Chapter Twenty-Seven

January 18, 2008

"Is it bad?" I said to the man that came to find me in my seat when it happened.
"Its bad enough that he got me to get you."
"Great." I said sighing.

When I got down to the lockerroom I just went to the table where Sidney was sitting. We didn't say anything to eachother, I just at there because I knew it was going to be bad. Needless to say it was a long night. We were at the arena until way late and then I drove us back to Mario's.
"You do realize you have yet to say anything to me, right?" I said driving back to Sewickley.
"Sorry." He said.
"Its going to be fine.. you know that right?"
"I don't know that."
"fine.. I'm giving up." I said and just drove him home and got out of the car and started walking down the driveway.
"Where are you going?" He said calling after me.
"Home."
"Joey, don't be crazy. Just come in."
"I'm not coming in with you being like that." I said walking a little towards him.
"I'm sorry, baby. I know its bad.. I can just tell and I don't know what to do." He said and we were standing like inches away from eachother.
"I know how it feels.. I can't even be on the bike for ten minutes, but you made it better. Just let me back it better." I said reaching for his hand.
"My dad's here." He said when he saw the car lights.
"What?"
"He must have gotten the flight right after it happened." He said.
"Okay, well I'll call Jake to come get me. But call me tomorrow if you need me." I said.

January 21, 2008
When I walked out of the weight room, I saw a face I hadn't seen in a few days.
"What are you doing here?" I said.
"I wanted to see you." He said.
"Really? Cause you haven't even called me.." I said getting pissed off.
"I'm sorry."
"You know that word kind of loses its meaning when you say it so much." I said walking out of the building.
"Jo, don't be like that."
"Be like what?"
"Don't be mad at me."
"Seriously, Sidney? I'm your girlfriend and you are going through something hard and you don't want me to be my your side. You don't call, you don't text.. why?"
"I just needed something you can't give me." He said.
"Oh and your dad can give you that.. I like when he comes into town its like I don't even exist.. glad hes always here so its like I don't even have a boyfriend." I said walking into my dorm.
"Oh, wait! I'm sure if your dad can't give you what you need, the girl at the club could." I said throwing my gym bag of the floor.
"don't do this."
"You hurt me, Sidney. You hurt me because you don't need me.. I don't know what you want from me."
"I just want you." He said trying to put his hand up my shirt.
"Sidney, stop." I said walking away.
"I don't get it."
"Yeah, apparently you don't. You have my heart, isn't that enough?" I said and he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry.. I don't even know whats going on." He said.
"Its fine.. its rough and I know this, but just let me help you. Let me be there for you." I said.
"Its hard for me to just sit on the sidelines."
"I'm here.. always." I said putting my arm around him.
"We are going to be okay." I said and then we just layed on my bed for awhile.

Febuaray 5, 2008
I was working at the cafe since my brother had a doctors appointment. Sidney was just sitting in his normal table just being cute and texting me and I would go over just to talk for awhile. It was nice being good again. He was still in his walking boot, but he had a better attitude. I started rehabing with Simon. At first, Sidney was mad but then he realized it was the best way for me to get better. I was reading some text from Sidney when I heard a voice from the past.
"Hi, Joey." He said on the other side of the counter.
"What are you doing here Colin?" I said trying to keep my composure.
"I just came back for the weekend." He said.
"Okay, but why are you standing in front of me?"
" I wanted to see you." He said.
"I think you should leave, Colin. I'll see you around maybe." I said and he turned around to go.

"Mom, I have to leave." I said calling my mom.
"Why?"
"Colin just showed up." I told her.
"What? Are you okay?" She asked me.
"I just need to leave." I said.
"Okay, leave. Its fine." She said and I hung up the phone.

I walked past Sidney and went straight to his car. I didn't say a word and I didn't plan on saying a word. When we got to my house I got out of the car and ran into the house. I ran right past Jake and Sidney was still hobbling up the stairs to my house.
"Whats wrong with Joey?" Jake asked Sidney.
"I don't know, some kid came in to the cafe and she kind of freaked out." He said.
"What kid?"
"I don't know. I have never seen him before." Sidney said.
"Fuck." Jake said getting a little panicked.
"What?"
"there are things about Joey that you don't know.. things no one knows." He mumbled.

I didn't care what Sidney thought, or what anyone thought. I retreated to my bathroom floor because there no one could hurt me. No one could judge me. There I was safe. I sat against the door so no one could get in. A few minutes after we got home Sidney came and knocked on the door.
"Opened the door, Joey." He said. I just sat there and cried.
"Please, babe. I don't want you to be hurt.. Let me help you. Talk to me." He said. He stood there saying things for awhile and then finally I heard him sit down.
"I'm not leaving, Joey. I'll sit on this side of the door until you let me sit on that side with you." He said. Once I heard that I opened the door.
"Sorry." I whispered through my tears. He just grabbed me and hugged me. He held me for awhile. I sat back down on the bathroom floor and he sat beside me.
"Talk to me." He said.
"Its nothing." I said wiping away my tears. " I want to watch a movie." I said standing up.
"Who was that boy at the cafe?" He asked.
"Do you really want to know?" I asked unsure.
"Of course I want to know."
"Once you know.. there is no going back." I said.
"Baby, tell me what he did to you." He said and I walked to shut the door and sat on my bed.
"His name is Colin. I knew him when I was 14.. hes the reason I went to Sewickley Academy." I said.
"What happened?" Sidney asked.
"Something bad." I said. He just looked at me. "I was 14 and it was the end of my 8th grade. I had a crush on Colin. He was 17 and a Junior. We were hanging out at the school playing soccer. It was harmless fun..then.." I said turning away.
"Then what?"
"We went into the school to get a drink. I then walked into the bathroom and he followed me. I thought it was funny and I was laughing. Then I realized it wasn't funny." I said looking up at him. " I guess what I am trying to say is that my first time wasn't with Simon.. it was in a bathroom when I was 14." I said with tears rolling down my eyes. Sidney's face just fell and I could tell what he was thinking through his eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He said.
"Because I didn't want you to look at me the way you just did." I said getting up and going back into my bathroom.
"Joey, come back out." He said.
"I can't."
"Why?"
"because now you know."
"I'm not going anywhere, Joey. It hurts me so bad to know that happened to you.. I want to kill him. You were 14.. I can't imagine how someone could do that." He said and I didn't say anything.
"I love you, Joey. Nothing could change that. I love you and you are the strongest person I know." He said.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just try and forget it. Only my family and Connor know. I'm over it.. its just I saw him for the first time in a while today at the cafe."
"I'm so so sorry that happened." He said hugging me.
"You were the first boy I ever trusted after it, I mean besides Jake and Connor. You are the only boy I ever truly trusted. I know you won't hurt me because I can't even explain how it felt." I said.
"You don't have to talk about it." He said.
"No, I want too. When it happened I locked myself in the bathroom. I didn't know what to do because I was suppose to go to Quaker Valley. My parents decided I should go to Sewickley. It was a good solution, but it didn't help the pain. I was 14 and I was raped by a boy that was an All-American. I was ashamed and I hated all boys. Its probably the reason I got so into soccer because no boys were around. I was in a shell until I met you. You saved me. You made me realize that not all boys are shit. You made me realize that I could trust you. I love you, Sidney and I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't want you to think less of me."
"I could never think less of you, baby. I love you with all my heart and it kills me that you were hurt like that. It kills me to know that happened and to think about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I love you, Josephine Smith and I'm here now and always." He said kissing my forehead.
"Could we just lay here tonight?" I said looking up at him.
"Nothing else I would rather do." He said.

Chapter Twenty-Six

January 10, 2008

"Hello?" I said answering my phone unsure of who was calling.
"Hi Joey. Its Abby Malone."
"Oh.. hey whats up?" I said kind of confused.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to catch lunch or go to dinner before the game or something?" she asked.
"Sure." I said.
"I just figured it would be good for you to know atleast one of the girlfriends well."
"Yeah.. I don't really hang out with any of them because I am not really as old as you all and stuff."
"I know.. but would you want to do that?"
"Yeah.. the only problem is that if we have dinner before the game I don't usually drive to the games cause I come home with Sidney.." I said hesitantly.
"Well lunch then? I mean the boys will be taking their naps."
"Yeah.. thats fine."

"Hey babe." Sidney said awhile later.
"What you doing?"
"Just got back.. about to go up to nap."
"Yeah.. I'm going to lunch with Abby Malone." I said.
"What?"
"Yeah, I don't really know. I'll see you after the game tonight and then we will talk about it."
"Okay babe.. have fun and love you."
"Good Luck.. love you too." I said and hung up the phone.

I got ready to go meet Abby for lunch in the city. I couldn't figure out why we were going to lunch. I mean I have known Sidney for a long time and no girlfriend ever wanted to go get lunch with me one on one. I was interested in seeing what was up, nonetheless it might be nice to have an ally.

"Hi, Abby." I said when I saw Abby sitting in the lobby of the restaurant.
"Hey Joey." She said. Once we got our food the news came out.
"So I wanted to talk to you about something one of the girls were talking about." She started to say.
"What?"
"I guess the boys were out the other night at Diesel."
"Yeah.. did you go?"
"Oh no.. pregnant Abby doesn't really do the club scene." She said.
"Yeah.. I had school and I never do the club scene.. but Sidney wanted to go so whatever."
"Well one of the girls told me something about Sidney."
"What and who?"
"I don't know.. I guess Sidney was talking to some girl like the whole night and buying her drinks and stuff. Then I guess they left the club together."
"Who said that?" I asked.
"It was just some of the girlfriend saw it and they were talking about it."
"Did Ryan say anything?"I asked confused.
"No, but there is kind of a guy code."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean a lot of the guys do stuff and the other guys just don't say anything."
"So what you are saying is that the girlfriends just deal with their guys cheating?"
"No.. I'm just saying if the girlfriends don't want their guys to stray they go to the club with them."
"Well, I'm underage.. and I don't like going to clubs, so thats not happening."
"Well did he say anything about it?" Abby asked.
"No but don't you think I would have found out about it? I don't think Sidney would do that.. he wouldn't do that."
"Are you guys like good?" She asked.
"Yeah.. we are good.."
"Then I don't really know what to say.. I just thought I would tell you."
"Thank you.. its just I don't even know what to think." I said just really confused.
"I guess you just have to figure out who to trust."
"Well I trust Sidney.. but I don't get why girls would just lie about this stuff." I said blatantly.
"I would just talk to Sidney if I was you."
"Yeah.. I will after the game. Thanks for telling me.. I don't really like being in the dark."
"I understand. You should sit with us all tonight."
"I will.. Sidney will be happy about that."
"See you tonight." She said hugging me before we parted ways.

