Chapter Sixty-One

I haven’t talked to Sidney as much since I told him that its too hard. He was in the Bahamas and I wanted him to have a great vacation. I wanted him to forget about the season and just relax. I loved him and in no way did I want to break up with him, I just knew it was too hard to keep being reminded that the boy I loved was no where in sight. I started hanging out with Ben. It wasn’t anything romantic. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and he knew that I was dating Sidney. It was just nice to have someone to hang out with. We would play tennis and lay by the pool together. We would go for runs and just talk. We use to be friends.

“Hey baby.” Sidney called and said.

“Hey how is the Bahamas?”

“Amazing. I needed it.”

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

“I miss you.” He whispered.

“I miss you too. Hamptons is good though.”

“Yeah, what have you been up too?”

“I just got down playing tennis with Ben.”

“You seem to be hanging out with Ben a lot lately.”

“We are friends. He is a really good guy.” I explained.

“I thought you said he was a jerk.”

“Yeah when he was 15 he was a jerk. He is 22 now.”

“Does he know about me?”

“Yeah, of course. You are my boyfriend.. its kind of hard not to ever talk about you.” I said.

“Okay, well I’m going to go down to the beach. I’ll call you later.”

“Don’t be mad at me.” I said.

“I’m not. I just don’t like thinking about my girlfriend with some guy.”

“I’m not with some guy. We are just friends. And don’t act like you aren’t with girls in the Bahamas.”

“Okay, I can’t even believe you just said that. I’m not with girls.” He said getting upset.

“This is what always happens. We always just start to fight when we are apart.”

“Its because we are both mad that we are a part and we push eachother away.”

“I don’t want to push you away.” I said.

“I know.. we will get through it. I love you, that’s all that really matters.”

“Me too, Sid. Have fun. Call me later.” I said and hung up.

“You know how everyone has like a free pass in life?” Ben said while we were sitting with our feet in the pool.

“What?” I said confused.

“Like there is one person that if you could pick to be with, you would be with, like anyone in the world.”

“Okay?” I said a little confused still.

“Whose that person for you?” He asked.

“I don’t know if that question holds for me. I mean my boyfriend is probably that person for a lot of people, it just doesn’t feel right to answer it knowing that.”

“Just tell me, I know you have one.”

“Whose yours?”

“Megan Fox.”

“So typical.”

“Tell me, Jo.”

“Stephan Jenkins would be the ultimate.”

“Who is that?”

“The lead singer of Third Eye Blind.”

“Isn’t he old?”

“Yeah like 43 or something. He is still so hot.” I said laughing.

“Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you would want to be with an old guy.”

“Stephan Jenkins will never be an old guy.” I said.

“Whatever you say.”

“It doesn’t matter who I think is hot, I have a boyfriend who many girls fantasize about.. that’s enough for me.” I said matter of factly.

“So whats it like to be dating him?” Ben asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked a little confused.

“Its just you are dating a millionaire. You are dating a famous person, I can’t even imagine what its like.”

“Its not what you are thinking.”

“You are telling me you don’t like that he’s that?”

“Its not like him being rich or famous has any effect of me. Its not like we are married and I am getting some of that income. I mean he buys me stuff sometimes, but nothing extravagant. I don’t want that. And people think that I like it him being Sidney Crosby, it would be much easier for our relationship and for me if he wasn’t who he is. If he was just some college kid, it would be way easier.”

“What do you mean?”

“Imagine knowing that the person you love is the object of so many girls dreams. Imagine knowing girls love him and dream about him. Imagine knowing this and not being with him every second. Imagine imagining girls throwing themselves at him. Its torture. Its torture being away from him, but its also torture knowing he could have any girl he wanted.”

“Yeah, but he chose you.”

“Yeah, but for how long? He could have anyone, why would he stick around for me? These are the questions I ask myself every day. That’s why its so hard being away from him. I trust him completely and people will say that it’s a trust issue. Its not a trust issue, I just am waiting for the day he realizes that he could do better.”

“That won’t happen.”

“You don’t know that.” I said.

“He would never choose to be with someone else when he could be with you.” Ben said so sincerely.

“You don’t understand what its like.”

“Tell me then.”

“Its like when people see us together, like even in our town, or at the rink.. its like they think the only reason I am with him is because of who he is and what his paycheck is. Its like they think that’s the reason I keep coming back even when he hurts me.”

“He has hurt you?”

“Not like that. He has cheated on me before. Well not really, he kind of broke up with me right before it happened. I keep coming back to him, but it has nothing to do with the money he makes.”

“Why do you then?”

“He means everything to me. He is my best friend, he has been there through most things that I can remember. He would never intentionally hurt me. I can’t escape him, he is everywhere, he is everything. I don’t need him, but I want him so I need him.”

“What does that mean?”

“Its like that song, miserable at best. They say, ‘That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best.’ That’s how I feel. I could survive without him, but I don’t want too.” I said.

“If you love him as much as you say you do, how can you deal with this?”

“Being a part is unbearable, but when we are together it makes it so worth it.” I said.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. What happened with you and your girlfriend?” I asked and then he got to talking.

comments

Hey all! I hope everyone is enjoying the Stanley Cup Playoffs and is ready for the final tonight! I just wanted to say that I don't really like posting chapters when I have no comments on the previous ones. I am writing because I lead a boring life most days, so I write, but I would greatly appreciate comments. So if people want updates, all you really have to do is comment a whole bunch and I will write because I know people are waiting for updates, because I know when I use to read fan fiction I would hate not having updates. Thanks so much!
God Bless <3

Chapter Sixty

“Oh, Josephine!” Nan said to me when I got off the plane.

“Hi, Nan.” I said smiling.

“How was the flight?”

“It was okay. Where is Pap?” I asked.

“Oh he is at the house waiting for us.” She said.

“Hey.” I said calling Sidney as soon as I got to my room at the house.

“Hey, how was the flight?”

“I only had a small panic attack before we took off. It was okay. I mean I survived. How is everything with you?” I asked.

“Good, just packing. We leave in two days for the Bahamas.”

“Yeah, how could I forget?”

“So what are you doing tonight?” He asked.

“I guess just catching up. I haven’t seen Nan and Pap for like months.” I said.

