"Hey, my mom sent this for you." He said handing me a box when I came out of the bathroom.
"Did you wrap this?" I asked.
"What do you think?"
"Definitely not. Its too nice. I've seen your wrapping ability." I said laughing.
"Well open it." He said.
I opened it up to find a sweatshirt from Sidney's high school and a tee shirt for Taylor's hockey team.
"Taylor wanted you to have something from Cole Harbour." He said.
Then I found a picture in a frame. It was of his family and me. It was like a real family.
"My mom sent this. She told me to look at it and realize how good it looked."
"Without your mom we never would have gotten together in the first place." I said.
"She's smart." He said and I finished getting ready. Then we headed to the car to embark on our shopping adventure.
"Where are we going?" I asked once we were on the road.
"I figured we would start at Nordstrom."
"I can already see this leading to a fight."
"Why?"
"I don't like you spending money on me."
"What else am I going to spend money on?"
"Something more important."
"I don't think there is anything else more important." He said looking at me with a smirk.
"I think you should get another pair of Uggs." He said once we were in the store.
"Sidney, I have one pair. How many do I really need?"
"Another one." He said and I just gave him a look.
"Jo, have fun. Let us have fun. Let me do this for you." He said.
"Okay."
"So what color do you want?"
"I already have the chocolate pair. What color do you like?"
"I think you should get a black pair." He said and it was like on cue that a sales person walked over.
"Can I help you with anything?" The man asked.
"Yeah, can we have this pair in.. What size, Jo?"
"Ten." I answered and then the man walked away and Sidney started looking at other shoes.
"I think you should get a pair of heels." He said.
"Why exactly do I need heels?"
"I don't know.. You would look good in them." He said smiling and I didn't budge. "Okay, if you try on a pair and buy just one pair of heels I will buy you as many pairs of chucks as you want." he said.
"Oh so we have resorted to bribery now?" I asked laughing.
"Whatever works, babe. Whatever works." He said holding out a pair of Jimmy Choo's.
"Do you like?" He asked.
"Yeah, but no way am I letting you dish out $600 for a pair of shoes that I don't even want." I said.
"Fine." He said and then the man walked over with my pair of Uggs.
"Do you think you could just hold these for now, we are going to be looking at other things?" Sidney asked.
"Of course, Mr. Crosby." The man said then walked away.
"Don't you think its weird that he called you Mr. Crosby when he doesn't even know you." I said walking towards another section of the store.
"I just ignore it." He said grabbing my hand. We then walked over to the bags.
"Babe, I don't even carry handbags." I said.
"Didn't you tell me how you wanted a Coach bag though?" He asked.
"Along time ago I wanted one. But it would be useless because I don't even use them."
"Fine.. will you please just let me buy something for you."
"I am letting you buy me anything you want." I said.
"I'm just going to start picking things out for you."
"Okay, I like surprises anyways." I said and he walked the other way. About ten minutes later after Sidney was just walking around without me, I went over to him.
"Hey, why don't we go look for you some things?" I said with a smile.
"Would that make you happier?" He asked.
"I am happy, but I do like shopping for you." I said.
When we left Nordstrom I had gotten my Uggs and Sidney had gotten a few ties and shirts.
"Why is it that I have more stuff than you and its your birthday?" He said looking at all the bags he was carrying.
"I guess you are the girl in the relationship." I said laughing.
"Not funny." He said and then he headed towards Tiffanys.
"Where are you going?"
"Tiffanys."
"Why?"
"Because what girl doesn't like to look at jewelry."
"Not at Tiffanys. I will never let you buy me something at Tiffanys." I said.
"Lets just look." He said and then we walked in. Everyone seemed to just look at us, apparently they had recognized him.
"Looking for an engagement ring?" A woman asked.
"We are just looking around." I said and Sidney was for real looking around.
"This is my favorite." He said pointing to one.
"I like this one." I said pointing to a different one.
"I'll keep that in mind." He said smiling.
"Shut up, we aren't getting engaged anytime soon." I said and started to leave the store.
"Don't you want anything?"
"No, Sid. I got everything I need." I said reaching for his hand.
"Do you realize this is the first time we have ever shopped together." He said.
"Probably because every store we go into people look at us. I feel like everyone is staring."
"Just ignore them." He said and just like that some girls came over and asked to get a picture with him.
"Chucks now?" I asked.
"Anything you want."
So when all was said and done 5 groups of people asked for autographs and pictures. Countless people stared at us. Sidney got some stuff and I got my Uggs, two pairs of Chucks, a few things that were plaid.
"Why won't you were plaid?" I asked him once we got into the car.
"I just don't do plaid."
"You would look hot in plaid."
"Don't I look hot all the time?" He asked.
"Well yes, but just think how much hotter you would look in plaid!" I said.
"Maybe for you I will wear plaid."
"Thanks for this, Sid." I said.
"Oh babe, the day is far from over."
"What now?" I asked.
"I thought we would go to the hotel and watch some movies."
"What movies?" I asked.
"Well I know how much you love Dawson, so I thought we could watch Dawson's series finale, and that one episode of Beverly Hills that you love so much. And then.. Titantic and Mighty Ducks."
"Babe, that will take all day."
"Good thing we have all day." He said looking at me.
"Why are you doing all this?" I asked him.
"I want you to know that I do love you."
"I know.. but no L word."
"Okay, well I want you to know that you are the most important thing to me and I really do want forever." He said.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
So no one freak out when I say this, but I started writing a new Sidney story. I already have some of it written and I just wanted to get some feedback. This is still my main story, and I have no intentions of ending this story any time soon. I just figured since I already have about 11 pages written on my computer I would post a bit. Its something different.. I mean not really. It just takes a slightly different angle. It will still have my signature on in it. So check it out. its called An Unexpected Reality. Comment on this and that. Thanks so much! God Bless!
Chapter Forty-Seven
"Morning, babe." Sidney said and kissed me in the morning.
"Why are you up so early?"
"I want to ask you something."
"Okay." I said sitting up a little more and wiping my eyes and he sat down on the bed near me.
"Do you want to be together?" He asked being all serious.
"We are together."
"No, I mean officially. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to love you and I want it right now." He said staring into my eyes.
"I want it.. but I don't want to use the L word yet."
"Okay." He said then jumped up.
"Where are you going?" I yelled at him. A few minutes later he brought me up Starbucks, Apple Juice, and Chocolate Chip pancakes.
"Oh babe.. were you not going to give it to me if I didn't want us to be us again?"
"No, but I'm really happy you did say yes." He said and leaned in to give me a deep kiss.
I started to eat some of the food.
"Do you want some?" I asked holding out my fork with some of it on it.
"Maybe just a bite." He said and I fed it to him.
"This is so good, Sid." I said with my mouth full.
"Thats hot, babe."
"Shut up!"
"So how does it feel to be 19?"
"A whole lot better now that I got you." I said laughing.
"You are stupid." He said.
"You can't be mean to me on my birthday. Its like not allowed."
"What do you want to do today?"
"Well I would really love to shower and I need to go get my phone from my mom. What stuff do you got today?"
"Nothing.. I'm devoted to you today." He said.
"You should be devoted to me everyday."
"Oh yeah, sorry I am devoted to you and hockey everyday." He said throwing a pillow at me.
"Hey! Watch the pancakes!" I yelled at him.
"I thought we could go shopping and I'll get you some stuff. Also, I got us a room tonight."
"Sidney.." I said.
"Not like that. I thought we could go to dinner and then just stay there and not worry about anything."
"You do treat me way too well." I said and he went into the bathroom to shower. When he got out I was still laying in bed.
"Are you ever getting out of bed?"
"Its comfy." I said rolling around in his bed. I rolled to the pillow that he slept on.
"It smells like you." I said pulling up the covers.
"You are just putting off going to get your phone from your mom."
"You know that you are coming with me." I said getting out of the bed.
"Why?" He said pulling on one of his shirts.
"Because my mom likes you." I said helping him put it on.
"Probably not when I wasn't even invited to your birthday dinner." He said laughing.
"Last night wasn't my birthday dinner. My birthday dinner is tonight with you. Its ridiculous because you have been a part of my family way before Sarah."
"Just don't think about it. Lets go get your phone.. you can shower and then we can spend some money."
"You know I don't like spending your money."
"But today you will because today is not only your birthday but we are exclusive."
"If we were in high school would you give me your letter jacket?" I said laughing.
"I never understood that.. where I went to high school we didn't even have letter jackets."
"Probably because you didn't really go to high school. You were in juniors."
"Yeah.. but I mean we didn't. Did you?"
"No. we should have had like gold jackets with the amount of money that we paid to go to school there." I said and he just started to laugh.
"You know what I'm into lately." I said getting into his car to go back to my house.
"What?"
"Plaid. I'm loving plaid lately."
"Well we will get you some plaid. I like when you wear chucks."
"Chucks and plaid thats where its at. I want to see you in plaid.. or better yet chucks." I said.
"I don't do chucks or plaid."
"Okay, well I hope you like me in my plaid and chucks."
"I like you in that.. of course." He said.
"MA!" I said walking into the house.
"Happy Birthday, Baby." She said giving me a hug.
"Can I have my phone back?" I asked her.
"Yeah.. can I talk to you about last night?" She asked me.
"Yeahh." I said sitting down and I pulled Sidney to sit down beside me.
"I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry that Sidney couldn't be with us and I'm sorry that I made you miss the game."
"Mom I know you just like having the family together, but Sidney is a part of my life and is as big of a part as my family as anyone. I just want to be able to spend my birthday the way I want. I want to be with Sidney, and I don't want you to be mad at me when I stay at Sidneys, but we just like to be together when we can because I mean he is leaving soon."
"I know, Joey. Its just weird."
"Why is it weird?" I asked and Sidney got up.
"Sidney.. sit." I said to him.
"Its weird because I don't like thinking about my daughter with her boyfriend."
"Well mom we don't do anything so you don't have to think about it. And mom I am 19.. you don't know what I do at school and I don't do anything. I mean Sidney is probably scared right now about us talking about this, but we haven't done anything and we have been whatever since I was 16. I just don't get why there is a double standard with Jacob."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Jacob will not come home all weekend. Sarah stays here sometimes and we all know they aren't just sleeping."
"Jacobs a boy."
"And I'm a girl and it shouldn't matter."
"It does matter.."
"Well it shouldn't and thats what I hate. I hate how me and Jacob aren't equals. We are treated differently and he is only like 5 minutes older than me!"
"I'm sorry."
"I'm going to go shower. I'll be back later or maybe tomorrow morning." I said and walked up to my bathroom and Sidney followed.
"Why did I have to be there for this talk?"
"Why wouldn't you be there?" I asked him.
"It was awkward."
"Yeah for everyone."
"Does she really need to know that we don't have sex?"
"Sidney, even if we were having sex I wouldn't tell her that. I don't want my mom thinking about that."
"Well I don't think thats ever going to happen."
"Oh Sid.. it will." I said putting my hand on where his pathetic beard is.
"I like this scruff. You should do this all the time." I said.
"Don't hate."
"I don't hate. I like." I said kissing his jaw line.
"Go shower! I want to start the festivities!" He said.
"Why are you up so early?"
"I want to ask you something."
"Okay." I said sitting up a little more and wiping my eyes and he sat down on the bed near me.
"Do you want to be together?" He asked being all serious.
"We are together."
"No, I mean officially. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to love you and I want it right now." He said staring into my eyes.