After the Game
"Hey baby." He said hugging me and kissing me on the cheek after he was done with the media.
"good game." I said keeping it short and walking to his car.
"Thanks.. how was sitting with the girlfriends?"
"Fine." I said getting into the car.
"Why are you being so short with me?" He asked once we were both in the car.
"I just didn't have a good game." I said looking out the window.
"Whats wrong?" He said before putting the car into drive.
"I just heard something interesting today at lunch and then heard about it tonight at the game."
"What?"
"Is there anything you need to tell me?" I asked turning and looking him into his eyes.
"I really have no idea what you are talking about." He said confused.
"I heard you were flirting and touching and buying this girl drinks the whole night at Diesel the other night." I said again looking out the window.
"What?"
"You heard me, Sidney."
"I didn' know that talking to a girl was classified at cheating."
"Touching? Flirting? Oh wait.. did I mention that you left together?" I said getting upset.
"I was talking to a girl.. but it was nothing."
"You were talking to ONE GIRL FOR LIKE THREE HOURS.. how is that nothing?" I asked.
"girls come up to us and stuff at the club.. I just was being nice."
"Being nice doesn't mean you have to flirt and touch and leave together."
"we didn't leave together.. I promise you." He said.
"Why would they lie?"
"Whose they?"
"All the girlfriends. You don't know what it felt like to hear this from Abby and then come to the game and hear them talking about it. I just felt stupid. I don't want to be lied too nor do I like being a fool."
"You aren't being lied to and you aren't a fool." He said.
"then why did you have to do that? Why did you do that and why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think it was a big deal.."
"How isn't that a big deal?"
"I was just talking to a girl.. thats it. Nothing happened."
"Fine." I said.
"You don't believe me?"
"I believe you.. I just don't get why they would lie."
"Because they have nothing better to do?"
"I want to be able to trust you."
"You don't trust me?"
"Sidney.."
"this is a big deal.. if you don't trust me we have a problem." He said.
"I trust you and I want to believe you and I want to not care what these girls say, but I just don't get why they would lie."
"Do you want me to call Colby and ask Mel? I'll call them right now.. I have nothing to hide."
"No.. its fine. I just don't lie to me."
"I never lied to you."
"Then tell me exactly what happened that night."
"I went and had a few drinks. Some girl came up to me and we were talking. I bought her a drink and we talked but she was totally drunk. When we were leaving she walked out with us and I got her a cab and thats it."
"Sidney.. its just hard."
"do you belive me?" He asked worried.
"I do.. its just hard with having these girls want you. Having you live this world and stuff.. its just hard."
"I don't want to hurt you.. I never want to hurt you."
"I just don't want to be apart of that girlfriend group. I'm not like them and I don't want to be like them. I don't want to be okay with girls coming up to my boyfriend and flirting and shit. Thats not me.. that will never be me."
"Okay, babe." He said grabbing my hand.
"I just want to go home." I said.

Update

Hey faithful readers :)
So I just want to let you all know where I am at. I know most of you are use to me updating multiple times a week, but if you read Going From Ordinary, you know that during the school year I cut back a lot. Its not that I don't want to write and I don't like to write.. its just I have a very demanding major. I am going to try and update once a week and maybe more, but its just not a priority when I'm at school. When I get a free moment, I watch the penguins and I try and keep up with the story.. its just hard. Just be patient and keep reading. I won't let you down, its just be patient because I have a lot on my plate sometimes. Thanks for reading and always comment because that makes me write! God Bless and Go Penguins <3

Chapter Twenty-Five

January 1, 2008

"Babe." He said when he came down the stairs and found me laying on the couch. When he said that I turned and tried to get up quickley.
"Why are you back in your brace?" He said walking towards me.
"The doctor said that it would probably be best for me to just keep it on until I go back to school." I explained.
"When did this happen?"
"Like the day you left for Buffalo."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Its not a big deal."
"But it is.. I'm sure it sucks for you."
"Its fine. Did you thaw out?" I said putting both of my hands on his face.
"It was so cold, Jo." He said reaching up and touching my hands.
"I could tell. All I kept telling Jake was how cold you looked and how I just wanted to hug you." I said that and then he gave me a deeply passionate kiss.
"What was that for?" I asked.
"I figured we didn't spend New Years with eachother, so that was our New Years kiss." He said.
"I love you." I said kissing him again.
"And I love you." He said.
"So how amazing was it playing there?" I asked him sitting down on the couch.
"It was indescribable. I wish you could have been there and experienced it with me."
"I know." I said looking away.
"Whats wrong?" He asked me.
"Nothing.. I'm fine."I said.
"Joey.. I can tell when something is wrong." He said.
"Its nothing.. seriously."
"Promise me." He said.
"I promise."
"I just want you to talk to me."
"I do talk to you. I tell you everything."
"So did you have fun in Canada over the holidays?" He asked moving closer and putting his arm around me.
"I did."
"Baby.." He said trying to make me look in his eyes.
"What?" I said.
"Something is wrong..I just don't know what it is and I don't get why you won't tell me."
"Something just doesn't feel right." I blurted out.
"What do you mean?"
"This just doesn't feel real."
"I don't get it." he said confused.
"Its like you go out and do your thing and then you just report back to me. Its not like we are in eachothers lives." I said.
"You are the biggest part of my life, baby."
"No, Sidney. Hockey is the biggest part of your life."
"Whats this about?" he said getting upset.
"Its nothing.. its just sometimes its like we aren't real."
"I don't know what that means."
"Just forget it."
"How am I suppose to forget it?"
"Please.. just forget it."
"you make no sense..you know that right?" He said getting up.
"Don't make us fight when you just got back." I said getting up then.
"I'm not making us do anything.. you brought it up." He said.
"You wanted to know.. I was just telling you how I feel."
"Well maybe you shouldn't have."
"What are you talking about? Seriously, Sidney. Don't do this." I said getting pissed.
"I'm not going to say anything.. I'm just going to leave."
"don't leave Sidney." I said grabbing his hand.
"Why not?"
"Because I love you and I want you here with me."
"We aren't real though."
"Thats not what I meant." I said and I kissed him. "This has to be real."
"Then what did you mean?" He said staring into my eyes.
"First off.. I love you. It just is sometimes like we do the same thing all the time. You go away and then we meet here and we talk about it. Its like I'm still in high school and I hate it. Its like we are together, but its not like you are my life. We don't ever have alone time. I mean I live here and you live with Mario. I just love you but I don't like our situation sometimes."
"You want me to get a place?" he said.
"Its not just like that.. its just like it doesn't feel like we have this mature relationship because.. I don't know, maybe I'm just not making any sense."
"No, you are making sense. I get you."
"You always get me." I said kissing him quickly.
"I am looking for a place.." He started. "And anytime you want to have a night together, I'll book a hotel room where we can just spend a night together."
"Thanks baby." I said.
"Jo.. don't you know by now that I love you and that this is for forever."
"I loved spending Christmas with you.. I really really did."
"I know, me too. Now its going to be hard if we have to spend one apart." He said.
"That won't happen."
"You're right. I won't let it happen." He said.
"Your dad so hates me." I said laughing.
"He doesn't hate you."
"He liked me alot better when I was just the best friend and not the girlfriend." I said.
"Thats not true."
"It is. I don't get it though. I don't get what he thinks I'm going to do. Its not like I am this new person in your life.. I have known you since your rookie year."
"Trust me, he likes you."
"He doesn't at all, which hurts because he means so much to you."
"My dad is my best friend." He said and I looked away.
"But, baby.." He said and I looked at him. "I really don't care what anyone thinks, you make me complete.. without you I would just be some stupid hockey player."
"you are still some stupid hockey player."
"You love me though, so I can be okay with that." He said laughing.
"I'm glad you are back." I said.
"Me too.. but I leave in like three days again."
"I hate that..I hate having you and then having to say goodbye."
"I hate saying goodbye to you.. but I love coming back to you.. no matter how bad the roadtrip goes.. its just good to see you."
"You are like the sweetest person in the world."
"Well thats just not possible.. you haven't met everyone in the world."
"You did not just say that." I said laughing.
"Yeah.. I am a dork.. you know this."
"I guess I am one too, since I love you." I said kissing him.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Dec. 21, 2007
All break I have been waking up and going to work out. Trying to keep the rest of my body in shape so when my knee is good, everything won't take so long. I can almost bend it the whole way and they say by New Years, I will have full range of motion. Thank God. Sidney and I have been spending alot of time together. He went on a two game roadtrip last week and came back late last night. My family left for Boston, so I am all by myself. Sidney said he will stay with me, last night Connor (the boy that took me to prom) stayed with me. I felt better having a boy staying with me and Connor volunteered. I was glad to have Sidney back, though. It would be much better.

I was laying on my couch when Sidney walked in like nothing.
"Hey babe." He said.
"Hey you." I said sitting up.
"How goes it?" He said sitting down.
"Its good. Look at my knee." I said bending it back and forth.
"Thats really good, Jo. So did your parents get to Boston okay?"
"Yeah, I don't know. Jake is really excited to play and stuff. The kids can't wait for Santa.. I don't think they care much that I won't be there." I said.
"They care. Of course they care." He said reassuring me.
"Yeah.. if you say so." I said.
"So you have a game tonight?" I asked.
"No, I just came from practice. Tonight, I'm all yours." He said kissing me.
"So what do you want to do?" I asked.
"Food would be good.. movie maybe? game? hot tub?" He said.
"You have never wanted to go into the hot tub before." I said confused.
"Probably because it would be weird asking you to go in with your parents here, they probably think I want to go in for other reasons." He said laughing.
"Okay?" I said confused.
"I don't know. We can do whatever you want." He said.
"Lets play some video games then go get food?" I said.
"Thats fine."

"Sidney, why do you have to take the game so seriously?" I said quitting in the middle of our like 5th game.
"Why did you turn it off?!" He said getting pissed off.
"Because you are taking it too seriously.. I don't want to play with you like that."
"I'm competitive, what can I say?"
"Fine.. be competitive with someone else.. not me." I said getting up and taking our glasses to the kitchen.
"Jo, I'm sorry." He said following me.
"I just don't want to play with you like that.. its just.. not fun."
"I'm sorry."
"Are you?"
"Yeah.. why are you making such a big deal about it?"
"Because Sidney.. you take everything way too serious. When you are with me, be with me for fun. Be with me.. don't be thinking about your point total, or the standings..don't be thinking about hockey moves or anything like that."
"I am with you." He said coming up behind me and putting his arms around me.
"Okay, lets just go get dinner."