“Oh that will be nice.”

“What are you going to do?”I asked.

“I think I might go out with Eric or something.”

“Oh, have fun.” I said.

“So tell me about this boy.” Nan said as soon as I came down stairs.

“You met him before, Nan.”

“I don’t think I ever did.”

“He plays hockey for the Penguins.”

“Well, yes dear, we know he is Sidney Crosby.” Pap said.

“Yeah.. that’s my boyfriend.” I said laughing.

“But tell us about him.. tell us why you love him so much.” Nan said.

“Its everything about him that makes me love him. The way he calls me every time I leave to make sure I got home okay. The way he worries about me when we a part. The way that whenever I have a bad day, he can always make it better. He understands me. He is my best friend. He knows everything about me, and loves me anyway.”

“So he is back home now?” Pap asked.

“Yeah, he lives in Nova Scotia. He left a few days ago. He will be back in Pittsburgh in September.” I explained.

“He is an exceptional hockey player.” Pap said.

“Oh, Henry! That doesn’t matter, as long as Josephine is happy.” Nan said.

“He is a good hockey player, Pap. But that just makes it harder.”

“What do you mean?” Nan said.

“Nevermind.”

“You know who is here for the summer?” Nan asked me.

“Who?” I said.

“Ben.”

“Ben?”

“Yeah, you use to be friends with him.”

“Benji?” I said confused.

“He goes by Ben know. He is starting Med school at Columbia in the fall.”

“Seems like he grew up.” I said.

“You two should play tennis together, sometime. It may be nice for you to have someone your own age around.” Nan said.

The past few days have been a drag. I haven’t done anything, which means I just kind of think of Sidney. He is leaving for the Bahamas today. It is just getting harder every day to not think about him.

“Joey, you have a package.” Nan called to me while I was laying by the pool.

“Who is it from?”

“That boy you are so in love with.”

“What? He sent flowers yesterday.” I said.

“Well apparently, he misses you as much as you miss him.” Nan said and I opened the package. It was a vintage Third Eye Blind poster.

“Wow.” Is all I said.

“What is it?” Nan said confused.

“Its my favorite band. They don’t make music anymore, so all their stuff is hard to come by.” I said.

“That was nice of him.”

“Yeah, it was. But not necessary, especially when I am trying to not miss him.” I said and grabbed my phone and went to my room.

“Sidney.” I said as soon as he picked up the phone.

“Did you get it?”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t like it?” He asked.

“No, I liked it. Its just.”

“what?”

“I don’t get how I am suppose to not be sad when you keep reminding me that we are so far away from eachother.”

“You don’t want to talk?”

“No, I want to talk to you. I want to text you, but I don’t need to every single second.”

“Fine.”

“Don’t say it like that, Sidney. Its just hard trying to not think about you then getting flowers and posters. I love you and I miss you, but I just don’t want to be sad anymore.”

“You don’t have to be sad.”

“Yeah, okay.” I said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Its fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Have a good flight.” I said.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

“Are you okay?” Jake came into my room later that night after Connor left.

“What do you think Jake?” I said giving him attitude.

“You don’t have to be a bitch.” He said leaving.

“No, Jake. I’m sorry.” I said and he stopped.

“I know it has to suck.”

“Yeah.. its just I don’t even know what to do now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, everyday I would go somewhere with Sidney. I would watch him play hockey or we would plan around his schedule. Now, he isn’t here. It just hurts.”

“I know.. did I tell you that Sophie and I are talking.” He said.

“No, what? Tell me. Atleast one of us should be happy in love.” I said smiling.

“Yeah, it just kind of happened. And you are in love too, Jo. I can’t imagine what it would feel like be dating him, I can’t imagine knowing that it would be like this. I’m sorry.. maybe the Hamptons will help.”

“The Hamptons will be nice, but its not just going to make me stop missing him. Its just it feels like he doesn’t go through what I go through.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he goes to the Bahamas with his friends. He is in his hometown with his family and friends, he doesn’t care that I am not there. He is more upset about the Cup than about leaving me.”

“I don’t think that’s a fair comparison. The Cup is his dream, and you are his love.”

“I’m fine, Jake. I’m leaving in three days. I’m happy for you and Sophie. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.”

“I told her that I would. Isn’t he coming back at all?” He asked.

“Yeah, he comes back for a Golf Tournament at the end of June. I think I am still in the Hamptons though.”

“You aren’t going to come home for it?” He asked a little confused.

“I don’t know. I think it may just be worse, knowing he’s here but not staying. I don’t know.”

I hadn’t heard from Sidney since he left. But he called later that night. Like after I was already asleep. It didn’t help to know that he didn’t even call me as soon as he got home. I know he loves me, and that’s never a question in my mind. But love can only get you so far.

“Hello.” I whispered.

“Hey, babe.” He said cheery.

“Way to call when you touched down.” I said.

“I’m sorry. It was like crazy when I got back.”

“I’m sure.”

“Don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you. I miss you.. I just can’t believe how far away you are right now. Its weird to think about.”

“You know I wish it wasn’t this hard.”

“Yeah, but it is.” I simply said.

“Joey, don’t make it like this.” He whispered into the phone.

“Sidney, its not like I want to be upset.”

“I don’t get why you are mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you, I’m just mad.”

“Why?”

“Because my heart is like broken.”

“I love you, Jo.”

“It doesn’t make it hurt less. It makes it hurt more. You are so far away from me. What if I forget what it feels like to kiss you or how your arms feel around me? I know its stupid, but its true. Every other time I never loved you this much. You have been gone for a few hours and it is killing me.”

“We have been apart for away trips.”

“Yeah, but I always knew you would be coming back.”

“I am coming back.”

“Not for a long time, though.”

“I wish there was something I could say to make you believe that I love you and that I am hurting as much as you are hurting. I don’t want to be a part either.”

“ I know, I’m sorry.” I whispered.

“So how is Sam?” I asked.

“She was so excited to see me. I took her for a walk with Taylor.”

“I bet they are both really happy you are home.”

“Yeah, its nice to be home, but it sucks at the same time.”

“Yeah..” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Hey, so get this. I am flying to the Hamptons by myself.” I said.

“What?”

