Chapter Forty-One

I felt someone sit on my bed and I opened my eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I asked still somewhat asleep.
"I thought we could spend the day together." He said.
"Don't you have better things to do?" I asked.
"Nothing better than you."
"No hockey?"
"No hockey." He answered.
"Okay, but could we just lay here for a little?" I asked and he took off his shoes and crawled into bed with me.
"You do know its like 9 o'clock." He said.
"I really don't care.. I just want to sleep for a little longer." I said and he snuggled closer to me.

About an hour or so later I got up. And I woke him up.
"Now was it really necessary for you to wake me up like that?" He asked.
"Sorry." I said laughing.
"Do you want to go workout with me?" He asked.
"Where?"
"The rink. We can use the weight room and we could skate or something."
"Why?"
"I want to workout with you."
"You are weird, but okay. I need orange juice though." I said.
"I'll go get you some downstairs and you grab your stuff." He said and left the room.

"Whats Sidney doing here?" Jacob asked walking into my room.
"Who the hell knows." I said laughing.
"Do you want him here?"
"Yeah, I guess. We are going to the gym or something." I said.
"Fun times."
"Shut up, Jacob. Okay he is trying.. I can appreciate that." I said and then I closed the bathroom door.

"You are confusing." I said getting into his car.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I never know where I stand with you."
"I want to make it work, Jo. There is no one else for me, I know this now."
"Yeah, but you didn't know it like a week ago." I said.
"I'm sorry. I can't change it, but I'm trying."
"I know. Its just weird sometimes cause its hard to keep up."
"Well I am here now."
"Yeah, but for how long?" I said under my breath.
"Thats not fair, Jo."
"It is fair because I'm not going to fall for it again, Sid. Your my best friend but I don't want to keep throwing around my heart to people who just will throw it away when things get rough."
"I just want a chance."
"And I'm giving it to you, but it doesn't mean that I trust you."
"Isn't that the point of us becoming how we were, for you to trust me again?"
"Sure." I said and turned up the music.
"You always do that."
"Do what?"
"Anytime we start talking about something that is a touchy subject you just turn up the music."
"Sorry." I said.
"You don't have to say sorry, its just I am trying. I want this and I want everything to be good again you just have to cut me some slack because I don't know what else I can do."
"I know, Sidney.."

When we got to the rink there were some of the penguin personnel there.
"What are you doing here, Sid?" One of them asked him.
"We thought we would work out for a little, maybe skate some." He said.
Then we walked into the weight room. We didn't talk much, I put on my ipod and I just went on cardio machines. I was on them for like an hour and then I went to do some leg machines, I guess I was making some weird faces or something because Sidney came over.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"You have no idea how much it hurts, Sidney. Its like its never going to get better."
"You looked good on the tredmill"
"Yeah because I was doing the same motion over and over again."
"Just give it time." He said.
"Its already been almost 5 months." I said.
"Do you want to stop?" He asked.
"No.. its fine."
"Okay, well I'm going go out on the ice for a little. Will you be okay?" He asked.
"I'll be fine, Sidney." I said laughing.
After about twenty minutes I put on my skates and went out on the ice. I just started doing sprints while Sidney was doing things with the puck.
After another half hour, Sidney stopped me.
"You can't push yourself that hard, Jo."
"I'm fine." I said skating off.
"We have been here for two hours and you have been like nonstop." He said following me.
" I need to get better." I said.
"Why? Why is it so important?"
"Its the only reason my dad even talks to me. He use to talk to me about you but that stopped now he talks about my rehab and soccer. If I don't have you or soccer my dad won't ever talk to me."
"First of all, you have me.. you will always have me. Second, you can't do this for your dad."
"Its just hard, Sidney. I don't know when I am going to get better.. its hard being in that house.. its hard feeling like this."
"Feeling like what?"
"Like its never going to get better. I feel like my parents don't care, we are just getting back.. Connor is like dating some new girl so we don't talk because she doesn't like me and Simon just told me that he is going back home in a week. I just feel alone."
"You aren't alone. You have me, okay. I know that things got messed up but I'm here now. I swear to you it will be fine." He said grabbing me into a hug.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, okay. I hurt you and I deal with that everyday and I'm sorry more than I could ever say.