Later that night we were in my bedroom fooling around.
"Its nice being able to do this without worrying if your mom is going to walk in on us." He said kissing me.
"Yeah.. but don't talk." I said continuing to kiss him. After awhile, along while of kissing, his hands made his way up my shirt. Its not like that was the first time he felt them or that things went there (obviously). Things were getting intense, and I started to unbuckle his pants. We kept kissing and then I just stopped. I just stopped all of a sudden and ran downstairs. He waited awhile to follow me for obvious reasons.
"What was that about?" He said coming downstairs.
"I'm sorry." I said softly and switched channels.
"Whats wrong?"
"Nothing." I said.
"Then why were we having fun and then you just stopped? I don't get your problem."
"I don't have a problem.. I just don't want to have sex with.." I started and cut me off.
"With me." He said.
"I didn't mean it like I don't want to have sex with you, I do.."
"Then what did you mean?"
"Its more complicated than you think."
"Really? Where I'm standing it seems pretty simple. You aren't a virgin, you had sex with Simon. You supposedly love me more than life itself but yet we don't have sex?"
"You don't get it.. you probably wouldn't understand." I said watching tv.
"Look at me." He said.
"I can't." I said getting up and going to my room.
"Joey! Talk to me." He running up the stairs.
"I just.. its complicated." I said and he came and sat down next me.
"Then explain it, because right now my girlfriend who I love dearly doesn't want to make love, how is that suppose to feel?"
"I didn't think our relationship was about sex. I thought it was more."
"It is more."
"Then why does it matter if we have sex?"
"I just don't get why we don't."
"I told you that its complicated." I said.
"Then explain it to me." He said staring into my eyes.
"I thought I was pregnant." I said quickly.
"What?" He questioned.
"I had a pregnancy scare." I said.
"When?"
"Like in October.."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"We weren't really talking at that point and its not like you really wanted to hear about me and Simon."
"So what happened?"
"I thought I was pregnant because I was late. I got my period like a week and a half late for some reason but I got it. Thats when everything changed."
"What do you mean?"
"Thats when I knew.."
"Knew what?"
"That you were the boy I wanted to be with."
"How?"
"Simon didn't know about the scare. We didn't have sex afterwards.. I just changed the subject or said I was too busy or something."
"So how did that make you know you loved me?"
"Because I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell you and you were the only boy I wanted to tell. Simon as the father of my child? Simon, the boy from England? No.. Simon is a good guy but when that came up I thought to myself why am I doing this? Why am I with someone I don't want to be with forever? I'm not saying that if you were Simon in that situation, I would have been scared. I totally would have, but the thought of being eternally linked to you is a hell of a better idea than being linked to Simon. I knew I didn't want a baby, yet. But that made me realize I never wanted Simon to be the man that helped me raise my children." I said that and he just looked at me. "I'm scared to have sex with you.. not because I don't love you or that I don't want too. I'm scared because I'm not ready to be a mom. I'm not ready to have a kid even if you are the dad. I want to have children with you, I can see that happening because forever is forever, but not for years. I'm scared, because there is no way to know that it won't happen."
"I'm sorry." He said putting his arm around me. "I didn't know."
"You couldn't have. Only Sophie knew. I couldn't tell Simon, it would have freaked him out. I couldn't tell you because you already hated me and you would have called me a slut or something."
"I wouldn't have called you a slut.. you aren't."
"You have slept with one person.. thats more than.." He started.
"Thats more than you can say about yourself?" I questioned.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter.. to me." I said.
"Why?"
"Because Sidney. I love you and I know you have had sex with so many people and how scary is that. I'm scared of getting pregnant, I'm scared of not measuring up to your other people or your fantasies. You are so much more experienced than me.. people throw themselves at you."
"I don't sleep with every girl that talks to me."
"I'm sure you don't.. but you have slept with enough."
"I've slept with people, not a lot but people. But trust me, it was never like this."
"Did you love any of them?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"You don't know? You slept with people and you don't know if you loved them? Do you even remember their names?"
"Yes, Joey. Just.. You are enough for me and whatever you think I am expecting, you are wrong. I want to be with you because I love you. You don't want to have sex right now, thats fine. Thats not what its about with me.. thats not what it ever was about." He said putting his hand under my chin.
"I'm just scared." I said.
"When you are ready, I'm ready." He said. When he said that I just kissed him deeply on the lips.
"Kissing is good." He said smiling.
"Want to go to bed?" I asked.
"I could think of nothing I would rather do." He said and got changed and I did the same. We got into bed and his arms were around me and I said, "Sidney, I do love you. And I'm sorry I can't give that to you right now."
"It really doesn't matter to me. Those three words are all I need to hear." He said whispering in my ear.
"Thank you." I said back.
"This is what love is.. not sex." He said kissing my neck.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Christmas Break 2007

I got my brace off about two days ago. I don't have full motion yet, but I am working everyday. Once I get the full motion back I can start running and training to get back into soccer. Sidney and I have been good. We hang out as much as possible. It is hard because he is on the road or at practice or at a game and I have school and my life at RMU. We definitely see eachother once a week and we talk daily. I try and go to the games on the weekends, but its hard to go during the week. We are working and its good right now. We have yet to take our relationship to the "next level" if you know what I mean. We have gotten close, but I guess my fear of losing the friendship isn't completely vanished yet.
"I have a big question." He said when we were laying on the couch in my basement on the first day of break.
"Whats that? I'm scared."
"I know that Jacob has a tournament in Boston and the family is going up there. I know that you don't really want to.. and I was wondering if you wanted to come back to Cole Harbour?"
"Are you serious?" I said shocked.
"Well its only for two days. We would leave Dec. 23 after the game and come back the day after Christmas in the morning."
"Are you sure, Sidney? Like do your parents care?"
"I'm kind of more worried about my parents."
"I actually already asked them. They know you were really upset when you learned you had to go to Boston and watching hockey, so I asked them and they said fine."
"But my parents are leaving like Dec. 20?"
"Yeah?" He said confused.
"I don't really like staying by myself." I said.
"I'll stay with you.. its not a big deal. Or you can stay at the Lemieuxs.. don't stress."
"Well that means I have to go shopping since I'm going to have to give them my gifts before they leave for Boston."
"you think they will open all the gifts without you?"
"Jason, Jordan, and maybe Jocelyn all still believe."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."
"Yeah, so wanna go shopping?" I asked.
"They could be crazy.. but I'll come."
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah, babe."
"Can we watch a girl movie?" I asked.
"Anything."
"You might cry." I said looking at him.
"Haha are you going to cry?" He asked me.
"I legit cry everytime I watch it.. so.."
"Awe I'll comfort you."
"Shut up." I said.
"What movie is it?"
"A Walk to Remember."
"I thought you were going to say the Notebook."
"Oh just give it time, babe."
"Can't wait."
"Will you get the movie though because I can't bend down that far?" I asked and he found the movie on the bookshelf.
"So before the movie starts.. lets talk for a few."
"Babe, we talk all the time." I said.
"Just tell me about school.. did you get your grades?"
"Yeah.."
"And how did you do?"
"I got a 3.6"
"Thats good."
"Yeah.. I mean its kind of hard not to do well when you are an athlete.. they make us go to study meetings and stuff."
"Thats good, though.. so did you like it?"
"I liked soccer and I love just the college life. Living in the dorms, walking around in sweats and just rolling out of bed and going to class. I just love that life of living in that little bubble on campus."
"You did seem really happy." He said.
"I did, babe. But you were a big part of that. I actually didn't like it as much in the beginning."
"You are so lying!" He said.
"No, I'm so serious." I said looking at him. "I figured something out."
"Whats that?"
"I never loved Simon and I told you that. But I figured out why I couldn't just tell you that I wanted to be with you."
"Why?"
"Its like with you I knew you were the boy I wanted to be with forever. You are my soul mate, if that means I'm going to marry you or if that means you are going to be my best friend for the rest of my life, I don't know. But I think I was scared of that. I was scared of starting to date someone that I knew I could marry. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to date one guy. Before Simon, you are my only boyfriend. I mean I have kissed you, Simon, and Jeremiah. I just wasn't ready for forever." I said.
"I'm not ready for forever yet, either."
"I know, but you are so much more mature than me." I said.
"Oh can't argue with that." He said.
"I just thought you should know that I never really stopped loving you." I said and once I said that L word, he kissed me. "What was that for?" I said.
"I love you too." he said.
"Okay, enough. Movie time. And don't make fun of me if I cry."
"It will be cute." He said. Then we snuggled together and sat there. I kept my knee up on the couch and layed on Sidney. It was so comfy and it was the perfect picture.

