Chapter Forty-Nine

"This may be my favorite birthday so far." I said laying on the bed watching Titanic.
"Its not over yet. We still have dinner and all night." He said kissing my forehead.
"What was your favorite birthday?" I asked him.
"My 18th or 19th probably."
"Which one?"
"I don't know. 18th was exciting because I was just drafted and everything seemed perfect. 19th was fun because I went out will all my junior friends."
"Can we go back to my house before we go down to dinner?" I asked.
"Yeah..why?"
"I want to get something." I said.
"Sure.." We watched titanic and when it was over, Sidney handed me my gifts. I opened up the first present. It was two Beckham jerseys. One was his white England jersey and the other was the red one. The white one was signed.
"How? When?" I said in shock.
"Apparently you knowing a hockey player has finally paid off." He said laughing.
"When did you get it?How?"
"Apparently, Jack actually can get some things done over in LA."
"Jack got this for me?" I asked.
"Well technically I did, but Jack helped." He said laughing!
"Oh my gosh! I love them! Like love love love them!"
"I figured you could like frame the white one and wear the red one. I remember you telling me you always wanted a red one." He said.
"Thank you so much, Sid." I said and then he told me to open up another one. when I opened it up, I found chuck high tops!
"You got these for me? You hated them!" I said laughing.
"You loved them, though." He said.
"Of course I love chucks!" I said laughing.
"There are more, but I thought I would wait until after dinner." He said and then went into the bathroom to change.
"Oh my god!" I yelled when he come out.
"You like?"
"This may be the hottest you have ever looked!" I said hugging him. He came out wearing his custom jeans, a blue plaid shirt, and black chucks.
"I mean, it is your birthday.. I thought I would dress the part." He said smiling.
"i guess we aren't going anywhere fancy for dinner then." I said laughing.
"Maybe they will overlook my attire."
"Probably, they will be too busy looking at how gorgeous you are!" I said laughing.

After dinner, we went back up the hotel room.
"What did you go back to your house to get?" He asked.
"I wanted to give you something." I said and went over to my backpack and dumped out about ten notebooks. He just looked at me funny.
"I want to give you these." I said.
"I don't understand."
"Since I was 13, right after the Colin incident I started writing. I wrote atleast once a week. I want you to have them. I want you to know everything about me. I'm ready, Sidney." I said.
"I'm still kind of confused."
"I want you to know everything about me. I am ready to be with you. I am ready make this work and I am not scared of forever anymore. I am ready to be with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I was scared before and I didn't let you in because I didn't think it would work, but now I know it will. Now, I will fight for you. I will fight for us, and I didn't before and I am sorry that I didn't before. I was scared and I just didn't want to get hurt. I know that you are going to be there no matter what happens. You are my rock, and I will never be whole without you. I'm giving you these, because I'm ready to totally give you my heart." I said and he just kissed me. He just touched my face and gave me a deep passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry that I didn't fight for us."
"I'm sorry that it ever came to that. Whats in all these notebooks?"
"All my life I didn't ever feel like I had someone to talk too. These journals hold every thought, dream, nightmare I have ever had. You will read this and you will know me the way you should know me. I wrote about Colin in there and how it felt, I wrote about what it was like to meet you for the first time and kiss you for the first time and break up with you for the first time. In there you will find why I chose Simon over you and how bad it hurt to know I hurt you. You will finally know how much I love you, because I have always loved you. I have written since I was 16 how much I love you and you should know that even though it may have seemed like I doubted you and I didn't need you, you were never far from my mind and you were always in my heart."
"Why did you decide to give these to me now?"
"Because I don't need these anymore. I don't need to hide behind these journals because I'm not afraid to love you. I'm not afraid to tell you everything, because I know what we have is forever. Nothing comes easy, but I'm never letting you go." I said.
"You won't ever have too, because you are the love of my life." He said and we just kissed. It was the best kiss we ever had.
"I love you." He said in between kisses.
"I love you, too." I said smiling and then we started kissing again.
"I want to read them as soon as possible."
"I want you to too, but promise me to not get mad at things I said. I wrote things when we first broke up or when I was mad at you. The general feeling in there is love for you. But there is also times where I was lonely when you were gone and I was mad. Just don't get mad at me for things I felt or thought years ago."
"I won't. I'm just glad you are trusting me with this."
Then we started reading the first journal. It was a weird ending to a perfect day, but it was a nice ending.
"I love you." He said right before we went to sleep.
"You know what I miss the most when you are gone?" I asked him.
"What?" He whispered.
"I miss this. I miss feeling your arms around me and I miss the feeling of knowing I'm not far from someone's mind."
"You are always on my mind, Jo. Always." He said.
"Thank you for today." I whispered.
"Thank you for your heart." He said kissing my chest where my heart is.
"You are my best friend and I'm proud of you." I said sitting up in bed and looking at him.
"For what?"
"For this." I said touching his "playoff beard". "I'm proud of you for being this amazing hockey player who is everything to so many people and I don't tell you that enough. I'm proud to be your best friend and I'm so proud of you for being such a great person and I just don't think you understand it because everyone else would just crack under this pressure.. but baby you thrive under it."
"It helps knowing you are here even if everything else goes wrong." He said.
"I like this beard.. you should do it more often. Its sexy." I said kissing his jaw line.
"Oh I'm sure it is. Its so impressive!" He said laughing.
"This was my best birthday ever." I said snuggling close to him and resting my head on his empty chest.
"This is perfect." He whispered.
"It is." I whispered back and kissed his chest.