Chapter Seventy-Four

In all the times I have thought about the first time I made love with Sidney, it never crossed my mind it would happen after the worst fight we ever had. It also never crossed my mind that it would take place in his childhood bedroom. But, that’s what happened.

“I love you so much, Joey.” He said kissing my neck.

“Is the door locked?” I asked him. As soon as I did, he got up and locked the door. Then we continued where we left out. He started to kiss my neck again. He made his way down to my collar bone, and pulled off my shirt. I then pulled his shirt off. I wasn’t even thinking, nothing was running through my mind except how much I loved him. His kisses made his way down to my stomach, and then he unbuttoned my pants. And then.. he paused.

“Are you sure?” He asked. I just nodded my head.

It felt so good to be with him in that way. It felt so right to be one with him. Everything just felt right. It was like you know when they tell you the easiest answer you will ever give is saying yes to marriage, it was like that. It just felt so natural to be with him, because I knew how he felt about me. I knew that I loved him and I knew that he loved me just as much. I couldn’t believe it actually happened in his old bedroom, but you know. Nothing is perfect. After it happened, we kind of just laid there together. When we got back to reality, we realized his parents were probably wondering where we were.

“I can’t believe that just happened.” I said when we got into the car.

“Yeah, me either.” He said still in shock.

“No, I mean. I can believe it happened. But, in your parents house?” I asked.

“Don’t look at me! Its not like I planned it!” He said.

“Seriously, would you have thought when I left this morning, this would happen?” I asked.

“No, I thought we were going to break up!” He said. I just looked at him.

“You are a jerk!” I said hitting him.

“What? You hated me last night.” He said.

“Yeah, and I should have hated you! So since we had sex, can your next dog’s name be Joey?” I asked and he just gave me this look.

“Too soon to make jokes?” I asked laughing.

“Just a little.” He said.

“Is what happened before.. is that going to change things?” I asked him when we were laying on the couch together.

“Its not going to be like before.” He said pulling me closer to him.

“I know you are worried, and I know that’s why it took so long. I know everything that has happened to you before, Joey. I don’t want to add to that.” He said.

“I never thought you would. I love what we have, I don’t want it to turn into all about sex.” I said.

“It won’t. Me and you, that will never just be about sex. Its so so much more. I know I have been immature before. I know I have made you doubt that, but its different this time. I swear to you.” He said.

“I wish it was always like this. Just us, together.” I said.

“It will be.”

“I hope.”

“Why don’t you trust me?”

“I do trust you.”

“No you don’t. Sometimes half the battle is just believing things will work out, Joey.”

“I believe they will, I want them too. I love you and I know that that’s true.”

“You still are waiting for me to hurt you.” He said.

“That’s not true. You know its not true. I just I love this. I love just laying here with you. I love being in Canada with you. I love just being with you.” I said.

“Me too, and that won’t ever change. That’s why I know we will work.” He said.

“I know. Its just different here. You know, we have so many outside influences when we go back to Pittsburgh. Its not just me and you.”

“We just have to work harder for it to be just you and me.” He said.

“I believe in my heart that you are my future.” I said.

“Then don’t question it, Jo. Just follow your heart.” He said.

“I’m sorry that I over think everything.” I said.

“I love that you overanalyze everything. It use to scare me. It use to scare the hell out of me, but now its just one of the things I love.” He said kissing me.

“Can we go out tomorrow night?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t really seen Halifax much. I just want to see everything before I go back.” I said.

“Babe, you aren’t going back for like 3 weeks.” He said.

“I know, I have to decide if I’m going to report to practice.” I said.

“Have you thought about what I said before?” He asked.

“No. You paying for school is not an option.” I said.

“I don’t get why. I have the money.”

“I’m not saying you don’t have the money. But its your money. Not my money.”

“I don’t get why you will not let me help you. There have been so many times in your life that I couldn’t help you, but now I can. I am here, let me help.” He said.

“Sidney..” I said. “Look at me. The thing with Colin was a very long time ago. We didn’t know each other, there was nothing you could have done for me. Even if you were around, you wouldn’t have been able to stop it.” I said.

“What?”

“Your mom told me that you called her once you found out about it.” I said.

“Joey, of course I was upset. You were hurting and I couldn’t help you.”

“But you didn’t know me.” I said.

“That doesn’t mean that the thought of you hurting doesn’t hurt me too.” He said.

“and I loved that letter I read.”

“what letter?”

“It was the last letter you wrote. I only read one. I still can’t believe you wrote all those letters and never sent them.”

“I wrote them because it was the only way we could talk, I told you that. I never stopped loving you, Joey. You chose Simon, that didn’t mean I stopped choosing you.” He said.

“Its funny because when I look back, it seems like there have been so many downs to our relationship.. Simon, Brittany.. Jeremiah, Connor.. but when I think about you, I always just think of the ups. I can’t remember not loving you.. not even for one day.” I said.

“Joey, I really do believe I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.” He said.

“I love how you are so sure.”

“I’m so sure, because when I think about what I want in life, I know that if I just had you, I would be completely content for the rest of my life.”

“You are way too good for me.” I said kissing him.

“I think it may be the other way around.” He said smiling and then continuing to kiss me.