"I want it.. but I don't want to use the L word yet."
"Okay." He said then jumped up.
"Where are you going?" I yelled at him. A few minutes later he brought me up Starbucks, Apple Juice, and Chocolate Chip pancakes.
"Oh babe.. were you not going to give it to me if I didn't want us to be us again?"
"No, but I'm really happy you did say yes." He said and leaned in to give me a deep kiss.
I started to eat some of the food.
"Do you want some?" I asked holding out my fork with some of it on it.
"Maybe just a bite." He said and I fed it to him.
"This is so good, Sid." I said with my mouth full.
"Thats hot, babe."
"Shut up!"
"So how does it feel to be 19?"
"A whole lot better now that I got you." I said laughing.
"You are stupid." He said.
"You can't be mean to me on my birthday. Its like not allowed."
"What do you want to do today?"
"Well I would really love to shower and I need to go get my phone from my mom. What stuff do you got today?"
"Nothing.. I'm devoted to you today." He said.
"You should be devoted to me everyday."
"Oh yeah, sorry I am devoted to you and hockey everyday." He said throwing a pillow at me.
"Hey! Watch the pancakes!" I yelled at him.
"I thought we could go shopping and I'll get you some stuff. Also, I got us a room tonight."
"Sidney.." I said.
"Not like that. I thought we could go to dinner and then just stay there and not worry about anything."
"You do treat me way too well." I said and he went into the bathroom to shower. When he got out I was still laying in bed.
"Are you ever getting out of bed?"
"Its comfy." I said rolling around in his bed. I rolled to the pillow that he slept on.
"It smells like you." I said pulling up the covers.
"You are just putting off going to get your phone from your mom."
"You know that you are coming with me." I said getting out of the bed.
"Why?" He said pulling on one of his shirts.
"Because my mom likes you." I said helping him put it on.
"Probably not when I wasn't even invited to your birthday dinner." He said laughing.
"Last night wasn't my birthday dinner. My birthday dinner is tonight with you. Its ridiculous because you have been a part of my family way before Sarah."
"Just don't think about it. Lets go get your phone.. you can shower and then we can spend some money."
"You know I don't like spending your money."
"But today you will because today is not only your birthday but we are exclusive."
"If we were in high school would you give me your letter jacket?" I said laughing.
"I never understood that.. where I went to high school we didn't even have letter jackets."
"Probably because you didn't really go to high school. You were in juniors."
"Yeah.. but I mean we didn't. Did you?"
"No. we should have had like gold jackets with the amount of money that we paid to go to school there." I said and he just started to laugh.
"You know what I'm into lately." I said getting into his car to go back to my house.
"What?"
"Plaid. I'm loving plaid lately."
"Well we will get you some plaid. I like when you wear chucks."
"Chucks and plaid thats where its at. I want to see you in plaid.. or better yet chucks." I said.
"I don't do chucks or plaid."
"Okay, well I hope you like me in my plaid and chucks."
"I like you in that.. of course." He said.
"MA!" I said walking into the house.
"Happy Birthday, Baby." She said giving me a hug.
"Can I have my phone back?" I asked her.
"Yeah.. can I talk to you about last night?" She asked me.
"Yeahh." I said sitting down and I pulled Sidney to sit down beside me.
"I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry that Sidney couldn't be with us and I'm sorry that I made you miss the game."
"Mom I know you just like having the family together, but Sidney is a part of my life and is as big of a part as my family as anyone. I just want to be able to spend my birthday the way I want. I want to be with Sidney, and I don't want you to be mad at me when I stay at Sidneys, but we just like to be together when we can because I mean he is leaving soon."
"I know, Joey. Its just weird."
"Why is it weird?" I asked and Sidney got up.
"Sidney.. sit." I said to him.
"Its weird because I don't like thinking about my daughter with her boyfriend."
"Well mom we don't do anything so you don't have to think about it. And mom I am 19.. you don't know what I do at school and I don't do anything. I mean Sidney is probably scared right now about us talking about this, but we haven't done anything and we have been whatever since I was 16. I just don't get why there is a double standard with Jacob."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Jacob will not come home all weekend. Sarah stays here sometimes and we all know they aren't just sleeping."
"Jacobs a boy."
"And I'm a girl and it shouldn't matter."
"It does matter.."
"Well it shouldn't and thats what I hate. I hate how me and Jacob aren't equals. We are treated differently and he is only like 5 minutes older than me!"
"I'm sorry."
"I'm going to go shower. I'll be back later or maybe tomorrow morning." I said and walked up to my bathroom and Sidney followed.
"Why did I have to be there for this talk?"
"Why wouldn't you be there?" I asked him.
"It was awkward."
"Yeah for everyone."
"Does she really need to know that we don't have sex?"
"Sidney, even if we were having sex I wouldn't tell her that. I don't want my mom thinking about that."
"Well I don't think thats ever going to happen."
"Oh Sid.. it will." I said putting my hand on where his pathetic beard is.
"I like this scruff. You should do this all the time." I said.
"Don't hate."
"I don't hate. I like." I said kissing his jaw line.
"Go shower! I want to start the festivities!" He said.
chapter Forty-Six
"So I'll see you tonight after the game." Sidney said calling on his way to the arena for their fifth game in the Rangers series.
"Yeah.. I have to go to dinner tonight because you know we have to celebrate on Jacob's actual birthday instead of mine!" I said getting pissed.
"Its okay, babe. Just think tomorrow me and you will celebrate your birthday tomorrow together."
"I know.. I'll see you later." I said.
"Smile, Jo."
"Good luck." I said and hung up the phone.
"You better go get ready!" My mom said to me when I watching TV on the couch in the living room.
"I don't get why we had to go to dinner tonight." I said.
"Why?"
"because Mom.. Sidney has a game tonight and I have to go to dinner. Oh yeah, I like how Jacob's girlfriend can come to dinner but mine can't.. actually I can't even go to his game!"
"Josephine!"
"No, Mom. Answer me this.. why do we always have to celebrate our birthday on Jacob's birthday? Its been that way since I can remember. We always go to dinner on May 4 instead of May 5. We always blow out the candles on his birthday.. its like my birthday doesn't even exist."
"Stop acting like you are 5 years old, Joey!"
"Mom, its a big deal that I'm not going to see the whole game tonight!"
"Well, news you aren't seeing anything tonight."
"What?"
"We are going to dinner at 7;30 and then we are coming home to open presents and cake."
"This is just great." I said reaching for my phone and she grabbed the phone out of my hands and took it.
"I don't get why you are doing this?" I said.
"I don't get why you are acting like a child."
"Maybe because I still am a child, but no one would realize this because no one even remembers that I am around." I said and then I went upstairs.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get ready like you said, because apparently I shouldn't even be happy on my own birthday! Oh wait its not really my birthday.. its just the day we celebrate my birthday."
I got ready and was completely pissed off. I can't even tell you, but I was going to put on a happy face.
After Dinner
"How did you get this?" Jacob asked me.
"When they came to Pittsburgh I had Sidney pull a few strings and he got it for me."
"You know he's my favorite." Jake said holding up a LeCavlier jersey that I got signed for him.
"I know..Open this one." I handed to him.
"Are you kidding?" He said in disbelief.
"Sidney knows him obviously so it wasn't that hard. Its from both of us." I said about the Gretzky signed jersey.
"This is awesome."
"I know, I'm glad you like it." I said looking at my watch.
"Joey, you aren't going anywhere tonight." Mom said.
Surprisingly enough I didn't get many presents. Jocelyn and Jayden got me a few movies. Mom and Dad bought me some Beverly Hills 90210 seasons and a couple Friends seasons. Jason and Jordan got me some candy. It was nice.. everything was nice and I appreciated everything but I just wanted to be somewhere else. By the time the cake was eaten and the presents were open it was already 10:00. The game would have been over.
Around 11:00 I went down the soccer fields. I needed to get away and think. I needed to talk to Sidney but I didn't have my phone and I didn't know if he would be home so I went to the fields. It was about to storm and the sky was really cool looking. About a half hour later it started to thunderstorm. I just sat there watching the thunder and lightening light up the sky. I was sitting in the rain just trying to get my head straight, until I heard a voice.
"Joey." He said.
"What are you doing here?"
"When you weren't there after the game I got worried. I went to your house and you weren't there and no one knew where you were, but obviously it wasn't too hard to figure out."
"I'm sorry that I didn't go to the game.. I wanted too.. everything just got messed up."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"My mom took my phone.. my mom still has my phone.. my mom wants to ruin my life." I said."Sidney, you shouldn't be in the rain. You can't get sick.. you have to play hockey." I said.
"You are here, I am here. Thats how it works now." He said hugging me.
"I don't get why my birthday always is like this." I said.
"Babe, its fine. Everything is fine.. I'm here." He said touching my face. I kissed him. I kissed him for the first time in awhile. I kissed him and the world seemed to stop.
"What was that for?"
"Lets just go." I said and walked into his car.
"So you won right?" I asked.
"Yeah.. tell me what happened."
"I simply said how I didn't understand why we always celebrate on Jacob's birthday, why we can't ever do anything on my birthday. I also said how I didn't think it was fair because Sarah was going with us but we couldn't wait to go for a time when you could come with us. I mean I'm not even allowed to go to the game tonight, but Sarah is a part of the family and gets to do everything with us? We couldn't go until 7:30 because she works until 7. Thats just ridiculous. then I said about how no one even cares and stuff like that and she took my phone."
"babe, I'm sorry."
"no, I'm sorry. I should have been there tonight. I should have just left or something. I'm sorry I missed it." I said and then he pulled into Mario's.
"Come on, lets get some tea and I'll give you some warm clothes."
"Thanks for standing in the rain for me."
"I like kissing in the rain." He said smiling and then pulled me out of the car and kissed me again.
"Kissing in the warmth might be nice too." I said and pulled away and walked into the house.
"Yeah.. I have to go to dinner tonight because you know we have to celebrate on Jacob's actual birthday instead of mine!" I said getting pissed.
"Its okay, babe. Just think tomorrow me and you will celebrate your birthday tomorrow together."
"I know.. I'll see you later." I said.
"Smile, Jo."
"Good luck." I said and hung up the phone.
"You better go get ready!" My mom said to me when I watching TV on the couch in the living room.
"I don't get why we had to go to dinner tonight." I said.
"Why?"
"because Mom.. Sidney has a game tonight and I have to go to dinner. Oh yeah, I like how Jacob's girlfriend can come to dinner but mine can't.. actually I can't even go to his game!"
"Josephine!"
"No, Mom. Answer me this.. why do we always have to celebrate our birthday on Jacob's birthday? Its been that way since I can remember. We always go to dinner on May 4 instead of May 5. We always blow out the candles on his birthday.. its like my birthday doesn't even exist."
"Stop acting like you are 5 years old, Joey!"
"Mom, its a big deal that I'm not going to see the whole game tonight!"
"Well, news you aren't seeing anything tonight."
"What?"
"We are going to dinner at 7;30 and then we are coming home to open presents and cake."
"This is just great." I said reaching for my phone and she grabbed the phone out of my hands and took it.
"I don't get why you are doing this?" I said.
"I don't get why you are acting like a child."
"Maybe because I still am a child, but no one would realize this because no one even remembers that I am around." I said and then I went upstairs.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to get ready like you said, because apparently I shouldn't even be happy on my own birthday! Oh wait its not really my birthday.. its just the day we celebrate my birthday."
