Chapter Thirty-Eight

"What are you doing tonight?" Connor asked when we walked into his dorm room.
"Dinner with Sidney and his mom." I said.
"What?"
"Yeah.. I mean I don't mind going to dinner because I love his mom, but I can almost guarantee you that she knows nothing of whats going on.. but she will."
"Whats that suppose to mean?"
"I'm not going to sit there and hold my tongue. I'm going to have real conversations and I know Sidney won't like everything that is being said."
"Is he still with Brittany?"
"Well like three days ago he told me he wasn't anymore, and I'm like I know you are lying and he was like well shes not my girlfriend.. so really I have no idea."
"Why does he want you to go to dinner?"
"I haven't seen his mom since Christmas and she is coming in for a few days and she wanted to get together."
"Oh.. shouldn't you be at home getting ready or something?"
"I'm wearing this and I'm meeting Sidney at the hotel." I said and Connor just gave me a look.
"We are eating at her hotel and I don't see the need to get that dressed up.Plus, I'm not going with Sidney and having him tell me things to say and whatnot. I feel like this conversation tonight is going to be really real and Sidney is going to have to deal with alot of things."
"You better call me after."
"Oh I will give you all the details. I better go though, if I am late Sidney might kill me." I said grabbing my stuff and heading out of his room.

I got into my car and Sidney called.
"Where are you?"
"I'm leaving Connors.. I'll be there in like 5 minutes." I said.
"Okay..I'll wait for you in the lobby." He said.
"Thats not really necessary. Go see your mom. I'll call you when I'm there or I will tell the hostess I am with you." I said.
"Okay.. just call me."
"Sidney.. chill out." I said and hung up the phone. I knew Sidney was going to be nervous because his mom was always the biggest supporter of our relationship and she would want to know all the details of why we aren't together. His dad would want to talk hockey but his mom would be all about our relationship. I wasn't worried at all because I didn't do anything wrong, but he has to deal with his mother.

I walked in and I didn't see Sidney so I just went up to the hostess.
"Hi, I'm suppose to meet someone."
"Whats their name?"
"Crosby." I said.
"I'm sorry there is no one here by that name."
"I know that there is.. you mean to tell me that there is no Sidney Crosby sitting in that restaurant?" I asked and the man just looked at me. "Fine." I said and called Sidney.
"Hey, will you just meet me in the lobby?" I asked him and then like two seconds later Sidney comes walking out of the restaurant and we go in and find his mom.
"where is your dad?" I asked.
"He doesn't feel that well so he was just skipping dinner." Sidney said.
"Oh.. Hi, Mrs. Crosby." I said when we got to the table.
"Hi, Joey. Its so good to see you." She said.
"So how is Taylor and everything?" I asked.
"everything is great. She really wanted to come see Sidney but you know.."
"Yeah.." I said after the waiter took our plates thats when the real conversation started.
"So Sidney, when are you going to knock this all off and get back together?" She asked.
"Actually, I don't know if that will happen." I said and both Sidney and Trina looked at me.
"Why?" He asked upset.
"Well.. Sidney, I didn't want to get with you because I didn't want to lose our friendship but what happened. We broke up twice and we weren't friends after it. We dated for three months.. three intense months but we haven't been together for three months now. I just am over it because its not even worth it."
"How can you say its not worth it?"
"I don't know, Sidney. You are the one that broke up with me. You are the one that did everything and you act like whenever you choose everything is just going to go back to how it was.. it really doesn't work like that."
"Are you still with that girl?" Trina asked him.
"No." He said.
"Is that a real no, or is that an uhh she's not my girlfriend so no."
"Its a no.. we haven't talked for a few days and I don't want it anymore." He said.
"Okay." I said.
"thats all you have to say? Okay?" He asked.
"I don't really know what you want me to say, Sidney. Okay, you aren't with her but that doesn't change what happened." I said.
"What did happen?" Trina asked.
"I thought Sidney was just choosing hockey over me.. but then I find out he is choosing another girl over me.. in every sense." I said... "Excuse me.. I need to use the restroom." I said and then walked out into the lobby for a breath.
"Go talk to her, Sidney." Trina said.
"I don't know how to fix everything, mom. I love her and I don't know how to make it right."
"Sidney.. you can't just expect everything to be okay again. You hurt her and things may never be okay again, but if you love her.. you got to try. But my advice to you is never ever choose your career over the woman you love. Its not worth it." She said.
"I do love her, mom.. but I mean seriously I am not ready to get married. Can you imagine me being married?" He asked.
"No, and I don't think she wants a ring anytime soon, but if you love her you just can't let her go."
"I know.. I'll be back." He said and then came into the lobby.
"Jo." He said coming over to sit in a chair next to me.
"What Sidney?" I asked.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry and I don't know what else to say but I am. I want to make everything better. I want to be that guy you use to think I was.. I want that."
"Yeah, Sidney. I wanted you to be that guy for soo long but you weren't."
"Just tell me what to do."
"Don't do anything. Don't go get another girlfriend. Don't go get drunk.. just be that boy that came over to help me babysit when he knew I was going to be way in over my head. Be that guy that would surprise me.. just be that guy."
"I want to be that guy. I want to be with you." He said.
"I can't be with you right now. I can't just be like yeah okay.. lets forget everything. I'm not mad at you, but I can't be in a relationship with you right now."
"Do you love me?" He asked me.
"I love you like I love Jacob. I'm not in love with you anymore."
"Wow. That hurts." He said.
"I don't know what you expect Sidney. You broke up with me.. did you really think I would just pine over you forever?"
"It just hurts."
"Yeah.. it does hurt when you love someone and they don't love you back.. trust me. You are still my best friend and you always will be. I just.. if we get back together we need to deal with alot of shit before that happens. I need to trust you again, because where I am standing the last time I trusted you when you said something you started dating someone else."
"I'm sorry."
"I know that you are sorry, Sidney. Its not a question of that. Its just I need you to want to be with me 100%. I need you to want this and I need you to be a committed, because trust me when I say that this is never happening again."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying..you are my best friend and we will see what happens. We aren't together but I'm not dating anyone and I hope you aren't going to date anyone. I need to trust you.. I need to get that faith back. If I do get it back then maybe it could happen again."
"If?"
"Yeah.. if. It may not happen.. I'm not making any promises."
"Just give me a chance, Jo."
"I'm giving you one more chance. One more time I will forgive you and say clean slate to realize that my best friend is still the best guy there is, but I'm not promising that this time around will lead to a happily ever after for us." I said and then I got back and walked into the restaurant.