Chapter Fifty-Four

He was like speed walking or something, because I ran after him and he got in the elevator and shut it before I came to it. So I was like, “Fine, Sidney! I’ll be smarter than you, I’ll take the stairs!” So I went to the stairs, but hello they were on the 11^th floor and I was on the 4^th floor. That’s a lot of steps! So it took me longer than I expected, so then I’m thinking “Stupid idea, JOEY!” Then I’m thinking, “Why the hell am I talking to myself?!” So after I like died walking up a million flights of stairs I got to the 11^th floor. I went to Sidney’s room and I knocked and knocked and knocked. Finally, he opened up.

“I’m just going to tell you that I ran up the stairs from my room, and yeah not a good idea!” I said starting to laugh. Apparently, he wasn’t in the mood. He just walked into the bathroom.

“Sidney.” I said following him.

“What Joey?”

“I don’t get why you are so mad?”

“You are sleeping with Connor?” He said.

“It was either that or Avery.” I said.

“Really.. Connor, though? Can’t the boys stay together?”

“They would kill each other.”

“You wouldn’t be mad if you walked into a hotel room and saw me sharing a bed with a girl?”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“I just didn’t think it would be this way when I asked you to come.” He said sitting on the bed.

“Sid.. I don’t want to be in the way. I don’t want to mess anything up for you. That’s why I just did my thing, because I just want you to do your thing.”

“But I don’t just want to do my thing, I asked you here because I need you here.” He said.

“I’m sorry, Sidney. I should have told you or asked you about bringing Connor and Avery. I shouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed as him if its going to bother you. I don’t want to make you upset and I don’t want you to worry. All I want you to think about is winning a hockey game.” I said staring into his eyes.

“I love you, and I’m sorry.”

“Babe, I love you more than anything in this world. I won’t sleep in bed with Connor.”

“Stay with me.” He said staring right back at me.

“Sidney.. we don’t stay together before a game.” I said.

“I need you here with me. I’m nervous, you make me feel better.”

“Are you sure?” I said still a little unsure.

“I am positive.” He said.

Sidney and I haven’t really been together that much since they won against Philly. He is very focused and doesn’t want any distractions. I am okay with it. It is kind of weird because we don’t talk as much or see eachother very often. We do lunch. I mean it has only been like 5 days, but he will go to Detroit soon. The only hard part is regardless of this outcome, he is going back to Canada shortly after these games are done. Its also hard to know that he has time to spend with his dad but not me. I want him to win and do amazing. I love him and I know how big this is for him. I just wish I was around to see it with him. I guess its not really fair to say I won’t be around, because I will be. I will be at the home games and what not. I will talk to him on the phone and if he has time we grab a bite to eat, but still. Hockey has always come first and I never was okay with it, until this moment. Because who am I to come between him and his dream?

“Where has Sidney been?” My mom asked me while we were working at the café together.

“Since they beat Philly, he has been all hockey. It’s a pretty big deal, mom.” I said.

“He doesn’t have time for you?”

“Its not like that. We talk and we go to lunch most days. He is just focused and I want him to be. This is so important to him.” I explained.

“So are you going to Detroit for the first two rounds?” She asked.

“No, I said I would go back if it went into 5.” I said.

“Oh, I see.”

“Hey.” I answered the phone while laying on my bed.

“What are you doing?” Sidney asked.

“Laying on my bed listening to my ipod. What about you?” I asked.

“We just landed in Detroit.” He said.

“Oh really? Are your parents there?” I asked.

“Yeah, I will see them tonight.”

“I see.”

“Whats wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Joey, I know when something is wrong.”

“I’m fine.”

“Fine is not an emotion, it’s a cover up.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,Sidney.” I said.

“Tell me whats wrong.”

“I just miss you.”

“I have only been gone for a day.”

“No, you haven’t been Sidney.” I said.

“Are you mad that I didn’t get you tickets for the games? Because I can still get some for you.” He said.

“I’m not mad because I ‘m not in Detroit. I’m not mad at you.. I’m not mad at all.”

“You aren’t making sense.”

“I get that this is the biggest thing that has happened in your life. I get that this is huge and it doesn’t happen every year. I want you to be completely focused and I want hockey to be your number one, but it doesn’t make it feel better. It doesn’t feel good when you know you are in the backseat to someone else’s life. I don’t need to be your number one right now, or ever I guess, but I would like to share in this time with you. I don’t want to distract you and I don’t care that I’m not in Detroit, but I want you to succeed. I want to be with you when you succeed and god forbid, you fail, I want to be there then too.”

“Babe..”

“Don’t babe me, Sidney.”

“Joey..”

“What?”

“I want you around. And you aren’t number two. You are number one and hockey is number one too. I want you around and I want you to be with me, but I don’t want you to feel like I don’t have time for you. That’s why I didn’t get you tickets, that’s why I haven’t seen you that much. I’m so focused on hockey and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t on my mind its just I know what I have to do and if you were here, I would feel bad because I couldn’t be with you.”

“Sidney, I know how much this means and I don’t want to be a distraction, its just I miss you and I love you and I want to be a part of everything.”

“Hey, Jo.. I have to go do this media thing.. I’ll call you later.”

“Okay.” I said.

“I love you.” He said.

“I know.” I simply said.

“ And I do miss you.”

“I know that too.” I said and hung up.

“What are you doing in here?” Jacob walked in and asked.

“Just laying here, thinking.”

“Sidney is in Detroit?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Whats wrong?” He asked me.

“I just miss him and I just want to be a part of this all with him, but I can’t be. I just don’t know when I will ever mean enough to be equal with everyone else.”

“Whats that suppose to mean?”

“I don’t know.”

“You guys aren’t going to break up are you?”

“No. Its not like that. We are fine, its just weird right now and its bad timing because right after this he will go to Canada.”

“Maybe it will be good for you two to be apart and think things through.”

“Jacob, Sidney and I have only been back together for a month. I love him and I know I want to be with him. Love isn’t simple.. its messy and I’m okay with it. I’m okay that he is in Detroit and I am not. I am okay that this is the biggest thing that has ever happened and I’m not there, because he doesn’t want me to be there.”

“You are stupid. He wants you there. He wants you, period. If you can’t see that, then you are just stupid.” Jacob said and left.