After the Movie
"I just cry everytime.. can you imagine loving someone that much and having like no time." I said after the movie crying still.
"Babe.. don't cry." He said trying to wipe away some of my tears.
"Its just sad. Like I've known you for two years and its just like think about all the time we have wasted fighting or not being together."
"But we are together now."
"I know, thank God." I said kissing him.
"I looked up at one point in the movie and I saw some tears." I said looking up at him. He tried to deny it.
"I just kept thinking about if that would really happen.. like imagine loving someone out of the blue, thinking you have forever and them being sick. I don't think I could be strong enough. I was just thinking if that was you, would I be strong enough to help you get through it?"
"You would be.. you and Jacob are my rocks. Without you I wouldn't even be able to get through this knee thing."
"Your my best friend.. you know that right?"
"Your my best friend too,Sidney." I said.
"But you know what else you are?" He asked.
"No?" I said confused.
"I think you could quite possibly be the love of my life." He said. Once he said it I just started to cry. "Why are you crying?" He asked confused.
"Because I really do love you and I never thought this would happen. Before I met you I was never thinking about forever. To be honest, I couldn't comprehend how people could be married for thirty-plus years and loving someone that much.. but I do." I said and then we kissed and kissed and kissed.
"I'm going to quote Dawson Leery." I said.
"Who the hell is Dawson Leery?" He said laughing.
"Dawson Leery.. like from Dawson's Creek!" I said completely flabergasted that he had no idea what it was. "Oh babe, you just opened yourself up to that.. we are watching seasons now!" I said laughing.
"Well whats the quote."
"That I fell inlove with you twice. Once as my best friend and once as the love that changed my life."
"I love how we just break off into this intense conversations." He said laughing.
"What can I say.. we love to talk." I said staring smiling at him.
"Talking is good.. but kissing.. is better." He said and then we kissed and he pulled away.
"I have to go.. your coming tomorrow, though right?"
"Do I ever not come to a game if I can?" I said.
"True." He said. "I'll call you tomorrow. Can't wait for that Dawson shit." He said laughing.
"Hold on.. I'll walk up with you." I said and he stopped.
"thanks for tonight.. love crying." He said.
"I knew you cried!" I said laughing.
"Night.. Love you." He said kissing me quickly on the lips.
"I love you too. Talk to you tomorrow." I said and watched him get into his car and drive back to his house.
"That night was perfect." I thought to myself and went up to my room and fell asleep. I guarantee I dreamed of Sidney that night.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Sidney and I mingled for awhile throughout the party and then I found my place on the couch because lets face it I can't walk. I was fine sitting there just watching a movie on tv.. people would come and go talking to me and I was fine with it. Sidney was having fun.. I could tell. He deserved it, he has so much pressure on him all the time.
"Hey babe, are you okay?" He came over and placed his hand on my back.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you having fun?"
"Yeah.. I am alot."
"Thats good I'm happy."
"I feel bad.. let me go get a drink and then I'll come over and get some of the guys to come play a drinking game or something."
"Its not a big deal, Sid."
"Hey, Army! Do you have any games we can play?"
"Yeah, Sid. They are in the basement. I'll come pick one with you." Mel said and her and Sidney went to find a game.
"Colby, you guys really don't have to play a game with me. I'm fine." I told Colby.
"Just let Sidney go. He is probably just using you as an excuse, he probably really wants to play the game." Colby said.
"We are going to play Dirty Minds." Mel said.
"What the hell is that?" Colby said.
"You give a clue and the object is not to be dirty. We will play in teams since most of you are way drunk." Mel explained.
"Anyone that wants to play.. get over here. everyone else can move the party in the basement." Colby yelled.
"Here, babe just sit on my lap to make room for everyone." Sidney said helping make me comfortable.
"Are you good?" He asked.
"I'm fine.. we better win, though." I said kissing him on the cheek.
We sat like that for along time. He had his hand on my lower back and on my leg. It felt so good to just sit like that for awhile. Colby and Mel won the game somehow. Who knows, since Colby is the dirtiest of us all.
"Tonight was fun." I said when I got into the drivers side to drive.
"Yeah, it was. Thanks for coming."
"Of course, Sidney."
"Hey you know what we should do tomorrow?"
"What?"
"Spend all day together."
"Don't we always spend all day together?"
"No, I just mean that I'm leaving for a week long road trip and you are going back to school tomorrow night."
"So what do you want to do?"
"I'll pick you up for breakfast.. then we can play video games."
"Oh you have been waiting just to play those video games.. I know you."
"true.. but we can hang at your house or mine.. then we can go to dinner and I can drive you back to school."
"I do have to pack at some point."
"I'll help you."
"Okay, then I say spending tomorrow with you, will be fabulous." I said turning and smiling at him.
"I'll call you tomorrow morning."
"Hmm, okay."
"Wait, how are you going to get home?" He asked when I pulled into the Lemieux's driveway.
"I'm just going to walk home." I turned to him.
"No, you so are not. Its 3 am."
"Well what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know.. call Jacob or stay here." He said getting out of the car.

"Jake." I said.
"What Jo? Its early."
"I know. I drove Sidney back to the house because he was drinking but now he won't let me walk home. So should I stay here or can you come get me?"
"Why don't you just stay there?" Jake said.
"Will you tell mom and dad I stayed in the dorm last night." I said.
"Okay, see you tomorrow."
"Thanks, Jake."

"I'm staying. Lets go up to bed." I said grabbing his hand.
We walked up to his room. He started taking off his shirt.
"Can I wear sweatpants or something?" I asked.
"Yeah.. do you want to wear anything else?" He asked.
"No, I'm fine. Just warning you.. sleeping with the brace is uncomfortable."
"Its fine." He said taking off his pants and getting in bed with just his boxers. I climbed into bed beside him.
"Are they going to care that I am here?"
"Stop worrying." He said.
"I worry, Sid. Thats what I do." I said.
"Just come here. Lets just lay here and sleep." He said pulling me closer to him and letting me rest my head on his chest.
"This feels so right." I said and he kissing my head.

Chapter Twenty-One

"Hey." I said calling him early in the morning.
"Hey, what are you doing up?"
"I have a doctor's appointment."
"What do you think they are going to say?"
"Hopefully that I don't need cruches anymore."
"Is that even realistic?"
"I don't know.. I don't get the big deal if I walk with the brace on."
"Yeah. Who is taking you?"
"Jacob is driving me and my dad is meeting us."
"Good luck.. what time is it, maybe I can come?"
"Its at 10.. you have morning skate."
"Yeah, sorry."
"Its fine.."
"So how many tickets do you want tonight?"
"I'm coming by myself."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I don't see the point in making people come with me. I mean I can sit there and watch the game by myself. Its not a big deal at all."
"Awe you are growing up!" He said laughing.
"shut up.. maybe if you weren't such a good guy I could sit in your box, but noo you have to donate it to charity."
"I know, I'm such a bad guy."
"Basically."
"Okay, well call me or leave me a message and tell me how it goes."
"I will.. I'll see you tonight."
"Wait, you can't drive, so how are you going to get there?"
"Hmm.. lets think about this Sidney.. I will probably have someone drop me off."
"Right, sorry. Stupid moment. See you later." He said then hung up the phone.

"Are you ready?" Jaocb said walking into my room.
"Yeah." I said smiling.
"What are you so happy about?"
"Sidney just makes me laugh."
"I'm glad you guys are back together."
"Yeah.. me too." I said trying to walk down the steps. Then I saw Sarah. That awesome girl that I just love so much.
"Oh yeah, Sarah is coming with us." Jacob said.
"Nice to know... will you go grab my ipod Jake?"
"Sure.. why?"
"So I can listen to it in the car and in the waiting room."
"Is Sidney coming to the doctors?"
"No, he has practice."
Lucky me, Sarah is joining us to go to the doctors.
Haha be nice.
There is no way to be nice to her.. she is like evil, I swear.
She is not that bad.
Oh come on, Sidney.. She is awful! They better not like keep me with them all day.. I'll die.
Don't do that.. just ignore them.
I will try my best. See you tonight.
Talk to you later, babe.

I went to the doctor and they actually had some good news. I don't have to use cruches anymore, but I can't take off the brace for a few more weeks. Then I can start rehab. I was excited and I was looking forward to hanging out with Sidney tonight.
"Hey, Jo. No crutches?" Jordan said when he came out of the lockerroom.
"Yeah.. is Sidney still going to be awhile?" I asked.
"Yeah.. of course."
"Should have figured." I said.
"You know how it is.. your going to Army's right?"
"Yeah.. we will be there.. See ya." I said. Then I just waited for Sidney. He always seems to take forever, but you do what ya gotta do.

"Hey you." I said when he walked out.
"No cruches?" He asked kissing my forehead.
"Nope."
"Do you want to go somewhere for a little before Armys?"
"Yeah..whats wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing." Then we walked to his car.
"No, seriously. Whats up?"
"I just after the games and stuff.. I just get sick of doing all that media. I mean I will do it obviously, but its just draining. Then I hate knowing you are like standing out there waiting for me and I am just sitting in there answering these pointless questions."
"I don't care, Sid. I don't mind waiting.. I'm use to it."
"I know." He said holding my one hand while he was driving with the other.
"So is there going to be lot of people there tonight?"
"Girlfriends and players and then someother guys probably."
"Ohh.."
"I know you don't really like coming to this.. but we will just sit and play a game or something."
"You can drink, Sid." I said.
"What?"
"I don't want you to think that you can't drink if I'm there. Its fine..I don't really care. I can drive us home."
"You can't drive."
"Its my left leg..I can still drive with my right."
"We will see." He said then drove to Armys.
"I thought you said we were going somewhere?"
"Yeah, I changed my mind."
"Haha okay.. whatever."
"So whats the deal with this Sarah girl?"
"She is a senior this year at Sewickley. Her and Jake have been dating for probably a year now.. he needs to find someone else."
"Why do you not like her so much?"
"She acts like I am this girl who is so beneath her.. I can't stand it. Jake could do so much better than her and he just chooses her. I don't know what he sees in her. He knows I don't like her."
"Isn't the Acadamey small.. so you like know her know her?"
"We use to be friends in like grade school. Until I started playing soccer like hardcore and she like thought it was weird or something. I don't know.. I don't care."
"I want to meet her."
"You are never meeting her."
"Why?"
"Because she will say these rude comments and probably start hitting on you.."
"Does Jake love her?"
"I don't know.. how could anyone love her?"
"Joey, I'm sure she has good qualities to her."
"Like what? She is good in bed? She is good on the eyes? She doesn't have a heart."
"Harsh."
"Well don't stick up for her, Sidney. She is rude to me constantly. She makes me feel like an outsider in own house and she took Jacob away from me. Jake and I never hang out anymore.. You don't know her.. so don't be on her side."
"I'm not on anyones side."
"You should be on my side. No matter what or who.. you should always pick me."
"Jo, I don't even know her."
"I know, so why are we talking about her?"
"I don't know.. we will stop."
"Look she even causes trouble when she isn't around me!"
"She didn't cause any trouble." He said. "Lets just go into the house." He said helping me out of the car. Then he held me hand and led me into Colby and Mel's new house.