“Yeah, I didn’t ever think about it before. But, I am. I mean I guess it makes sense since I’m the only one going, but you know.”

“You hate planes.” He simply said.

“I know, I have panic attacks before I fly with the fam, let alone when I fly by myself.” I said.

“It will be fine though.”

“Guess what else I found out today?” I said feeling more like myself.

“What?”

“Sophie and Jake are like talking.” I said.

“What happened to him and Sarah?” He said.

“I don’t know. I guess she was cheating on him or something. Who cares, I didn’t like her.. but him and Sophie?” I said.

“Do you care?”

“No, its just kind of weird. Whatever though. Atleast she can come to visit then.” I said laughing.

“So what will you do in the Hamptons?”

“My grandparents have this huge house with a pool and a tennis court. I guess I will just do whatever. It will probably be boring.”

“Do you know anyone there?”

“I use to know some of the kids. My mom’s best friend growing up who just happens to be the daughter of my grandma’s best friend, well her son and I use to be friends. His name was Benji. He actually use to be a jerk, but I haven’t seen him in like 3 years. I don’t even know if he still goes. His grandparents’ house is right next door.”

“I’m sure it will be fun, though.”

“Yeah, you will be soaking up the sun in the Bahamas though.”

“I can’t believe we are going to be a part for 3 months.” He said.

“I just try and pretend its not happening. I just keep telling myself you will be back so so soon.”

“Is it working?”

“Obviously not, since I already ate a shitload of ice cream. I broke down once you left. I just sat in the parking lot for like 10 minutes just crying.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Stop saying that. Its not your fault you live in Canada. I just wish Canada wasn’t so far away.” I said.

“Me too.”

“Aren’t you tired?” He asked.

“Yeah, but I would rather talk to you then sleep.”

“No, babe. I will call you first thing in the morning.”

“You will call me sometime tomorrow, but first thing.. I doubt it.”

“Joey..” He said.

“I know, I don’t want to fight when you are so far away.”

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you too. Could you just promise that you won’t fall in love with some Canadian?” I said.

“My heart belongs to this weird girl from the States. I just can’t help it, she never gave me back my heart so I guess all these Canadians will just have to be disappointed.” He said trying not to laugh.

“You are just soo funny.” I said being sarcastic.

“Well what kind of request is that? Like obviously, I won’t fall in love with anyone especially since I already am in love with you.” He said matter of factly.

“Okay.. just making sure.”

“Yeah, well if I can’t fall in love with any Canadians.. could you make sure Connor knows that you won’t be falling inlove with him?” He said.

“Oh that was a funny one!” I said.

“You know he wants you.”

“If only he was Canadian, he might have a shot. There is just something about that accent, ay.” I said laughing.

“I know you think its hot.” He said.

“Oh definitely.”

“Night, Jo.” He finally said.

“I don’t want to hang up yet.” I said.

“Okay.”

“Can we just lay on the phone together for awhile?” I asked.

“Anything you want.” He said. After awhile, I finally broke the silence.

“I love you, Sidney.”

“I love you more than anything. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”

“Night.” I said sighing.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

I walked in on a conversation that Sidney was having on the phone. When he saw me come in, he immediately hung up. He had all of his luggage sitting out.

“Wait.. you are leaving today?” I said confused. “I thought we had another night together?” I said.

“My parents are flying back today, so it just made more sense.” He said.

“When were you going to tell me?” I said getting upset.

“I knew you would be upset.” He said.

“No shit, I’m upset Sidney! Its bad enough you are leaving, but I thought I had one more day, and now you tell me you are leaving in what like a few hours?! Of course I’m going to be upset.” I said.

“Babe, you are acting like I want to leave you.”

“Oh well you are obviously dreading it since you are moving it up another day!” I said.

“That’s not fair.”

“No, whats not fair is that you get to have it your way. You get to leave whenever you want and come back whenever you want. You have that freedom, you will just do things to make you forget hockey and you will not miss me, but me.. I’m going to be sitting here without you!” I yelled.

“First of all, I will miss you. And I’m sorry, Josephine. I don’t know what else to say to you. I love you and I wish we didn’t have to be a part, but we do. Okay, I love you and I will always love you and I’m sorry.”

“We can’t even say good bye then.. its like I’m going to say goodbye with your dad watching me.” I said tearing up.

“I love you and I will miss you more than anything in the world. But this first month will go fast.. I’ll be in the Bahamas in a few days and you will be in the Hamptons. Then I’ll be back for a few days then its like already July.”

“My Hamptons is completely different than your Bahamas. You are going with your friends, I am going by myself with my Nan. Maybe there will be some college kids there that I knew when I was younger, or Ben will be there. I don’t know. Its not the same.” I said and walked out of the room.

“Jo, don’t do this. Don’t push me away right before I’m suppose to leave.” He said.

“Sidney, its not like I want it to be this way. I’m dying inside. I feel like my heart is getting ripped out.” I said and he just pulled me into his arms.

“Baby, lets just go to dinner. I’ll tell my parents to take the jet and I’ll leave tomorrow night.” He said.

“You don’t have to do that. Its fine.” I said wiping my face.

“I know this is going to be hard, Jo. Every time summer rolls around we have never been this good. We have never been this solid, so it will be even harder.”

“Every year it just keeps getting harder. I feel like when you leave its like a part of me isn’t here, and I know it sounds corny but its true. You are my best friend and I love you with my whole heart and when you aren’t here, it just hurts.” I said.

“I know, it will be fine. We will get through it. I promise.” He said kissing my forehead.

“I’m okay. We can go to the airport now.” I said walking out of the room.

“I’m not ready yet.” He said grabbing my arm. “I just need to hold you awhile longer.” He said. We then just laid on the bed together, completely entangled. About an hour passed when we both knew it was time.

“ I hate this.” I simply said grabbing one of his bags and heading to my car. I was driving to the airport, obviously since he wouldn’t need his car at the airport.

“I know.” He said.

“Do you promise that we are going to talk all the time?” I asked.

“I promise that we will talk all the time and that I will miss you so so much. Everything will be fine.” He said. The ride to the airport was silent. None of us said anything, we just held hands. When we got to the airport, we got his bags. Once his bags were checked, it was time.