I got ready and was completely pissed off. I can't even tell you, but I was going to put on a happy face.
After Dinner
"How did you get this?" Jacob asked me.
"When they came to Pittsburgh I had Sidney pull a few strings and he got it for me."
"You know he's my favorite." Jake said holding up a LeCavlier jersey that I got signed for him.
"I know..Open this one." I handed to him.
"Are you kidding?" He said in disbelief.
"Sidney knows him obviously so it wasn't that hard. Its from both of us." I said about the Gretzky signed jersey.
"This is awesome."
"I know, I'm glad you like it." I said looking at my watch.
"Joey, you aren't going anywhere tonight." Mom said.
Surprisingly enough I didn't get many presents. Jocelyn and Jayden got me a few movies. Mom and Dad bought me some Beverly Hills 90210 seasons and a couple Friends seasons. Jason and Jordan got me some candy. It was nice.. everything was nice and I appreciated everything but I just wanted to be somewhere else. By the time the cake was eaten and the presents were open it was already 10:00. The game would have been over.
Around 11:00 I went down the soccer fields. I needed to get away and think. I needed to talk to Sidney but I didn't have my phone and I didn't know if he would be home so I went to the fields. It was about to storm and the sky was really cool looking. About a half hour later it started to thunderstorm. I just sat there watching the thunder and lightening light up the sky. I was sitting in the rain just trying to get my head straight, until I heard a voice.
"Joey." He said.
"What are you doing here?"
"When you weren't there after the game I got worried. I went to your house and you weren't there and no one knew where you were, but obviously it wasn't too hard to figure out."
"I'm sorry that I didn't go to the game.. I wanted too.. everything just got messed up."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"My mom took my phone.. my mom still has my phone.. my mom wants to ruin my life." I said."Sidney, you shouldn't be in the rain. You can't get sick.. you have to play hockey." I said.
"You are here, I am here. Thats how it works now." He said hugging me.
"I don't get why my birthday always is like this." I said.
"Babe, its fine. Everything is fine.. I'm here." He said touching my face. I kissed him. I kissed him for the first time in awhile. I kissed him and the world seemed to stop.
"What was that for?"
"Lets just go." I said and walked into his car.
"So you won right?" I asked.
"Yeah.. tell me what happened."
"I simply said how I didn't understand why we always celebrate on Jacob's birthday, why we can't ever do anything on my birthday. I also said how I didn't think it was fair because Sarah was going with us but we couldn't wait to go for a time when you could come with us. I mean I'm not even allowed to go to the game tonight, but Sarah is a part of the family and gets to do everything with us? We couldn't go until 7:30 because she works until 7. Thats just ridiculous. then I said about how no one even cares and stuff like that and she took my phone."
"babe, I'm sorry."
"no, I'm sorry. I should have been there tonight. I should have just left or something. I'm sorry I missed it." I said and then he pulled into Mario's.
"Come on, lets get some tea and I'll give you some warm clothes."
"Thanks for standing in the rain for me."
"I like kissing in the rain." He said smiling and then pulled me out of the car and kissed me again.
"Kissing in the warmth might be nice too." I said and pulled away and walked into the house.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Chapter four-five
"You are coming to the game tonight, right?" He asked.
"Sidney.. of course I am." I said.
"I was just checking.."
"Jocelyn has been begging me to take her to one.. so if Jake drops us off when he goes into the city you can take us both after the game?" I asked.
"Yeah.. why is she all of a sudden interested in hockey?"
"I'm assuming it has something to do with boys, but who knows." I said laughing.
"Okay well I'm going to go take a nap, but I'll see you after?"
"Yes, Sidney stop! I will be there I promise you.. you are being weird."
"Will you stay tonight?"
"Aren't you leaving for New York?"
"No we will leave tomorrow."
"I'll think about it."
After the game.
"Why is it taking him so long?" Jocey asked after the game.
"He has to get dressed and showered and answers reporters and such."I said.
"He is taking forever."
"Oh this is nothing. Occassionally he will work out afterwards."
"You always wait for him?" She asked me.
"Yeah.. its what I do.. he would get worried or upset if he couldn't find me after."
"You love him again?" She asked and I shook my head.
"Don't tell." I whispered and Sidney walked over.
"How was your first game?" Sid asked.
"Its fun."
"You just missed her complaining about you taking so long." I said laughing.
"She's lying." Jocelyn said getting all defensive.
"Relax, Jocey. So Sid is Tangers still back there because I'm pretty sure she has a crush on him." I said to Sidney.
"I'll go see." He said and walked back into the lockerroom.
"Where is he going now?" She complained.
"He will be right back.. stop complaining!" I told her.
In about five minutes Sidney came back with Tangers, TK, Max, and Jordan. He came over and put his arm around Jocelyn and introduced her to all of them. It was so cute and he was like trying to be so cool and whatnot. After we talked to them for awhile they left.
"Ready?" He asked and Jocelyn shook her head. She started to walk infront of us and Sidney grabbed my hand and we walked towards his car.
"Thanks for that." I said to him.
"Of course.. I need her to be back on my side." He said giving me that look.
"I don't think she ever left your side." I said.
"What?"
"Sidney.. you are a 13 year olds dream.. hell you are probably any girl's dream." I said.
"Good thing I only want to be in your dreams." He said completely serious and I just started laughing.
"Don't say corny things like that!" I said.
"Its the truth."
"Well thats sweet, but still corny." I said laughing. When we got into the car he had another surprise for Jocelyn.
"So since I made you wait so long how about we stop for ice cream?" He turned around and asked her.
"Sidney, you don't have to do that." I whispered.
"Jocelyn, do you want to go get ice cream?"
"Cold Stone?" She asked.
"Do you really think your sister would let me take her anywhere besides cold stone?" He asked.
"Shut up! I don't make you do anything!" I yelled at him.
"Oh yeah..my bad." He said smiling.
When we dropped off Jocelyn, he asked me again if I would stay at Marios.
"Why do you want me to stay so bad?" I asked.
"I just like knowing that you are safe." He said.
"Sidney, nothing is going to happen to me."
"I know, but I worry about you when I'm not with you and when I'm not in Pittsburgh I really worry about you lately. So I just like going to sleep with you and waking up with you and being able to hear your heart beat." He said.
"How am I suppose to say no to that?" I said.
"Hopefully you aren't going too." He said and then I whispered "okay."
"Sidney.. of course I am." I said.
"I was just checking.."
"Jocelyn has been begging me to take her to one.. so if Jake drops us off when he goes into the city you can take us both after the game?" I asked.
"Yeah.. why is she all of a sudden interested in hockey?"
"I'm assuming it has something to do with boys, but who knows." I said laughing.
"Okay well I'm going to go take a nap, but I'll see you after?"
"Yes, Sidney stop! I will be there I promise you.. you are being weird."
"Will you stay tonight?"
"Aren't you leaving for New York?"
"No we will leave tomorrow."
"I'll think about it."
After the game.
"Why is it taking him so long?" Jocey asked after the game.
"He has to get dressed and showered and answers reporters and such."I said.
"He is taking forever."
"Oh this is nothing. Occassionally he will work out afterwards."
"You always wait for him?" She asked me.
"Yeah.. its what I do.. he would get worried or upset if he couldn't find me after."
"You love him again?" She asked and I shook my head.
"Don't tell." I whispered and Sidney walked over.
"How was your first game?" Sid asked.
"Its fun."
"You just missed her complaining about you taking so long." I said laughing.
"She's lying." Jocelyn said getting all defensive.
"Relax, Jocey. So Sid is Tangers still back there because I'm pretty sure she has a crush on him." I said to Sidney.
"I'll go see." He said and walked back into the lockerroom.
"Where is he going now?" She complained.
"He will be right back.. stop complaining!" I told her.
In about five minutes Sidney came back with Tangers, TK, Max, and Jordan. He came over and put his arm around Jocelyn and introduced her to all of them. It was so cute and he was like trying to be so cool and whatnot. After we talked to them for awhile they left.
"Ready?" He asked and Jocelyn shook her head. She started to walk infront of us and Sidney grabbed my hand and we walked towards his car.
"Thanks for that." I said to him.
"Of course.. I need her to be back on my side." He said giving me that look.
"I don't think she ever left your side." I said.
"What?"
"Sidney.. you are a 13 year olds dream.. hell you are probably any girl's dream." I said.
"Good thing I only want to be in your dreams." He said completely serious and I just started laughing.
"Don't say corny things like that!" I said.
"Its the truth."
"Well thats sweet, but still corny." I said laughing. When we got into the car he had another surprise for Jocelyn.
"So since I made you wait so long how about we stop for ice cream?" He turned around and asked her.
"Sidney, you don't have to do that." I whispered.
"Jocelyn, do you want to go get ice cream?"
"Cold Stone?" She asked.
"Do you really think your sister would let me take her anywhere besides cold stone?" He asked.
"Shut up! I don't make you do anything!" I yelled at him.
"Oh yeah..my bad." He said smiling.
When we dropped off Jocelyn, he asked me again if I would stay at Marios.
"Why do you want me to stay so bad?" I asked.
"I just like knowing that you are safe." He said.
"Sidney, nothing is going to happen to me."
"I know, but I worry about you when I'm not with you and when I'm not in Pittsburgh I really worry about you lately. So I just like going to sleep with you and waking up with you and being able to hear your heart beat." He said.
"How am I suppose to say no to that?" I said.
"Hopefully you aren't going too." He said and then I whispered "okay."
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Chapter Forty-Four
"where did you go this morning?" Sidney asked coming down in the basement where I was watching some soap opera.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you leave?"
"I panicked and I was scared."
"Of what?"
"I want to be with you.. believe me, I do. Its just the things you said last night I mean I have dreamt of you saying them but its scary to actually hear them."
"Don't you think it was scary waking up this morning and not having you there.. I didn't know where you were or what happened.. I don't ever want to have that feeling again."
"I just don't want this to go too fast. I want it to be right."
"How could it ever be wrong?" He asked.
"You know what I mean. I just I don't know."
"Jo, I won't leave you. But you can't leave me like you did this morning."
"I know.." I said.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you leave?"
"I panicked and I was scared."
"Of what?"
"I want to be with you.. believe me, I do. Its just the things you said last night I mean I have dreamt of you saying them but its scary to actually hear them."
"Don't you think it was scary waking up this morning and not having you there.. I didn't know where you were or what happened.. I don't ever want to have that feeling again."
"I just don't want this to go too fast. I want it to be right."
"How could it ever be wrong?" He asked.
"You know what I mean. I just I don't know."
"Jo, I won't leave you. But you can't leave me like you did this morning."
"I know.." I said.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Chapter Forty-Three
"Here, let me take him." Sidney said as soon as the game was over. Ryan had fallen asleep somewhere in the third period.
"Thanks." I said.
"Where is Avery?" He asked.
"He went to the car. I am just meeting him there."
"Well are you ready?" He asked and reached for my hand.
"Jo." Sidney said walking into the cafe well after midnight.
"What are you doing here?"
"Jacob called, said you never came home after Connors."
"Yeah.." I said turning around on the stool.
"What happened?" He asked when he realized I had been crying.
"He just made me realize something."
"What?"
"That I'm not suppose to be happy.. well I am but I'm not suppose to be with anyone. I have gotten use to being alone and I think thats how its suppose to be for me.. I mean it has to be because why else would Connor say things like what he just said."