Chapter Twenty

When we went upstairs to my room, I showed him my foot.
"Why did you do that?"
"I told you that I wanted too.. I don't really see the big deal."
"I just don't get why you needed that on your foot."
"You don't like it?"
"Its nice and I know you always wanted it, I just don't see the point in tattoos."
"I know.."
"Why did you not tell me? Actually, better question.. why did Brooks take you to get it?"
"Because I knew you didn't want me to get it and he was here so I asked him to come with me."
"He was here?"
"Yeah.. he came to see how I was.. we are friends."
"Friends.. right." He said and then he just stood up and looked out my bedroom window. After a few minutes I reached up for him to come over to the bed where I was sitting.
"Sidney.." I said grabbing his hands. "I'm sorry that you are mad about my foot."
"I'm not mad."
"Well I should have told you and I'm sorry that Brooks took me. But I don't have any feelings for Brooks. You are the boy I want to be with, so don't get mad at me when I hang out with boys because I will always come back to you and I will never cheat on you.. ever." I said wrapping my arms around his waist. I looked up at him. "You could help you know.. I mean I am crippled and your lips are kind far up there." I said pulling him closer to me. Then we kissed, like our first real kiss since deciding to give it another try.
"this brace is going to make things interesting." He said.
"I know.. cause I can't stand by myself.. I basically can't move." I said and he sat down next to me. I moved over and placed my hand on his chest and kissed him again. "Then again.. it might be nice." I said smiling.
"Josephine! You better not be showering!!" My mom yelled from downstairs.
"I'm not. I'm talking to Sidney!" I yelled back.
"My mom is like paranoid about me showering." I said.
"What?"
"She thinks that I'm going to like kill myself trying to do it since I have to take off the brace. I don't really know what she thinks I'm going to do.. I can't bend my knee."
"Well.. you know I could volunteer to help you shower.. I mean its the least I could do." He said trying to be so serious.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure they would love that!" I said laughing. We just layed on my bed for awhile. "Sid, I am sorry that I went Brooks." I said turning to him.
"I know, I'm sorry I freaked out about your tattoo.. Its not a big deal."
"I wanted you to come with me.. I just knew you wouldn't want too."
"I know, babe."
"We are going to have to find some things to do while I'm in this brace cause I can't do like anything."
"Lots of movie and games nights."
"My favorite!" I said smiling.
"I know, you are going to heaven."
"Shut up, you will have fun too!"
"Yeah, with you I always have fun."
"you are just too cute." I resting my head on his chest.
How did the surgery go?
"Who was that?" Sidney asked when I got the text.
"Simon."
"What did he want?"
"Wanted to ask about the surgery."
Fine.. painful. Can't walk on it for two months.. so no soccer.
That's rough. Sorry.
"Why did you text him back?"
"Because he is my friend. I mean he is kind of arrogant, but he's my friend and he's on the soccer team.. I kind of have to be nice to him." I said and Sidney just got this look on his face. "Sidney, seriously. I do not want to have this talk everytime I talk to a boy. Who am I laying with right now? Who is the boy that I can't get enough of?" I said kissing his neck.
"I know.. I know. I'm sorry.. its just hard."
"You think its hard for you.. Sidney every girl wants to be in your bed."
"Thats not true." He said laughing.
"really, Sidney.. I'm pretty sure I could walk down the street of Pittsburgh in seven out of ten girls on the street would date you."
"I would like to see you walk anywhere right now."
"Oh comical are we? You know I'm right."
"Well good thing I only have eyes for one girl." He said sitting up and kissing my nose.
"Really. .my nose Sidney?"
"haha I love your nose.. its like a cute little button."
"Yeah.. every girl wants to be called cute from their boyfriend." I said sitting up.
"Okay, first.. I'm glad you just called me your boyfriend. Second, I think you are more than just cute." He said sitting up and kissing my neck.
"Okay, okay..Stop." I said laughing.
"What?"
"When people kiss my neck, I giggle. I get ticklish."
"Yeah, you would." He said.
"So can you hang tonight?"
"Yeah.. game tomorrow. And after we were going to go Colby's new house.. will you come?"
"Yeah.. as long as I have a chair to sit on." I said pointing to my leg.
"Of course, my dear."
"So what movie tonight?"
"Do you want to go to the movie store?" He asked me.
"Yeah. but you pick. Nothing scary unless you plan on sleeping in my room tonight."
"Well if I thought your parents would allow that, I would totally try that."
"Yeah, stupid parents.. they ruin everything!" I said laughing.

Chapter Nineteen

Its been a few days and my knee is feeling better. I have to keep taking my medication, but I have been feeling much better. Yesterday was Thanksgiving it was delicious! My grandma helped my mom cook and it was just fun hanging out with the family. Sidney came home today, haven't seen him yet but I'm sure its only hours. I got a surprise visitor, though.
"Hey.. I come bearing flowers." He said pulling out some flowers behind his back.
"Thanks, Brooks. You really didn't have to do that."
"Just want you to get better, and you make Sidney so happy its unreal."
"Thanks for saying that."
"Its the truth.. I wish you didn't because it makes it so much harder."
"What are you talking about?"
"I would be lying if I said being with you never crossed my mind. It does.."
"I know.. I thought about it last year, but ultimately you are Sidney's friend and teammate. I'm not going to come in between that. Plus, Sidney says he would forgive me for anything, but I don't think we could get over that."
"I know.. I totally know and I won't ever try anything."
"I'm sorry, maybe in another time or place it could have happened, but Sidney is too important."
"Friends?" He said.
"Of course." Then we sat and watched some tv. "Actually, maybe you could help me with something."
"Whats that?"
"I've been wanting to get a tattoo, but I couldn't because of soccer. Lucky for me I won't be playing soccer for awhile."
"You couldn't because of soccer?"
"Well I want it on my foot."
"Oh.. I get it now."
"Yeah, and Sidney isn't really that excited about it. He thinks its stupid and why I would ever want to put something on my body for eternity. Personally, I think he is scared to go into a tattoo parlor, so I was hoping you would go with me?"
"Don't you want to go with someone you are closer with?"
"No, I want to go with you. Plus, my friends from high school aren't really back and my friends from school are gone."
"What about Jake?"
"He wouldn't like it."
"When do you want to go?"
"Now?" I asked hopeful.
"Isn't Sidney going to be coming around soon?"
Hey, Sid. I'm going into the city for awhile. I'll call you when I get back.
"Taken care of." I said.

So we went to get me a tattoo. I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted the word Faith written in script on the inside of my foot. I have always wanted it, but it was never practical because it would hurt to play soccer so soon after.
"Why did Sidney care so much?" Brooks asked when we got back into his car.
"I don't know. I guess he just didn't like the idea of it. It seems kind of stupid.. who knows."
"So how are you guys?"
"Fine, I guess. Its just weird trying to start over. Trying to get back to how it was. He acts like I can just throw everything I'm scared about out the window and just fall head over heels for him."
"what are you scared of?"
"do you know how many girls want to have Sidney say to them what he says to me? Do you know how many girls fantasize about him and want to be with him? Do you know how scary that is? How scary it is that everywhere he goes girls want him.. how can I compete with that?"
"I don't know, Jo. I don't have the answers for you, but there is a reason Sidney loves you. I think you just need to give it a chance."
"We had a chance before.. and it didn't really work."
"Did you really give it a chance, or were you just scared?"
"I don't know.. I'm sure him seeing this tattoo will have a good fight."
He pulled up to my house and Sidney was sitting on my porch with my little brother Jason.
"Sorry, if Sidney gets mad at you."I said turning to Brooks and I got out of the car.
"Why were you with Brooks?"
"We went somewhere."
"Where?"
"Come here.. I'll show you."

Comment please.. and I know some of you commented about her and Brooks. Originally my idea was to have her and brooks get together, but it seemed too much like Madison and Ryan Whitney in Going From Ordinary. I don't know.. just comment and tell me what you think. I just started to read some of my followers' blogs. I don't have much time usually but I still have a few days of break and I thought I would check them out and maybe it will spark my creativity again. Okay well comment and God Bless. And Hopefully the penguins will pull out a win here soon.

Chapter Eighteen

"Let's play a game." I said laying in the hospital for the last day.
"A game?" Sidney asked.
"Yeah, Sidney.. a game. I am bored!"
"Well I'm leaving in like two hours for the road."
"Yeah, I kind of hate you."
"Shut up, no you don't."
"Okay, then lets have a serious talk."
"How about that game?" He said trying to change the subject.
"No we are talking now."
"About what? We talk about everything all the time."
"About us."
"What about us?"
"Are we good?"
"I'm here aren't I."
"Sidney.."
"What?"
"You being here doesn't mean that everything is great. You are here because you have to be.. because if you weren't we probably wouldn't recover from it."
"I'm here because I want to be.. why is it so hard for you to realize that I want to be by your side?"
"It just seems weird to me."
"Elaborate."
"Of all the girls you could date.. everyone.. why me?"
"Because we met by chance and since that day I haven't gone a day without wondering how your day is going. You are the person I count on most in this world and no other girl could ever come close to that."
"Sidney.. I just don't get why we can't go back to being fun and not so serious?"
"So what are you saying? I want us both to be on the same page.."
"Okay, heres where my head is at.. but remember I am on pain killers..and don't get mad at me."
"I won't be mad."
"I like you.. I mean I love you as my best friend and I'm not ready to say I love you as the love of my life because right now I'm not inlove with you. I like you and you are the only person I want to be with right now, but I don't really want us to jump into this and have this serious relationship. I know that me and you anytime we are together it get intense, but I just want us to get back to where we were. I first want to focus on getting back our friendship dynamic before I start thinking about anything else.. because before any of this started, we were best friends."
"I know you are scared." He said empathetic.
"I am scared about so many things.."
"Tell me something you are afraid of."
"I'm afraid of never getting back to that place where we were that night we went to dinner with your parents. I'm scared that if your mom saw us right now she would be like what happened?"
"I promise we will get back.. we will be better than before."
"Tell me something your afraid of." I asked him.
"I'm scared of you never trusting me with your heart."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm scared that the fear of losing me is going to prevent you from ever really having me. I'm scared that you will never give us the chance to fall inlove."
"I'm scared of that too. I'm scared that the fear of losing your friendship is going to cost me you."
"Well then don't let it."
"I'm going to let myself try, but I need to just get back and I know from there it will be fine."
"What else are you scared of?"
"I'm scared of that you will never forgive me from being with Simon."
"Jo, I already have forgiven you."
"But have you really forgiven me? Have you gotten to the point where you won't bring it up and throw it at me."
"Is that what you are scared of.. that I will throw it in your face when we get into a fight?"
"I just know that if I loved you and told you and then you went and got a girlfriend and had sex.. I wouldn't have been able to forgive you this quickly."
"Jo.. listen to me. I love you no matter what, unconditionally so whatever you do I will always forgive you."
"You can't be this perfect."
"You know I'm not perfect."
"Haha so true..I've seen your fashion sense.. that could use some help!" I said laughing. "Name something else you are scared of."
"Not being enough."
"Like for your team?"
"Yeah and other things. I am scared that I won't be enough to lead this team to greatness. I'm scared that I've already hit my peak.. what if I just turn into an average player."
"You have so much more greatness inside of you. You are going to be the best player in the world, you may have some down years or some subpar years, but those subpar years to you will still be better than the majority of the league. You are an amazing hockey player and amazing person and don't ever doubt that."
"I'm scared of not being enough for you."
"Not possible."
"Think about it.. I have this life that I can't get out of."
"You love this life and anyone that is going to be in your life is going to have realize that seeing you happy is enough."
"So how is the knee?"
"It hurts so bad, Sidney.I can't even imagine it not hurting anymore."
"Are you taking your medication?"
"No, Sid.. I'm just thinking to rough it out.. of course I'm taking it!"
"I guess all I can say is hang in there."
"Where are you off too?"
"Ottawa."
"Canada..nice."
"Why did you just say it like that?"
"I don't know. Just ignore me."
"Yeah, I do that alot actually."
"You are so nice!" I said laughing.
"Hey, Joey. You ready to go?" Jacob said coming in.
"I'm leaving already?"
"Yeah.." Jake said.
"Okay, just give me two minutes." I said and Jacob walked out.
"Thanks for being here, Sidney."
"You don't need to thank me for anything."
"Good luck, tonight."
"Thanks babe. I'll text you later.. just sleep."
"Yeah, I think I'll do that." I said and he gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "Hey, don't go falling inlove with any of your female admirers."
"I'll try not too.. but what can I say.. I'm kind of irresistible."
"Yeah.. keep telling yourself that!" I said laughing. "Bye, Sid." I said blowing him a kiss.