“I hate goodbyes.” I said crying. He just pulled me into his arms.

“I love you, don’t forget it.” He said pulling back and looking me in the eyes.

“I want you to have a great summer, but don’t find any soul mates.” He said trying to be funny.

“I’m looking at my one and only.” I said continuing to cry.

“Joey, I love you. I’ll call you as soon as we land.” He said and we just hugged for a few minutes. We gave a quick kiss and then he pulled away.

“I love you.” I said wiping my eyes.

“Bye, babe.” He said and then walked towards the plane.

“He’s gone.” I called Connor sitting in my car crying.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“No, I feel like someone just ripped out my heart. I just watched the best part of my life leave.” I said.

“Jo, its going to be fine.”

“Everyone keeps saying that, but you don’t understand how it feels!” I said.

“I’m sorry, Jo. I’ll be over with ice cream and movies.” He said.

Chapter Fifty-Seven

“So what do you think he will do if they lose tonight?” Jake asked me before Game 6.

“He will be devastated. I won’t know what to do, because it’s not like I can possibly understand what he is going through. Let’s just hope they don’t lose tonight, not in front of their fans.” I simply said.

“Jo, you can’t just act like it’s not going to happen.”

“It may not happen. Okay, you don’t understand how hard this is. He is going to leave regardless in like 4 days. Yeah, maybe I just don’t want to think about it.”

When the buzzer sounded, my heart sank into my stomach. Sidney just stood there in disbelief. He just watched Detroit celebrate, not being able to even escape it. I saw it in his face, how exhausted he was. I saw how upset he was and heartbroken. My heart sank into my stomach; imagine what his heart was doing. I have no words to comfort him, because I can’t make this dream come true for him. I have no words to comfort the fact that some of his friends and teammates won’t be in that locker room with him next year.

“I don’t want to see him.” I whispered to Jacob still sitting in our seats.

“You have to see him, Joey. He needs you.”

“He doesn’t need me, not for this. What am I going to say to him? How can I help him through this?” I said.

“You can be with him and that’s all you need. You know he is going to try and put on this brave front, but with you he can break down.”

“I’m not strong enough to watch him hurt like this.”

“You have to be, because he needs you.” He said. I knew he was right. I knew I would have to walk to the locker room for the last time this season and wait for him. Wait for my boyfriend who just came so close to achieving something he has only dreamt about. I got to wait for my boyfriend who would be devastated. I waited for Sidney for the last time. Not really knowing what to do or say.

“He is going to need you.” Trina told me.

“I just don’t know what I can do.” I whispered.

“You will figure it out.” She said.

“Where is Mr. Crosby?” I asked.

“He is in there now with him.” She said.

“Are you sure I should stay?” I asked.

“I’m sure that he needs you. I know my son.” She said.

I waited out there for over an hour. I waited for most of the guys to leave with their families.

“Hey, Jo. You should go in there.” Brooks said and then we hugged and he left with his girlfriend.

“We are going to go, just tell him we will talk to him tomorrow.” Trina said.

“Okay.” I said and I took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. I walked into the locker room to see him just sitting in his locker. His facial hair was already gone, but he just looked so defeated. I walked over and just sat beside him and put my arm on this back. We just sat there for a few minutes. Then we didn’t say anything but we walked out to his car. The car ride was silent as well. When we pulled into the Lemieuxs driveway, he broke down. He just sat there and let everything out. I didn’t know what to do. I just put my arm around him and let him get it out. After a few minutes I got out of the car, but he didn’t follow. I went to his side and opened the door. He stepped out and we just hugged and he broke down some more.

“Baby, you did everything you could do.” I whispered.

“Yeah, and it still wasn’t enough.” He simply said and he walked into the house.

“You know that to fully know how to succeed, you have to fail first.” I said and he just looked at me.

“I don’t know, my dad told me that when I failed my first Chem test.” I said.

“It’s fine. It’s just more motivation.” He said and started to change.

“I’m proud of you.” I said.

“Proud of what? Being second best?” He said.

“You aren’t second best.”

“Joey, we didn’t win.”

“You didn’t win, but look at everything you got through this year. You got hurt and you came back. You guys made it to the Finals and you are only 20 years old. Some guys never make it to the Finals, you just have to have faith that this won’t be your only shot.” I said walking over to him.

“Thanks, Jo.” He said.

“Hey, Jake.” Sidney said walking into my house the next day.

“Hey.”

“Is that..” Sidney started to ask.

“Yeah.. “ Jake answered.

“I was going to ask if she was here, but she obviously is.. with that playing.” He said and walked upstairs.

“Hey” He said sitting on my bed. When I saw him I turned off the music.

“What’s wrong?” He asked me.

“Nothing.”

“Jo.. you are laying on your bed eating ice cream and listening to Third Eye Blind, something is wrong.”

“I should be asking you that question.”

“I’m fine. We have our last meeting tomorrow.” He said. “But seriously, why are you sad?”

“I’m not.”

“Ice Cream and Third Eye Blind means you are sad.”

“I eat Ice Cream and listen to them other times.”

“Yeah, but when you are sad, that’s what you do.. so really what’s the chances you are just doing them both without being sad?” He said taking a bite of my ice cream.

“Your leaving in two days.. I’m just preparing myself.” I whispered taking back my spoon.

“Preparing yourself for what?”

“For what I know is going to happen.”

“Nothing is going to happen.”

“Sidney, that’s not true. We never make it when you go back to Canada.”

“We will.”

“Canada is far away, Sidney. Its like another life there. Its not like you are just going to Ottawa or Toronto, you are going above Maine.. dude that’s far away!” I said.

“Its far away, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“It does though. I don’t want it too but it does.”

“Baby, I love you and it doesn’t matter how many miles are between us.. that won’t change.”

“I know.. its just scary.”

“Yeah, but it will be fine. You are going to Florida and then the Hamptons and I’ll be in the Bahamas some.” He explained.

“We aren’t going to Florida anymore.” I said.

“Why?”

“Jadyn and Jocelyn are going back to the summer camp in Arizona. So I think I’m just going to the Hamptons longer.” I explained.

“Don’t be sad.. its three months. Three months is like nothing.”