"Jo." He said coming towards me.
"No, Sidney. I am fine with being alone. I don't believe in happily ever after. My prince charming isn't going to just come rescue me and I'm fine with that. I don't deserve it and I can be happy with it. I don't need a prince.. I'm fine on my own." I said.
"Jo." He said and I looked away.
"Look at me." He said. "You deserve the world. You deserve happily ever after and you deserve your prince charming."
"Its not in the cards for me." I said cutting him off.
"I want to give you the world, I want to be in your happily ever after and I want to be your prince charming and I hate the fact that someone made you think otherwise."
"No, Sidney."
"Yes, Joey. You are worthy of the world. I want to be with you.."He said and leaned in and kissed me.
"Sidney." I said putting my hand on his mouth and pushing him away. "I can't do this because I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if my heart can handle you leaving me again."
"I will never leave you. I will never leave you and I will do whatever I can do to make you believe in happily ever after again. I will do everything to make you believe that I am your prince charming. I want to be that for you.. just let me be that for you." He said and I was looking deep into his eyes and I believed every word of it. I believed he would give me the world and I believed that he wouldn't leave me but I just broke down and started to cry.
"I want to believe you and I want to be with you but I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't get why these things happen to me. I don't get why Connor said those things."
"Baby, I'm here. You don't have to be scared because I won't let anything happen. I want to protect you.. I never want you to feel alone. And I hate Connor for doing whatever he did to you."
"Sidney.. please don't leave me. Please don't break me again because I don't think I can take it again." I said digging my head into his chest.
"Lets go back to Mario's. We can stay there tonight."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not leaving you tonight." He said and then we walked to his car.
"Thanks." I said.
"Where is Avery?" He asked.
"He went to the car. I am just meeting him there."
"Well are you ready?" He asked and reached for my hand.
"Jo." Sidney said walking into the cafe well after midnight.
"What are you doing here?"
"Jacob called, said you never came home after Connors."
"Yeah.." I said turning around on the stool.
"What happened?" He asked when he realized I had been crying.
"He just made me realize something."
"What?"
"That I'm not suppose to be happy.. well I am but I'm not suppose to be with anyone. I have gotten use to being alone and I think thats how its suppose to be for me.. I mean it has to be because why else would Connor say things like what he just said."
"Jo." He said coming towards me.
"No, Sidney. I am fine with being alone. I don't believe in happily ever after. My prince charming isn't going to just come rescue me and I'm fine with that. I don't deserve it and I can be happy with it. I don't need a prince.. I'm fine on my own." I said.
"Jo." He said and I looked away.
"Look at me." He said. "You deserve the world. You deserve happily ever after and you deserve your prince charming."
"Its not in the cards for me." I said cutting him off.
"I want to give you the world, I want to be in your happily ever after and I want to be your prince charming and I hate the fact that someone made you think otherwise."
"No, Sidney."
"Yes, Joey. You are worthy of the world. I want to be with you.."He said and leaned in and kissed me.
"Sidney." I said putting my hand on his mouth and pushing him away. "I can't do this because I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't know if my heart can handle you leaving me again."
"I will never leave you. I will never leave you and I will do whatever I can do to make you believe in happily ever after again. I will do everything to make you believe that I am your prince charming. I want to be that for you.. just let me be that for you." He said and I was looking deep into his eyes and I believed every word of it. I believed he would give me the world and I believed that he wouldn't leave me but I just broke down and started to cry.
"I want to believe you and I want to be with you but I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't get why these things happen to me. I don't get why Connor said those things."
"Baby, I'm here. You don't have to be scared because I won't let anything happen. I want to protect you.. I never want you to feel alone. And I hate Connor for doing whatever he did to you."
"Sidney.. please don't leave me. Please don't break me again because I don't think I can take it again." I said digging my head into his chest.
"Lets go back to Mario's. We can stay there tonight."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not leaving you tonight." He said and then we walked to his car.
Chapter Fory-Two
Lately it has been really good between me and Sidney. We would see eachother everyday because he had like a week of just practice before they took on the Rangers. I would joke around how embarrassing it was to go out in public with him and his awful playoff beard, but it was all fun. We were still just friends, no kissing, and surprisingly no fights. Tonight is the first game against the Rangers and I obviously was planning on going, but I got a random call from Connor which altered the plans a little.
"Sidney I have to babysit tonight." I called him when I knew he would be up from his nap.
"What?"
"Connor called me and there is no one to babysit his brother Ryan. I felt bad so I said I would do it."
"Can't you bring him to the game?"
"Can I? Cause I mean I would if I could."
"Yeah.. please, Jo. I need you there."
"Okay, I'll call Connor. I'll see you after the game. Good luck."
I called Connor and I worked it out that me and Avery would come and pick up Ryan, since Avery has a car with a car seat in it already. Avery and I would go to the game and then we would take Ryan back to Connor's house after the game.
"Connor is such an ass." I said driving with Avery to pick up Ryan.
"I thought ya'll were best friends?"
"Yeah we were.. until he gets this girlfriend Ashlee or something and now we don't talk, but yet he calls me when he needs something."
"Well you are a good friend."
"Yeah.. sometimes to a fault. Oh well."
"Sidney I have to babysit tonight." I called him when I knew he would be up from his nap.
"What?"
"Connor called me and there is no one to babysit his brother Ryan. I felt bad so I said I would do it."
"Can't you bring him to the game?"
"Can I? Cause I mean I would if I could."
"Yeah.. please, Jo. I need you there."
"Okay, I'll call Connor. I'll see you after the game. Good luck."
I called Connor and I worked it out that me and Avery would come and pick up Ryan, since Avery has a car with a car seat in it already. Avery and I would go to the game and then we would take Ryan back to Connor's house after the game.
"Connor is such an ass." I said driving with Avery to pick up Ryan.
"I thought ya'll were best friends?"
"Yeah we were.. until he gets this girlfriend Ashlee or something and now we don't talk, but yet he calls me when he needs something."
"Well you are a good friend."
"Yeah.. sometimes to a fault. Oh well."
Chapter Forty-One
I felt someone sit on my bed and I opened my eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I asked still somewhat asleep.
"I thought we could spend the day together." He said.
"Don't you have better things to do?" I asked.
"Nothing better than you."
"No hockey?"
"No hockey." He answered.
"Okay, but could we just lay here for a little?" I asked and he took off his shoes and crawled into bed with me.
"You do know its like 9 o'clock." He said.
"I really don't care.. I just want to sleep for a little longer." I said and he snuggled closer to me.
About an hour or so later I got up. And I woke him up.
"Now was it really necessary for you to wake me up like that?" He asked.
"Sorry." I said laughing.
"Do you want to go workout with me?" He asked.
"Where?"
"The rink. We can use the weight room and we could skate or something."
"Why?"
"I want to workout with you."
"You are weird, but okay. I need orange juice though." I said.
"I'll go get you some downstairs and you grab your stuff." He said and left the room.
"Whats Sidney doing here?" Jacob asked walking into my room.
"Who the hell knows." I said laughing.
"Do you want him here?"
"Yeah, I guess. We are going to the gym or something." I said.
"Fun times."
"Shut up, Jacob. Okay he is trying.. I can appreciate that." I said and then I closed the bathroom door.
"You are confusing." I said getting into his car.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I never know where I stand with you."
"I want to make it work, Jo. There is no one else for me, I know this now."
"Yeah, but you didn't know it like a week ago." I said.
"I'm sorry. I can't change it, but I'm trying."
"I know. Its just weird sometimes cause its hard to keep up."
"Well I am here now."
"Yeah, but for how long?" I said under my breath.
"Thats not fair, Jo."
"It is fair because I'm not going to fall for it again, Sid. Your my best friend but I don't want to keep throwing around my heart to people who just will throw it away when things get rough."
"I just want a chance."
"And I'm giving it to you, but it doesn't mean that I trust you."
"Isn't that the point of us becoming how we were, for you to trust me again?"
"Sure." I said and turned up the music.
"You always do that."
"Do what?"
"Anytime we start talking about something that is a touchy subject you just turn up the music."
"Sorry." I said.
"You don't have to say sorry, its just I am trying. I want this and I want everything to be good again you just have to cut me some slack because I don't know what else I can do."
"I know, Sidney.."
When we got to the rink there were some of the penguin personnel there.
"What are you doing here, Sid?" One of them asked him.
"We thought we would work out for a little, maybe skate some." He said.
Then we walked into the weight room. We didn't talk much, I put on my ipod and I just went on cardio machines. I was on them for like an hour and then I went to do some leg machines, I guess I was making some weird faces or something because Sidney came over.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"You have no idea how much it hurts, Sidney. Its like its never going to get better."
"You looked good on the tredmill"
"Yeah because I was doing the same motion over and over again."
"Just give it time." He said.
"Its already been almost 5 months." I said.
"Do you want to stop?" He asked.
"No.. its fine."
"Okay, well I'm going go out on the ice for a little. Will you be okay?" He asked.
"I'll be fine, Sidney." I said laughing.
After about twenty minutes I put on my skates and went out on the ice. I just started doing sprints while Sidney was doing things with the puck.
After another half hour, Sidney stopped me.
"You can't push yourself that hard, Jo."
"I'm fine." I said skating off.
"We have been here for two hours and you have been like nonstop." He said following me.
" I need to get better." I said.
"Why? Why is it so important?"
"Its the only reason my dad even talks to me. He use to talk to me about you but that stopped now he talks about my rehab and soccer. If I don't have you or soccer my dad won't ever talk to me."
"First of all, you have me.. you will always have me. Second, you can't do this for your dad."
"Its just hard, Sidney. I don't know when I am going to get better.. its hard being in that house.. its hard feeling like this."
"Feeling like what?"
"Like its never going to get better. I feel like my parents don't care, we are just getting back.. Connor is like dating some new girl so we don't talk because she doesn't like me and Simon just told me that he is going back home in a week. I just feel alone."
"You aren't alone. You have me, okay. I know that things got messed up but I'm here now. I swear to you it will be fine." He said grabbing me into a hug.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, okay. I hurt you and I deal with that everyday and I'm sorry more than I could ever say.
"What are you doing here?" I asked still somewhat asleep.
"I thought we could spend the day together." He said.
"Don't you have better things to do?" I asked.
"Nothing better than you."
"No hockey?"
"No hockey." He answered.
"Okay, but could we just lay here for a little?" I asked and he took off his shoes and crawled into bed with me.
"You do know its like 9 o'clock." He said.
"I really don't care.. I just want to sleep for a little longer." I said and he snuggled closer to me.
About an hour or so later I got up. And I woke him up.
"Now was it really necessary for you to wake me up like that?" He asked.
"Sorry." I said laughing.
"Do you want to go workout with me?" He asked.
"Where?"
"The rink. We can use the weight room and we could skate or something."
"Why?"
"I want to workout with you."
"You are weird, but okay. I need orange juice though." I said.
"I'll go get you some downstairs and you grab your stuff." He said and left the room.
"Whats Sidney doing here?" Jacob asked walking into my room.
"Who the hell knows." I said laughing.
"Do you want him here?"
"Yeah, I guess. We are going to the gym or something." I said.
"Fun times."
"Shut up, Jacob. Okay he is trying.. I can appreciate that." I said and then I closed the bathroom door.
"You are confusing." I said getting into his car.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I never know where I stand with you."
"I want to make it work, Jo. There is no one else for me, I know this now."
