I'm proud of you." I said sitting up in bed and looking at him.
"For what?"
"For this." I said touching his "playoff beard". "I'm proud of you for being this amazing hockey player who is everything to so many people and I don't tell you that enough. I'm proud to be your best friend and I'm so proud of you for being such a great person and I just don't think you understand it because everyone else would just crack under this pressure.. but baby you thrive under it."
"It helps knowing you are here even if everything else goes wrong." He said.
"I like this beard.. you should do it more often. Its sexy." I said kissing his jaw line.
"Oh I'm sure it is. Its so impressive!" He said laughing.
"This was my best birthday ever." I said snuggling close to him and resting my head on his empty chest.
"This is perfect." He whispered.
"It is." I whispered back and kissed his chest.
"Its not over yet. We still have dinner and all night." He said kissing my forehead.
"What was your favorite birthday?" I asked him.
"My 18th or 19th probably."
"Which one?"
"I don't know. 18th was exciting because I was just drafted and everything seemed perfect. 19th was fun because I went out will all my junior friends."
"Can we go back to my house before we go down to dinner?" I asked.
"Yeah..why?"
"I want to get something." I said.
"Sure.." We watched titanic and when it was over, Sidney handed me my gifts. I opened up the first present. It was two Beckham jerseys. One was his white England jersey and the other was the red one. The white one was signed.
"How? When?" I said in shock.
"Apparently you knowing a hockey player has finally paid off." He said laughing.
"When did you get it?How?"
"Apparently, Jack actually can get some things done over in LA."
"Jack got this for me?" I asked.
"Well technically I did, but Jack helped." He said laughing!
"Oh my gosh! I love them! Like love love love them!"
"I figured you could like frame the white one and wear the red one. I remember you telling me you always wanted a red one." He said.
"Thank you so much, Sid." I said and then he told me to open up another one. when I opened it up, I found chuck high tops!
"You got these for me? You hated them!" I said laughing.
"You loved them, though." He said.
"Of course I love chucks!" I said laughing.
"There are more, but I thought I would wait until after dinner." He said and then went into the bathroom to change.
"Oh my god!" I yelled when he come out.
"You like?"
"This may be the hottest you have ever looked!" I said hugging him. He came out wearing his custom jeans, a blue plaid shirt, and black chucks.
"I mean, it is your birthday.. I thought I would dress the part." He said smiling.
"i guess we aren't going anywhere fancy for dinner then." I said laughing.
"Maybe they will overlook my attire."
"Probably, they will be too busy looking at how gorgeous you are!" I said laughing.
After dinner, we went back up the hotel room.
"What did you go back to your house to get?" He asked.
"I wanted to give you something." I said and went over to my backpack and dumped out about ten notebooks. He just looked at me funny.
"I want to give you these." I said.
"I don't understand."
"Since I was 13, right after the Colin incident I started writing. I wrote atleast once a week. I want you to have them. I want you to know everything about me. I'm ready, Sidney." I said.
"I'm still kind of confused."
"I want you to know everything about me. I am ready to be with you. I am ready make this work and I am not scared of forever anymore. I am ready to be with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was scared before and I didn't let you in because I didn't think it would work, but now I know it will. Now, I will fight for you. I will fight for us, and I didn't before and I am sorry that I didn't before. I was scared and I just didn't want to get hurt. I know that you are going to be there no matter what happens. You are my rock, and I will never be whole without you. I'm giving you these, because I'm ready to totally give you my heart." I said and he just kissed me. He just touched my face and gave me a deep passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry that I didn't fight for us."
"I'm sorry that it ever came to that. Whats in all these notebooks?"
"All my life I didn't ever feel like I had someone to talk too. These journals hold every thought, dream, nightmare I have ever had. You will read this and you will know me the way you should know me. I wrote about Colin in there and how it felt, I wrote about what it was like to meet you for the first time and kiss you for the first time and break up with you for the first time. In there you will find why I chose Simon over you and how bad it hurt to know I hurt you. You will finally know how much I love you, because I have always loved you. I have written since I was 16 how much I love you and you should know that even though it may have seemed like I doubted you and I didn't need you, you were never far from my mind and you were always in my heart."
"Why did you decide to give these to me now?"
"Because I don't need these anymore. I don't need to hide behind these journals because I'm not afraid to love you. I'm not afraid to tell you everything, because I know what we have is forever. Nothing comes easy, but I'm never letting you go." I said.
"You won't ever have too, because you are the love of my life." He said and we just kissed. It was the best kiss we ever had.
"I love you." He said in between kisses.
"I love you, too." I said smiling and then we started kissing again.
"I want to read them as soon as possible."
"I want you to too, but promise me to not get mad at things I said. I wrote things when we first broke up or when I was mad at you. The general feeling in there is love for you. But there is also times where I was lonely when you were gone and I was mad. Just don't get mad at me for things I felt or thought years ago."
"I won't. I'm just glad you are trusting me with this."
Then we started reading the first journal. It was a weird ending to a perfect day, but it was a nice ending.
"I love you." He said right before we went to sleep.
"You know what I miss the most when you are gone?" I asked him.
"What?" He whispered.
"I miss this. I miss feeling your arms around me and I miss the feeling of knowing I'm not far from someone's mind."
"You are always on my mind, Jo. Always." He said.
"Thank you for today." I whispered.
"Thank you for your heart." He said kissing my chest where my heart is.
"You are my best friend and I'm proud of you." I said sitting up in bed and looking at him.
"For what?"
"For this." I said touching his "playoff beard". "I'm proud of you for being this amazing hockey player who is everything to so many people and I don't tell you that enough. I'm proud to be your best friend and I'm so proud of you for being such a great person and I just don't think you understand it because everyone else would just crack under this pressure.. but baby you thrive under it."
"It helps knowing you are here even if everything else goes wrong." He said.
"I like this beard.. you should do it more often. Its sexy." I said kissing his jaw line.
"Oh I'm sure it is. Its so impressive!" He said laughing.
"This was my best birthday ever." I said snuggling close to him and resting my head on his empty chest.
"This is perfect." He whispered.
"It is." I whispered back and kissed his chest.
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