“Its just we just like got back together. I don’t know. Its fine. How are you feeling?” I asked.

“It still hurts, obviously. I just can’t believe we were so close. I mean it was in my grasp and I let it slip away.”

“Just have to believe, Sid.” I whispered in his eye.

“I know. I’m going to dinner tonight with the family, please come.” He said.

“You should just be with them.” I said.

“No, I will be with them all summer, I won’t be with you all summer. I want you there.” He said.

“Okay, but could we just lay here and listen.”

“You know how much I love Third Eye Blind.” He said laughing.

“You just haven’t given them a chance. They are my favorite band..”

“Why do you listen to them when you are sad?”

“It makes me feel better.. because I remember so many things when I hear one of their songs.”

“Like what?”

“Like when I hear Motorcycle Drive By, I think of me and Jake driving to DC to watch you play your second year. And when I hear Semi-Charmed Life it was playing when I got into my car after we got together the one time.” I said.

“I love you and I will listen to anything with you.” He said eating more of my ice cream.

“Could you not steal my ice cream?”

“Hey! I’m not in season anymore; I can eat ice cream again!” He said stealing it back.

“Fine, just today I will share.” I said smiling.

“I don’t want you to be sad.”

“I don’t want you to be sad.” I said.

“But I am the reason for your sadness; you aren’t the reason for mine.”

“It doesn’t really change the fact that we are both sad.”

“True.” He said.

“You should just realize I am right all the time.” I said smiling.

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” He said.

“You know what would make me happier?” He asked.

“What?”

“This.” He said sitting the ice cream on the night stand and pulling me on top of him.

Chapter Fifty-Six

I didn’t really see Sidney much after that. He came to see me right before he went to sleep and we talked a little and kissed for awhile, then he went back to his room and Jacob came back to our room. Sid got us tickets for the two games and Jacob was so excited. I was just nervous. I knew how important this game was to Sidney, and I didn’t want to see him fail. I knew it would crush him, so all day I was just nervous. I didn’t see Sidney at all before the game. He called me and we just talked for a bit and I said good luck and stuff.

“Whats wrong with you?” Jacob asked once we found our seats.

“I’m nervous.” I whispered.

“Why?”

“This is a huge game and I don’t want him to fail.” I simply said.

“Just enjoy it, you can’t play the game for him.”

“Yeah, thank goodness for that.” I said laughing.

“So was he glad you are here?”

“Yeah, he was really surprised. I think he appreciated it. Sometimes I think that he thinks that I don’t care about his hockey, but I do obviously.” I said and then we didn’t talk much for the rest of the game. The game was hard to watch. The boys just seemed a step slow and seemed to just watch Zetterberg and Lidstrom do their magic, and produce no magic of their own. I knew Sidney would be upset after the game and I didn’t want to feel his hurt. I guess that’s true, but I also didn’t feel comfortable going down there, when most of the girlfriends don’t go on the away trips.

“Is he going to be really mad?” Jake asked later that night while we were both laying on our beds flipping through the tv.

“What do you think, Jake? Wouldn’t you be mad if you played horrible in the Stanley Cup Finals?” I said.

“Yeah, I guess that was a stupid question.”

“Yeah, it was.” I simply said.

Later that night I got a phone call. I was already in bed.

“Jo.” He said. It was like he was whispering.

“Yeah?” I said a little confused.

“I just needed to hear your voice.” He said.

“I’ll be up in like 2 minutes.” I said and got out of bed.

As soon as I walked into the room, he just looked exhausted and sad. He layed on the bed and I just followed. We just layed there for awhile until he broke the silence.

“I don’t know what happened.” He simply said.

“You will be better, Sid.”

“We have to be better, but I just don’t know.”

“You just have to have faith and believe that the guys want it just as bad as you do. You know everyone is trying as much as they can. “ I said.

“Yeah, that’s what makes me worried. We gave it all we had, and we still came up so short.”

“I’m not going to say that you didn’t give it all, but you can be better. You guys seemed in awe for atleast the first period.” I said and he just let out a sigh.

“I wish I could say or do something.” I said putting my hand on his stomach.

“This is enough.” He whispered.

“So how is Sidney?” My mom asked when we got back from Detroit. It seemed like everyone I knew was asking me this exact question. What are you suppose to say? I mean obviously he is upset and frustrated. I said the same thing every time.

“He is good, just more motivation.” I said.

“You say that every time. I’m serious, Josephine. How is he handling it?” She asked me.

“Mom, I don’t know what everyone expects me to say. First of all, its really no one’s business. Second of all, how do you think he is feeling? I mean you just have to let him go and figure it out. Sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed.”

“Just be there for him.”

“Mom, seriously. I don’t need advice on how to be a good girlfriend. I have been there for Sidney through everything, I think I can handle this.” I said.

“So what are you going to do when he goes back to Canada?” She asked.

“I’m going to say with Nan and Pap for a week or two. I told you that.” I said.

“Yeah, you did always love the Hamptons.”

“its hard not to love it. It will help to make the adjustment of Sidney not being here. Sometimes its just hard being here and knowing hes not.” I said.

“I would think it would be hard. Your father and I were never apart for very long.”

“Its not even that we are apart, because we go weeks apart when he is a way, but this is for months. And its not like he is just in Ohio, he is in Canada. Like a different country.” I said.

“You two will get through it. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” She said.

“It never has happened before. Usually when he leaves, we break up soon after.” I said.

“I think this time is different.” She said.

“What?”

“He really loves you now. I’m sure he did before, but you can see it now. Its obvious when he is with you or when he comes here. He loves you in a more passionate and deeper way than before.”

“I didn’t think you liked Sidney.”

“I like him, I just never thought you two should be together. But now, I think you should be. I think he is your soul mate.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You are a better person when you are with him. You have this faith in him that is indescribable. You two just fit together and compliment each other. I never saw it before.”

“Thanks mom.” I said and got up to my room.

“Guess what just happened.” I said calling Sidney.

“What?”

“My mom and I just had like a heart to heart.”

“About what?”

“You.” I said.

“Me? Oh did she finally admit to not liking me?” He said.

“No, she said she thinks you are my soul mate.” I said.

“Wow. I think I am too.”

