Chapter Eighty-Two

“Hey, babe.” I said when I got home and calling Sidney.

“How’s Simon?” he asked me.

“Fine.”

“How was soccer?” He asked.

“Sidney, don’t act like this.”

“I’m not acting like anything.”

“Yes you are. Soccer was brutal. I don’t know how I am going to make it through this week. But, the bigger question is why you are mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at me. I am simply upset that my girlfriend is thousands of miles away. I’m upset because I miss her more than humanly possible. I’m upset because I am not with her but she is with her ex boyfriend.”

“Did you get my letter?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then read it again and stop being stupid.” I said.

Sid,

I love you. And I miss you. Anything else that I could possibly say to you isn’t nearly as important at those two simple sentences. Life sucks sometimes and I’m often scared of what lies ahead for us, but I know that nothing could pull us apart. No man could ever capture my heart the way you did. You have my heart, completely and undeniably. You probably are wondering why I am telling you this, but it seems pretty common to express these feelings when we are so far away from eachother. Though, I know I will doubt you sometimes and I know that sometimes I will question girls throwing themselves at you and you may doubt me spending time with Simon or Connor, me and you.. we are forever. This won’t go away easily. I love you and I miss you.

PS. I don’t really like writing these letters because its like me telling you I love you in like hundred different ways. I know that its necessary sometimes, but a simple I love you should do the trick. So I love you.

Forever plus Eternity xoxo

“Did you read it?” I asked after about five minutes of silence on the phone.

“Yes.”

“And what did it say?”

“That you love me and nothing could tear us apart.” He said.

“Exactly. So yes, I spent the day with Simon. Yes, we dated. Yes, we had sex. But, no I don’t love him. No, I would never think about being with him over you. NEVER!” I said.

“Okay..”

“Sidney, all we did was lay around. I was tired, I iced my knee. He supplied the ice. If you were around, I wouldn’t have been there.”

“Exactly, Jo. If I was around.. but I’m not.”

“Sidney, I love you. Deal with it.” I said and hung up the phone.

“I can’t believe you hung up on me.” He said about five seconds later.

“You are being a jerk. I don’t know how to tell you any other way to tell you that I love you and you are the only person I want to be with. I don’t know how this is going to work if saying I love you isn’t enough anymore.”

“Its enough. Okay, I just miss you.”

“And I miss you but I’m not jumping down your throat.” I said.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just miss you.”

“And I miss you. I’ll call you later tonight.” I said.

“Is it sad that this is my favorite part of the day?” I asked lying in bed with Sidney on the other end of the phone.

“What is?”

“Just lying here pretending that you are with me. I like just knowing that we are both in bed. I wish you were beside me but its comforting to be able to just hear you breathe.” I said.

“I know. But it is killing my bank account by sleeping with you by phone.” He said.

“Good thing that bank account is pretty full.” I said laughing. We do this every night since we have been apart. We just stay on the phone while we are sleeping. Its comforting.

“Do you think this is as good as it gets?” I asked him after about twenty minutes of just listening to him breathe.

“No, but it wouldn’t be bad if it was.” He said.

“Sidney, I miss you.” I whispered.

“I know.”

“No, I miss you so much that it hurts.” I said crying a little.

“Joey, don’t cry.” He said.

“I just don’t like this. I know this is how we are. I know that we spend more time apart than a normal couple, but it doesn’t make it easier.”

“No one said it would be easy, but the alternative is not being with you.. and that’s not an alternative for me.”He said.

“I love you.. and I love that we are dorks.” I said smiling.

“babe, you have practice early tomorrow, lets just go to sleep.”

“Okay, night.. I love you.” I said.. putting the phone beside me on the pillow and closing my eyes. Sometimes I wake up and just listen to the phone to hear him breathe. I know you are going to think we are crazy. Jacob walked in once and said we were. But no one can understand. We don’t do this when he has games and we only did it a few times before I left Canada, but it helps. It helps being able to hear him. It helps knowing where he is, and it sounds crazy but its comforting.