"Yeah, but you didn't know it like a week ago." I said.
"I'm sorry. I can't change it, but I'm trying."
"I know. Its just weird sometimes cause its hard to keep up."
"Well I am here now."
"Yeah, but for how long?" I said under my breath.
"Thats not fair, Jo."
"It is fair because I'm not going to fall for it again, Sid. Your my best friend but I don't want to keep throwing around my heart to people who just will throw it away when things get rough."
"I just want a chance."
"And I'm giving it to you, but it doesn't mean that I trust you."
"Isn't that the point of us becoming how we were, for you to trust me again?"
"Sure." I said and turned up the music.
"You always do that."
"Do what?"
"Anytime we start talking about something that is a touchy subject you just turn up the music."
"Sorry." I said.
"You don't have to say sorry, its just I am trying. I want this and I want everything to be good again you just have to cut me some slack because I don't know what else I can do."
"I know, Sidney.."
When we got to the rink there were some of the penguin personnel there.
"What are you doing here, Sid?" One of them asked him.
"We thought we would work out for a little, maybe skate some." He said.
Then we walked into the weight room. We didn't talk much, I put on my ipod and I just went on cardio machines. I was on them for like an hour and then I went to do some leg machines, I guess I was making some weird faces or something because Sidney came over.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"You have no idea how much it hurts, Sidney. Its like its never going to get better."
"You looked good on the tredmill"
"Yeah because I was doing the same motion over and over again."
"Just give it time." He said.
"Its already been almost 5 months." I said.
"Do you want to stop?" He asked.
"No.. its fine."
"Okay, well I'm going go out on the ice for a little. Will you be okay?" He asked.
"I'll be fine, Sidney." I said laughing.
After about twenty minutes I put on my skates and went out on the ice. I just started doing sprints while Sidney was doing things with the puck.
After another half hour, Sidney stopped me.
"You can't push yourself that hard, Jo."
"I'm fine." I said skating off.
"We have been here for two hours and you have been like nonstop." He said following me.
" I need to get better." I said.
"Why? Why is it so important?"
"Its the only reason my dad even talks to me. He use to talk to me about you but that stopped now he talks about my rehab and soccer. If I don't have you or soccer my dad won't ever talk to me."
"First of all, you have me.. you will always have me. Second, you can't do this for your dad."
"Its just hard, Sidney. I don't know when I am going to get better.. its hard being in that house.. its hard feeling like this."
"Feeling like what?"
"Like its never going to get better. I feel like my parents don't care, we are just getting back.. Connor is like dating some new girl so we don't talk because she doesn't like me and Simon just told me that he is going back home in a week. I just feel alone."
"You aren't alone. You have me, okay. I know that things got messed up but I'm here now. I swear to you it will be fine." He said grabbing me into a hug.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, okay. I hurt you and I deal with that everyday and I'm sorry more than I could ever say.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Chapter Forty
"Dad, can you come and help me move out?" I called to ask my dad.
"Of course, how much stuff do you have?"
"I have a lot.. I'm going to ask some other guys to help. It shouldn't take that long."
"Jacob is coming home then too."
"Oh.. well Dad I can just have some of the guys help, its fine."
"Josephine, stop. I'm your father I will help you."
"Thanks Dad."
"Are you okay?" He asked me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just glad to be done. Just call me when you are here." I said and hung up the phone.
"What was up with that?" Connor asked.
"You know.."
"I don't." Simon said.
"I'm the oldest of 6 kids.. they kind of forget about me and Jacob. Well not Jacob because he's Jacob.. but it should be interesting to go home. I will just be working at the cafe and babysitting all the time."
"Its not that bad." Connor said.
"I love my family, but everyone is worried about the younger kids. My mom has no idea whats going on with me and Sidney and she really doesn't care, at all. Do you know how many times they have come here? I live a half hour away and I think the only time they were ever here was when they moved me in and then when I got hurt. they were here for my games but nothing more."
"Well we will still work out, so that will be good." Simon said.
"Yeah.. you can come to the cafe and hang out with me.. I could probably use it." I said.
"Okay well I'll take these boxes out to your car." Simon said.
"Jo, what is really up?" Connor asked once Simon left.
"I love my family, Connor.. you know that. Its just a whole different world going back there. I love the kids but its all about them all the time."
"you know you can come hang at my place anytime.. you can go to the soccer house with Simon, or you can be with Sidney, I'm sure."
"Sidney is focusing on hockey. I mean its the first round of the playoffs, I'm not getting in the way of that."
"Well, Jo. You know I'm here, always."
"I know, Connor. Thanks for this year." I said and then my dad called.
"Hey." Sidney called during the packing progress.
"Hey.. I'm packing up all my shit. Can I call you back?" I asked him.
"Yeah.. Call me whenever." He said and then hung up.
"Was that Sidney?" My dad asked.
"Yeah."
"What is up with you two?" He asked.
"Lets not talk about it now. I just want to get home." I said.
"Hey, sorry it took so long for me to call you back." I said laying on my bed at home.
"Oh its okay. Are you all home now?" He asked.
"Yeah.. finally. It was interesting."
"why?"
"Well my dad came to help so that was fun and then we tried to have a family dinner you know to like celebrate Jake and me being home, but Jordan and Jason weren't really feeling it so they started like throwing a tantrum in the middle of the restaurant so my mom left with them and then it was just 5 us there."
"Oh gosh."
"Yeah.. so how good did it feel win there?" I asked.
"So good. Just got to win another tomorrow and everything is good."
"Yeah.. I'll def be watching."
"So tell me about the test or something.. just talk."
"Haha Sidney!"
"What? I just want to talk." He said.
"Shouldn't you be going to sleep or something?"
"Jo, its like 9. Can we just talk, please?"
"Okay.. so I'm working at the cafe like forever."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm working there to help out the family like everyday but I'm not getting that money. I'm not getting very much money from it so I don't know. I don't know how this summer is going to go. I'm going to work and work out with Simon. We are going to Disney World though, that should be funny because Jordan and Jason have never been there."
"When are you going there?"
"as soon as everyone is done with school, not til like the middle of June. Then I think I'm going to go to the Hamptons for a week or so to live with my grandparents."
"I didn't know your Grandparents lived in the Hamptons."
"Yeah, they have lived there for ever. Like once they moved away from NYC they just moved out there."
"So your mom is from New York?"
"She is from like outside of New York, but my mom left to come to school in Pittsburgh she met my dad and the rest is history. So my grandparents moved from New York like once my mom came to Pittsburgh."
"Oh thats cool."
"Yeah.. it will be nice to not have the rest of the family."
"So do you still want 6 kids?" He asked me.
"I always wanted them but as I get older i'm starting to realize whats its like. I feel like my parents hardly have time for me but I think I could do better. I still want them."
We just kept talking for an hour or so about anything and everything. Sidney and I got back the dynamic that made us us. It was nice to talk to him and I'm ready to see him in a few days. I know that he won't have alot of time for me, but he will be down the block so it will be nice. I definitely am not going out in public with him with that stupid mustache. It always feels like once one thing is good the other sucks. Like soccer sucks, family might suck, but Sidney is good. Everything can't be awesome all the time, I know this. But it would be nice to have it be okay all at once.
"Of course, how much stuff do you have?"
"I have a lot.. I'm going to ask some other guys to help. It shouldn't take that long."
"Jacob is coming home then too."
"Oh.. well Dad I can just have some of the guys help, its fine."
"Josephine, stop. I'm your father I will help you."
"Thanks Dad."
"Are you okay?" He asked me.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just glad to be done. Just call me when you are here." I said and hung up the phone.
"What was up with that?" Connor asked.
"You know.."
"I don't." Simon said.
"I'm the oldest of 6 kids.. they kind of forget about me and Jacob. Well not Jacob because he's Jacob.. but it should be interesting to go home. I will just be working at the cafe and babysitting all the time."
"Its not that bad." Connor said.
"I love my family, but everyone is worried about the younger kids. My mom has no idea whats going on with me and Sidney and she really doesn't care, at all. Do you know how many times they have come here? I live a half hour away and I think the only time they were ever here was when they moved me in and then when I got hurt. they were here for my games but nothing more."
"Well we will still work out, so that will be good." Simon said.
"Yeah.. you can come to the cafe and hang out with me.. I could probably use it." I said.
"Okay well I'll take these boxes out to your car." Simon said.
"Jo, what is really up?" Connor asked once Simon left.
"I love my family, Connor.. you know that. Its just a whole different world going back there. I love the kids but its all about them all the time."
"you know you can come hang at my place anytime.. you can go to the soccer house with Simon, or you can be with Sidney, I'm sure."
"Sidney is focusing on hockey. I mean its the first round of the playoffs, I'm not getting in the way of that."
"Well, Jo. You know I'm here, always."
"I know, Connor. Thanks for this year." I said and then my dad called.
"Hey." Sidney called during the packing progress.
"Hey.. I'm packing up all my shit. Can I call you back?" I asked him.
"Yeah.. Call me whenever." He said and then hung up.
"Was that Sidney?" My dad asked.
"Yeah."
"What is up with you two?" He asked.
"Lets not talk about it now. I just want to get home." I said.
"Hey, sorry it took so long for me to call you back." I said laying on my bed at home.
"Oh its okay. Are you all home now?" He asked.
"Yeah.. finally. It was interesting."
"why?"
"Well my dad came to help so that was fun and then we tried to have a family dinner you know to like celebrate Jake and me being home, but Jordan and Jason weren't really feeling it so they started like throwing a tantrum in the middle of the restaurant so my mom left with them and then it was just 5 us there."
"Oh gosh."
"Yeah.. so how good did it feel win there?" I asked.
"So good. Just got to win another tomorrow and everything is good."
"Yeah.. I'll def be watching."
"So tell me about the test or something.. just talk."
"Haha Sidney!"
"What? I just want to talk." He said.
"Shouldn't you be going to sleep or something?"
"Jo, its like 9. Can we just talk, please?"
"Okay.. so I'm working at the cafe like forever."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm working there to help out the family like everyday but I'm not getting that money. I'm not getting very much money from it so I don't know. I don't know how this summer is going to go. I'm going to work and work out with Simon. We are going to Disney World though, that should be funny because Jordan and Jason have never been there."
"When are you going there?"
"as soon as everyone is done with school, not til like the middle of June. Then I think I'm going to go to the Hamptons for a week or so to live with my grandparents."
"I didn't know your Grandparents lived in the Hamptons."
"Yeah, they have lived there for ever. Like once they moved away from NYC they just moved out there."
"So your mom is from New York?"
"She is from like outside of New York, but my mom left to come to school in Pittsburgh she met my dad and the rest is history. So my grandparents moved from New York like once my mom came to Pittsburgh."
"Oh thats cool."
"Yeah.. it will be nice to not have the rest of the family."
"So do you still want 6 kids?" He asked me.
"I always wanted them but as I get older i'm starting to realize whats its like. I feel like my parents hardly have time for me but I think I could do better. I still want them."
We just kept talking for an hour or so about anything and everything. Sidney and I got back the dynamic that made us us. It was nice to talk to him and I'm ready to see him in a few days. I know that he won't have alot of time for me, but he will be down the block so it will be nice. I definitely am not going out in public with him with that stupid mustache. It always feels like once one thing is good the other sucks. Like soccer sucks, family might suck, but Sidney is good. Everything can't be awesome all the time, I know this. But it would be nice to have it be okay all at once.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Chapter Thirty-Nine
"For you." He said sitting down a cup of starbucks on the table.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"Thought you could use some starbucks.. hows it coming?" He asked.