Sidney left and then soon Jacob came and got me into a wheel chair. I had to on cruches for like two months.. two long long months. Oh well, I felt like things were about to go back to being normal. Jacob and I would get back to being us and me and Sidney were on our way to something great. Now I just get to lay on the couch and watch my sisters and brothers run all over the house and I couldn't chase them. Things would be okay, again. I was sure of that.

Chapter Seventeen

"Jo, ready to go?" Jacob said walking into my dorm room.
"Yeah.." I said and grabbed my cruches and made my way to the car. I was going home to lay on my couch until I went to the hospital tomorrow morning. As soon as I got home I went straight for the basement. I just wanted to be alone. However, I wasn't alone for long.

"Hey." He said barely speaking.
"Hi?" I said sitting up a bit.
"Don't get up." He said coming over to sit by me.
"I'm glad you came." I said.
"I should have come sooner."
"Why didn't you?"
"I didn't know what to do.. I didn't know what to say."
"I am the one that needs to say sorry, I am the one that messed everything up."
"No, Jo. I shouldn't have made it so unbearable. I shouldn't have made you pick to be with him or be my best friend. You are my best friend no matter what."
"I'm just sorry.. I never wanted us to be this way." I said started to cry.
"Jo, We are fine." He said reaching for my hand.
"We aren't fine. Look at us.. look at me!"
"We are going to get through this all."
"Sidney.. I'm scared."
"I got you the best doctor in the city to do the surgery."
"I know thank you."
"I'm going to be there with you every step of the way. You need me, I am here always."
"What if something happens.. I tore two ligaments.. two big ligaments, what if I can't play soccer anymore?"
"Don't say things like that.. its going to be hard but we will get through it."
"Don't be so nice to me."
"I guess I'm just a nice guy." He said smiling.
"A nice guy that took a week to call the crippled girl."
"Touche.. so wheres Simon?"
"I told you that I broke up with him."
"You never told me that."
"Oh yeah thats because you never call me back!"
"So what happened?"
"that night I came to see you at the game, I just kept thinking about it. Thinking about how I loved you and I didn't love him. I could love him and I know that, but its like if I already do love you and its a great love and you have my heart, why am I forcing something else.."
"Thats a good question."
"It all boils down to fear."
"fear of what?"
"Fear of losing you. Fear of getting so close to you and loving you so much that something bad happens and then I'm broken. It wouldn't be like I was just losing the love of my life, it would be like I am losing my best friend and my boyfriend. Hard to be put back together again when the only boy who can help is the one that did the breaking."
"Joey, I will never break you heart."
"you can't promise that."
"Your right.. I can't promise that, but you have to trust me."
"I'm going to try.. its just hard."

Sidney left after awhile. It was weird, I have to admit being with him was kind of awkward. I didn't know where we stood and I didn't know how to get back what we lost. I was having surgery tomorrow and I was scared shitless. I was scared that something would happen and I was scared to wake up and not see Sidney. I was scared to spend the next 3 days in the hospital. Mostly the whole knife cutting into my flesh scared me.. I mean who wouldn't it scare.

When I opened my eyes after surgery, I didn't have to be scared anymore. Sidney's brown eyes were the very first thing I saw and the only thing I saw. It was enough just him being there. It was in that moment I realized that he was enough.
"hey sleepy head." He said kissing my forehead.
"My knee hurts like hell." I said.
"Hi to you." He said laughing.
"Sorry, Sid. I'm really glad you are here."
"Of course I am here.. what kind of jerk wouldn't be here?"
"Well before yesterday I kind of thought you were that jerk."
"What can I say.. I'm slow, but I come around."
"I'm glad we can be like this."
"Me too.. I really missed you."
"Well apparently I will have alot of time on my hands since there won't be any soccer in my future."
"We will just have to work on getting you back on that field."
"We?"
"Yeah.. we are going to work out together."
"Haha we will see about that... you are going to have to get use to seeing me on cruches."
"Its just your excuse to get people to wait on you."
"Hmm.. yes that could be nice."
"I have to go to my game, I'll be back after."
"Sidney." I said.
"What?"
"You don't have to come back.. you don't have to be here all the time."
"You don't want me to come back?"
"I don't want you to be tied down to me."
"Will you stop it with that? "
"What? Its true."
"What if I want to be tied down? Last year you didn't want me to be with you because I shouldn't have to be tied down to a girl at Sewickley Academy.. what if I wanted that? What if I want to be tied down to you?"
"Sidney."
"No, Jo. Listen to me. I'm going to be here everyday for the rest of your life. I am going to be by your side if you are in a hospital, at a game, at dinner, at a funeral, at graduation.. anything you are going through, I am going through. Don't tell me that I don't want to be here, because if I didn't want to be here.. I wouldn't be here."
"I just don't want hold you back."
"You don't hold me back.. you make everything better and help me be better."
"Why are you so sweet?"
"Because I love you and I will never stop trying to make you realize that."
"I wish I could come to the game tonight.."
"Yeah, me too. Soon you will be jumping around and we can have hockey games between eachother again."
"Sidney, thanks for being here. Thanks for forgiving me."
"Jo, it was never a question of forgiveness. You and I are best friends, which means anytime, any place, you need me and I'm there. It kind of goes with the territory."
"I know, but I mean I hurt you and I know it. And you shouldn't have forgiven me, because if the tables were turned.. I don't know what I would have done."
"Lets not talk about it."
"Fine.. good luck."
"Get some sleep." He said kissing my forehead.
"Hell no, I got to watch my boy kick some ass tonight!" I said laughing.

Chapter Sixteen

I couldn't really get what Sidney said out of my mind. I did love Sidney, there was no doubt in my mind of that fact. I didn't love Simon, I also knew that. I could love Simon, but I would always love Sidney. Its just me and Sidney we are complicated. I am scared but it really couldn't get any worse than how it is right now. Sidney wasn't returning any of my calls since that night after the game. I had things to say to him.. I had talked to Simon and I told him that I couldn't be with him anymore. I decided that either I would be with Sidney or I would be with no one. So right now, I am a freshman at college, starter on the soccer team, ex girlfriend of captain of the soccer team, and ex best friend of Sidney Crosby. That was who I was and all I really wanted to go was see Sidney.. all I needed was to talk to him and tell him how sorry I was. He wouldn't talk to me and I figured I would make up for everything over Thanksgiving break. I would be back in Sewickley and I would see him.

November 2007
It was a Saturday afternoon. My whole family was at my game since it was our last game of the year. We were playing Pitt and I was so excited. Half way through the game, I slid to take the ball away from one of the Pitt girls and I must have twisted my knee or something. All I knew was that I was in immense pain and just layed there in agony. My parents took me to the Sewickley Hospital and I was scared.
"Jacob, will you please call Sidney."
"Doesn't he have a game tonight?" He asked.
"Yeah, but he should be home still. Just call him please."
Apparently Jacob couldn't get ahold of Sidney. He left a message and I layed in the hospital getting xrays and MRIs. I needed Sidney there, and he didn't want to be. I guess I should have figured that. The doctor told me that I tore my ACL and MCL. Lucky me, I tore both. I was getting surgery next week during thanksgiving break. Right now I just had this brace on and it hurt like hell. They gave me pain killers but it didn't matter. It hurt.. my knee and my heart. I went back to my house and just layed in the basement. I watched the game and Sidney played well, but they lost. I couldn't take it anymore. I called him when I knew he would still be with the media and I left a message.
"Sidney.. its me. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for everything but I need you. My knee got messed up today at the game and I'm having surgery next week. I know you are busy and I know you hate me right now, but I do love you and I think you love me too. I'm in Sewickley.. call me or something. I miss you."

"Hello?" I said picking up the phone unsure of who it was.
"Hey, Jo. Its Brooks."
"Oh, hey."
"Sidney wanted me to tell you that he got you an appointment with our team doctor. He wants you to have him do your surgery."
"Why didn't he call me?"
"He's just scared and I don't think he knows what to do."
"Tell him thank you and that I'm sorry."

I called his doctor the next day and scheduled an appointment. I was having surgery next Saturday. Sidney never called or sent me anything. I knew he was hurt and I know he loves me. I knew we would get through it.. I just need him and I wish he could see that.

Chapter Fifteen

October 2007
Sidney and I tried to get past everything, but it was hard. I didn't have that much time to hang out with him and it was hard for him knowing that I was always with Simon. The Sidney part of my life sucked, because I missed him more than anything. But, the rest of my life was going pretty well. I got a starting spot on my soccer team and me and Simon are really good. Classes were going well and I really liked the whole college thing. The only thing missing was Sidney and I didn't know how to fix it. I decided that I needed to bite the bullet and see him. I hadn't seen him since that night. We talked, but never saw those brown eyes.
"Soph, want to go somewhere with me tonight?" I asked when she got back from dinner.
"Where?"
"I was thinking we could go to Sidney's game tonight?"
"When will we be back?"
"We will be back by 11.. I just want to see him and stuff."
"Do you have tickets?"
"Working on that."

"Hi, Mrs. Lemieux..Its Joey Smith."
"Joey, how are you?"
"I'm good, I was just wondering if there was any way I could get two tickets for tonights game?"
"I'm sure we can arrange something.. Sidney couldn't get you any?"
"Sidney and I are having some problems right now, but I wanted to see him and surprise him."
"Oh of course, there will be tickets for you."

