Chapter Seventeen

"Jo, ready to go?" Jacob said walking into my dorm room.
"Yeah.." I said and grabbed my cruches and made my way to the car. I was going home to lay on my couch until I went to the hospital tomorrow morning. As soon as I got home I went straight for the basement. I just wanted to be alone. However, I wasn't alone for long.

"Hey." He said barely speaking.
"Hi?" I said sitting up a bit.
"Don't get up." He said coming over to sit by me.
"I'm glad you came." I said.
"I should have come sooner."
"Why didn't you?"
"I didn't know what to do.. I didn't know what to say."
"I am the one that needs to say sorry, I am the one that messed everything up."
"No, Jo. I shouldn't have made it so unbearable. I shouldn't have made you pick to be with him or be my best friend. You are my best friend no matter what."
"I'm just sorry.. I never wanted us to be this way." I said started to cry.
"Jo, We are fine." He said reaching for my hand.
"We aren't fine. Look at us.. look at me!"
"We are going to get through this all."
"Sidney.. I'm scared."
"I got you the best doctor in the city to do the surgery."
"I know thank you."
"I'm going to be there with you every step of the way. You need me, I am here always."
"What if something happens.. I tore two ligaments.. two big ligaments, what if I can't play soccer anymore?"
"Don't say things like that.. its going to be hard but we will get through it."
"Don't be so nice to me."
"I guess I'm just a nice guy." He said smiling.
"A nice guy that took a week to call the crippled girl."
"Touche.. so wheres Simon?"
"I told you that I broke up with him."
"You never told me that."
"Oh yeah thats because you never call me back!"
"So what happened?"
"that night I came to see you at the game, I just kept thinking about it. Thinking about how I loved you and I didn't love him. I could love him and I know that, but its like if I already do love you and its a great love and you have my heart, why am I forcing something else.."
"Thats a good question."
"It all boils down to fear."
"fear of what?"
"Fear of losing you. Fear of getting so close to you and loving you so much that something bad happens and then I'm broken. It wouldn't be like I was just losing the love of my life, it would be like I am losing my best friend and my boyfriend. Hard to be put back together again when the only boy who can help is the one that did the breaking."
"Joey, I will never break you heart."
"you can't promise that."
"Your right.. I can't promise that, but you have to trust me."
"I'm going to try.. its just hard."

Sidney left after awhile. It was weird, I have to admit being with him was kind of awkward. I didn't know where we stood and I didn't know how to get back what we lost. I was having surgery tomorrow and I was scared shitless. I was scared that something would happen and I was scared to wake up and not see Sidney. I was scared to spend the next 3 days in the hospital. Mostly the whole knife cutting into my flesh scared me.. I mean who wouldn't it scare.

When I opened my eyes after surgery, I didn't have to be scared anymore. Sidney's brown eyes were the very first thing I saw and the only thing I saw. It was enough just him being there. It was in that moment I realized that he was enough.
"hey sleepy head." He said kissing my forehead.
"My knee hurts like hell." I said.
"Hi to you." He said laughing.
"Sorry, Sid. I'm really glad you are here."
"Of course I am here.. what kind of jerk wouldn't be here?"
"Well before yesterday I kind of thought you were that jerk."
"What can I say.. I'm slow, but I come around."
"I'm glad we can be like this."
"Me too.. I really missed you."
"Well apparently I will have alot of time on my hands since there won't be any soccer in my future."
"We will just have to work on getting you back on that field."
"We?"
"Yeah.. we are going to work out together."
"Haha we will see about that... you are going to have to get use to seeing me on cruches."
"Its just your excuse to get people to wait on you."
"Hmm.. yes that could be nice."
"I have to go to my game, I'll be back after."
"Sidney." I said.
"What?"
"You don't have to come back.. you don't have to be here all the time."
"You don't want me to come back?"
"I don't want you to be tied down to me."
"Will you stop it with that? "
"What? Its true."
"What if I want to be tied down? Last year you didn't want me to be with you because I shouldn't have to be tied down to a girl at Sewickley Academy.. what if I wanted that? What if I want to be tied down to you?"
"Sidney."
"No, Jo. Listen to me. I'm going to be here everyday for the rest of your life. I am going to be by your side if you are in a hospital, at a game, at dinner, at a funeral, at graduation.. anything you are going through, I am going through. Don't tell me that I don't want to be here, because if I didn't want to be here.. I wouldn't be here."
"I just don't want hold you back."
"You don't hold me back.. you make everything better and help me be better."
"Why are you so sweet?"
"Because I love you and I will never stop trying to make you realize that."
"I wish I could come to the game tonight.."
"Yeah, me too. Soon you will be jumping around and we can have hockey games between eachother again."
"Sidney, thanks for being here. Thanks for forgiving me."
"Jo, it was never a question of forgiveness. You and I are best friends, which means anytime, any place, you need me and I'm there. It kind of goes with the territory."
"I know, but I mean I hurt you and I know it. And you shouldn't have forgiven me, because if the tables were turned.. I don't know what I would have done."
"Lets not talk about it."
"Fine.. good luck."
"Get some sleep." He said kissing my forehead.
"Hell no, I got to watch my boy kick some ass tonight!" I said laughing.