"Two down.. two to go. Thursday can't come soon enough."
"I know you are just excited to get back to Sewickley living only a block away from me."
"You just know me so well." I said starting to smile. "What time do you leave for Ottawa?"
"I'm heading into the city right after this." He said.
"Well good luck. I will definitely take a break and watch the game. Just think when you are done there I'll be done too!"
"Tell me how they go."
"Yeah, def. I will talk to you later. Good Luck and thanks for the coffee."
"Of course.. bye Jo." He said and walked out of the library.
"What was Sidney doing?" Sophie asked when we left the library.
"He brought me coffee."
"He brought you coffee?"
"Yeah.."
"What does that mean?"
"we are trying to be friends. He's trying to make me trust him again. He wants to get together."
"What do you want?"
"I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to think about him and Brittany together. What I want doesn't really matter because its not happening."
"I can tell in your eyes that you want him back."
"I may want him back and I think about it a lot, but we aren't together and we aren't going to be."
"But you are friends?"
"We are friends.. we have always been friends."
"Okay.. I have to go take this damn test. I'll see you for dinner?" Sophie asked.
"Yeah, sounds good."
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"Thought you could use some starbucks.. hows it coming?" He asked.
"Two down.. two to go. Thursday can't come soon enough."
"I know you are just excited to get back to Sewickley living only a block away from me."
"You just know me so well." I said starting to smile. "What time do you leave for Ottawa?"
"I'm heading into the city right after this." He said.
"Well good luck. I will definitely take a break and watch the game. Just think when you are done there I'll be done too!"
"Tell me how they go."
"Yeah, def. I will talk to you later. Good Luck and thanks for the coffee."
"Of course.. bye Jo." He said and walked out of the library.
"What was Sidney doing?" Sophie asked when we left the library.
"He brought me coffee."
"He brought you coffee?"
"Yeah.."
"What does that mean?"
"we are trying to be friends. He's trying to make me trust him again. He wants to get together."
"What do you want?"
"I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to think about him and Brittany together. What I want doesn't really matter because its not happening."
"I can tell in your eyes that you want him back."
"I may want him back and I think about it a lot, but we aren't together and we aren't going to be."
"But you are friends?"
"We are friends.. we have always been friends."
"Okay.. I have to go take this damn test. I'll see you for dinner?" Sophie asked.
"Yeah, sounds good."
Chapter Thirty-Eight
"What are you doing tonight?" Connor asked when we walked into his dorm room.
"Dinner with Sidney and his mom." I said.
"What?"
"Yeah.. I mean I don't mind going to dinner because I love his mom, but I can almost guarantee you that she knows nothing of whats going on.. but she will."
"Whats that suppose to mean?"
"I'm not going to sit there and hold my tongue. I'm going to have real conversations and I know Sidney won't like everything that is being said."
"Is he still with Brittany?"
"Well like three days ago he told me he wasn't anymore, and I'm like I know you are lying and he was like well shes not my girlfriend.. so really I have no idea."
"Why does he want you to go to dinner?"
"I haven't seen his mom since Christmas and she is coming in for a few days and she wanted to get together."
"Oh.. shouldn't you be at home getting ready or something?"
"I'm wearing this and I'm meeting Sidney at the hotel." I said and Connor just gave me a look.
"We are eating at her hotel and I don't see the need to get that dressed up.Plus, I'm not going with Sidney and having him tell me things to say and whatnot. I feel like this conversation tonight is going to be really real and Sidney is going to have to deal with alot of things."
"You better call me after."
"Oh I will give you all the details. I better go though, if I am late Sidney might kill me." I said grabbing my stuff and heading out of his room.
I got into my car and Sidney called.
"Where are you?"
"I'm leaving Connors.. I'll be there in like 5 minutes." I said.
"Okay..I'll wait for you in the lobby." He said.
"Thats not really necessary. Go see your mom. I'll call you when I'm there or I will tell the hostess I am with you." I said.
"Okay.. just call me."
"Sidney.. chill out." I said and hung up the phone. I knew Sidney was going to be nervous because his mom was always the biggest supporter of our relationship and she would want to know all the details of why we aren't together. His dad would want to talk hockey but his mom would be all about our relationship. I wasn't worried at all because I didn't do anything wrong, but he has to deal with his mother.
I walked in and I didn't see Sidney so I just went up to the hostess.
"Hi, I'm suppose to meet someone."
"Whats their name?"
"Crosby." I said.
"I'm sorry there is no one here by that name."
"I know that there is.. you mean to tell me that there is no Sidney Crosby sitting in that restaurant?" I asked and the man just looked at me. "Fine." I said and called Sidney.
"Hey, will you just meet me in the lobby?" I asked him and then like two seconds later Sidney comes walking out of the restaurant and we go in and find his mom.
"where is your dad?" I asked.
"He doesn't feel that well so he was just skipping dinner." Sidney said.
"Oh.. Hi, Mrs. Crosby." I said when we got to the table.
"Hi, Joey. Its so good to see you." She said.
"So how is Taylor and everything?" I asked.
"everything is great. She really wanted to come see Sidney but you know.."
"Yeah.." I said after the waiter took our plates thats when the real conversation started.
"So Sidney, when are you going to knock this all off and get back together?" She asked.
"Actually, I don't know if that will happen." I said and both Sidney and Trina looked at me.
"Why?" He asked upset.
"Well.. Sidney, I didn't want to get with you because I didn't want to lose our friendship but what happened. We broke up twice and we weren't friends after it. We dated for three months.. three intense months but we haven't been together for three months now. I just am over it because its not even worth it."
"How can you say its not worth it?"
"I don't know, Sidney. You are the one that broke up with me. You are the one that did everything and you act like whenever you choose everything is just going to go back to how it was.. it really doesn't work like that."
"Are you still with that girl?" Trina asked him.
"No." He said.
"Is that a real no, or is that an uhh she's not my girlfriend so no."
"Its a no.. we haven't talked for a few days and I don't want it anymore." He said.
"Okay." I said.
"thats all you have to say? Okay?" He asked.
"I don't really know what you want me to say, Sidney. Okay, you aren't with her but that doesn't change what happened." I said.
"What did happen?" Trina asked.
"I thought Sidney was just choosing hockey over me.. but then I find out he is choosing another girl over me.. in every sense." I said... "Excuse me.. I need to use the restroom." I said and then walked out into the lobby for a breath.
"Go talk to her, Sidney." Trina said.
"I don't know how to fix everything, mom. I love her and I don't know how to make it right."
"Sidney.. you can't just expect everything to be okay again. You hurt her and things may never be okay again, but if you love her.. you got to try. But my advice to you is never ever choose your career over the woman you love. Its not worth it." She said.
"I do love her, mom.. but I mean seriously I am not ready to get married. Can you imagine me being married?" He asked.
"No, and I don't think she wants a ring anytime soon, but if you love her you just can't let her go."
"I know.. I'll be back." He said and then came into the lobby.
"Jo." He said coming over to sit in a chair next to me.
"What Sidney?" I asked.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry and I don't know what else to say but I am. I want to make everything better. I want to be that guy you use to think I was.. I want that."
"Yeah, Sidney. I wanted you to be that guy for soo long but you weren't."
"Just tell me what to do."
"Don't do anything. Don't go get another girlfriend. Don't go get drunk.. just be that boy that came over to help me babysit when he knew I was going to be way in over my head. Be that guy that would surprise me.. just be that guy."
"I want to be that guy. I want to be with you." He said.
"I can't be with you right now. I can't just be like yeah okay.. lets forget everything. I'm not mad at you, but I can't be in a relationship with you right now."
"Do you love me?" He asked me.
"I love you like I love Jacob. I'm not in love with you anymore."
"Wow. That hurts." He said.
"I don't know what you expect Sidney. You broke up with me.. did you really think I would just pine over you forever?"
"It just hurts."
"Yeah.. it does hurt when you love someone and they don't love you back.. trust me. You are still my best friend and you always will be. I just.. if we get back together we need to deal with alot of shit before that happens. I need to trust you again, because where I am standing the last time I trusted you when you said something you started dating someone else."
"I'm sorry."
"I know that you are sorry, Sidney. Its not a question of that. Its just I need you to want to be with me 100%. I need you to want this and I need you to be a committed, because trust me when I say that this is never happening again."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying..you are my best friend and we will see what happens. We aren't together but I'm not dating anyone and I hope you aren't going to date anyone. I need to trust you.. I need to get that faith back. If I do get it back then maybe it could happen again."
"If?"
"Yeah.. if. It may not happen.. I'm not making any promises."
"Just give me a chance, Jo."
"I'm giving you one more chance. One more time I will forgive you and say clean slate to realize that my best friend is still the best guy there is, but I'm not promising that this time around will lead to a happily ever after for us." I said and then I got back and walked into the restaurant.
"Dinner with Sidney and his mom." I said.
"What?"
"Yeah.. I mean I don't mind going to dinner because I love his mom, but I can almost guarantee you that she knows nothing of whats going on.. but she will."
"Whats that suppose to mean?"
"I'm not going to sit there and hold my tongue. I'm going to have real conversations and I know Sidney won't like everything that is being said."
"Is he still with Brittany?"
"Well like three days ago he told me he wasn't anymore, and I'm like I know you are lying and he was like well shes not my girlfriend.. so really I have no idea."
"Why does he want you to go to dinner?"
"I haven't seen his mom since Christmas and she is coming in for a few days and she wanted to get together."
"Oh.. shouldn't you be at home getting ready or something?"
"I'm wearing this and I'm meeting Sidney at the hotel." I said and Connor just gave me a look.
"We are eating at her hotel and I don't see the need to get that dressed up.Plus, I'm not going with Sidney and having him tell me things to say and whatnot. I feel like this conversation tonight is going to be really real and Sidney is going to have to deal with alot of things."
"You better call me after."
"Oh I will give you all the details. I better go though, if I am late Sidney might kill me." I said grabbing my stuff and heading out of his room.
I got into my car and Sidney called.
"Where are you?"
"I'm leaving Connors.. I'll be there in like 5 minutes." I said.
"Okay..I'll wait for you in the lobby." He said.
"Thats not really necessary. Go see your mom. I'll call you when I'm there or I will tell the hostess I am with you." I said.
"Okay.. just call me."
"Sidney.. chill out." I said and hung up the phone. I knew Sidney was going to be nervous because his mom was always the biggest supporter of our relationship and she would want to know all the details of why we aren't together. His dad would want to talk hockey but his mom would be all about our relationship. I wasn't worried at all because I didn't do anything wrong, but he has to deal with his mother.
I walked in and I didn't see Sidney so I just went up to the hostess.
"Hi, I'm suppose to meet someone."
"Whats their name?"
"Crosby." I said.
"I'm sorry there is no one here by that name."
"I know that there is.. you mean to tell me that there is no Sidney Crosby sitting in that restaurant?" I asked and the man just looked at me. "Fine." I said and called Sidney.
"Hey, will you just meet me in the lobby?" I asked him and then like two seconds later Sidney comes walking out of the restaurant and we go in and find his mom.
"where is your dad?" I asked.
"He doesn't feel that well so he was just skipping dinner." Sidney said.
"Oh.. Hi, Mrs. Crosby." I said when we got to the table.