So we went to the game. It was fun for Sophie to see Sidney, and it was good for me to see him doing something he loved. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I saw him.
"Where are we going?" Sophie asked after the game.
"The lockerroom."
"What?"
"I need to talk to him, Sophie."
"Can you do that?"
"Yeah, I use to come like every game."
It took him awhile to come out. After awhile, Brooks came out.
"Hey Jo." He said coming over.
"Hey Brooks.. is Sidney coming out soon?"
"He is still doing media stuff.. does he know you are out here?"
"No, we are having some issues, so I wanted to surprise him."
"He could be awhile still."
"Does he hate me?"
"He could never hate you.. but you hurt him."
"I know."I said and he walked away.
"Sophie, you can take my car back to campus.. you shouldn't have to wait for him. I'll wait and have him drive me back."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. Thanks for coming." I said and she left.
I waited another twenty minutes for him to come out.
"What are you doing here?" He said when he saw me.
"I wanted to see you." I said but he kept walking. "Sidney!" I said.
He stopped to talk to some people and I just went straight to his car.
"Let me in my car." He said to me.
"I need a ride."
"Of course you do.. how else did you expect for us to have this talk."
"You are acting like we don't talk anymore!"
"Do we talk anymore?"
"You know we do."
"I wouldn't call that talking, Jo. We never have a meaningful conversation anymore."
"I miss you and I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't make up for choosing someone over me."
"I never chose anyone over you, Sidney."
"really? cause thats what it felt like."
"It wasn't like that. It isn't like that. If I had to choose, I would choose you."
"You say that, but it doesn't change anything. We are still this way."
"This is what I didn't want to happen. We aren't us anymore and I hate it. I am tired of missing you when you are only a few miles away from me."
"I'm tired of missing someone that isn't even around anymore."
"Sidney, I can't do this anymore.. I can't fight with you anymore." I said crying.
"Jo, if we could go back.. I would go back in a heartbeat.. I just don't see it happening."
"No, this isn't happening. You are my best friend.. I need you!" I said.
"And I love you, but you love someone else."
"I still love you.. I don't love Simon."
"You don't love Simon, but you are with him?"
"I don't know him well enough to love him.."
"Are you sleeping together?"
"Sidney!"
"Are you?"
"We have a few times."
"So you had sex with someone for the first time and you don't even love them?"
"Sidney I can't talk to you about this."
"Do you know how much that hurts? To love you so much and know that you are having sex with someone else?"
"I'm sorry, Sidney. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want us to fight. I just want to be with you like before."
"Thanks for coming to the game tonight." He said.
"Sidney, you are acting like I am this stranger."
"You kind of feel like one."
"Does it help you when you make me cry?"
"I don't want to see you cry.. and I don't want to hurt you. I just.. I don't know how to be okay with this."
"Well please.. figure it out. Because I need you and I miss you more everyday that passes."
"Don't say things like that."
"They are true."
"Then don't be with this Simon kid. Do that, and things will be fine." He said unlocking the doors. I figured it was a sign for me to get out of the car.

Chapter Fourteen

July 2007
"This feels right." He whispered in my ear when he woke up.
"I heard that." I said rolling over and facing him.
"Well its true." He said kissing me.
"Sidney." I said sitting up.
"What not?"
"It feels right and I don't want you to think that I don't like waking up beside you, but its just.."
"Its just what?"
"I don't really want to go into my freshman year having a boyfriend. I don't know what to expect.. I don't know how soccer is going to go, imagine being one of the new girls and then having to explain that the one boy I love more than anything in the world is Sidney Crosby."
"Explain to me how if I am the one boy you love more than anything in the world, how would it be possible for us to be apart?"
"Us not being together doesn't change the way I feel about you. I am doing this to keep us this way. I just.. trust me."
"I know its going to be okay."
"I can't believe I leave today." I said.
"I know.. these two weeks went way too fast."
"When do you come back?"
"Early September."
"I wish I could stay longer, its just we start practice in like a few days."
"I know, Jo."
We layed in bed a little longer and then I got ready to leave. When he drove me to the airport, we had a farewell kiss in the car. Then he walked me to my portal.
"Don't go being a superstar." He said hugging me.
"Oh yeah, you know.. I am just going to rule the school. I did learn from the master." I said smiling.
"I'm going to miss you."
"Stop it, Sidney. I am going to see you soon and I will talk to you all the time. I'll text you when I land. Love." I said kissing his cheek and walking into the runway.

August 2007
For the past two weeks we have been doing alot of team bonding. ALOT of team bonding and ALOT of practice. I've met alot of the guys on the soccer team.. and they are really chill. Its awesome to be around people that are so similar to me. Alot of the guys are from England and I think its so funny, but they are really nice. My roommate is Sophie, she is awesome. They all think its weird that I have a twin brother and that we weren't born on the same day.
"Wait, so explain the whole your birthday being February 10 and Jake's being the 9th?" Sophie said the one night we were having a "gathering" at the boys' soccer house.
"He was born at like 11:57 or something and I was born at 12:04 the next day. It isn't that weird." I said.
I hadn't really told anyone that much about Sidney. I told Sophie because she would hear us on the phone. Sid and I still talked alot but it was different. I could tell it bothered him that I had this life that he wasn't really apart of. The one day after practice things got a little more complicated.
"Hey, Joey. Do you want to go get something to eat?" This kid Simon said. He was a junior, captain of the soccer team and from England.
"Sure." I said. That was the start of something I totally didn't expect. From that day on Simon and I would play soccer or football if you are him, go to dinner, hang out. A few days before classes were to begin he asked if we could be exclusive. I didn't hesitate.. I liked him and thats all I knew. It just felt right, he was apart of this life I had begun.

"So Simon asked me to be his girlfriend." I said sitting on Jacob's bed in his dorm room.
"Its weird that you are dating this kid and I don't even know what he looks like."
"Well you should probably get out more since I am with him all the time!"
"Does he look like anyone?"
"He kind of looks like Rob Pattinson but with like really short hair."
"Who the hell is that?"
"He was in Harry Potter."
"You would like someone that is from Harry Potter!"
"Shut up, Jake."
"So what does Sidney think?"
"I didn't tell him."
"why not?"
"I don't want to hurt him. It was like hard enough when I didn't have someone now it would be too hard. I told him I didn't want a boyfriend.. well I waited like a month and I got one."
"You have to tell him."
"I will.. just not yet."
"He is going to find out."
"How? He is in Canada."
"He won't always be there."
"I know and I will tell him before he comes back."

When school started my life was completely occupied by soccer and school. It was like I woke up went running with Simon and then to class, then ate lunch with some of the girls, went to practice and meetings, then had dinner with Simon, did some homework and hung out with Simon and some of the girls. It was just a cycle. The girls on the team joked that we were the perfect couple. We would like both walk around campus with our sweats and soccer gear holding hands. It did seem perfect until the one night I was walking back from dinner with Simon to my dorm.
"What are you doing here?" I said to him before Simon even realized I knew the person standing infront of the door. As soon as I saw him I let go of Simon's hand.
"I start training camp in two days." He said.
"Sidney, this is Simon. Simon this is Sidney.. my best friend."
"Just your best friend?" Sidney said.
"Oh yeah, you have talked about him before." Simon said.
"Yeah, I should talk to Sidney. I'll call you later tonight." I said turning to Simon.
"Okay, babe." He said turning to go to his house.
"Babe? Seriously?" Sidney said after Simon was gone.
"Sidney." I said coming up and touching his arm.
"Don't do that. Don't act like I am overreacting."
"Let's just go for a drive and talk."
"Now you want to explain everything? You didn't even mention this Simon kid and I find you holding his hand walking around campus? You didn't even remember that I was coming back today?"
"Sidney, I'm sorry."
"How stupid am I.. The first thing I wanted to go was come see you and then I find you like this?"
"Its not like that, Sidney. It doesn't change anything."
"How doesn't it change anything?"
"you are still my best friend.. you are still the most important person in my life."
"Some best friend that doesn't even know you have a boyfriend. And explain how I can be the most important person in your life and I am not your boyfriend?"
"Sidney, I told you that I didn't want us to ruin our friendship."
"No, you said you didn't want a boyfriend going into your first year of school.. well I guess Simon is the exception."
"Its not like that.. Simon plays for the guys soccer team. We are always with them and it just kind of happened."
"Yeah.. it just happened." He said.
"You know you didn't want to compromise our friendship by being together, well Jo I'm pretty sure its already been comprimsed by you lying about dear ole Simon."
"This is what I didn't want to happen!" I said getting mad at him.
"Really cause I wanted this to happen! I wanted to see the girl I love holding hands with some British dude. Thats how I wanted my welcome home to be."
"Sidney, I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say. I like him."
"You like him more than you like me?"
"Don't ask me to compare you two."
"Why not? It should be pretty easy.. since I'm the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE!" He said getting angry.
"I love you and it doesn't compare to what me and Simon are. Simon and I have been together for a few weeks.. I've known you for like two years.. me and you.. we are just us."
"Now you and Simon and be an us."
"Sidney, I watched you date girls when I loved you. I stood back and let you do that because thats what you wanted, can't you just do that for me?"
"Sure..I'll stand back but I'm not promising that anything will be the same after this."
"Don't say that." I said looking at him and he just looked away. We then sat infront of my mom's store for what seemed like eternity. "Sidney, take it back." I said yelling at him.
"I don't make promises I can't keep."
"Me being with him doesn't change me and you. You are my best friend.. he's my boyfriend."
"I'm your best friend that you couldn't tell about your boyfriend. Explain how that works? If you couldn't tell me about him I think that means you know its wrong."
"Sidney, I really don't care what you say right now because you are my best friend and nothing will change that." I said and he started driving again. "Where are you going?"
"I'm driving you back to Simon."
"We aren't done here.. I don't want to leave with us fighting like this."
"Well we aren't going to fix it tonight."
"Sidney I can't have it be this way between us."
"You made it this way." He said parking in the parking lot near my dorm and I got out of the car crying.

Chapter Thirteen

"Sidney, I don't know what I am suppose to wear." I called him panicing.
"Anything you wear will be fine."
"No, Sidney. Not helping. Am I to wear a dress? Am I to wear a skirt? Am I to wear pants? Am I to wear sweat pants?" I said laughing after the last.
"Definitely the sweat pants.. I am sure they will let us in."
"Well you do have some pull in this city for some weird reason."
"Yeah, who knows.. I think they think I am famous or something."
"Yeah, something like that.. but seriously will you just come here so you can help me get ready."
"Jo, we are suppose to leave soon."
"I know! Thats why I need you here to help!"
"Okay, I'll be there in like ten.."