“Shut up, I just wanted to tell you cause I thought it was weird. I’ll call you later though.” I said.

“Babe, you and I, we can talk for more than 2 seconds.”

“I know.”

“Okay, I’ll call you or stop by later. Love you.” He said.

“I love you too.” I said and hung up.

Chapter Fifty-Five

The morning after we got to Detroit, I decided to go to the front desk to see what room Sidney was in to surprise him. I knew that he should be in his room until practice, so I figured it would be a good time.

“Hi.” I said walking to the woman at the front desk.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Yes, actually I was hoping to find out the room number of my boyfriend. It’s a surprise that I am here.” I explained.

“Oh of course, whats his name?”

“Sidney Crosby.” I said and she just gave me a look.

“ I can’t tell you tell you that information.” She said.

“You just told me that you could?” I asked confused.

“I’m not allowed to give you that information, I can’t even confirm that they are staying here.” She said.

“I know for a fact that they are staying here. He told me that they were.” I said.

“Then why don’t you just ask him for his room number?”

“I told you that it was a surprise that I was here.. he really is my boyfriend and I just want to see him so I don’t see the reason why you can’t tell me what room he is in, because I will find out because I am his girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry, miss.” She said.

“Fine.” I said and got out of my cell phone.

“Hey, babe.” I said.

“Hey.” He said a bit confused.

“Could you come down to the front desk of the hotel?” I asked him.

“What?”

“I’m down here and it was suppose to be a surprise, but no one would tell me your room number.” I said.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.” He said and we hung up.

“My boyfriend, will be right down to prove to you that I am not lying. Why would I lie about who my boyfriend is?” I said to the woman. Then I went to sit down on a couch in the lobby. About five minutes later Sidney walked out.

“Jo, what are you doing here?” He said coming behind me.

“Jake and I are here to see the games. I wanted to be a part of it.” I said.

“I’ll get you guys tickets.” He said.

“When did you get in?” He asked.

“Last night. It was late so I didn’t come find you then. I wanted to surprise you but no one at the desk would give me your room number.” I explained and then he went up to the woman.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hey.” The woman said blushing.

“This is my girlfriend, and I just want to be clear, that if she wants something you should do everything in your power to give it to her. I would appreciate she being treated better from now on.” He said and then we walked hand in hand to the elevators.

“So why are you here?” He asked again.

“I didn’t want to miss this. But, I also don’t want to be a distraction so I will just be with Jake and if you have time or want to see me you can call me. Or my room is 707.” I said.

“You aren’t a distraction.” He said and then we kissed.

“Okay, well I will see you later.” I said.

“I love you and I’m really glad that you are here.”

“Me too, babe.” I said kissing him before I left.

Short Post

I know that he loved me. I knew that he wanted to be with me. I knew all these things, but I also knew that hockey always came first. Hockey was his first girlfriend and will probably be his last. I knew it going in and I knew it now, but it didn’t change anything. I knew he loved me, but I also knew he was leaving soon. When he leaves it never ends well. It never has and I don’t see that changing. I knew that he loved me but it didn’t change the fact that I saw it coming to an end, that’s what living in Canada does to a relationship.

“You know what we are going to do?” Jacob walked in a little bit later and said.

“What? Are you here to call me stupid again?”

“You are stupid.”

“I’m not stupid, Jake. I know he loves me, I also know that I can’t compete with hockey.”

“Don’t compete with it. Be there, you not being there is making hockey win.”

“What?”

“We are going to go to Detroit. I got a room in their hotel and I figured we can get tickets or something there.” He explained.

“You are going to come?”

“Of course I am going to come. I am not missing the Stanley Cup Finals!” He said.

“You think he will care?” I said a little unsure.

“”Yeah, he will care. He will be so excited. You know he wanted you to be there, he just didn’t want to ask you because he didn’t want you to say no, which we both know you would have.”

“Okay, when do we leave?”

“Tonight, in like an hour.” He said.

update

Hi everyone.. I just wanted to tell everyone that I will be updating more often, probably multiple times a week depending on how bored I get, but its officially summer for me now. I have nothing really lined up for the summer just doing some volunteer work and studying for my MCATs, so lots of time for writing! So keep reading and commenting..
God Bless <3

Chapter Fifty-Four

He was like speed walking or something, because I ran after him and he got in the elevator and shut it before I came to it. So I was like, “Fine, Sidney! I’ll be smarter than you, I’ll take the stairs!” So I went to the stairs, but hello they were on the 11^th floor and I was on the 4^th floor. That’s a lot of steps! So it took me longer than I expected, so then I’m thinking “Stupid idea, JOEY!” Then I’m thinking, “Why the hell am I talking to myself?!” So after I like died walking up a million flights of stairs I got to the 11^th floor. I went to Sidney’s room and I knocked and knocked and knocked. Finally, he opened up.

“I’m just going to tell you that I ran up the stairs from my room, and yeah not a good idea!” I said starting to laugh. Apparently, he wasn’t in the mood. He just walked into the bathroom.

“Sidney.” I said following him.

“What Joey?”

“I don’t get why you are so mad?”

“You are sleeping with Connor?” He said.

“It was either that or Avery.” I said.

“Really.. Connor, though? Can’t the boys stay together?”

“They would kill each other.”

“You wouldn’t be mad if you walked into a hotel room and saw me sharing a bed with a girl?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“I just didn’t think it would be this way when I asked you to come.” He said sitting on the bed.

“Sid.. I don’t want to be in the way. I don’t want to mess anything up for you. That’s why I just did my thing, because I just want you to do your thing.”

“But I don’t just want to do my thing, I asked you here because I need you here.” He said.

“I’m sorry, Sidney. I should have told you or asked you about bringing Connor and Avery. I shouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed as him if its going to bother you. I don’t want to make you upset and I don’t want you to worry. All I want you to think about is winning a hockey game.” I said staring into his eyes.

“I love you, and I’m sorry.”

“Babe, I love you more than anything in this world. I won’t sleep in bed with Connor.”

“Stay with me.” He said staring right back at me.

“Sidney.. we don’t stay together before a game.” I said.

“I need you here with me. I’m nervous, you make me feel better.”

“Are you sure?” I said still a little unsure.

“I am positive.” He said.