"Hi, Joey. Its so good to see you." She said.
"So how is Taylor and everything?" I asked.
"everything is great. She really wanted to come see Sidney but you know.."
"Yeah.." I said after the waiter took our plates thats when the real conversation started.
"So Sidney, when are you going to knock this all off and get back together?" She asked.
"Actually, I don't know if that will happen." I said and both Sidney and Trina looked at me.
"Why?" He asked upset.
"Well.. Sidney, I didn't want to get with you because I didn't want to lose our friendship but what happened. We broke up twice and we weren't friends after it. We dated for three months.. three intense months but we haven't been together for three months now. I just am over it because its not even worth it."
"How can you say its not worth it?"
"I don't know, Sidney. You are the one that broke up with me. You are the one that did everything and you act like whenever you choose everything is just going to go back to how it was.. it really doesn't work like that."
"Are you still with that girl?" Trina asked him.
"No." He said.
"Is that a real no, or is that an uhh she's not my girlfriend so no."
"Its a no.. we haven't talked for a few days and I don't want it anymore." He said.
"Okay." I said.
"thats all you have to say? Okay?" He asked.
"I don't really know what you want me to say, Sidney. Okay, you aren't with her but that doesn't change what happened." I said.
"What did happen?" Trina asked.
"I thought Sidney was just choosing hockey over me.. but then I find out he is choosing another girl over me.. in every sense." I said... "Excuse me.. I need to use the restroom." I said and then walked out into the lobby for a breath.
"Go talk to her, Sidney." Trina said.
"I don't know how to fix everything, mom. I love her and I don't know how to make it right."
"Sidney.. you can't just expect everything to be okay again. You hurt her and things may never be okay again, but if you love her.. you got to try. But my advice to you is never ever choose your career over the woman you love. Its not worth it." She said.
"I do love her, mom.. but I mean seriously I am not ready to get married. Can you imagine me being married?" He asked.
"No, and I don't think she wants a ring anytime soon, but if you love her you just can't let her go."
"I know.. I'll be back." He said and then came into the lobby.
"Jo." He said coming over to sit in a chair next to me.
"What Sidney?" I asked.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry and I don't know what else to say but I am. I want to make everything better. I want to be that guy you use to think I was.. I want that."
"Yeah, Sidney. I wanted you to be that guy for soo long but you weren't."
"Just tell me what to do."
"Don't do anything. Don't go get another girlfriend. Don't go get drunk.. just be that boy that came over to help me babysit when he knew I was going to be way in over my head. Be that guy that would surprise me.. just be that guy."
"I want to be that guy. I want to be with you." He said.
"I can't be with you right now. I can't just be like yeah okay.. lets forget everything. I'm not mad at you, but I can't be in a relationship with you right now."
"Do you love me?" He asked me.
"I love you like I love Jacob. I'm not in love with you anymore."
"Wow. That hurts." He said.
"I don't know what you expect Sidney. You broke up with me.. did you really think I would just pine over you forever?"
"It just hurts."
"Yeah.. it does hurt when you love someone and they don't love you back.. trust me. You are still my best friend and you always will be. I just.. if we get back together we need to deal with alot of shit before that happens. I need to trust you again, because where I am standing the last time I trusted you when you said something you started dating someone else."
"I'm sorry."
"I know that you are sorry, Sidney. Its not a question of that. Its just I need you to want to be with me 100%. I need you to want this and I need you to be a committed, because trust me when I say that this is never happening again."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying..you are my best friend and we will see what happens. We aren't together but I'm not dating anyone and I hope you aren't going to date anyone. I need to trust you.. I need to get that faith back. If I do get it back then maybe it could happen again."
"If?"
"Yeah.. if. It may not happen.. I'm not making any promises."
"Just give me a chance, Jo."
"I'm giving you one more chance. One more time I will forgive you and say clean slate to realize that my best friend is still the best guy there is, but I'm not promising that this time around will lead to a happily ever after for us." I said and then I got back and walked into the restaurant.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Mid April 2008
"What movie?" Connor asked.
"You know what movie we haven't watched in a REALLY long time?" I asked starting to smile.
"I'm kind of scared to find out."
"Titanic." I said.
"Are you serious?"
"So serious. Its a classic Leo movie. you can't not watch it!" I said.
"Its soo long though."
"Its soo good, though!" I said.
"Fine.. but if I fall asleep its not my fault."
"Connor, you cannot fall asleep!" I said hitting him!
Towards the end of the movie, Sidney showed up. They had an away playoff game so I didn't expect him. Anyways he showed up right as the ship was sinking so no way was I stopping the movie!
"Hey, can we talk?" He asked.
"After the movie." I said. "Take a seat."
"Please tell me you aren't crying!" Connor said after the movie.
"I just don't get why Jack had to die! I mean seriously.. whats wrong with happy endings?!" I said.
"Hun, the ship sinks.. there is no happy ending after that." He said.
"But still! Sorry, you don't have a heart and you don't even flinch when he just freezes!" I said.
"Yeah, what can I say.. I'll call you tomorrow." He said getting up.
"Thanks for letting me watch it, Connor."
"Bye, Sid." He said and then he left.
"So whats up?" I asked when Connor left.
"I didn't know you would be with Connor." He said.
"Yeah.. I was watching the kids so after the game I made him watch Titanic." I said.
"I don't like seeing you with him.. or thinking about you with him."
"Sidney.." I said.
"I'm just being honest." He said.
"Connor is just my friend. He's like my best friend."
"He's like me." He said.
"Yeah.."
"Thats what makes me sad.. you have another me."
"I don't have another you. We watch movies, Sidney. We hang out. We are friends." I said.
"Sidney.. its like you think I like the way we are right now." I started to say. "I don't like it. I don't like the fact that you have another girl. I don't like the fact that we don't hang out as much or talk as much. I'm dealing with it. I mean its fine. I'm fine."
"I don't like the way we are either, Joey." He said.
"Then why is it this way?" I asked.
"I don't know how to fix it."
"I don't know if you can fix it. I just miss you." I said.
"I'm right here, Jo."
"But you aren't. You don't like thinking about me with Connor, but me and Connor watch movies together. I don't like thinking about you and Brittany and you and Brittany do way more than watch movies."
"Joey I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't."
"I'm not with Brittany anymore."
"If its not Brittany, its going to be another girl. You need that.. I get it. You are a guy."
"There doesn't need to be another girl."
"I feel like you just lied about Brittany. Did you?" I asked.
"You have this idea of us and its not like that. We hang out every once and awhile. She goes to the club and stuff. Its not like she is my girlfriend." He explained.
"That doesn't make it better, babe. Oh yeah its okay that you just use her for sex."
"I didn't say that."
"So why did you come here?"
"I just want us to be okay."
"We are friends.. thats what I want from us. I want us to be friends and I don't want there to be a blurred line. I don't love you anymore and you obviously don't love me anymore. When I date someone, I don't want to date my best friend.. I want romance. I want to look at them and be attracted and feel passion, I don't want to question if they are just my best friend."
"So me and you can't ever be together because we are best friends?"
"IF we are ever together and thats a HUGE if you can be my best friend but you need to be my boyfriend. You need to be romantic and I never want to question if you are my boyfriend or my best friend. I don't want the lines blurred."
"Yeah.." He said.
"So whats up?" I said.
"My parents want you to come to dinner." He said.
"What?" I asked confused.
"My mom is coming in soon and she wants you to come to dinner with us all."
"Random?"
"My mom likes you.. like alot. She asks me about all the time."
"If only your dad liked me half as much." I said.
"Don't start that again."
"Sorry.."
"But will you?"
"Sure.."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, its fine. They know everything?" I asked.
"They know we aren't together." He said.
"You do know that it will probably come out so you probably should tell your mom everything because I'm not going to lie." I said.
"I don't want you to lie." He said.
"I'm tired, Sid. I just want to go to bed." I said.
"Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow?" He asked.
"Yeah.. don't be weird, Sidney. Don't act like this is weird. Be normal."
"Sorry. Night.. love you." He said walking out the door.
"Night." I said and shut the door.
"What movie?" Connor asked.
"You know what movie we haven't watched in a REALLY long time?" I asked starting to smile.
"I'm kind of scared to find out."
"Titanic." I said.
"Are you serious?"
"So serious. Its a classic Leo movie. you can't not watch it!" I said.
"Its soo long though."
"Its soo good, though!" I said.
"Fine.. but if I fall asleep its not my fault."
"Connor, you cannot fall asleep!" I said hitting him!
Towards the end of the movie, Sidney showed up. They had an away playoff game so I didn't expect him. Anyways he showed up right as the ship was sinking so no way was I stopping the movie!
"Hey, can we talk?" He asked.
"After the movie." I said. "Take a seat."
"Please tell me you aren't crying!" Connor said after the movie.
"I just don't get why Jack had to die! I mean seriously.. whats wrong with happy endings?!" I said.
"Hun, the ship sinks.. there is no happy ending after that." He said.
"But still! Sorry, you don't have a heart and you don't even flinch when he just freezes!" I said.
"Yeah, what can I say.. I'll call you tomorrow." He said getting up.
"Thanks for letting me watch it, Connor."
"Bye, Sid." He said and then he left.
"So whats up?" I asked when Connor left.
"I didn't know you would be with Connor." He said.
"Yeah.. I was watching the kids so after the game I made him watch Titanic." I said.
"I don't like seeing you with him.. or thinking about you with him."
"Sidney.." I said.
"I'm just being honest." He said.
"Connor is just my friend. He's like my best friend."
"He's like me." He said.
"Yeah.."
"Thats what makes me sad.. you have another me."
"I don't have another you. We watch movies, Sidney. We hang out. We are friends." I said.
"Sidney.. its like you think I like the way we are right now." I started to say. "I don't like it. I don't like the fact that you have another girl. I don't like the fact that we don't hang out as much or talk as much. I'm dealing with it. I mean its fine. I'm fine."
"I don't like the way we are either, Joey." He said.
"Then why is it this way?" I asked.
"I don't know how to fix it."
"I don't know if you can fix it. I just miss you." I said.
"I'm right here, Jo."
"But you aren't. You don't like thinking about me with Connor, but me and Connor watch movies together. I don't like thinking about you and Brittany and you and Brittany do way more than watch movies."
"Joey I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't."
"I'm not with Brittany anymore."
"If its not Brittany, its going to be another girl. You need that.. I get it. You are a guy."
"There doesn't need to be another girl."
"I feel like you just lied about Brittany. Did you?" I asked.
"You have this idea of us and its not like that. We hang out every once and awhile. She goes to the club and stuff. Its not like she is my girlfriend." He explained.
"That doesn't make it better, babe. Oh yeah its okay that you just use her for sex."
"I didn't say that."
"So why did you come here?"
"I just want us to be okay."
"We are friends.. thats what I want from us. I want us to be friends and I don't want there to be a blurred line. I don't love you anymore and you obviously don't love me anymore. When I date someone, I don't want to date my best friend.. I want romance. I want to look at them and be attracted and feel passion, I don't want to question if they are just my best friend."
"So me and you can't ever be together because we are best friends?"
"IF we are ever together and thats a HUGE if you can be my best friend but you need to be my boyfriend. You need to be romantic and I never want to question if you are my boyfriend or my best friend. I don't want the lines blurred."
"Yeah.." He said.
"So whats up?" I said.
"My parents want you to come to dinner." He said.