"It took you long enough!" I said throwing a shirt at Sidney when he walked into my room.
"I think you should just wear that!" He said laughing looking at my appearance. I had sweats and a tank top on.
"Funny, Sidney. You are like wearing a suit.. like what the hell am I to wear?"
"I don't get why you are freaking out."
"Its your parents, Sidney. They are so important to you, what if they hate me."
"They won't hate you. Anyways you are my best friend, nothing will change that."
"Brooks made it worse, he was like Troy is kind of scary."
"When did he say that?"
"Like all day during lunch and everything."
"You went to lunch with him?"
"Yeah.. whats the big deal?"
"Do you like him?"
"Yeah, he is really nice."
"No, I mean do you LIKE him?"
"I don't know.. whats it matter?"
"I was just wondering.."
"This?" I said pulling out a black cotton dress.
"Thats fine."
"No, I'm serious, Sidney."
"Put it on once." He said and I pulled off my tank and pulled the dress over my head and then pulled off my sweats.
"I could have left the room." He said.
"Why? Did I embarrass you?" I said walking up to him. Then he kissed me.
"Sidney." I said pulling away.
"What?"
"We can't do this."
"Why not? It feels right."
"I don't know.. I just can't do it." I said and he just looked away. "Sidney.. its just I feel like I am the safe bet with you."
"Its not like that, Jo. You know that."
"I know, I'm sorry." I said kissing his cheek.
"I like your oufit.. what shoes?"
"Hmm.. should I wear heels?" I asked.
"How should I know?" He said laughing.
"I'll just wear flats."
"You look good, Jo." He said.
"Thanks, Sid. Let's go." I said grabbing his hand.

We met his parents outside of the restaurant. I was really nervous about it.
"Hi Mom and Dad." He said. "This is Joey."
"Hi, its nice to meet you." I said smiling and looking uncomfortable. While we were walking in Sidney whispered. "Relax.. its fine." Then he grabbed my hand.
Dinner was nice. They told me silly stories about Sidney. I loosened up and the Sidney/Joey dynamic came out. They seemed to like me, atleast they didn't hate me.. I didn't think. We were going back to their hotel to talk more. When we got there Sidney and I went to the balcony to talk.
"I love the city at night." I said staring at the skyline.
"You should come to Halifax this summer." He said looking over at me.
"That would be so much fun to hang out there with you."
"Yeah it would. I just bought a house on this lake."
"Wow, thats so weird. You like bought a house and I haven't even graduated from high school yet."
"Soon."
"I want you to come to graduation.. if you can. I mean I will understand if you can't."
"Josephine Smith! Of course I will come to your graduation. I wouldn't miss it." He said putting his arm around me. "I'm going to go talk hockey with my dad for a little."
"Okay, I can stare out here forever." I said and he left me. His mom came out a few minutes later.
"I'm really glad I finally met you. Sidney talks about you alot." She said.
"I'm sure he makes me sound so silly."
"No.. not at all. You two are good for eachother."
"Its weird.. I always thought my twin was like that person I couldn't live without.. but now.."
"You love my son, don't you?"
"Of course I love him. I can't imagine my life without him."
"I am still unsure why you two aren't dating?" She looked at me confused.
"Its complicated." I said looking away.
"I can tell he loves you."
"Sometimes love isn't enough." I said.
"He told me you decided that it wouldn't work."
"I just don't think its right for him right now. I want the best for him and I want him to be happy. I just can't see him being happy being tied down. We tried it once and he just needs the freedom."
"You want to be with him though, don't you?"
"If I thought our friendship could endure if we broke up, I would be with him in a heartbeat. I just need him in my life so bad, I mean I need his friendship.. I don't want to risk it."
"You are something, Joey." She said looking at me so sincerely.
"Thats what Sidney always says."
"He would be stupid not to see it." She said.
"Your son is amazing though. Its like he doesn't even realize how good of a guy he really is. I think thats what I love about him.. how good his heart is."
"I just love seeing you two together, because you have such a good dynamic. You compliment eachother so well. I never thought I would see a girl that could match his personality."
"I just want your son to be happy and we have our share of fights. I mean I have trust issues and he works through that, but I just want the best for him, ya know."
"Personally, I think you are the best for him, dear." She said patting my back and heading inside.

After awhile we left and Sidney took me home. I would see them again after the game the next night.
"So did they hate me?" I asked on the way home.
"I think you won them over."
"You must have gotten to your mom, she wants us to be together." I said.
"I didn't even tell her what I was thinking."
"Shut up, Sidney."
"I'm serious, Jo."
"She was really sweet." I said and then we didn't really talk until he pulled in front of my house.

"Jo, seriously why aren't we together?"
"Because its not right." I said looking at him in the eyes. Then he pulled me closer and gave me a deep kiss.
"You can't tell me that doesn't feel right. You can't tell me you don't feel something."
"I do and it does."
"Then whats wrong?"
"I need you and what happens if it doesn't work out?" I said putting my hand over his heart. "Your heart is so good, I just never want to think of it differently."
"I will never break your heart." He said putting his hand over my heart.
"Sidney, I just don't know if its worth the risk."
"I'm not giving up. I know its right." He said.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks for tonight." I said kissing his cheek and got out of the car.

Hey all! If you are reading could you just comment every once in awhile.. I just don't like going alot of posts without a comment because I am not sure what people think. Hope all is well and I hope everyone is keeping the faith about the Penguins..

Chapter Twelve

"Hello?" I said picking up the phone, barely awake.
"Hey"
"Sidney, why are we making it a habit to wake me up every morning?"
"Sorry, I wanted to call before I headed to practice."
"Okay, whats up?"
"I was wondering if you and Jacob wanted to come to Southpointe and play around with us after practice?"
"You just want to see my amazing hockey skills.. is that it?"
"Well of course, but I also thought since his girlfriend ruined last night he could play hockey with some of the guys."
"Yeah, I'm sure he would like that alot.. shouldn't you be with your parents though?"
"I'm going to pick them up right now, and take them to the hotel. After I play around with you, I'll go see them again and plus we will be with them all night."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Okay, well I'll text you when I get off the ice from practice and then you guys can head over?"
"Yeah.. you know I don't have sticks or anything."
"I know, good thing you know this awesome kid that has all the hockey supplies he could ever want."
"Good thing.. Bye Sid.. thanks for the wake up call."
"Anytime my dear." And then he hung up the phone. I had to be honest I could think of worst ways of waking up than waking up to his phone call every morning. I was sure Jake would be excited to play with them, he hasn't even met any of the guys besides Sidney.

"Yo, Jake." I said yelling down the hallway.
"What?" He said.
"Come here." I yelled and he came walking into my room.
"Why is it that I always have to come to you, but you never come into my room."
"Is that a serious question? You think I'm going to walk into that gross room?"
"True, so whats up?"
"Sidney just called and he wants us to go play with him and some of the guys after practice."
"You are going to play hockey?"
"Uhh, I did once play, Jake."
"Yeah.. along time ago."
"Shut up, do you want to go or not?"
"Of course I want to go.. do you know what other guys will be there?"
"Probably Brooks, Army.. maybe Jordan? I don't really know."

So when Sidney text me we headed into the city. I called Sidney when I got there and he told me where to go. When I walked in I saw, Army, Brooks, Jordan, Ryan Malone, and Whit. I knew Jacob was going to flip out because he never meets anyone like this.
"Jacob, nothing embarrassing.. okay?"
"Why would I ever embarrass my twin sister?"
"Shut up!" I said walking in and finding Sidney.
"Guys, you remember Joey." Sidney said and they all just smiled and said hey.
"This is my twin brother, Jacob. Don't believe anything he says about me." I said hitting Jacob. Then I walked with Sidney and started putting on my skates.
"This is going to be fun watching you play."
"More like funny, Sidney."
"Yes, can't argue with that." He said and then walked away to grab some sticks. Then, Brooks came to sit down.
"I didn't know you played hockey?" He said.
"I use too."
"Why'd you quit?"
"It was Jacob's thing. We need our space so I thought playing the same sport would be weird."
"Yeah, you guys look alike."
"Well we are twins." I said laughing.
"Yeah, good point."

So we played around for like an hour or so. It was a lot of fun and Sidney tried to teach me some things, I think he just liked showing off. Him and Brooks just kept making fun of me, like I don't know what they expected from me. I hadn't played since like he 8th grade! Jacob had to go off to practice, which he neglected to tell me and Sidney went to see his parents.
"And how do you two expect me to get back to my house?" I asked looking at Jake and Sidney.
"I figured your brother was taking you home, you do live at the same place?"
"Love the sarcasm, Sidney! That would be a GREAT plan, except for the fact that my stupid brother has to go to practice!"
"Chill, Jo. Its not like we are going to make you walk home." He said standing up and putting his arm around me.
"Actually, we might." Army said.
"I can take you home. I have nothing to do right now." Brooks said.
"Are you sure? I can totally make my brother take me home." I said.
"I don't think he should be late for practice and its fine." Brooks said.
"Okay, thanks." I said.
"Jo, I'll call you later about tonight?"
"Yeah.. I'll see you later. Bye guys." I said walking out to Brooks car.

"Thanks for taking me home, my brother is so stupid."
"No problem, its not a big deal at all.. so your brother is pretty good at hockey."
"He would like to think so." I said.
"No, he is."
"Well he should be, it has overtaken his life."
"Yeah, it kind of does that." He said smiling.
"You love it though, right? I mean I know Sidney does.. its so funny watching him talk about it cause you can just tell how much he loves it."
"We all love it, but it has its downsides."
"Yeah, everything does."
"So did you decide where you are going to school next year?"
"I'm going to RMU to play soccer. Jake is going there to play hockey."
"Oh thats nice."
"Yeah, I figured to stay close. My sisters would probably kill me if I left them."
"You have sisters too?"
"Yeah, I have two younger sisters and two younger brothers."
"Wow, big family."
"Yeah, its always interesting."
"Do you still like Sidney?"
"That came out of left field."
"It just seemed like today you were more relaxed with him than before."
"We usually are the way we were today. We just make fun of eachother all the time, its just it was complicated there for awhile. Its fine now. We aren't together, nor will we be in the near future."
"You are good for him though. He needs someone to keep his mind from hockey sometimes."
"No one can take Sidney's mind away from hockey.. its not possible..." I said then he pulled near my street. "Hey, do you want to go get food at my mom's cafe?"
"Sure, don't you have to get ready for Sidney, though?"
"Not yet.. plus I don't want to think about meeting his parents."
"Troy is kind of scary."
"Not helping, Brooks!"