Sidney and I haven’t really been together that much since they won against Philly. He is very focused and doesn’t want any distractions. I am okay with it. It is kind of weird because we don’t talk as much or see eachother very often. We do lunch. I mean it has only been like 5 days, but he will go to Detroit soon. The only hard part is regardless of this outcome, he is going back to Canada shortly after these games are done. Its also hard to know that he has time to spend with his dad but not me. I want him to win and do amazing. I love him and I know how big this is for him. I just wish I was around to see it with him. I guess its not really fair to say I won’t be around, because I will be. I will be at the home games and what not. I will talk to him on the phone and if he has time we grab a bite to eat, but still. Hockey has always come first and I never was okay with it, until this moment. Because who am I to come between him and his dream?

“Where has Sidney been?” My mom asked me while we were working at the café together.

“Since they beat Philly, he has been all hockey. It’s a pretty big deal, mom.” I said.

“He doesn’t have time for you?”

“Its not like that. We talk and we go to lunch most days. He is just focused and I want him to be. This is so important to him.” I explained.

“So are you going to Detroit for the first two rounds?” She asked.

“No, I said I would go back if it went into 5.” I said.

“Oh, I see.”

“Hey.” I answered the phone while laying on my bed.

“What are you doing?” Sidney asked.

“Laying on my bed listening to my ipod. What about you?” I asked.

“We just landed in Detroit.” He said.

“Oh really? Are your parents there?” I asked.

“Yeah, I will see them tonight.”

“I see.”

“Whats wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Joey, I know when something is wrong.”

“I’m fine.”

“Fine is not an emotion, it’s a cover up.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,Sidney.” I said.

“Tell me whats wrong.”

“I just miss you.”

“I have only been gone for a day.”

“No, you haven’t been Sidney.” I said.

“Are you mad that I didn’t get you tickets for the games? Because I can still get some for you.” He said.

“I’m not mad because I ‘m not in Detroit. I’m not mad at you.. I’m not mad at all.”

“You aren’t making sense.”

“I get that this is the biggest thing that has happened in your life. I get that this is huge and it doesn’t happen every year. I want you to be completely focused and I want hockey to be your number one, but it doesn’t make it feel better. It doesn’t feel good when you know you are in the backseat to someone else’s life. I don’t need to be your number one right now, or ever I guess, but I would like to share in this time with you. I don’t want to distract you and I don’t care that I’m not in Detroit, but I want you to succeed. I want to be with you when you succeed and god forbid, you fail, I want to be there then too.”

“Babe..”

“Don’t babe me, Sidney.”

“Joey..”

“What?”

“I want you around. And you aren’t number two. You are number one and hockey is number one too. I want you around and I want you to be with me, but I don’t want you to feel like I don’t have time for you. That’s why I didn’t get you tickets, that’s why I haven’t seen you that much. I’m so focused on hockey and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t on my mind its just I know what I have to do and if you were here, I would feel bad because I couldn’t be with you.”

“Sidney, I know how much this means and I don’t want to be a distraction, its just I miss you and I love you and I want to be a part of everything.”

“Hey, Jo.. I have to go do this media thing.. I’ll call you later.”

“Okay.” I said.

“I love you.” He said.

“I know.” I simply said.

“ And I do miss you.”

“I know that too.” I said and hung up.

“What are you doing in here?” Jacob walked in and asked.

“Just laying here, thinking.”

“Sidney is in Detroit?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Whats wrong?” He asked me.

“I just miss him and I just want to be a part of this all with him, but I can’t be. I just don’t know when I will ever mean enough to be equal with everyone else.”

“Whats that suppose to mean?”

“I don’t know.”

“You guys aren’t going to break up are you?”

“No. Its not like that. We are fine, its just weird right now and its bad timing because right after this he will go to Canada.”

“Maybe it will be good for you two to be apart and think things through.”

“Jacob, Sidney and I have only been back together for a month. I love him and I know I want to be with him. Love isn’t simple.. its messy and I’m okay with it. I’m okay that he is in Detroit and I am not. I am okay that this is the biggest thing that has ever happened and I’m not there, because he doesn’t want me to be there.”

“You are stupid. He wants you there. He wants you, period. If you can’t see that, then you are just stupid.” Jacob said and left.

Fifty-Three

“So who is coming with you?” He asked me when he called me later that night.

“Avery and Connor.” I told him.

“That seems random.”

“I don’t know.” I said laughing.

“So are you still going to come over tonight?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“I love you.” He whispered to me when we were about to fall asleep.

“You say that a lot.” I said laughing.

“Its because its true.”

“I do like to hear it. You know I love you too and I’m so proud of you.” I said turning to face him and touching his face.

“I wish it could always be like this.” He said before kissing me.

“It will be, Sidney.” I said.

“I can’t believe that Sidney got us a hotel room and free tickets.” Avery said when we were walking into the hotel.

“He is inlove with our Joey.” Connor said smugly.

“Shut up, Connor.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to say it like that.” I said.

“Like what?”

“Like its such a bad thing.” I said and then I walked over to get our key.

“So is the team staying here?” Avery asked.

“Yeah they are a few floors above us. Along with Sidney’s parents.” I said smiling and Connor walked in front of us. I don’t know what his problem was, but I didn’t care.

“Do you get along with them?” Avery asked.

“Yeah.. I mean Mrs. Crosby is really nice and likes me. Mr. Crosby is nice, but he doesn’t trust me totally yet.” I said laughing.

“Yet? Its been like three years.” Avery said confused.

“Yeah, maybe he will trust me after another three. Who knows.” I said laughing.

“So what do you want to do now?” Avery sat plopping on the bed all excited.

“Could you act like you have been out of Pittsburgh once in your life?” I said laughing.

“Its just exciting!”

“Shut up, Avery!” Connor said throwing a pillow at him.

“Oh, he actually does still have personality!” I said throwing one back at Connor. “You had us worried there for awhile.” I said laughing.

“Cute, very cute.” He said grabbing the pillow and putting it back on the bed.

“So what are we going to do?” Avery asked again.

“Seriously, Av! We have been here for like two minutes.” I said.

“He’s right. Lets go do something.” Connor said.

“I’ve never been to Philly.” I said.