"What?" I asked confused.
"My mom is coming in soon and she wants you to come to dinner with us all."
"Random?"
"My mom likes you.. like alot. She asks me about all the time."
"If only your dad liked me half as much." I said.
"Don't start that again."
"Sorry.."
"But will you?"
"Sure.."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, its fine. They know everything?" I asked.
"They know we aren't together." He said.
"You do know that it will probably come out so you probably should tell your mom everything because I'm not going to lie." I said.
"I don't want you to lie." He said.
"I'm tired, Sid. I just want to go to bed." I said.
"Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow?" He asked.
"Yeah.. don't be weird, Sidney. Don't act like this is weird. Be normal."
"Sorry. Night.. love you." He said walking out the door.
"Night." I said and shut the door.
Chapter Thirty-Six
"Hey, I feel like I haven't seen you forever." Jake said walking into my dorm room.
"Yeah, I have just been working out with Simon and hanging with Connor."
"No Sidney?"
"We talk.. He is actually picking me up in a few minutes. He is going into the city to see Brittany and I want to see Connor so he said he would just pick me up."
"Isn't it weird?"
"Its really weird. Its like he is with her and then as soon as he leaves her he calls me. Its like with her its all physical."
"Doesn't it bother you?"
"Yeah, it really bothers me. But whats the alternative? Not having him in my life.. thats not possible."
"Does he know it bothers you?"
"Yeah.. I have feeling its all going to come to a head soon. I mean its been like two months since we broke up." I said reaching for my phone cause it started to ring. "Its Sidney. I gotta go." I said and walked out the door leaving Jacob just sitting in my room.
"Hey Stranger." He said when I got into the car.
"Hi." I said.
"What are you and Connor doing?"
"I think we might do some work and then just hang out. Tonight I'm going bowling with Avery."
"You have a date with Avery?" He asked kind of annoyed.
"Its not a date? And you really have no say."
"How is that not a date?"
"My sister likes his brother so all four of us are going bowling."
"Ohh."
"Yeah, Sidney." I said and then the car ride was kind of silent. When we got to Pitt's campus he parked near Brittany's dorm. He got out of the car and so did I. Brittany came walking towards us.
"Nice of you to dress up for this occasion." She said looking at me.
"First of all, we aren't friends so don't act like we are. Second of all, I don't feel the need to impress anyone." I said defending myself.
"Maybe you should."
"What the hell?" I said.
"What? I'm just saying if you are with Sidney, maybe you should dress nicely."
"Sidney doesn't care how I dress, don't act like you know me. We aren't friends. We will never be friends. Actually, I don't even like you I am just waiting until Sidney gets sick of you."
"Well he already is sick of you." She said.
"Don't fuckin talk to me like that. You are a bitch and I see right through you. Its just a matter of time until he does too." I said.
"Joey! Stop it!" Sidney finally said. And I just turned to look at him. Of course he takes her side.
"Way to make your choice right there, Sidney." I said.
"I think he made his choice along time ago." She said.
"You two have a stellar time." I said and grabbed my bookbag and walked towards Carnegie's campus to find Connor.
As soon as I walked into his Connors room I just went off.
"Who the hell does she think she is?!" I yelled.
"What?" He asked confused.
"Brittany! Brittany just like talked down to me and make me feel like an idiot and Sidney yelled at me! He told ME to stop! I didn't even do anything!" I continued to yell.
"Joey, calm down."
"I'm done." I said sitting down.
"Done?"
"Done yelling. Done caring about Sidney. Done being anything to Sidney. Its over."
"You don't mean that."
"Lets just go do something." And then we just started to walk in the city.
"So what are you doing tonight?"
"Avery and I are going to dinner and then we are taking Jocelyn and Kasey bowling with us."
"Haha oh gosh."
"Yeah, he actually should be picking me up soon." I said looking at my watch.
After dinner and bowling Avery dropped Jocelyn at home. He was going to take me back to school but Sidney was waiting for me at the house, so I had to get out.
"Sorry, Avery. I got to deal with this." I said hugging him and getting out of the car.
"Why do you always just show up?" I asked.
"You are mad." He said.
"You are so observant, Sidney!" I said.
"Why are you mad?"
"Are you serious? Your little girlfriend made fun of me today and I was just sticking up for myself and you sided with her!" I said.
"What did you want me to do?" He asked.
"To side with me. To stick up for me. To not let her degrade me! Like seriously, who does she think she is that she can say that shit to me?"
"She didn't mean it."
"Really, Sidney? It seemed like she meant it. She is fake, Sidney. Everything about her is fake. I don't get how you can see anything in her."
"You don't know her."
"I don't think you know her either."
"Whats that suppose to mean?"
"It means that you just like her because of the way she looks, you just like having someone to keep your bed warm."
"Maybe I do like having someone to come home too."
"No, Sidney. You already had someone to come home too. You like having sex with someone."
"I'm a guy! Of course I like that!"
"Yeah, thats fine. But lets not act like this is a mature relationship you two have going. Its not. She's fake and I don't like her and I don't like the fact that you chose her over me."
"Either way someone would be mad at me."
"But you chose for me to be mad at you, not her. If you can like someone like that, I don't get how me and you ever had anything."
"Thats not fair, Joey."
"It is fair, Sidney. You chose her. And thats fine. But shes fake and shes annoying and I don't like her and I don't like you when you are with her." I said.
"Well I don't like Avery."
"You don't even know Avery. And Avery and I aren't together.. we aren't sleeping together, we do nothing together." I said.
"I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry."
"You think you can just say sorry and everything is fine. Sorry doesn't fix everything. From this day on you are my friend, nothing more. All the respect I had for you, the thought that I still love you.. that flew out the window." I said walking to his car.
"All because of Brittany?"
"Yeah, because of Brittany. You want to be with her.. fine be with her. But you don't get to have me too. You don't get to come here every night and talk to me about her. You don't get to have my heart anymore." I said and just gave me this look. "Don't give me that look. I'm not the one that messed this all up. Please take me back to school, since you made Avery leave." I said getting into the car.
"Everything is going to be different now, isn't it?" He asked.
"Nothing has been the same since you broke up with me. Nothing will ever be the same." I said and then I just turned on the radio.
"Yeah, I have just been working out with Simon and hanging with Connor."
"No Sidney?"
"We talk.. He is actually picking me up in a few minutes. He is going into the city to see Brittany and I want to see Connor so he said he would just pick me up."
"Isn't it weird?"
"Its really weird. Its like he is with her and then as soon as he leaves her he calls me. Its like with her its all physical."
"Doesn't it bother you?"
"Yeah, it really bothers me. But whats the alternative? Not having him in my life.. thats not possible."
"Does he know it bothers you?"
"Yeah.. I have feeling its all going to come to a head soon. I mean its been like two months since we broke up." I said reaching for my phone cause it started to ring. "Its Sidney. I gotta go." I said and walked out the door leaving Jacob just sitting in my room.
"Hey Stranger." He said when I got into the car.
"Hi." I said.
"What are you and Connor doing?"
"I think we might do some work and then just hang out. Tonight I'm going bowling with Avery."
"You have a date with Avery?" He asked kind of annoyed.
"Its not a date? And you really have no say."
"How is that not a date?"
"My sister likes his brother so all four of us are going bowling."
"Ohh."
"Yeah, Sidney." I said and then the car ride was kind of silent. When we got to Pitt's campus he parked near Brittany's dorm. He got out of the car and so did I. Brittany came walking towards us.
"Nice of you to dress up for this occasion." She said looking at me.
"First of all, we aren't friends so don't act like we are. Second of all, I don't feel the need to impress anyone." I said defending myself.
"Maybe you should."
"What the hell?" I said.
"What? I'm just saying if you are with Sidney, maybe you should dress nicely."
"Sidney doesn't care how I dress, don't act like you know me. We aren't friends. We will never be friends. Actually, I don't even like you I am just waiting until Sidney gets sick of you."
"Well he already is sick of you." She said.
"Don't fuckin talk to me like that. You are a bitch and I see right through you. Its just a matter of time until he does too." I said.
"Joey! Stop it!" Sidney finally said. And I just turned to look at him. Of course he takes her side.
"Way to make your choice right there, Sidney." I said.
"I think he made his choice along time ago." She said.
"You two have a stellar time." I said and grabbed my bookbag and walked towards Carnegie's campus to find Connor.
As soon as I walked into his Connors room I just went off.
"Who the hell does she think she is?!" I yelled.
"What?" He asked confused.
"Brittany! Brittany just like talked down to me and make me feel like an idiot and Sidney yelled at me! He told ME to stop! I didn't even do anything!" I continued to yell.
"Joey, calm down."
"I'm done." I said sitting down.
"Done?"
"Done yelling. Done caring about Sidney. Done being anything to Sidney. Its over."
"You don't mean that."
"Lets just go do something." And then we just started to walk in the city.
"So what are you doing tonight?"
"Avery and I are going to dinner and then we are taking Jocelyn and Kasey bowling with us."
"Haha oh gosh."
"Yeah, he actually should be picking me up soon." I said looking at my watch.
After dinner and bowling Avery dropped Jocelyn at home. He was going to take me back to school but Sidney was waiting for me at the house, so I had to get out.
"Sorry, Avery. I got to deal with this." I said hugging him and getting out of the car.
"Why do you always just show up?" I asked.
"You are mad." He said.
"You are so observant, Sidney!" I said.
"Why are you mad?"
"Are you serious? Your little girlfriend made fun of me today and I was just sticking up for myself and you sided with her!" I said.
"What did you want me to do?" He asked.
"To side with me. To stick up for me. To not let her degrade me! Like seriously, who does she think she is that she can say that shit to me?"
"She didn't mean it."
"Really, Sidney? It seemed like she meant it. She is fake, Sidney. Everything about her is fake. I don't get how you can see anything in her."
"You don't know her."
"I don't think you know her either."
"Whats that suppose to mean?"
"It means that you just like her because of the way she looks, you just like having someone to keep your bed warm."
"Maybe I do like having someone to come home too."
"No, Sidney. You already had someone to come home too. You like having sex with someone."
"I'm a guy! Of course I like that!"
"Yeah, thats fine. But lets not act like this is a mature relationship you two have going. Its not. She's fake and I don't like her and I don't like the fact that you chose her over me."
"Either way someone would be mad at me."
"But you chose for me to be mad at you, not her. If you can like someone like that, I don't get how me and you ever had anything."
"Thats not fair, Joey."
"It is fair, Sidney. You chose her. And thats fine. But shes fake and shes annoying and I don't like her and I don't like you when you are with her." I said.
"Well I don't like Avery."
"You don't even know Avery. And Avery and I aren't together.. we aren't sleeping together, we do nothing together." I said.
"I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry."
"You think you can just say sorry and everything is fine. Sorry doesn't fix everything. From this day on you are my friend, nothing more. All the respect I had for you, the thought that I still love you.. that flew out the window." I said walking to his car.
"All because of Brittany?"
"Yeah, because of Brittany. You want to be with her.. fine be with her. But you don't get to have me too. You don't get to come here every night and talk to me about her. You don't get to have my heart anymore." I said and just gave me this look. "Don't give me that look. I'm not the one that messed this all up. Please take me back to school, since you made Avery leave." I said getting into the car.
"Everything is going to be different now, isn't it?" He asked.
"Nothing has been the same since you broke up with me. Nothing will ever be the same." I said and then I just turned on the radio.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