“that’s because it sucks.” Avery said.

“Easy, boy. You probably shouldn’t say that too loud around these parts or you might get your ass handed to you.” I said.

“Atleast then we wouldn’t have to deal with him.” Connor said.

“Boys, play nice! I don’t care what we do. Lets just walk around or something and grab something to eat.” I said.

“sounds good.”

“Yeah, lets go.” Connor said and we all left the room to embark on our journey.

“Hey.” I said picking it up my phone.

“You here?” Sid asked.

“Yeah, we are walking around and about to go to get some food.” I told him.

“Oh.” He simply said.

“What?”

“I was just hoping you would be at the hotel.” He said.

“Sorry. I didn’t know what you were going to do.” I said.

“Its fine. I think we are going to dinner in a bit.” He said.

“Then you will be back at the hotel?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Babe, don’t be mad.” I said.

“I’m not mad. I just wanted to see you.” He said.

“Okay, well I’ll text you during dinner because I think I might kill the boys.” I said.

“Okay.”

“I love you.” I said.

“Me too.” He said and hung up.

“Whats wrong with him?” Connor came to walk beside me and asked.

“Seriously, Connor. I don’t know what your problem is with Sidney today, but let it go.”

“I don’t have a problem with him.”

“Good, because we are here right now because of him.” I said and walked to catch up with Avery.

I had just gotten into bed, when I heard a knock on the door. None of the boys seemed to be moving, so I got up. It was Sidney.

“What are you doing here? I was just about to go to sleep.” I said to him.

“I don’t know.” He said and walked in. It took him like two seconds to look at the bed and freak out.

“Awesome.” He said and left the room.

Study break!

So I took a break and wrote a little update. Comment and keep reading. Maybe check out my other stories if you haven't already since I won't be updating anything for a week. 4 finals until summer and lots of writing (along with stupid MCAT studying :( ) Go Penguins! And can I just say, that I think Sidney and his beard is hot. I could live with him looking like that all the time. Haha sorry!
God Bless <3

Chapter Fifty-Two

“So how is everything?” I asked Connor sitting down for dinner.

“Its good. It just has felt weird not talking to you.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“So how is everything with Sidney?” He asked me.

“Things are good, we had a little fight the other day.”

“About what?”

“He thinks that I am this little vulnerable person and naive.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean.. I’m not the same 16 year old girl that he met three years ago. I’m not 16 anymore.” I explained. He just looked confused about me.

“Changing the subject. I’ll tell you about it in the car.” I said getting discouraged. We talked and ate. Then we headed to the arena.

“So explain this fight.” He said when he pulled into the parking lot.

“Connor, we should just get into the game.” I said.

“No, Joey. Tell me what its about.”

“You just want a reason to dislike Sidney.” I said.

“That’s not true. But there is a reason you aren’t telling me.”

“fine. So I wanted to have sex with him.”

“And?”

“And he stopped me.”

“why?”

“Apparently he doesn’t want me to regret it. Because you know, I’m not old enough to make those kind of decisions yet. Maybe in another three years.” I said getting a little annoyed.

“Jo, he just loves you. That’s all.”

“You want it too. Everyone wants me to stay this little girl. I’m not a little girl! Remember, I had sex with Simon! I had sex with Colin!” I said.

“Don’t even mention that guy’s name.” Connor said pissed.

“I’m just saying. You have no idea how it felt to want to be with him and then him just not want me.”

“I am sure its not a matter of wanting you.”

“I don’t know, Connor.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love him. I love him but I can’t help but think that something is wrong. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” I said getting out of the car.

“Hi, Mr. Crosby.” I said when I went to wait for Sidney.

“Where is Mrs. Crosby?” I asked.

“She just went to the restroom.” He said and then he walked away. Much like what he always does, he doesn’t like me much. Three years I have known his son, and he still hates me as much as the day he met me.

“Joey!” Mrs. Crosby said coming over and hugging me.

“Hi, Mrs. Crosby. Good game.” I said smiling.

“Sidney will be so happy.” She said.

“I know, he will be in a good mood atleast.”

“I know what you mean, Joey.” Mrs. Crosby said.

“I was glad to hear that you two are back together.” She whispered to me.

“Its still new.”

“Nothing is new with you two. You are two old souls.” She said.

“I think I may just leave. You three should just be together.” I said after waiting a little longer.

“No, Joey. He will want to see you.”

“He can see me later. He sees me all the time.” I said laughing.

“Don’t you think he sees Troy all the time too?”

“Its different. I just don’t want to be a burden.” I said.

“What are you two talking about?” Sidney said coming over and hugging his mom.

“Of course we are talking about you, since you are always on our minds.” I said laughing and he gave me a quick kiss.

“Good game, hunny.” Mrs. Crosby said.

“Where’s dad?”

“he is talking to Mario.” She said.

“Where’s Connor?” Sid asked me.

“Shut up, Sidney!” I said.

The boys are up 2-0 to Philly. They are traveling to Philly tomorrow for the next two games. Sidney is so focused it is insane. He is always focused, but this series has taken it to a whole new level.

“Hey baby.” He said walking into my room.

“Hi, love.” I said kissing him.

“So I have a proposition for you.” He said sitting on the bed.

“Uh oh.” I said looking confused.

“I want you to come to Philadelphia.”

“What?”

“I want you to come see the games.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am sure. I want you there.”

“Yeah, but Sidney we won’t even see eachother.”

“We will see eachother. The day before the game we don’t do much so I can be with you and after the games.” He said.

“Are you completely sure? I don’t want to mess anything up.”

“Jo, I love you and I want you to be with me during this.”

“Okay, I love you.” I said kissing him again.

“So you will come?”

“Yeah, can people come with me?”

“yeah, who?” He asked.

“Wait, let me guess. Connor.” He said.

“Don’t be like that.”

“Whoever you want to come can come, as long as you are there.” He said.

“I’ll be there. Will you get me a room and stuff though?”

“Already done. And flight are done.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t going to let you say no. And, I wanted you to be in the same hotel so I can see you.” He said.

“You make it hard to dislike you.” I said laughing.

“I’m just so damn loveable!” He said laughing.

“Oh yeah, that must be it.”